Round 1: Daniel Lafrance

[Daniel L.]

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[Ryall_IDW]

Page One
Really nice linework on the first panel. That house looks barely big enough to house two people, let alone have a separate bathroom, but I like the perspective, with the helicopter on the horizon being just enough of a blight on the idyllic sunset over the water to let us know something’s not right. The figure in panel two feels too small to me. And the characters’ faces aren’t quite there yet.

Page Two
Good explosion. There’s not really any rationale for this, but the panel size and shapes of panels two and three are a bit hard on my eye.

Page Three
Wouldn’t her towel have been blown off in the explosion? I know the idea was to mask her nudity, but I’d like to have seen you mask her nudity through interesting choice of angles and shadows, not necessarily a rather implausibly resilient towel. Her figure in the final panel is a bit small, which could work, but the lines on the copter don’t really hold my eye like they should, which leads me back to her, and noticing that she’s a bit small.

[Vince Hernandez]

PAGE ONE:
Panel 1: The skyline rendering is nice and I think your panel size is okay if not slightly too big compared to the rest of the composition. The beach house appears smallish in size and doesn't really seem like the right choice given the subsequent panel with Chance.

Panel 2: This appears very close to what I had in mind for this panel. For the most part, Chance matches the reference and you really sold his lounging aspect. I enjoyed the steam from the shower--a simple technique which goes a long way.

Panel 3: This panel is positioned wrong and the reader would have a hard time following his eye to this as opposed to the shot of Aspen. You don't get any clue to the oncoming Commanche from this panel as you didn't include any portion of it. Perspective-wise, the car seems a bit off as well from panel 1 to 3.

Panel 4: Nice opening shot of Aspen. Her lips are slightly larger than I would've liked.

Panel 5: This panel doesn't match the script at all. As an editor I would tell you to lose this and go with the original scenario. It's very important in maintaining the suspense of the story that you follow the script in this panel with the hellfire missiles.

PAGE TWO.
Panel 1: Already spoke on this panel, it would've been better served on the previous page. Changing this page from 3 panels to 5 would never be approved on my end.

Panel 2: The explosion works well, I really like rendering effect here and wonder how it will be inked to keep the integrity of your lines.

Panel 3. This panel looks fine but again isn't what the script called for. You've basically lengthened what could be maybe 2 panels tops to 3.

Panel 4: The facial expression on Aspen here is good. While I don't believe this is a necessary panel, it doesn't detract from the scene.

Panel 5: Aspen doesn't appear to be using her transformation here in self defense but looks like she just found a hole to come up through. Not quite what I wwas looking for. It also appears as if you sorta rushed the background in this panel.

PAGE THREE:
Panel One: Nice shot of Chance amidst the wreckage. You also sold the look of concern on Aspen's face very well. I don't appreciate the improbability of her towel surviving the explosion and would have liked to see a more creative way of hiding her nudity.

Panel Two: Nice facial expression but at this point in your sample we still have yet to figure out what she's fighting. This is where the previous hints of the copter come into play.

Panel Three: You did research the Commanche so I give you credit for that. I don't like the positioning of the explosion here as it leaves a ton of empty space towards the bottom, just simple landscape. Plus this shot doesn't follow the script as it calls for a shot of her using her powers at something off panel.

[jameslucasoni]

I’ll be honest and say that I saved this one for last because I was having the hardest time commenting on it. I really liked the samples that got Daniel into this competition but there are some issues on these pages that are keeping me from being 100% happy with them.

Page 1 – There’s some interesting stuff going on here. I like the first panel’s ambiance and the second panel gives the quiet moment that was required. Here’s where we leave the script and while I don’t think the changes are bad, per se, they’re significant enough that consultation with the writer should have been made before proceeding.

Page 2 – The shifting of the firing from page 1 to 2 really dulls the impact of the explosion on page 2. That panel lets you know what’s coming and then the page-turn reveal is the “Pow!” The way you’ve set things up really lessens that. Also, I’m not sure the reason for moving the camera outside the house for the explosion when the script specifically requested an inside POV. The choice you’re making here shorts us of Aspen and Chance’s response to the explosion.

Page 3 – This is your strongest page of the sequence and it reminded me of why I liked your stuff to begin with. The repeating of the target motif for the inset panel might not be quite as effective the second time. I’d lose it on the first page and save it for here.

Man, I really like your stuff, I just wish it were a little tighter to the script.

[Marc Silvestri]

Hey Daniel –

Good-looking pages. First panel captures the mood nicely although the big black shape of the background mountain draws a bit too much attention to itself. The sunset effect is nice but the choice a placing the helicopter seems off. Things get a little smudgy when you go for the line-work to delineate the half tones (like the hills directly behind the car and the shadows cast on the sand by the rocks). Lighting FX on the clouds come off nicely though.

Watch the perspective, in panel 2 the picture on the wall in not in the same perspective as the wall itself. Again, careful with overdoing the half tone rendering we don’t really need to see the bottom of Chance’s foot shaded. It’s a habit worth breaking, as it will make your work seem crisper and less fussy.

I get the idea of the targeting panel but it seems a distraction that pulls away from the shots of Aspen and Chance. Moving the missile shot to the next page is a dramatic mistake. We need that beat on page one so the reader anticipates the big boom. Making it an insert on the next page greatly lessens the impact of the blast. The destruction panel needs to be from an interior P.O.V. (we need to feel “part: of the threat in this case).

The action in panels 3, 4, and 5 is good but the angled layout of the panels seems clumsy. Something to remember if you butt one element from a panel into another is it affects the reading order of those panels. In other words, the way you have Aspens head from panel 5 butting into panel 3 leads the reader to skip panel 4. That’s a big no-no.

In the last page, the black space around Chance and the copter’s rotor blade combine to create an odd tangent. If you squint your eyes it looks like the rotor cuts right through the first panel. The cropping of the chopper is awkward as this is the first time we actually see it and it’s getting destroyed. We need to see the bulk of it’s shape so we can make out what it is/was. Plus the horizontal line the chopper creates bisects the panel and creates a tangent and we lose the sense of all the elements being in the same panel. The “targeting” panel being squeezed into the one available open spot hurts the over-all composition of the page. And creates, you guessed it, another tangent. The water effect and the resulting destruction could be a little more dramatic as well. Promising stuff though.