Trilogy of Threads: H1N1, Adultery, Larry David

[fly on the wall]

Everything that involves the written word is better in trilogies. Like Lord of the Rings and Star Wars (which was originally planned as a TRILOGY of trilogies). So why not try a thread trilogy? Okay, Let's go!

1). H1N1

Three of my coworkers have children with H1N1. Today one of our managers came to work with a raging fever and full blown H1N1 explaining to people that he came in sick so that people could see he wasn't faking. He was ordered to go home; some of his employees have confided to me that they think he's a closet sociopath, and those can be the worst kind.

Anyone out there got any H1N1 stories to share?

2) Adultery

Three months ago my brother spent $20,000 on a fancy wedding and a fancier honeymoon to Hawaii. They took a helicopter ride over a volcano. They scuba-dived down to "Turtletown" where hundreds of sea turtles come to mate. Then the other day my brother walked in on his new bride naked in bed with one of the neighbors. The neighbor jumped out of bed naked and kept saying "I'm sorry" while my brother's bride wasn't sorry at all. "You were not fulfilling my needs." she said haughtily. She'd been complaining for months that my brother Greggy was a dud in the sack, she's 23, he's 46. He married her because he wanted to have children. Now he's scrambling to divorce her and she is now begging to come back. She says they just need counciling. But my brother currently is too broke to pay for counciling and is adamant that the marriage is over. He's very depressed and embarrassed.

What should he do? Has anything like this ever happened to you?

3. Larry David

In a recent episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry David's character accidentally urinates on a picture of Jesus that was in the bathroom of a friend of his who is a devout Catholic. David says nothing and his friend sees the urine dripping down from Jesus' eyes and thinks it is a miraculous weeping Jesus picture, and she took it to her priest. The Larry David character finds this all very amusing.

Did Larry David go to far? Was this funny? Did he not go far enough? Do devout people really have pictures of Jesus in their bathrooms? Do you have any reaction to any of these stories at all?

I'm dying for posts, dammit!

Thus ends phase 1 of the Trilogy of Threads Everything that involves the written word is better in trilogies. Like Lord of the Rings and Star Wars (which was originally planned as a TRILOGY of trilogies). So why not try a thread trilogy? Okay, Let's go!

1). H1N1

Three of my coworkers have children with H1N1. Today one of our managers came to work with a raging fever and full blown H1N1 explaining to people that he came in sick so that people could see he wasn't faking. He was ordered to go home; some of his employees have confided to me that they think he's a closet sociopath, and those can be the worst kind.

Anyone out there got any H1N1 stories to share?

2) Adultery

Three months ago my brother spent $20,000 on a fancy wedding and a fancier honeymoon to Hawaii. They took a helicopter ride over a volcano. They scuba-dived down to "Turtletown" where hundreds of sea turtles come to mate. Then the other day my brother walked in on his new bride naked in bed with one of the neighbors. The neighbor jumped out of bed naked and kept saying "I'm sorry" while my brother's bride wasn't sorry at all. "You were not fulfilling my needs." she said haughtily. She'd been complaining for months that my brother Greggy was a dud in the sack, she's 23, he's 46. He married her because he wanted to have children. Now he's scrambling to divorce her and she is now begging to come back. She says they just need counciling. But my brother currently is too broke to pay for counciling and is adamant that the marriage is over. He's very depressed and embarrassed.

What should he do? Has anything like this ever happened to you?

3. Larry David

In a recent episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry David's character accidentally urinates on a picture of Jesus that was in the bathroom of a friend of his who is a devout Catholic. David says nothing and his friend sees the urine dripping down from Jesus' eyes and thinks it is a miraculous weeping Jesus picture, and she took it to her priest. The Larry David character finds this all very amusing.

Did Larry David go to far? Was this funny? Did he not go far enough? Do devout people really have pictures of Jesus in their bathrooms? Do you have any reaction to any of these stories at all?

On your marks, get set, POST!

Thus ends phase 1 of the Trilogy of Threads

[dupont2005]

i thought all sociopaths were closet sociopaths. the ones that claim to be sociopaths are actually just dickheads.

i have never had that happen to me. sucks for your brother.

it didn't go to far. sounds pretty funny to me. and yes, i have seen paintings of jesus in peoples bathrooms. i'm not sure but i think i may have seen little statues of jesus in a bathroom or two as well

[howyadoin]

Originally Posted by fly on the wall

3. Larry David

In a recent episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry David's character accidentally urinates on a picture of Jesus that was in the bathroom of a friend of his who is a devout Catholic. David says nothing and his friend sees the urine dripping down from Jesus' eyes and thinks it is a miraculous weeping Jesus picture, and she took it to her priest. The Larry David character finds this all very amusing.

Did Larry David go to far? Was this funny? Did he not go far enough? Do devout people really have pictures of Jesus in their bathrooms? Do you have any reaction to any of these stories at all?

You'd think that if you really loved Jesus, you wouldn't put him in pissing range of a toilet.

[Pól Rua]

As for the Larry David story, I think Kinky Friedman's song, 'Men's Room, LA' neatly encapsulates it.

I saw a picture yesterday,
In a men’s room near L.A.,
Lying on the floor beside the throne.
Had I not recognized the cross,
I might have failed to know the boss,
I thought, “Lord, you look neglected and alone.”

I picked it up with lovin’ care,
I wondered who had placed it there,
When l saw there was no paper on the roll.
I said, “Lord, what would you do,
If you were me and I was you,
Take a chance, save your pants or your soul?”

I saw a picture yesterday in a men’s room near L.A.

Love that song.

As for H1N1, unfortunately, I have difficulties coming at it seriously, because I always have the irresistable urge to pronounce it 'heinie'.

[mgs]

Anyone out there got any H1N1 stories to share?
Nope. But it seems like a lot of little ones are getting it. Still don't think people should be hysterical over it.

What should he do? Has anything like this ever happened to you?
Divorce her. And nope, I don't know what I'd do if i actually caught her cheating.

Did Larry David go to far? Was this funny? Did he not go far enough? Do devout people really have pictures of Jesus in their bathrooms? Do you have any reaction to any of these stories at all?
No, it's a tv show. A funny tv show. A funny, fictional tv show. But if they actually urinated on a pic of Jesus, as a Christian, I have to admit to being a little offended.

re: the bathroom pic, I think in Italy or very Italian homes they might.

[Excelsior]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJm8Ynse-R4

[dupont2005]

if i walked in on a girl cheating, i would probably lose my temper. if i found out about it without actually interrupting it, i think i could make a pretty mature break from her.

[OzBat!]

1. Heinie!

When it first hit Australia, one of the hotspots was Melbourne. Anybody who had visited Melbourne, and subsequently showed ANY signs of anything remotely flu-ery, were instructed to immediately visit their doctor. I was at the doctor with sick kids when this small pack of uni-age students came charging in; the receptionist immediately gave them all surgical masks and quarantined them in a small room off to the side of the waiting room.

And I still don't know why, but the only thing I could think of, was the cast of Monty Python crying "Bring out yer dead!"

So here I am, with sick kids in a large doctor's clinic with full on panic procedures in place for a potential pandemic, and I'm giggling away and everybody else is giving me severe stares which just made me giggle harder...

2. Twenty thousand for three months. Maybe not even that; sounds like she'd been at it with these other guys already, and this was just the time she got caught.

Wouldn't it be cheaper to hire hookers for the same time period? Time share arrangements or something? You don't need to keep them on call during work hours, and there's no requirement to stick around after doing the deed in the sack... no doubt about it, your brother got stiffed. And not in the good way.

3. There's a urinal company that started printing little life-size images of houseflies in the basin of their urinals. Apparently their research showed that guys are a helluva lot more accurate, when they've got something to aim for. I kinda doubt there's anything more than a niche market for little Jesus faces instead of houseflies though.

I normally see little crucifixes and beautific pictures of halo'd Christ up on the back of the dunny door in the homes of the catholic devout. Not something I'd consider myself. I'd feel funny if it was the virgin mary staring at me while I pee. I mean, seriously girlie, that's just inappropriate! Evangelicals would usually have a poster of some kind with an affirming bible verse over pretty nature scenery up on the back of the door. None of these are really within accidental peeing range, it'd need to be a deliberate high-pressure attack to take out the door decorations, in which case I think you'd have more problems to consider than whether or not it was funny. Although, "not going far enough" would be comprehensively answered, I think.

[DavidAllred]

Regarding the piss Christ, it's already old hat and been done before. That doesn't bother me nearly as bad because an idiot bigot is just an idiot bigot no matter who he targets.

What bothers me is the double standard Hollywood takes against Christianity. They wouldn't piss on Muhammad. The sketch could have just as easily been pulled off with Larry pissing on a Torah, or putting out a Menorah candle with urine.

HBO would never allow either of these things to pass. But Jesus? No biggie for them. Larry could have taken a dump on him and it still would have passed edit.

[Tom]

Originally Posted by DavidAllred

Regarding the piss Christ, it's already old hat and been done before. That doesn't bother me nearly as bad because an idiot bigot is just an idiot bigot no matter who he targets.

What bothers me is the double standard Hollywood takes against Christianity. They wouldn't piss on Muhammad. The sketch could have just as easily been pulled off with Larry pissing on a Torah, or putting out a Menorah candle with urine.

HBO would never allow either of these things to pass. But Jesus? No biggie for them. Larry could have taken a dump on him and it still would have passed edit.

Wasn't there a Curb Your Enthusiasm storyline about an ugly Muslim girl that you couldn't tell was ugly because of her burka?

And there have been plenty of CYE moments where Jews were made fun of.

[dupont2005]

Originally Posted by DavidAllred

Regarding the piss Christ, it's already old hat and been done before. That doesn't bother me nearly as bad because an idiot bigot is just an idiot bigot no matter who he targets.

What bothers me is the double standard Hollywood takes against Christianity. They wouldn't piss on Muhammad. The sketch could have just as easily been pulled off with Larry pissing on a Torah, or putting out a Menorah candle with urine.

HBO would never allow either of these things to pass. But Jesus? No biggie for them. Larry could have taken a dump on him and it still would have passed edit.

yes, islam has been getting a free ride in american entertainment for too long.

[jesse_custer]

Larry David is clearly a political activist.

[Ray R.]

Originally Posted by Tom

Wasn't there a Curb Your Enthusiasm storyline about an ugly Muslim girl that you couldn't tell was ugly because of her burka?

And there have been plenty of CYE moments where Jews were made fun of.

Larry David has always been an equal opportunity offender. My favorite this season was Larry dating a handicapped woman for better seating in restaurants and close-up parking.

But apparently HBO has an anti-Christian agenda. Sure, that's it.

[i_mmmchocolate]

What about the girl with the exposed midriff?

Not only is he anti-Christian, he's also anti-fatty.

[Ray R.]

Originally Posted by i_mmmchocolate

What about the girl with the exposed midriff?

Not only is he anti-Christian, he's also anti-fatty.

Well, that one is justified.