The First Script for my Crime Comic

[islanderzfan49]

Page One (Four Panels)

Panel 1. Close up of a hand counting coins on the counter of a movie theater ticket window. A few wrinkly dollar bills are off to the side, as well. It is in a childish fashion, and a young boy’s hand.

Panel 2. A hand reaches through, giving the boy a ticket. It is the same style shot as Panel 1, showing just hands and wrists. We cannot exactly what movie it is for, but it should not be “concealed,” either.

Panel 3. We see the boy going into the theater itself. His back is to the camera as he begins to walk through the double doors. Through the little window of the door we can see that it’s a black and white movie, but that’s it.

Cap:
I’m Ryan Lucas.

Panel 4. The camera pans above the door, where we see the title, “White Heat,” in red analog letters.

Cap:
And it’s about time they picked a Tuesday matinee movie that doesn’t suck.


Pages Two and Three (two page spread)

Panel 1 (Top). This is the upper panel. It is the width of both pages, but only a little more than two-thirds of the height. We see the boy in his seat from behind, watching the movie. We can see the screen, which is almost all the way across the page. On the screen, we can see a classic gangster scene, in black and white. The boy is the only person in the theater, and is sitting in the center.

TITLE:
The Kid

Cap:
I really shouldn’t be this excited. I’ve seen it twice already.

Cap:
But it’s like they say…

Panel 2 (Bottom). Roughly the bottom third of the page should be a 3 to 5 panel sequence, alternating between scenes from the film, and the boy’s face and reactions as he watches the film. Also, the top and bottom of the panels are bordered by “film,” so it looks like a strip of film, with the panels acting as frames.

Cap:
Nothing beats the big screen.


Page Four (Five panels)

Panel 1. Ryan is exiting the theater. We only see the EXIT door from the inside of the theater. He is pushing it open.

Cap:
My heart’s racing as I head for the exit. Pure adrenaline.

Cap:
I could drop Mayweather right now.

Panel 2. Close up of Ryan’s face outside the theater. We can see his whole face. He is a Caucasian boy of about thirteen or fourteen, with dark hair and fairly dark eyes. He is in good shape, but not really muscular, and not tall. He has an average look on his face, as he looks up, slightly.

Cap:
But it only lasts a second after that door.

Panel 3. Zoom out. We see a long shot of Ryan standing outside the theater. POV is from across the street. It is a bright sunny day. Cars are visible on the street, and are driving along. A couple of people are going about their normal business. We see “White Heat: Tuesday Matinee” on the theater.

Cap:
The Sun hits me like the light at the end of the tunnel.

Cap:
It’s back to, at best, normal.

Panel 4. Same as Panel 2, except the modern cars and the people in the streets have been replaced by a 40s or 50s era mob car with a police car on its tail. We can see a gangster with a gun firing at the police car from the mob car. Ryan is watching with amusement.

Cap:
But sometimes I wish it was more than just normal. I wanna read about bank robberies in the paper.

Cap:
I wanna wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of gunshots and screeching tires.

Cap:
I wanna see that prick who owns the store down the block get the shit beat out of him for not having the money on time.


Cap:
No, I’m not being naïve…

Panel 5. Same as Panel 2, except things have “advanced.” A few seconds have gone by. Things are back to normal, and the cars and people have moved a little. Ryan, however, is still in the same spot.

Cap:
I just want some excitement.




Page Five (Five Panels)

Panel 1. We see Ryan, head to toe. He has his hands in his pockets, looking down slightly.

Cap:
Cuz I’m sick of all this boring suburban bullshit.

Cap:
And it pisses me off to think I’m the only one.

Panel 2. Ryan looks up, towards the sky, maybe with a glimmer of hope. Sunlight shines across his face.

Cap:
But I can’t be the only one. Can I?

Panel 3. Ryan starts to walk away, presumably going home. We see him from the side.

Cap:
Whatever.

Panel 4. Long shot of Ryan walking down the street. He has his back to us, and his hands in his pockets as he walks. The scene has once again transformed into a mob scene.

Panel 5. Extreme close up of Ryan’s face. He is smirking. We should pretty much see just his mouth.

Cap:
Their loss.

[islanderzfan49]

Page Six (Six Panels)

Panel 1. Ryan is now on a residential side street, walking towards the front door of his house. He lives in an average suburban house. There is a car in the driveway and another one parked in the street.

Cap:
By the time I get home, my heart rate’s back to normal.

Cap:
Normal at best.

Panel 2. We see Ryan at the dinner table with his mother, father, younger brother Dylan, and older sister Kelly. There is no “tension” or anything. They are peacefully enjoying a meal.

Ryan:
So what’d you guys do today?

Panel 3. We can see Ryan’s sister, Kelly, addressing Ryan’s question. She looks towards the ceiling while talking, the way lots of aggravating teenagers do these days. She is seventeen and a fairly attractive blonde girl.

Kelly:
Oh my God it was suchhh a nice day…

Cap: (Ryan)
My sister Kelly. Seventeen years of annoyance at seven and a half percent interest. Compounded semiannually. I’ve gotta learn to stop saying “you guys” when I don’t wanna hear Kelly’s ramblings.

Panel 4. Slightly zoomed out. Everyone is eating their dinner while Kelly continues to blab on.

Kelly (cont’d):
Me and Chris went to the beach…

Cap: (Ryan)
Chris. I sincerely hope that my sister can do better than him.

Kelly (cont’d):
…and have you seen his car? He got it from his uncle cuz his uncle…

Cap (Ryan):
Cuz he’s about as cool as Stephen Hawking.

Panel 5. Pretty close shot of Ryan. His face is close to his plate, with fork in hand, and he is looking at his sister, who is off panel, except for one of her hands, which she is “talking” with.

Dad (off panel):
So did you end up going to the movies?

Panel 6. Similar to panel 2. We see the whole table, and Ryan is the farthest from the camera. He’s looking into his plate, eating his dinner. His mom is on the right side, leaning in.

Ryan:
Yeah, but Steve and Jimmy couldn’t make it.

Mom:
No? Why not?

Cap: (Ryan)
I can see it before she says a word. My mom’s about to ask a barrage of questions, all of which can be answered by “why,” “what does it matter,” or “who cares.”

Page Seven (five panels)

Panel 1. Close up on Ryan. He sits up as he addresses his mother.

Ryan:
Well Steve didn’t know until today that his whole family was going to his grandma’s house today. And he was Jimmy’s ride.

Mom (off panel):
So you went by yourself?

Panel 2. Ryan, looking slightly puzzled and sarcastic. He gestures with his hands.

Ryan:
Yea. I wanted to see the movie…What was I gonna do, come home?

Panel 3. Shot of Dad, from side preferably. He is addressing his wife, Michelle. He has a fork in his hand, and looks cool and calm.

Dad:
Yeah, really. Relax Michelle, will ya?

Cap: (Ryan)
My Dad. I can always count on him.

Panel 4. Close shot of Ryan. He is looking at his plate with fork in hand, scooping up food as he addresses his mother. He looks happier and more relaxed.

Ryan:
But don’t worry mom, the three of us are hanging out on Friday night. You’ll be able to give me a ride, right?

Mom:
Yeah, of course.

Panel 5. Close shot of Ryan. He is sincerely smiling.

Ryan:
Ok,awesome, I’ll tell the guys later.


Page Eight (Eight Panels)

Panel 1. Ryan is now in his room after dinner. He has at least one crime movie poster on his wall. It is pretty much an average teenage boy’s room, perhaps with just a bit less “style.”

Cap:
Now it’s true that Steve told me that he couldn’t hang out on Wednesday because he was going to his grandma’s house.

Cap:
But he told me that on Monday.

Panel 2. Close up on remote as Ryan turns on the TV.

Cap:
Besides, they probably wouldn’t have liked the movie anyway.

Cap:
They wouldn’t get it.

Cap:
And about Friday night...I don’t plan on being here.

Panels 3-6. Should be three smaller, equally sized square panels that show the TV, and Ryan flipping through the channels. He goes from a baseball game to a cartoon and finally to a movie that looks like the kind that he likes, a crime movie with lots of action.

TV: (baseball game)
…Salve steps to the plate, hoping to extend his hitting streak to nineteen games-

TV: (cartoon)
…but he’s no match for my sword of Kenshin-


TV: (movie channel)
BANG BANG BANG! C’mon Steve, we gotta get outta here!

Panel 7. Ryan on bed or couch watching the crime/action movie. He is more noticeably intrigued by it.

TV:
(SIRENS) Welcome to New York Scotty!


Cap:
New York…

Panel 8. Close shot of the TV, which is showing a scene where the New York City skyline is visible.

Cap:
I’ll be with you shortly.



Page Nine (Three Panels)

Panel 1. Long, wide shot of the outside of a police department. It is still sunny out, but not as bright as it was in Ryan’s scene. This takes place in New York City.

Title:
New York City

Panel 2. Close up on the door of a detective’s office. It reads Det. R. McCarthy. The shot should have the feel of an old black and white detective serial.

Panel 3. Inside his office, Detective Ron McCarthy, a man slightly passed middle aged, sits at his desk, looking over some case files. On his desk we can see a coffee mug and an ash tray. This should be a fairly large panel.

[islanderzfan49]

Page Ten (Eight Panels)

Panel 1. Ron McCarthy studies the case files on his desk carefully. We cannot see the exact contents of the papers, however.

Panel 2. Close shot of his hand as he reaches for his coffee mug.

Panel 3. Close shot of his face as he takes a sip of his coffee.

Panel 4. Different shot of him looking through the case files, preferably from his above his shoulder. He is looking down at them. Again, we cannot see the specifics.

Panel 5. Close shot of his hand as he reaches for a big cup of writing utensils on his desk.

Panel 6. Very close shot of the pencil hitting a pad as he notes something. This should be from a sharp angle.

Panel 7. Slightly bigger panel. McCarthy eases up and sits up straight. He starts to take a cigarette out of a pack.

Panel 8. He looks towards the door. He has just lit his cigarette, and still has his lighter in his hand. He looks somewhat startled by the knock at the door.

SFX:
KNOCK KNOCK



Page Eleven (Seven Panels)

Panel 1. Detective Charlton stands in the doorway. He’s a man of about thirty, and an arrogant looking person. He’s clean cut, but egotistical and annoying.

Charlton:
Hey Mac, how’s the reading going?

McCarthy:
Well the words haven’t changed yet. Look I’m busy, so-

Panel 2. Charlton walks into the office. He begins to converse with McCarthy

Charlton:
Got a light?

Panel 3. Close shot of McCarthy reaching up to light Charlton’s cigarette.

Charlton:
Thanks…I just wanted to come in and tell you that I’m taking over this case. Larson’s orders.

Panel 4. Focus on the two gentlemen conversing, with a longer shot.

McCarthy:
What…I’ve been-

Charlton:
I know, you’ve been on it the last month. Tough…But Larson said he thinks it needs a new direction. A fresh start.

Panel 5. Charlton converses more. He looks more arrogant now, like he’s trying to piss McCarthy off.

Charlton:
Look, don’t be mad at me. I mean, I guess you could be…but you’ve got more sense than that. What’s it been, ninety years you’ve been here?

Panel 6. McCarthy tells Charlton off. McCarthy looks like pissed.

Charlton: (cont’d)
You know how it goes, right?-

McCarthy:
Get the fuck outta here ya little brat….And you can tell Larson to go fuck himself!
Panel 7. Charlton exits the room. We can see him leaving from the level of McCarthy’s hand holding his cigarette, which is in the foreground. POV is low, looking up.

Cap/McCarthy:
Asshole.



Page Twelve ( Four panels)
-We are now outside McCarthy’s office, still at the police station.
Mike Hammer, Sherlock Holmes, Magnum P.I., Kojak, Jack Bauer, James Bond, Matlock

Panel 1. We are still in the police station, but in the larger area, with desks and etc. around. It almost looks like how a newspaper publisher’s building would look. This is a fairly long shot, establishing the setting.

Charlton:
He’s out of his mind!

Panel 2. We see a glass-like divider that is the wall of an office. The office belongs to Commissioner Larson, and we see his name on the door. This is a glass enclosed room adjacent to the larger room in Panel 1. We can assume that the walls are soundproof. The walls are not fully transparent, clear enough to see blurry figures. Through the “glass,” we can see the shadows of Charlton and Larson as they converse. Larson sits at his desk, while Charlton stands in front of it. Charlton’s body language shows that he is angry.

Charlton:
I mean he walks around like he’s Magnum P.I. and talks like he’s Kojak, and I’m supposed to let him mouth off to me like I’m a five year old? I was this close to breaking the prick’s nose right there.

Panel 3. Now we’re in the room. It’s pretty much the same shot, but we are actually inside the room. The body language is a little different of course, and Charlton looks as if he’s trying to make a point and sell it.

Charlton:
And you know I’m not the only one here who’s got complaints.

Panel 4. Close shot of Commissioner Larson as he sits at his desk, talking to Charlton. He is an older man, but, at most, only a few years older than McCarthy. He has a close cropped haircut and a defined face. He looks like a war veteran. Maybe even a General.

Larson:
Well whadda you want me to do about it? Guy’s been here as long as me.


Page Thirteen (Four Panels)
-Charlton and Larson

Panel 1. We see both men from a side view. Larson is standing up now. Maybe his eyes aren’t focused on Charlton.

Larson:
Besides, he hasn’t technically done anything wrong, at least by my standards.

Panel 2. Charlton tries to make a point, and does so convincingly. He uses body language to make his point. He is not quite yelling, but is almost there. In this panel he is more up in Larson’s face.

Charlton:
I know that, but how long before he does? You see how he obsesses over his cases, especially the Ricca one, and how he stays at his desk till past midnight some nights.

Panel 3. Close shot of Larson, he looks like he’s had enough. He is probably trying to calm Charlton down, maybe even extending his hand onto Charlton’s shoulder.

Larson:
You’ve made your point and it’s been noted. But like it or not, as unstable as McCarthy is, he’s one of the best detectives I’ve ever seen.

Panel 4. Larson looks down, or towards the window, with some emotion. We assume that Charlton has left the room, or is on his way out.

Larson:
But I do worry about him.



Page Fourteen (Five panels)

Panel 1. Close up of McCarthy’s hand as he jams his cigarette into the ash tray on his desk.

Cap/McCarthy:
This is my case.

Panel 2. Close shot of McCarthy looking down, from the POV of the desk. We can see him looking at the camera, but he is actually reading the files on the desk. He is back to sitting at his desk, in the chair.

Cap/McCarthy:
It’ll go to a gangbanging nigger before it goes to that prick.

Panel 3. Now we can actually see the files up close. We see McCarthy’s hand on the edge of the folder, and there are papers inside. On the paper we see, there is a picture paper clipped to the top right corner of a page with writing on it. The file is for a Jake Ricca, a notorious criminal. He looks tough and cool. He is at least 30, and has dark hair and a solid build.

Cap/McCarthy:
Jake Ricca.

Panel 4. Close up on the picture of Jake Ricca. The panel is the entire picture of him, that is paper clipped to the paper.

Cap/McCarthy:
No, he can’t have Jake Ricca.

Panel 5. Extreme close up on the picture of Jake Ricca. We cannot even see the whole face. This is an extreme zoom in on the face in the picture.

((Cap/McCarthy:
He’ll never have Jake Ricca.))

[islanderzfan49]

U]Pages Fifteen and Sixteen [/U](Six panels)

Panel 1. T.V. is shut off. We see the “beam” going through the picture, like when a T.V. is shut off. The little flash of light.

Panel 2. Ryan takes out a bag from under his bed. It is kind of like a backpack. It has been packed, and we would imagine it has clothes in it.

Panel 3. We see Ryan putting a note on his bed. We can’t read it yet.

Panel 4. We see Ryan opening his window, from the outside view, as if we were looking through his window. It is about half way open.

Panel 5. For this panel, the “camera” is at the far side of Ryan’s bed, the side closer to his door. The camera is fairly low. In the background we see Ryan exiting through the window, almost gone. In the foreground, we can see the note on the bed, but we still can’t read. It should be fairly prominent in the foreground.

Panel 6. Close up on the note on the bed. It is written on regular lined paper in very mature cursive, and reads:
Don’t worry I’ll be back. Love, Ryan


(Panel 1. Outside of Ryan’s house, night.

Panel 2. Ryan in bed in his room.

Panel 3. Ryan sits up in his bed.

Panel 4. Light is on now, from a lamp on small table next to Ryan’s bed.)



Page Seventeen (5 panels)

Panel 1. We see Ryan walking down the street. He in the middle of the street, and he is the only person in sight. It is somewhat dramatic, though clearly cliché.

Panel 2. At a train station.

Panel 3. Ryan on a train, his head against the window.

Panel 4. Ryan gets off the train. We see he is at a major station with a large plaza. There are other people around him. He looks somewhat overwhelmed, but still looks excited.

Panel 5. Very similar to panel 1, except Ryan is now walking away from Penn Station in New York City. Again, he looks overwhelmed, yet excited. It is clearly established that he is in New York City.


Page Eighteen (7 panels)

Panel 1. Two men are on the sidewalk as a taxi pulls up. The men are well dressed, wearing suits probably. They almost look like Mafioso, but we can’t assume that just because they’re wearing nice suits can we?

Panel 2. We see Ryan running towards the cab, as if to stop it. We assume he will ask if he can share a cab with the two men.

Panel 3. One of the men in the cab speaks, and we assume he is about to tell Ryan that he can’t share a cab with them.

Thug 1:
Sorry kid, it-

Panel 4. THUG 2 hits or nudges THUG 1 to cut him off.

Panel 5. THUG 2 is now whispering something to THUG 1. THUG 1 looks down as he listens.

Panel 6. THUG 1 looks up at Ryan happily. His eyes are nearly lit up, and he has a smile on his face.

THUG 1:
Well, where you headed?

Panel 7. We see the taxi from the back as it begins down the street. We can see that there are 3 figures in the back seat, which means Ryan is in the cab with the men.



Page Nineteen (7 panels)

Panel 1. McCarthy is sitting at his desk. It is late. He is closing up a file that he had been reading. He is about to get up.

Panel 2. McCarthy putting on his jacket. He has his left arm in the sleeve already, and is putting the other one in. He is holding his keys in his left hand.

Panel 3. McCarthy exiting his office. He is already outside the door, closing it with his right hand as he leaves. We can see his shadowed silhouette through the window of the door.

Panel 4. Shot of Ryan in the car. From his body language we can assume that he is uncomfortable.

Panel 5. Small panel showing the Driver’s ID picture that is on the back of the driver’s seat in taxis. The picture shows a middle eastern looking man with a goatee.

Panel 6. Same size panel, but of the man driving the taxi. Clearly, this is not the man seen in the Driver’s ID.

Panel 7. Close shot of Ryan’s face. He almost looks scared, but is trying to hold up.



Page Twenty (eight panels)

Panel 1. We see through the windshield. We see the driver and the passengers in the back seat, including Ryan. The camera is inside the car, and we see a front view, with the driver in the foreground, very close to us.

Panel 2. Close shot of the driver, from the back. He is turning his head slightly towards the back, but still has one eye on the road.

(Panel 3.) Side view of the car, from inside. We see that the passengers and the driver are talking. Ryan sits behind the passenger seat, silent. He is closest to us in this shot.

Panel 4. The passenger in the middle leans forward and is making his way to the passenger seat. This opens up a ‘path’ between Thug 2 and Ryan.

Panel 5. Close shot of Thug 2 as he talks to Ryan.

THUG 2:
So what’s your name?

RYAN:
I’m Ryan.

Panel 6. Pretty much same as Panel 5, but Thug 2 has moved into the middle seat to be closer to Ryan, as if to comfort him.

THUG 2:
Well Ryan, we’re gonna be making a stop in a minute, then we’ll be back on track. That ok?

RYAN:
Sure.

Panel 7. Close shot of the driver. He’s yelling. The shot is from the back view, from Ryan’s POV.

DRIVER:
Ok, we’re at the corner. Be ready boys, showtime any minute now.

Panel 8. Same shot as Panel 1 on this page, except now Thug 1 is in the passenger seat. He is reaching holding a handgun in his hand, cocking it. He is looking out his window, as is the driver and Thug 2.

[islanderzfan49]

Page Twenty-One (7 panels)

Panel 1. McCarthy is coming out the front door of the police station. He is facing the door, because he is locking it.

Panel 2. Close shot of McCarthy’s face. He is turning around, looking over his right shoulder.

SFX:
SKREEECH

Panel 3. We see the taxi turning the corner. The windows are rolling down.

Panel 4. Close shot of Thug 1 firing at McCarthy through the open window.

SFX:
BLAM BLAM

Panel 5. McCarthy is running to our left, towards the parking lot. He is ducking down to avoid bullets.

Panel 6. McCarthy has now taken cover behind a patrol car. We see him with his back against it, trying to look through the window to see the taxi. The camera is in front of him.

Panel 7. Inside the taxi. Thug 2 is leaning forward and yelling at the driver. Thug 2 is still pointing his gun out the window. Ryan looks scared and shocked, though he is clearly not the focus of this panel. This is a small panel.

THUG 2:
C’mon Tommy get us outta here!


Pages Twenty-Two and Twenty-Three (8 panels)

Spread sequence of the taxi driving away from the scene, as McCarthy gets into his car and follows. His car is not a patrol car, but a normal car.

Panel 1. Shot of the taxi speeding away.

Panel 2. Inside the taxi. Side view, the Thugs and the Driver are talking. In the foreground, Ryan is moving towards the door, probably trying to get out.

Panel 3. Very close shot of the door locking. You know, the little thing that goes down when the door locks. In Panel 2, we can slightly see that it is up.

SFX:
CLIK

Panel 4. Close shot of Thug 2 talking to Ryan. He is in the middle seat again, trying to comfort Ryan. However, he still appears somewhat menacing.

Panel 5. From behind, shot of the driver. He is focused on driving. He is adjusting the rear view mirror, and has a shocked look on his face. In the rear view mirror, we can faintly see headlights.

Panel 6. The taxi is rammed by McCarthy

Panel 7. The taxi slams into a streetlight. The driver is dead.

Panel 8. The two men, one of them pulling Ryan along, make their way into an alley.


Page Twenty-Four (6 panels)

Panel 1. Shows Ryan and the Thugs in an alley.

Panel 2. McCarthy against the wall of a building, presumably next to the alley. So if he looked beyond the wall, he would see Ryan and the Thugs. But he is not leaning over, but rather stalking, waiting. He has his gun in his right hand, holding it close to his left shoulder.

Panel 3. Shot of Ryan and the thugs in the alley. They have their backs to a dumpster, and are sitting down. The Thugs have their handguns ready.

Panel 4. McCarthy springs into the alley, pointing his gun straight ahead. He looks somewhat triumphant.

Panel 5. Similar to Panel 4, except closer shot. We see that McCarthy now has a scared, shocked look on his face. Maybe there’s a little bit of fury in it as well.

Panel 6. Large panel of Ryan with a gun to his head. We can see the bodies of the two thugs next to him, but can’t see their faces. This is a close shot, with Ryan’s head in the middle.

[islanderzfan49]

cmon, anybody?

[mohsin]

I think people are not getting too much into it. I liked your work however, i would like to give a small suggestion. You should read what other people have written. That would give you a broader view of your work and will bring a lot more creativity in it. You can read or get some nice relevant material from thebooksdirectory.com. It will surely help you. Do tell me if you find it interesting. And keep going on with your work please its good.

[Slugger]

Normally in scripts and screenplays you shouldn't use "his back is to the camera" etc.

I used to do that a few years ago and a lot of people told me "I was telling them how to do their job"

Just a tip.

Not bad though.