I'm pissed!

[Dark Galaxy]

So, my daughter's English teacher has decided that her classroom is amateur therapy hour, which has bothered me a bit. But today she wins the dumbass prize by giving my daughter the advice, "if you want to be thinner, you shouldn't eat as much." (paraphrasing)

So, for the last three class periods (they have English every other day) her teacher has had them write about some pretty heavy subjects in their journals, with the option of reading them aloud if they choose. They have done a similar exercise in their Ohana (homeroom) classes, and the kids seem to enjoy sharing with each other and learning more about one another's lives.

However, this teacher has taken it upon herself to give each child suggestions and helpful hints after they read aloud, and it is getting ridiculous. The first journal entry my daughter read aloud was on the subject, "If there was one thing you could change about your life, what would it be?" She went in depth about her father (who I left when I was pregnant with her) and how she wished he wasn't an alcoholic (among other things). After she was done, the teacher told her that she can't change her dad, and she has to love him for who he is.

Now, this cheesed me off a little, because this lady knows nothing of my daughter's dad, and knows nothing of their relationship. My daughter has tried her whole life to "love him for who he is" and he has trampled on her trust and love, over and over. I wasn't really mad when I heard about what the teacher said about this subject, just a bit wary that this teacher is giving out life advice to students that she just met, whose background she knows nothing about. Granted, she is trying to be helpful, but it just seemed a bit careless to me.

Honestly, after that I really didn't think about it again, until today when my daughter was nearly in tears talking about that class again. Today, they were supposed to write about, "If there was one thing you could change about your appearance, what would it be?" A bunch of kids shared that they didn't like their hair, their freckles, etc etc.

When it is her turn, my daughter gets up and tells how she wishes she was thinner. Now, my daughter is pretty average sized, but she has had body image issues for a long long time. When she was done reading her journal entry out loud to the class the teacher told her (trying to be helpful) that sometimes even though you are hungry, you just have to not eat.

WHAT?

We have a problem getting my daughter to eat enough. She hardly ever finishes what she is eating, and "I'm not hungry" is her go to phrase. So much so, that we are keeping an eye and making sure that it doesn't tip into the eating disorder realm. But what if she did have an eating disorder?

You don't tell a 13 year old girl, not to eat!

Besides it being WAY beyond her realm of expertise, it is none of that teacher's business to tell my daughter not to eat. Even if she weighed 200 pounds, or 300 pounds, that teacher does not know her health history, her mental health history, if she had a disease...ugh!

Later in the class a girl was sharing that she would change the fact that she is so thin because everyone always calls her anorexic. And the teacher (who is average/large sized) said something to the effect of, different people have different body types, and that this girl had one body type, and other people , and then she gestures to herself and my daughter, have bigger body types. My daughter said at that moment she almost started to cry.

I have no problem with this teacher having them write in their journals. And even if the subjects seem a bit personal and heavy for an English class, I have no problem with them writing on these subjects. I even have no problem with them reading them aloud, since it was on a volunteer basis. But, I do have a problem with the teacher commenting, or giving advice to every kid afterwards.

Afterwards my daughter said that all of her friends were telling her that she was perfect how she was, and that they couldn't believe that the teacher actually said that to her. But, it still didn't take away the fact that she said it. Those kind of statements could have really damaged a kid that was in a more precarious state of mind than mine is.

Grrrrr. My husband and I are going to write to her tonight. I just had to get all of my venom out somewhere. I wrote a first draft to her, and there is no way I could send it, it's pretty mean. I know she thinks she is "helping" by giving advice, but she isn't. She is being careless, and she needs to know it.

[Reverend Smooth]

You need to talk to the principal, imo. This is really not acceptable.

[Cam63]

The " teacher " needs emergency re-educating.

...What a cow.

[section 8]

Does this teacher have the word "Fail" tattooed on her forehead?

Cuz she needs it.

[Gail Simone]

Originally Posted by Dark Galaxy

So, my daughter's English teacher has decided that her classroom is amateur therapy hour, which has bothered me a bit. But today she wins the dumbass prize by giving my daughter the advice, "if you want to be thinner, you shouldn't eat as much." (paraphrasing)

So, for the last three class periods (they have English every other day) her teacher has had them write about some pretty heavy subjects in their journals, with the option of reading them aloud if they choose. They have done a similar exercise in their Ohana (homeroom) classes, and the kids seem to enjoy sharing with each other and learning more about one another's lives.

However, this teacher has taken it upon herself to give each child suggestions and helpful hints after they read aloud, and it is getting ridiculous. The first journal entry my daughter read aloud was on the subject, "If there was one thing you could change about your life, what would it be?" She went in depth about her father (who I left when I was pregnant with her) and how she wished he wasn't an alcoholic (among other things). After she was done, the teacher told her that she can't change her dad, and she has to love him for who he is.

Now, this cheesed me off a little, because this lady knows nothing of my daughter's dad, and knows nothing of their relationship. My daughter has tried her whole life to "love him for who he is" and he has trampled on her trust and love, over and over. I wasn't really mad when I heard about what the teacher said about this subject, just a bit wary that this teacher is giving out life advice to students that she just met, whose background she knows nothing about. Granted, she is trying to be helpful, but it just seemed a bit careless to me.

Honestly, after that I really didn't think about it again, until today when my daughter was nearly in tears talking about that class again. Today, they were supposed to write about, "If there was one thing you could change about your appearance, what would it be?" A bunch of kids shared that they didn't like their hair, their freckles, etc etc.

When it is her turn, my daughter gets up and tells how she wishes she was thinner. Now, my daughter is pretty average sized, but she has had body image issues for a long long time. When she was done reading her journal entry out loud to the class the teacher told her (trying to be helpful) that sometimes even though you are hungry, you just have to not eat.

WHAT?

We have a problem getting my daughter to eat enough. She hardly ever finishes what she is eating, and "I'm not hungry" is her go to phrase. So much so, that we are keeping an eye and making sure that it doesn't tip into the eating disorder realm. But what if she did have an eating disorder?

You don't tell a 13 year old girl, not to eat!

Besides it being WAY beyond her realm of expertise, it is none of that teacher's business to tell my daughter not to eat. Even if she weighed 200 pounds, or 300 pounds, that teacher does not know her health history, her mental health history, if she had a disease...ugh!

Later in the class a girl was sharing that she would change the fact that she is so thin because everyone always calls her anorexic. And the teacher (who is average/large sized) said something to the effect of, different people have different body types, and that this girl had one body type, and other people , and then she gestures to herself and my daughter, have bigger body types. My daughter said at that moment she almost started to cry.

I have no problem with this teacher having them write in their journals. And even if the subjects seem a bit personal and heavy for an English class, I have no problem with them writing on these subjects. I even have no problem with them reading them aloud, since it was on a volunteer basis. But, I do have a problem with the teacher commenting, or giving advice to every kid afterwards.

Afterwards my daughter said that all of her friends were telling her that she was perfect how she was, and that they couldn't believe that the teacher actually said that to her. But, it still didn't take away the fact that she said it. Those kind of statements could have really damaged a kid that was in a more precarious state of mind than mine is.

Grrrrr. My husband and I are going to write to her tonight. I just had to get all of my venom out somewhere. I wrote a first draft to her, and there is no way I could send it, it's pretty mean. I know she thinks she is "helping" by giving advice, but she isn't. She is being careless, and she needs to know it.

GODDAMMIT.

When did being an English teacher grant you the right to fuck with children's heads!

[section 8]

There used to be Teachers once upon a time, but today most are just glorified baby-sitters.

[jamesfreeman]

Jesus, something similar happened to me when I lived in Kenosha (AKA HELL) where a teach suggested that the bullying I was being subjected to was my fault for "constantly talking about how proud I was of my race".
My mother went in and raised hell, and I eventually got to transfer.

I'd go talk to the principal and see if you can't get this woman reprimanded.

[Cam63]

Originally Posted by Gail Simone

GODDAMMIT.

When did being an English teacher grant you the right to fuck with children's heads!

I had a couple back in '76-'80 who needed brickin'.

[Justin D.]

This is totally unprofessional behavior. Frankly, it sounds like a first-year teacher trying to do something "new" and "really connect with her students". I say this as an ex-teacher.

Writing a note simply isn't enough. You need to have a sit-down talk with the teacher. I hesitate to say bring the teacher on right away, but she needs to be told to her face how her words have affected your daughter and other students. I would definitely advise you call the school to set up a parent/teacher conference as soon as you can.

[Solaris]

Honestly, hon, I think this is a matter to discuss with the *principal*, with or without the teacher present (optimal is talk with principal *first*, *then* if you can get the principal to do it, have him/her summon the teacher to the office to talk it all over *together*.

First, the principal is ultimately responsible for what goes on in the school---and needs feedback from parents when a teacher so strongly diverges from their curriculum---*especially* since she's attempting to do the school counselor's job with, as you've mentioned, no idea of the kid's histories, and likely, no real training.

Second, *you* need to give all the info to the principal *first*... before the teacher can come up with some rot about your child being a "problem student," and whatever other CYA she *might* decide to attempt.

Third, if you can get the principal to bring the teacher in to talk with the both of you (after you've filled in the principal), it let's you both confront said teacher with a third party (who's responsible for the school, remember) to oversee the conversation, *and* it lets you see what she says *to* the principal about all of it.

TRUST ME ON THIS ONE. My mom was an educator for years, and also an asst. principal for years. There are too many ways the teacher can wiggle out of it, if you go to *her* first (not to mention, you're giving her the opportunity to sow seeds in the principal's mind that slant things her way (if not outright lying), if she's the type to do so. Or, she may promise you to change what she's doing... and then keep right on doing it, plus possibly try to intimidate your daughter into not telling you about it.

Now, if your principal balks, does nothing, and/or backs up the teacher doing this stuff, that's when you go over both heads to the board of education and the school board---and you take it all the way to the state level, if necessary. Don't let anyone intimidate you---your child's mental well-being is at stake, and the teacher is clearly in the wrong for doing this, however mistaken or well-intentioned she may be.

You are 100% correct: this teacher should not be doing this, does not have the information to be doing this, and obviously isn't qualified to do this.

She sounds very much like someone who wanted to be hired as a guidance counselor, didn't have the proper credentials, got hired for English instead... and decided to try to counsel the students anyway.

[Cam63]

Originally Posted by Justin D.

This is totally unprofessional behavior. Frankly, it sounds like a first-year teacher trying to do something "new" and "really connect with her students". I say this as an ex-teacher.

Writing a note simply isn't enough. You need to have a sit-down talk with the teacher. I hesitate to say bring the teacher on right away, but she needs to be told to her face how her words have affected your daughter and other students. I would definitely advise you call the school to set up a parent/teacher conference as soon as you can.

What Justin said.

[Dark Galaxy]

Originally Posted by Justin D.

This is totally unprofessional behavior. Frankly, it sounds like a first-year teacher trying to do something "new" and "really connect with her students". I say this as an ex-teacher.

Interestingly, she is a retired teacher who is filling in for the regular teacher who is on maternity leave.

[Night Swordsman]

Originally Posted by Dark Galaxy

Interestingly, she is a retired teacher who is filling in for the regular teacher who is on maternity leave.

I wouldn't even VISIT her, as it is not a good idea with heated emotions running. I would instead visit the principal of the school, explain the events, and then tell her/him that a second event like this will NOT be tolerated.

[Justin D.]

Originally Posted by Dark Galaxy

Interestingly, she is a retired teacher who is filling in for the regular teacher who is on maternity leave.

That doesn't surprise me either. Worked with a few of them too. Knowing that, I'd hesitate less to call the principal. No matter what though, you talk to someone in the school's office as soon as you can tomorrow to set up a face-to-face meeting.

[Solaris]

PS---and take in with you a written copy of all the things this teacher has done wrong... along with your daughter's journal---the latter is evidence, the former is so you don't forget anything while you're talking.

AND, make sure you tell the principal that you're *already* having problems getting your daughter to EAT---this teacher just exacerbated that issue, and reinforced your daughter's negative image of herself. There are enough teens out there with eating disorders, we don't need one more.

PLUS, the whole issue over the ex/natural father.

Both these issues are verging way into therapy, NOT English... and she knows *nothing* about your daughter, or your family, or your lives, or the problems and issues you guys have had. It's like trying to hit a baseball with a blindfold on---she's swinging blindly, and much more likely to hit someone with the bat, than to actually connect with a ball---and if she does, it's a fluke.