When little girls wanna compete with their moms: is this normal?

[Sharpshooter]

I had an interesting (and a little troubling) experience with my older daughter Kana (age 9) last week.

Kana was in the bathroom, checking herself out in the mirror...striking a couple of poses and faces similar to those that her mom (Snow Sabre), who used to work in Japan's fashion modeling industry, used to do back in the day (and whose portfolio Kana has seen some of).

I asked Kana what she was doing. Instead of answering, she asked me who was prettier, her or Mommy.

I was sort of caught offguard by the question. I told her that Mommy, Kana, and her little sister Hana were the three prettiest girls in the world as far as I was concerned and there was no need to compare.

That wasn't good enouh for Kana, though. Although she accepted what I said to be true about how I felt, she wanted to know what everybody else (i.e. the world, I guess) might think.

I told Kana that it seriously didn't matter. She's as pretty as her mom, but since she (Kana) isn't a fashion model, it really doesn't matter what anybody else thinks.

Kana grinned at her image in the mirror and said, "I think I'm prettier than Mommy."

I'm afraid that my little girl is starting to get full of herself. Is this normal, or am I dealing with a runaway ego here?

[howyadoin]

Sounds pretty normal to me. Lots of kids feel competitive towards their parents.

[Sharpshooter]

Originally Posted by howyadoin

Sounds pretty normal to me. Lots of kids feel competitive towards their parents.

I thought it was mostly a guy thing. I sorta felt that way towards my old man when I was coming up but it was more cause he directly challenged me.

In Kana's case it's more something she came up with on her own. On one hand she adores her mom to death. On the other hand ever since she was really little Kana has had this unspoken competition with her mom. Before she started going to school Kana, like most kids, had her toys and other things strewn all over the place. But she began to pay attention to how organized her mom is...putting everything in its place and even LABELING where stuff is kept. Kana caught on to that and started to do the same in her own room, trying to beat her mom at her own game.

I kinda wonder where this is gonna go in a few years when Kana is a teen.

[The Black Guardian]

Yes, it is very normal. It all depends on how these feelings are resolved as to how normal it will turn out. A girl as young as 4 will compete with her mother (and sister), especially over her father's affection. It's the whole Oedipal/Elektral thing.

Continue telling Kana that it doesn't matter what the world thinks, and the world will be made of differing opinions, each of them equally as valuable and worthless. It's important that she know she and her mother (and her sister) are on equal footing in your eyes.

Maybe she should be told that while it's great to have a positive self image, being open about it can often make others feel bad. Or words to that effect, in words she can understand.

[Katapult]

Black Guardian said exatly what I was going to say.

[Sharpshooter]

I think you guys are right. I'm gonna do that. Tonight.

Kana has a positive self image which is a good thing as long as it's under control. And she has reason to. I think in a couple of years I might need to use my archery equipment for more than just shooting at the range!

As I type this, I think Kana's getting ready for her first exposure to a microscope today. Her homework schedule for this week said that Monday was this year's first lab day for science class and they'd be checking out plant cells under the microscope.

Which means I'd better brush up on my basic bio before I get home tonight. There's gonna be questions.

[AbdulAziz]

It isn't something odd, not something new, but is it bad?

[Buried Alien]

Mike, I'd tell you that you worry too much, but frankly, that's what makes you a great dad to Kana and Hana. You sweat the details, which for THIS particular job, is as important as it gets.

Buried Alien (The Fastest Post Alive!)