09-10-2009, 05:49 PM
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#1 |
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Patron Saint of S&M
Join Date: Jul 2007
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Posts: 25,394
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Uncanny X-Men Abridged!
Well, in reponse from requests both from people who like my parody review posts and people who don't, I've decided to put them in a sperate thread from the main issue review one. So people who don't want to read them are happy, they don't have to, and people who DO are happy cause there all in one place and easy to find.
Will re-post the older ones soon, but for now enjoy the demented glory of Exodous Abridged. Brought to you by Air Dani, the only air company that gets you where you need to go on the back of an evil horse Pixie: OMG! It's Uncanny X-Men Abri... Raye: NO! Pixie: But...but...sparkles... Raye: It's Uncanny X-Men: Exodous Abridged BITCH! Pixie: LULZ FLASHBACK! Beast: Ai can haz ur secretz? Plz? Ai knows yu is having tem...ai will no eated dem if you tellz me yur secretz. Cyclops: Beast...how do you keep getting into our room? TOTALLY NOT GENOSHA! Norman: Mystique, stay in character. DO NOT leave the wheel chair! Mystique: Wait...I'm off panel?! MIMIC gets fucking panel time and I'M SHOVED OFF PANEL!? I will kill you with a spork! Norman: What? It's not like your a main character or anything! Mystique: WHAT!? COSPLAY! Bullseye: Hawkeye man...hawkeye man...kills whatever a hawkeye can... Cyclops: OMG! Your cosplay attempt is AWFUL! Bullseye: Oh c'mon! I spent ages on this costume! I was gonna wear it to the SDCC! Cyclops: I will not allow such evil to come to pass! I'm-a-charging mah lazer! *EYEBEAM!* VENOM! Venom: BRAINS! Collossus: Not now comrade. I am trying to watch pretty girls have cat fight...sigh...not a minor in the bunch. Venom: BRAINSSSSSS! Collossus: That is it...first you cock block me around teenage girls...now you interrupt my view of girl on girl...I WILL MURDER YOUR WHOLE FAMILY! Venom:...O_O Brains? Collossus: FALCON PUNCH! X-23! X-23: Daken. it is time for our much anticipated fight scene. Daken: Oh yeah, this'll be EPIC! SCENE CHANGE! X-23: What the fu... WEAPON OMEGA! Weapon Omega: *Glowing hands* BOOM. Wolverine: Oh that's it you walking Sylar rip-off *SNIKT!* THAT'S for being a bad allegory for drug abuse. ANGEL! Angel: Come Hawkeye! Let us do battle Bullseye: This is gonna be the most hardcore fight scene EVER! SCENE CHANGE Bullseye: What the fu... BATTLE OF THE DICKS! Norman: Did you think you could out-dick me Cyclops?! I was being a dick while you were still married to jean Grey and moping around, being neurotic and overly serious! I'll teach you to try and act like the bad boy of the team! That's my Wolvie-Kins job! Cyclops: O_O... Norman: I've said too much. Cyclops: You may be an old hand at being a dick Norman...but I have something you don't. Norman: WHAT!? Cyclops: A magic horse! MAGIC HORSE! Dani: Ares: you're now officially my BITCH. Ares: Forsooth! What dark sorcery be this? Dani: It's my little apocalypse pony. And I've got some news: You're all going to DIE. DARK BEAST! Dark Beast: Ah, this is simply smashing. I must...must...oh the hell with it. Can't resist...Lol-Cat...urge...too strong...GAHHHHH! LOL! Ai am in yur base, killing ur doodz! Dr Nemesis: God I HATE LOL-Cats! *GUNS!* Dark Beast: OH NOES! MIMIC! Mimic: I think I an best express my feelings...in song! Iceman: REJECTED! Now quick...gang up on him! Surge: You're going to have more sweaty half naked people molesting you than a passed out coed at a frat party! All: GASP! Surge: Too soon? PIXIE! Daken: I won! I beat X-23! NO ONE can stop me! Pixie: (Sounding like Mr Popo from DBZ abridged) Hiiiiiiii Daken: Oh sweet merciful Christ...NOOOOOOOO! Pixie: Get this man a snickers...he's going to be here a looooooooonggggg time  *Soul dagger* Daken: Christ! Zeus! Budda! Allah! God! Shiva! Ganesh! Chuck Norris! Someone save meeeeeeeeeee! SCENE CHANGE! Daken: Oh god...she's eating my spleen! I SAID SCENE CHANGE! BOB! Emma: Get you schizo ass under wraps, BITCH Bob: Um...kay Void: BOB! NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM! Bob: GAH! It's like Evil Pac-Man! *Flees* DANI! Ares: I...must kneel... Dani: That's right, on your knees BITCH. And while you're down there... Norman: NO! NO! NO! Cyclops: Wow...she raped him like he was Emilie Autumn and she was her music teacher. Norman: GASP! Cyclops: Too soon? DAKEN! Pixie: STABBIES! Daken: Oh god...it burns like a molten lava enema! Pixie: LULZ every bit I cut off grows back! It's like slaughtering a lizard! WOOT! NORMAN! Norman: *BEATING!* Stay down Cyclops! Damn it...I am going to abuse you like you were...like you were...some famous case of abuse! And I was the abuser! DEAD SILENCE Norman: SAY IT! Say "Gasp!" damn it! Cyclops: Why would I do that? Norman: YOU. DICK. Cyclops: And now for my next trick Reporters: We were here the whole time! Don't ask how! Cyclops: Here me mutants: Geno...Muir Isla...San Francis...THIS PLACE is a safe home for mutants. You will not be harmed. I know I said that about San Fran and the Hellfire Cult played whack a mole with Pixie here...but this time I'm being for serious here. You'll be safe NIXON IMPRESSION! Norman: BOW BEFORE MY NIXON IMPRESSION. Mystique: Why...in the name of almighty ra...have I had all of three pages appearance in this series!? Norman: Damn it, you're a silent cameo and you're STAYING a silent cameo! EMMA! Cyclops: Heroic monolouge! Emma: Yes, fine, whatever. Can I change out of this outfit now I'm done pretending to be evil? Cyclops: I know...I'm not alone. Emma: No, you're not. Beast is lurking behind you. Beast: LOL. Ai can haz ur secre... Cyclops: GTFO! NEXT TIME! I have no idea. What was the point of all this!? Who was Simon Trask?! How did Pixie beat Daken when X-23 couldn't? Where the hell was Beast!? Was there even a plot here? At all? *Grabs nearby vodka bottle* GLUG GLUG GLUG Pixie: Next time: I beat Galactus and give him a Peoples Elbow! And in a Very Special Episode Xavier learns he has caught Space AIDS from Lilandra, Collossus becomes a drug abuser and X-23 explains the dos and dont's of self harm!
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Amber Sweet is addicted to the knife I know where you sleep If you only knew the naughty things I'd like to do with you  Are you guys Yakuza? Curses! My clever ruse has been exposed as a two bit sham. I would tip my hat to you, were I not currently bare headed What? I said you're a freaking genius you idiot! Bring back Negasonic Teenage Warhead! Because there are more people who want to see her in the X Books than there are who want to see Jean Grey again. |
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09-10-2009, 05:54 PM
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#2 |
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well balanced
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 13,221
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Thanks, FeminineMystique. Good luck with your new thread
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09-10-2009, 05:54 PM
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#3 |
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Devout Kylostan
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: The Temple of Kylost
Posts: 2,623
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I loves you, Fem Mystique!!!
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My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun. Sister Moon - Sting BUY DOCTOR VOODOO, S.W.O.R.D., BLACK PANTHER. |
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09-10-2009, 05:57 PM
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STONER
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Behind YOU
Posts: 378
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haha thats funny
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09-10-2009, 06:36 PM
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#5 |
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I'm perfection
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,447
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FeminineMystique does it again. Femmystique's Abridge FOREVER!
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09-10-2009, 06:41 PM
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#6 |
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--
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,277
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LOL I loved this! Ahaha great recap! Great thread!
I continue to love your creepy version of Beast ... lurking behind Cyclops LOL. And I loved the Daken/X-23 "fight" LOL! I'm using iPod internet now ... so forgive my lack of comments! Get frustrated whenever I misspell sentences. x)
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The film Kick-Ass comes out this year, but look at what they're reading! "Bling! looks like her head broke off from Santo's ass." - Agent_Torpor |
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09-10-2009, 07:04 PM
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#7 |
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Patron Saint of S&M
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Here and there
Posts: 25,394
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Glad you guys liked it. And yeah, Beast will never let Cyke have a moments peace. It's like the end of a horror movie...you think you're safe and THEN O_O
And don't worry, while this cross over drove me (Further) to drink, I'm keeping up the Abridged installments. The next one "The confession" should be very LOL-Worthy. I get the feeling diamon Emma is about to redefine "Domestic abuse" for Scott :)
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Amber Sweet is addicted to the knife I know where you sleep If you only knew the naughty things I'd like to do with you Are you guys Yakuza? Curses! My clever ruse has been exposed as a two bit sham. I would tip my hat to you, were I not currently bare headed What? I said you're a freaking genius you idiot! Bring back Negasonic Teenage Warhead! Because there are more people who want to see her in the X Books than there are who want to see Jean Grey again. |
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09-10-2009, 07:14 PM
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The Thread Destroyer
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 2,170
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Quote:
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09-10-2009, 07:33 PM
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Bauerclops Enthusiast
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Anywhere but here
Posts: 7,033
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Quote:
 Penalty points for not making a 'Cyke is a masochist' joke, though.
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Current top 3: Blackguard's Profungus Mortis Equilibrium's Sagas Equilibrium's Turis Fratyr |
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09-11-2009, 03:09 AM
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Patron Saint of S&M
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Here and there
Posts: 25,394
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Quote:
Daken was not a good man. Or a well endowed man. Or a smart man. But he WAS tasty sprinkled on Sugar Crisp cereal and served with a cool glass of milk on the side. Um...thank you Pixie  Quote:
I can't believe I, of all people, didn't think of that when Norman was beasting him up and he was smiling away! Still he and Emma are going to have it out next ish...I get the feeling there'll be plenty of material for masochism jokes there
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Amber Sweet is addicted to the knife I know where you sleep If you only knew the naughty things I'd like to do with you Are you guys Yakuza? Curses! My clever ruse has been exposed as a two bit sham. I would tip my hat to you, were I not currently bare headed What? I said you're a freaking genius you idiot! Bring back Negasonic Teenage Warhead! Because there are more people who want to see her in the X Books than there are who want to see Jean Grey again. |
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09-11-2009, 08:51 AM
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Thinking hurts
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Montreal, Qc
Posts: 17,732
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Haven't followed the X-Men in years... Things seem a bit diffrent now
 What I really want to know, how will Galactus survive the peoples elbow?
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Get vines attached to the hooks on her ass - Gladiaria_Alata Still works better than a battered hoe - Gladiaria_Alata |
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09-11-2009, 10:04 AM
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#12 | ||
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Patron Saint of S&M
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Here and there
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Quote:
Quote:
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Amber Sweet is addicted to the knife I know where you sleep If you only knew the naughty things I'd like to do with you Are you guys Yakuza? Curses! My clever ruse has been exposed as a two bit sham. I would tip my hat to you, were I not currently bare headed What? I said you're a freaking genius you idiot! Bring back Negasonic Teenage Warhead! Because there are more people who want to see her in the X Books than there are who want to see Jean Grey again. Last edited by FeminineMystique; 09-11-2009 at 10:07 AM. |
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09-11-2009, 10:09 AM
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#13 |
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Weather Witch
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Hicksville
Posts: 322
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BEST REVIEW EVER!
LOLBeast is my fave
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ShOcKeD bY tHe PoWeR |
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09-11-2009, 10:17 AM
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Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,274
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Quote:
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09-11-2009, 10:19 AM
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#15 |
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Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 324
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where can i find the other abridged reviews? this was awesome
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