Supergirl's pal, Mary Jo Kopechne!

[fly on the wall]

Chapter One: Why Superman chose Midvale Orphanage.

Some criticize Superman for putting his cousin in Midvale Orphanage after she rocketed to Earth from doomed, domed Argo City, but they are wrong. Superman chose Midvale Orphanage very carefully. Linda (Supergirl) Lee's home was one of the few orphanages that had a fully stocked chemistry lab that orphans could use unassisted any time day or night.

(Note: This Supergirl is the Silver Age Supergirl, not the dark, conflicted, Supergirl of today.)

Chapter Two: Insomnia and Supergirl.

Supergirl couldn't get to sleep. It had been this way since she came to Earth. Superman told her, "You have become so powerful that sleep is unnecessary. Eating and drinking are unnecessary, pooping and peeing, sex and breathing are unnecessary, and..."

"Is there anything we have to do? What's the point of our super lives?” said Supergirl, “ I'm used to sleeping, I need to sleep."

"I only sleep if the story calls for it.” said Superman, “Like I could have bad dreams because the Phantom Zone Criminals are screwing with my head. But I've been super since a baby. You are not used to it yet." Then he flew off.

With Superman gone Supergirl continued her chemistry experiments in the Orphanage Lab to find a cure for Kryptonite poisoning. She took a tiny piece of green K and randomly combined it with chemicals in the lab, stupidly thinking this would work. Superman had given her a lead box with Kryptonite fragments for her experiments.

Her experiments accomplished nothing, then she threw the chemically treated Green K out the window. She didn't know the Green K had turned into X-Kryptonite. X-Kryptonite gave Earth Felines temporary super powers, if they snorted it.

Chapter Three: Supergirl's little green secret.

Supergirl was dying to go to sleep. She had tried everything. She had tried sleeping pills, tranquilizers, alcohol but none of these worked. Her invulnerability neutralized all earthly sleep-aids. But with a sly look on her face she opened the lead box and bathed her face in the glow of the green kryptonite fragments. “They aren't very big”, she thought, “so they won't hurt me”. The green glow made her feel weak, tired...sleepy.

“Don’t do it!” said the ghost of Michael Jackson, “Don’t poison yourself to get to sleep!” But Supergirl could not hear this ghost.

She closed the box of kryptonite and went to bed and fell asleep. This was the nature of her little green secret and she would never tell anyone, but she wished she could tell her new best friend, Mary Jo. Mary Jo was new to Midvale Orphanage just like Supergirl. The two newbies got along famously. Supergirl considered Mary Jo her own Jimmy Olsen, who was Superman’s best pal.

Chapter Four: Streaky kills Dogs.

Supergirl threw the X-Kryptonite out the window, it rolled and got wrapped in a ball of twine. Streaky, Supergirl's kitty, started playing with the twine when he smelled the X-Kryptonite.

"Oh boy!" thought Streaky, "I'm going to have super powers again!" He pulled out a hundred dollar bill, rolled it into a tube, and snorted some X-Kryptonite. Ten percent of all hundred dollar bills in circulation have traces of Kryptonite X.

Streaky felt stronger, braver, and tingly. Boom! He was super-charged!

"That was good shit!" thought Streaky. He put on his super cape and flew off.

Then he flew all over the world looking for dogs chasing cats. Whenever he saw a case of dog-on-cat crime he would vaporize the dogs with his heat vision, leaving behind only charred doggy skeletons, just like in Mark Waid's "Irredeemable".

Streaky flew to Space for Silver Age fun but suddenly Streaky's super powers were gone and he plummeted to his death.

Just kidding. Streaky landed on a pillow or a big marshmallow. But all the dogs he burned up stayed dead including that Bulldog from the comic book "The Boys".

Chapter Five: A Bittersweet parting.

Linda (Supergirl) Lee became close friends with her fellow orphan, Mary Jo. She felt that that Mary Jo was her Jimmy Olsen and thought the "Jo" of Mary Jo stood for "Jimmy Olsen". Finally Linda Lee revealed to Mary Jo that she was Supergirl and gave Mary Jo a communication device that Mary Jo could use to alert Supergirl in case of an emergency. It was a cell phone.

"It's waterproof in case aquatic trouble." said Supergirl, prophetically. "It's like Jimmy Olsen's signal watch!".

"What's a cell phone?" said Mary Jo because this story takes place in 1960 to 1969, before the cell phones we know became common.

Mary Jo accepted the phone, acknowledging the great honor of being the best pal of a super hero.

*******

Then came the bittersweet day when Mary Jo was adopted by the kindly Kopechne couple. Supergirl and Mary Jo kept in touch but things were not the same.

Chapter Six: Streaky, Supergirl, Teddy and Mary Jo.

Years passed.

Mary Jo wrote Supergirl that things were going great, she was involved with politics and was working closely with Sen.Ted Kennedy who had asked her out to a posh party on Chappaquidick Island. "He's my boyfriend" wrote Mary Jo, “I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant with his child!”

"But isn't Sen. Kennedy married?" wondered Supergirl, "How could this happen in the Silver Age?"

*****

Ted and Mary Jo went to the party and Ted got drunker and drunker. When it was time to drive home Ted flipped the car upside down in a shallow waterway. Teddy got out but Mary Jo was trapped. It was a starless, moonless night with no streetlights. Teddy couldn't see his hand much less help his trapped girl friend.

"What can I to do?" said the frantic Ted Kennedy, aware that a call for help would reveal his drunkenness.

Inside the car Mary Jo found a large air pocket. "I know Teddy will get me out, he's such a stand-up guy, always thinking about the needs of others." so Mary Jo didn't call up Supergirl on her cell phone.

Five hours passed and still Teddy hadn't called for help, Mary Jo's air pocket was getting kind of stuffy. "Cough! Maybe I should call up Supergirl. Teddy might be hurt." Teddy was in touch with his lawyer and they were going over scenarios to minimize his culpability. He was still obviously drunk and didn't want rescue workers to see this.

Nine hours after the accident Mary Jo called Supergirl. Supergirl flew off to the rescue and Streaky, who had been sniffing his ball of X-Kryptonite, flew off after her. Streaky took his X-Kryptonite with him in case he needed a recharge.

Supergirl arrived at the scene of the accident and unfortunately ran into some bad Red Kryptonite which turned her into a giant red ant with boobs and no super powers. Who would save Mary Jo?

At this moment Teddy returned. Streaky looked at Teddy and saw him as a big jowly Tom Cat who liked catting around. Streaky saw Teddy as the Lion of the Senate. In other words Streaky saw Teddy as a fellow feline, X-Kryptonite would work on him. Streaky forced Teddy to breath in X-kryptonite. Teddy felt stronger, braver, more ethickier, Kennedy became Super Kennedy with a cape and a “K” emblem on his chest. He flew over and saved Mary Jo.

"My hero!" said Mary Jo, "I knew you'd come through for me and also you got me pregnant."

"I'll buy you off." said Teddy. So Mary Jo kept Teddy’s secret just as she kept the secret of Supergirl’s identity.

Without the stigma of Chappaquiddick, Kennedy beat Nixon in the 1972 Presidential contest, thus preventing the nightmare of Watergate. Teddy avoided the stagflation and hyper interest rates of the late Seventies. Teddy got our diplomats out of Iran before they could be kidnapped, so America wasn’t held hostage. National Health got passed in 1974 and the governmental commitment to medical research caused Teddy's 2008 brain cancer to be cured Teddy went back to the Senate after being President.

When he finally died in 2019, he was replaced in the Senate by his illegitimate son, Ted Kopechne Kennedy. Thanks to legislation Teddy Sr. had championed in the Senate, illegitimacy was no longer a stigma, but a badge of honor.

All thanks to Streaky.

Also Carter, Reagan and the Bushes never got to be President. And no one ever heard of trickle-down economics.

[howyadoin]

This is a glorious day.

[Tom]

Someone's meds were changed.

[o1pickleboy]

but what happens to Supergirl's super Horse?

[Donald M.]

Originally Posted by o1pickleboy

but what happens to Supergirl's super Horse?

Ask Catherine the Great.

[Ontir]

Not only daft, but in astoundingly poor taste from every conceivable angle.

[o1pickleboy]

Originally Posted by Donald M.

Ask Catherine the Great.

Our Catherine the Great or SuperTeddy earth's version?

[Donald M.]

Originally Posted by Ontir

Not only daft, but in astoundingly poor taste from every conceivable angle.

The best comedy often is.

[mikekerr3]

Originally Posted by Donald M.

The best comedy often is.

What does comedy have to do with hateful drivel? Comedy require at least some insight and intelligent to be displayed, not just bile.

[Cei-U!]

Now that's the fly we know and love

Cei-U!
I summon http://www.flickr.com/photos/alexdroog70/2701038371/!

[Donald M.]

Originally Posted by mikekerr3

What does comedy have to do with hateful drivel? Comedy require at least some insight and intelligent to be displayed, not just bile.

It must be uncomfortable, walking around with that stick up your ass.

[Rallura]

Does anyone have a copy of Jifka by the way?

[Puma]

Fly is BACK!!!!

[CaptChucky]

I really can't stand these odd, hateful posters. Why on earth would you want to spend this much time writing such stuff?

[Cei-U!]

Originally Posted by Rallura

Does anyone have a copy of Jifka by the way?

Shush, you!

Cei-U!
I summon the flashback!