So, my mom has lost her mind ...

[Sabrinaset]

Okay. I put in some extra hours at work and I'm enjoying my day off by taking care of some chores like getting the car an oil change (which was a story in and of itself!) getting groceries, and annoying Kris at work. I come home and start watching my Star Trek Blu-Rays and playing WoW. Now, the only people here are me, the lil bratty brother, and Mom. Dad's off helping fix a friends house, and Kris is still at work.

So, my mom, who works in real estate, goes nuts. She has some kind of curse, sort of like in an old episode of the Twilight Zone, where computers don't seem to work quite as well for her as they do everyone else. Anyway, it seems that she has two 'puters, and one of them can run her real estate proram, but not e-mail, while the other one is the reverse, so she walks from one 'puter to the other all the time. Now, Daddy, Kris, and the Brat, who know 'puter stuff, have tried to help her, but it inevitably never seems to last for long.

Anyway, an hour ago, she bursts into my room asking me if I can make her 'puter work faster because she can't use the real estate program because the 'puter is too slow ... and I have ZERO idea how to do that, as I'm not really computer literate. Kris and Daddy could, but they're not here, and in any event, the Brat is better at computer reprogramming than Kris or Daddy. Anyways, Mom goes and yells at the Brat. She doesn't ask for help, she YELLS. So naturally, he hides in his room (which he usually does anyways) Mom then goes to her first 'puter and kicks it and the monitor over. Then she puts her fist through her bedroom door, THEN kicks holes in the Brats door. THEN she starts screaming and crying for about twenty minutes.

Anyway, Daddy came home, and is sort of still at a loss for words. Kris just came home and asked if Mom did anything in our room. The Brat came out, fixed her 'puter again, and swore he'd never help her again.

Since Mom lost her job, Kris and I have been making up the lost income here, and she's made NO money since going into real estate. My plan was to stay here until my loans were paid off and when my family was out of its financial straits, then kidnap Kris and buy my own house, but maaaan ... I gotta start thinking about moving out now.

[beetlebum]

My unprofessional assessment?

I'd say it was stress.

I get mad and frustrated at my computer when it doesn't work properly.

And plus, I think, ( I might be projecting here) but maybe she's a tad bit resentful that her daughter's doing well, and is successful, while she's not succeeding in her chosen profession?

Maybe that came through.

I don't know much about your mother, except on an entry in your LJ, you once stated that, whenever you try to come to her with things that are bothering you, she somehow tries to turn it around and make it about her.

But this is what I gather, from what little info I have.

[Bo Bo]

Wow. Sorry I don't have anything really helpful to say. I'm just glad she took her frustrations out on objects only. Maybe it's stress, but it definitely sounds like she needs some professional help, especially if it's not the first time.

[dupont2005]

that sucks. reminds me of how my dad was, and the stress of living with him was more than i could bear. i would hate coming home from work and when i was home i hated leaving my room. hope it works out for you and your family

[Tobias March]

Stress, frustration, feeling cooped up in the house.

I can easily see that.

Hell we've been staying with my folks two months now.....fricking climbing the walls, lemme tell you.

[jamesfreeman]

I'd just like to go back to your plan. You were gonna kidnap Kris and ransom her? How would that work?

[GeorgieGirl]

Staying with the 'rents is the worst. I stayed with mine for six months after my enlistment ended. It was pure hell. Both because I had been living on my own for six years, and they hadn't lived with any of their children in as long. It was an adjustment for all of us.

I'm sure it's kind of the same in your home. Besides, when there are that many people in one home, there's ALWAYS craziness! Hang in there; it's not forever!

[Guest_1001]

Well my advice is probably going to be highly . . . pointless but I definitely think you should stick around at your house. I obviously don't know your mom but today sounds like a very bad day (and that's an understatement) so . . . maybe it's a one-off? In any case, it makes sense for you to stick around until your loans are paid off so you're not snowed under by it later. In spite of the dangers of fists and feet crashing through bedroom doors every so often.

[Corrina]

Yeah, she's lost her job, her sense of identity, her new career is falling apart, and then she couldn't even control her computers.......

Her response was over the top but unless she makes a habit of this, I'd say all this mess just came out at once. She used you guys as punching bags because you're safe--unacceptable, of course, and she needs very much to deal with her stress another way, but it doesn't mean that the situation will stay untenable.

[beetlebum]

Oh yeah, I'd imagine that control is a big part of it.

Recently, I got really angry when a computer that I spent nearly $200 to get fixed, had trouble booting up nearly a week later.

Anyone who's seen my user profile on Facebook read about it, when I hinted at it in my status.

I get the feeling of being frustrated that there are things in life you can't control, and it takes one little thing to set off that trigger in you, and to let it all loose.

You don't ask for much, just for this one thing to work properly. And it doesn't.

Growing up, I had a control freak for a father, and I think I may have unfortunately, acquired my control freak tendencies through learned behaviour.

I've learned to stop engaging in violent outbursts every time I get mad, and I'm slowly but surely, learning to let things go.

Maybe this is just a phase, and if this doesn't happen often, I wouldn't consider moving out of the house yet.

And I think your parents might need the extra income you give them.

[Sabrinaset]

Thanks for the words, everyone, they are ... I have to agree with most of it. Lemee try to play catch up here ...

Originally Posted by beetlebum

And plus, I think, ( I might be projecting here) but maybe she's a tad bit resentful that her daughter's doing well, and is successful, while she's not succeeding in her chosen profession?

I don't know much about your mother, except on an entry in your LJ, you once stated that, whenever you try to come to her with things that are bothering you, she somehow tries to turn it around and make it about her.

I dunno about the first part ... she's never seemed resentful about that at all. Now Daddy, HE'S really proud of me and calls me his Retirement Plan (in a nice way!) but then again, he did get seventeen dozen mortgages on the house because of me and I still have a lot of money to repay him as well. But ... mom never seemed to care one way or the other.

But yeah, I can't talk to her about anything. Heck, my flamer supervisor at work is more like mom to me than she is sometimes.

Originally Posted by Tobias March

Stress, frustration, feeling cooped up in the house.

Oh yeah that's ANOTHER thing .... she bought a used car after her last one gave up the ghost, and THAT one is a bit of a lemon. Sooo ... she doesn't go out much. See what I mean about her being cursed?

Originally Posted by Corrina

Yeah, she's lost her job, her sense of identity, her new career is falling apart, and then she couldn't even control her computers.......

Her response was over the top but unless she makes a habit of this, I'd say all this mess just came out at once. She used you guys as punching bags because you're safe--unacceptable, of course, and she needs very much to deal with her stress another way, but it doesn't mean that the situation will stay untenable.

And actually, the Brat got the brunt of it. She just screamed at me, and I tried to listen and talk to her even if I don't know how to do anything with 'puters, and then she just lay down on my bed and stayed there in a semi-fetal position for a bit ... then got up and left. I worried a lot about her punching MY doors in. Daddy is putting a new door on the brats room right now as Mom kicked holes through it. I don't think he's happy.

Originally Posted by beetlebum

And I think your parents might need the extra income you give them.

Well, that's the other major reason Kris and I are still here. Daddy ... on his salary (he's a teacher) probably would go under if not for Kris and I kicking in. And Samantha is working at Target, but she also just started college, so she's not actually bringing in anything either.

The whole thing just sucks. And I put in 60+ hour weeks, so this may have happened before but I never see it ... or sleep through it.

[Tetsuo_man]

My mom also doesn't really know how to poperly use a computer. Hate that I'm the one whom she askes all the time. I usually don't know what she wants me to do. condolences bree.

[a. non]

*hugs bree*

[mgs]

sounds like stressful times at the house.
I hope things get better for you and all your family Sabrina.

In my fam, it's the opposite, my dad freaks and my mom is the calming influence.

[Tien Long]

I can definitely sympathize with your mother, since for the past year or so I think I've been going through some of the same issues as her. Having no job and being in a position that seems to lead nowhere are difficult and bitter pills to swallow, especially when everyone else seems to have these questions settled. It's been very difficult to see friends and relatives on definite and clear career paths, becoming doctors, lawyers, and businessmen while still being unsure as what to do yourself. Furthermore, as other posters have mentioned, the move back in with the folks can definitely added more tension. My father especially has made it a point to constantly remind me of what my life should be.

Thus it doesn't surprise me that your mom snapped the way she did. Before I left for China, I was basically angry with everyone in the house, and especially w/ my father, who I argued with constantly. Though I've practiced martial arts and meditation, I still punched walls and table tops, which ultimately led to an injured hand for a good five months. That's the thing about anger. While it hurts other people, it hurts oneself the most. Hopefully your mom will understand that, and reading your descriptions about how she cried afterwards, I think she has an inkling of this idea.

As to what you should do yourself, moving away could be an option. Being away from your mother could help you to focus and calm yourself. Indeed, one of my sisters who still lives at home is able to handle the stress of her life by spending the weekends w/ her boyfriend. Still, I think this only works if one is able to COMPLETELY let go of the negativity you have towards your mom. If you can let go of the anger, hatred, and frustration, then perhaps living on your own could be the best bet. Alternatively, if you don't, well it doesn't matter have far away you run, all of these things will follow you. Indeed, I'm half way around the world, as far away from my problems as I could be, but I act like they're still here.

If you decide to stay, what I can only tell you is to endure. Respond to you mother's anger with a sympathetic compassion. Understand (I mean, REALLY understand) that your mom is going through difficult and painful times. Be sincere (I mean, REALLY sincere) that you love her and care for her, BUT be sincere w/her about how this latest display of anger made you feel. I know, easier said than done.

I apologize for the length of my post and for going off on some tangents. I hope this helps though.