the best of spidey's trash talking

[James Conniff]

Any of the conversations he has with Kingpin in USM:

"You're right. You don't know me. You don't know why I'm doing this. And I promised myself that if I ever had a moment face-to-face with you again that I would tell you. There are all kinds of things I wanted to say to you and I was afraid I was going to forget to say them, and I really wanted to remember to tell you these things because they are really important to me.

Pulls several notecards out of his backpack

"You are so fat that when you cut yourself shaving, marshmallow fluff comes out."

That is one of my favorites. Ult Spidey beats the Kingpin of crime with "You're so fat" jokes.

[Atomic Horror]

Some of Spidey's random battle patter from "Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2"

"You guys know I beat up Firelord once, right? No really-Firelord.

"Come on, I got beat up worse in high school Seriously, I did.

"I win! Why don't you look happy for me?"

"Normally I'd stay and insult you some more, but I've got places to be."

"I'd do a victory dance, but I'm still tired from kicking your butt."

And if you have Spider-Man on your team when you choose the anti-reg side.

MARIA HILL: Congratulations, webslinger. You just made Jonah Jameson a very happy man.
SPIDER-MAN: Hey, that's not fair! I don't have anything on you! Except for, y'know, that haircut.

(And for an added bonus, if you make a team consisting of some combination of Spidey, Iceman, Thing, Human Torch or Deadpool, you get a special "theme team" called "Shut up Already!"

[[]D[]/\/\[]D @ Nite/So-tite]

This thread should never again leave the front page.

[Greg Anderson]

I didn't read all the other posts, so if this was posted already, I apologize in advance. Avengers #503, regarding Wanda going crazy...

Ms. Marvel: No, she's a good person. She's our friend!

Falcon: She doesn't have that in her blood.

Nick Fury: She IS Magneto's daughter. And before she was an Avenger, she was a mutant terrorist. She was a premiere member of the Brotherhood.

Spider-Man: And she married a robot.

*every looks at him in silence*

Spider-Man: No offense. I mean, he was. Is. The Vision is a robot. If I was dating a robot, you'd all talk about me behind my back.

Falcon: The Vision's NOT a robot. He was as real as any of--

Spider-Man: He told me he was a robot.

Falcon: Android.

Spider-Man: Hey, I like him too. I was just saying, you know--

Falcon: Why are you even here?

LOL! Awesome.

Bump.

[Montressor]

My favorite Spidey moment was relatively recently...Cap is in a room, surrounded by Avengers, and the green-haired SHIELD agent enters and starts barking orders. Beast vouches for her, much to Cap's irritation, revealing that he himself is an agent of SWORD (and if my memory serves me correctly so was she, now that I think on it). Cap finally says 'Anyone else here a secret agent of some spy organization and want to tell us now?', and Spidey replies 'I'm a level 14 Rogue on World of Warcraft.' Cap doesn't get it.

I was reading that on my phone, on the subway, and almost laughed out loud.

[FirestormTheNuclearMan]

From Spider Man 90s TAS The Alien Costume Part 1 to the Rhino

"A little far from the Zoo aren't you."

[Shadow Skill]

Cmon guys you can try better.

Like this one.

http://spideyquips.tumblr.com/image/27587757577

[KurtW95]

This series will never be beat.

[Shadow Skill]

You know, ideally, Spidey would be funnier than Deadpool. But it's been a while for me since Spidey's humor has really, really clicked. He's had some occasional good one-liners but hasn't rattled off like a semi-automatic in quite a while.

If Bendis or Slott was writing Spider-Man with a Deadpool Team Up they would Make it so.

Alot of writers like to make DP more modern and hip than Spidey with his joke style. Spidey has to be the old school quip machine and classic traditional taunter.

Bendis however did put some of moder joke style in Spidey while remaining faithful to his original material.

[Spider-Mike]

*Peter wraps jacket over his head to hide his face and climbs up the side of LA Hotel, searching for Mary Jane. Crawls past a window where a fat guy in a bikini and make up is opening the curtains. They stare at each other in awkward silence.*

FAT TRANSVESTITE: You don't say anything, I won't say anything.
PETER: Deal.

*Curtains close, Peter keeps crawling*

[E. Wilson]

Cmon guys you can try better.

Like this one.

http://spideyquips.tumblr.com/image/27587757577

This is the Best Thing in the entire History of Things.

[MorningMoon]

This is the Best Thing in the entire History of Things.

You are quite possibly correct. *just reads that entire tumblr*

[TheboyinShadows]

Pretty much all of spectacular spiderman.
Example :
Spidey throws an object on Rhino's horn
Spidey: I got the thing on the thing what do I win
Rhino angrily: Youu!!
Spidey: I win me that makes no sense.

There was in TAS bu they were already mentioned before in the thread.

Also I love the issue where Spidey teams up with Frogamn against White Bunny.
Spidey: you can't hit me I've got the speed and agility of a Spider
Walrus: Don't underestimate me I've got the speed and agility of a Walrus.
Spidey: The speed and agility of a Wal...bahahhhahahaaha

The whole issue is comedy gold with Spidey being totally unlucky and humiliated cause he's taking the fight too lightly.
In the end he beats the Walrus with just 1 touch lol.

[Spider-Mike]

From TAS;

TOMBSTONE: Come down here and fight like a man!
SPIDER-MAN: I don't suppose I can persuade you to come up here and fight like a spider?

[116ekg]

My favorite Spidey moment was relatively recently...Cap is in a room, surrounded by Avengers, and the green-haired SHIELD agent enters and starts barking orders. Beast vouches for her, much to Cap's irritation, revealing that he himself is an agent of SWORD (and if my memory serves me correctly so was she, now that I think on it). Cap finally says 'Anyone else here a secret agent of some spy organization and want to tell us now?', and Spidey replies 'I'm a level 14 Rogue on World of Warcraft.' Cap doesn't get it.

I was reading that on my phone, on the subway, and almost laughed out loud.

This was the first comic book I ever read and I literally busted out laughing at this part.