the best of spidey's trash talking

[master of read]

everyone knows that one of the reasons spiderman is so damn lovable is his mouth. unlike most heroes, he talks trash during his fights. now he's said some funny stuff. what quotes do you like the best?

[We R. Venom]

watch your mouth around the greatest superhero ever. absolutely the funniest.

[UncleBob]

Yeah! What a whiner!

Just because he lost the man who was like a father to him, lost his parents, has lost some friends, lost the first woman he loved, has hundreds of maniacs who would kill him without a second thought, would murder his family and make his life a living hell because they thought it was fun... doesn't mean he should whine.

What a pansy.

Anyways, nothing tops Ultimate Spidey reading insults off of cards to Kingpin :D

[master of read]

thank you. i dont rag on superman. back on topic



tombstone: come down here and fight like a man.
sm: i dont suppose i could convince you to come up here and fight like a spider?

[spacecomet]

thank you. i dont rag on superman. back on topic



tombstone: come down here and fight like a man.
sm: i dont suppose i could convince you to come up here and fight like a spider?

yes, that one was funny.

[master of read]

here's some more i got.



hydroman: you dont think you could beat hydroman, could you?
sm: did you just say hydrant man? the dogs must love you.

sm: it's not nice to rob banks in mister spiderman's neighborhood. can you say, i;m going to jail?

sm: dont tell me this is a meeting of the late night jewel lover's sociaty?
thug: it's spiderman!
sm: REALLY?! SPIDERMAN?! where? oh i get so nervous around celebraties.

hobgoblin: enjoying the flight spiderman?
sm: some flight. no peanuts? no stallione movie?

lord tiger: maybe we should kill him. he has proven to be a fiece and cunning warrior.
sm: yeah! listen to tony! he's GRRRRRRRRR-EAT!

thug one: i think we should introduce ourselves.
thug two: and make him pay a toal.
thug three: and beat him down for kick.
sm: (over their shoulders) yeah, or we could leave him alone. (they turn around and stare at him) what? dont i get a say in this group? and i thought we lived in a democriacy.

[slicker_then_the_average]

sm: sticks and stones wont break your bones but a poke in the eye will blind you.

sm: what? just because i wear a mask and run around town in my pyjamas automatically means im a superhero? oh wait....i guess it does.

sm: you took my mask off?
beast: we had to make sure you were breathing
sm: but you took my mask off??? do you know how hard it is to keep a secret identity? all i wanted was to keep the world from knowing who i am but every time i turn around or pas out somebody SOMEWHERE finds out im peter parker
kitty pryde: um....actually we didnt know WHO you were

[StoneGold]

"I have clones."

[The Dog]

KINGPIN: Who sent you?!?!
SPIDERMAN: uh...Carson Daly.
Later on...
ELECTRO: Anything else, boss?
KINGPIN: Yes, find this Carson Daly person and destroy him.
ELECTRO: Yes, sir.

KINGPIN: Who are you working for?
SPIDERMAN: You're right. You don't know me. You don't know why I'm doing this. And I promised myself that if I ever had a moment face to face with you again...that I would tell you. There are all kinds of things I wanted to tell you...and I was afraid I would forget to say them...and I really wanted to tell you these things, because they're really important me. Ok...here goes...You are so fat...that when you cut yourself shaving...marshmellow fluff comes out.
KINGPIN: .....
SPIDERMAN: No? Ok, how about this one. You are so fat that your highschool yearbook photo was taken from a helicopter. Ooh, tough room. Ok, how about...you're so fat that when you get on a scale, it says: One At a Time.
KINGPIN: YOU SON OF A --
SPIDERMAN: Wait, how about this one...your belly button makes an echo. If you were a truck you would have a wide load sign. When you back up you can hear a beeping sound.
KINGPIN: AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

[Radical]

LOL! This is the most hilarious thread ever.

Here's from the old cartoon with Firestar and Iceman:

SPIDER-MAN: (watching a shark attack Flash Thompson) Maybe I oughta let him have one little bite...Nah! It'd probably give him indigestion!

[Tenchi]

KINGPIN: Who sent you?!?!
SPIDERMAN: uh...Carson Daly.
Later on...
ELECTRO: Anything else, boss?
KINGPIN: Yes, find this Carson Daly person and destroy him.
ELECTRO: Yes, sir.

KINGPIN: Who are you working for?
SPIDERMAN: You're right. You don't know me. You don't know why I'm doing this. And I promised myself that if I ever had a moment face to face with you again...that I would tell you. There are all kinds of things I wanted to tell you...and I was afraid I would forget to say them...and I really wanted to tell you these things, because they're really important me. Ok...here goes...You are so fat...that when you cut yourself shaving...marshmellow fluff comes out.
KINGPIN: .....
SPIDERMAN: No? Ok, how about this one. You are so fat that your highschool yearbook photo was taken from a helicopter. Ooh, tough room. Ok, how about...you're so fat that when you get on a scale, it says: One At a Time.
KINGPIN: YOU SON OF A --
SPIDERMAN: Wait, how about this one...your belly button makes an echo. If you were a truck you would have a wide load sign. When you back up you can hear a beeping sound.
KINGPIN: AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

lol :D more, oh, please more.

[The Mirrorball Man]

MR. HYDE (to Daredevil): How many nights have I spent in prison because of your damn crippled lies?
SPIDER-MAN: I give up -- how many?
MR. HYDE: ???
SPIDER MAN: Oh, I'm sorry... was that a rhetorical? -- Can you spell rhetorical?

[Gaz]

Spidey (to X-23): My God! Wolverine, what have they done to you?

[Dark Soul # 7]

Spidey to Paul Patterson.
"Hang in there Paul. I´ll get you out of here so you can... Um, go to prison and stuff. You little psycho."
Robert Kirkman is absolutely perfect at nailing Spider-mans humor!

[protege]

It would sure be nice if we could have some references as to where these lines actualy came from.