The Classic Quotations Thread

[Aaron Kashtan]

[Ben] and May were like mother and father to me, after my parents died.

--Not in that order, I hope! From Spectacular Spider-Man #50, dialogue by Roger Stern.

[GoldenAge]

Robin: "Skip it, Bruce! I guess there's a little ham in all of us!"

[Aaron Kashtan]

RUBY RYDER: We were going to be married... secretly... this week!
BATMAN: He must be quite a man -- you swore no male would ever possess or dominate you!
RUBY RYDER: Kyle changed all that! I'd gladly be his slave -- forever!

--Marriage is the same thing as slavery, apparently. From Brave and the Bold #95, dialogue by Bob Haney.

[Aaron Kashtan]

HOWARD: Could I take a step sideways? You know, avoid the cosmic axis altogether, and never even leave my homeworld?
GOD: What -- and waddle through a typical middle-class existence, forever in debt to some rich uncle, cloaca-whipped by an unappreciative girlfriend, and saddled with custody of your junkie sister's four brats? I'm sure you know ducks who live like that, Howard.

--We all know some ducks like that, though I'm confused as to why it's four brats, instead of three. From Howard the Duck (2002 series) #6, dialogue by Steve Gerber.

[shaxper]

--We all know some ducks like that, though I'm confused as to why it's four brats, instead of three. From Howard the Duck (2002 series) #6, dialogue by Steve Gerber.

Perhaps he was including Webagail from the animated series?

[MDG]

Perhaps he was including Webagail from the animated series?

Or, so in case Disney's lawyers called, he could say, "What do you mean? I didn't mean Donald! I was talking about a duck with four nephews."

[benday-dot]

Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #92, in which LL is turned into a horse and then a centaur, is fine fodder for the dodgy dialogue:

"Sigh! My days as Superman's girlfriend are over! Since I've been turned into a super-filly, my future is with Superhorse"

(Says a resigned Lois to herself after being put out to pasture with none other than Comet the Superhorse)

And:

From the horselips of randy Comet himself, during his own magical transformation into a human, as he looks with longing at horse Lois gamboling in the fields

"That chestnut filly (Lois) saved my life! She's as smart as she is beautiful. Maybe I ought to saddle her up and..."

[Aaron Kashtan]

(Billy Batson was attempting to get the autograph of his favorite TV star, Jeremy Senshoo, but another kid got his autograph instead.)

KID: Look at this beautiful signature... Jeremy Senshoo!
BILLY: (thinks) I'd give just about anything to get that autograph!
KID: This signature is worth plenty in the autograph market!
BILLY: (thinks) Holy moley - that gives me an idea! (aloud) SHAZAM!

[...]

KID: Captain Marvel! Wh- what brings you here?
CAPTAIN MARVEL: To find out the going rate on autographs! How many signatures of Jeremy Senshoo are worth one of mine?

--This has to be the silliest, most inappropriate use of super powers in comic book history. Luckily it doesn't work. From the last story in Shazam! #12, dialogue by Elliot S! Maggin.

[Brodie Bruce]

" Without my Power Ring I'm super-powerless...except from the waist down!"
Green Lantern ( Hal Jordan )

[Aaron Kashtan]

TANA MOON: [...]I've never met anyone like you...
SUPERBOY: Can you read my mind, Tana? I was just gonna say --
VOICE FROM OFF-PANEL: YOU ZZHALL NOT EZZCAPE ME, HUMANZZ!
SUPERBOY: No, that's not it...

--Doesn't it suck when a romantic conversation is interrupted by a giant monster? From Superboy #10, dialogue by Karl Kesel.

[Aaron Kashtan]

In Superman's Girl Friend Lois Lane #75, written by Leo Dorfman, an amnesiac Superman executes an innocent family. Then he destroys an army of soldiers rebelling against a tyrannical government, allowing the government's territory to be used for Soviet nuclear bases. In the course of all this, Superman is exposed to gold kryptonite and loses his powers. Sounds pretty grim, huh? Not to worry, because at this point the following caption appears:

Readers: You've heard of a flashback -- a rerun of an action sequence which clarifies a previous event in a story? Well, now, for the first time in comic magazine history, we've given you a flash-forward... a glimpse of the story as it might have happened!

And then the story starts over again from before all the aforementioned horrible things happened.

In all my years of reading comics, I don't think I've ever seen such a ridiculous cop-out.

[Aaron Kashtan]

Steve Trevor was dull and boring and I didn't like him much so I disposed of him.

--Mike Sekowsky's answer to a reader who asked him why he got rid of Steve Trevor, from the letters page of Wonder Woman #195. Brutally honest!

[Aaron Kashtan]

Do you consider what you write to be literature, as opposed to just comics?

--This is just the worst interview question ever. It suggests not only that there's some fundamental difference between comics and literature, but also that literature is somehow better than "just" comics. What makes it still worse is that this interview was done not by a person unfamiliar with comics, but by the editor of a book of comics interviews.

I'm not going to identify the source of this quotation, so as not to embarrass him/her.

[Aaron Kashtan]

As Nightwing, [Dick] Grayson headed up what was then called the New Teen Titans, and forged a relationship with Donna Troy, Wonder Girl, which ended up very, very briefly in marriage.

--From the same book as above. This false statement should have been corrected by an editor.

[Aaron Kashtan]

This series [Teen Titans], which began on the somewhat dubious note of wanting to help all 'teens in trouble,' featured desperately inferior villains and supposedly 'hip' dialogue, penned no doubt by men with only a fleeting memory of their teenage years.

--From a few pages later. That sound you hear is Bob Haney rolling over in his grave.