|You live in a world CONFIRMED to have any number of insane things in it that you've seen from Asgardians, Chitauri, a dude who made his own flying super armor, a living legend super soldier, AND THE FU$#ING HULK, and a telekinetic is something you have trouble believing exists?!? Multiple characters have this issue? WAT|
AGENT SO BORING I RAGE FANTASIZE ABOUT HIS DEATH takes care with his sandwiches.
Melinda May, heretofore referred to as her self-evident name, MS. PUNCHABLE had THE WORST "revelation" about why she's called "The Cavalry". Laughably bad.
A challenger comes to the Simmons hottie throne, AND SHE'S THE WORST ACTOR/ACTRESS THE SHOW HAS FEATURED TO DATE. Oh, and she's a "wacko" believer in God and such! C-C-C-C-COMBO SHITTY
Damn, I'd have thrown cans at the dude for free and it'd have looked a hell of a lot better.
STOP WITH THE PLANE GET OFF OF THE PLANE WHY AM I ALWAYS LOOKING AT AND IN THE PLANE HOLY SHIT GO OUTSIDE AND FILM IT'S FREE
He's childish! Yeah! Bad guy revelations! Wait, what? What made you come to that conclusion? You can't just say he is and have that be a solution. It was like a verbal deus ex machina. How bizarre.
Imma fuck up this nigh-doomsday device on a semi-regular basis and file reports against you so that you'll have to uh, come near me and make my day! WORST VILLAIN MOTIVATION EVER
Imma protect you by murdering the shit out of people around you for little to no reason, thus making everyone think you're doing it WHILST MAKING YOU GO INSANE. WORST DISPLAY OF LOVE EVER
MS. PUNCHABLE tranquilized a perceived high level threat and diffused a highly volatile situation int he process. SHE IS A MONSTER.
Coulson, pleasepleaseplase let me talk down our terrible, super devout actor chick victim. I'm the best one to do it, and I can totally tell her I don't believe in God and stuff to befriend her and calm her down and stuff! Yeah!
"God's punishing me. I deserve it."
"No you don't, no one does."
"I need you to forgive me"
"I can't do that, only God can."
(MS. PUNCHABLE, CHIMING IN FOR NO REASON) "AND HE WON'T."
Try not to hurt her any more than you already have MS. PUNCHABLE, says the lying, traitorous, quasi-terrorist (tranquilizing a threat without warning them is apparently super overboard and offensive to kewl hacktivistz)
*said sincerely, without sarcasm or cynicism* "She's a good person and cares about people! She never misses a happy birthday post to her friends on social media." (cue everyone being all like, "Oh damn, Skye knows her shit and is essential!") OHSHUTTHEFUCKUPTHISSHOWISANABOMINATION
Why can't the plane get destroyed? Why must it "crash" by landing perfectly in some random forest clearing? OH AND NOW IT'S A FUCKING HARRIER TOO OH SOMEONE SHOOT THIS THING DOWN PLEASE
"MS. PUNCHABLE came back changed." *solemn super seriousness* "She used to play pranks." OH WHAT SICK HORRORS STOLE HER DESIRE TO PLAY PRANKS? WILL SHE EVER RECOVER?!?!?!?!?
And it'll be cloying and predictable.
Simmons' laugh frightens me. I would say that it knocks her down a peg or so, but I can't because I'm still trying to process it.
I belong to a shady ass, nigh-terrorist group, but tranquilizing someone is going. Too. Damn. Far.
*knocks down bad guy, grabs girl, walks her past prone not-at-all-incapacitated bad guy, puts her down closer to bad guy than she was before, makes her sit in corner* "Stay her--" *IMMEDIATELY GETS SPEARED THROUGH WOOD PLANKS* /best part of episode