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  1. #3556
    Professional Scalliwag thehod's Avatar
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    The other thing that doesn't get mentioned a great deal, certainly not by the authorities of the sport, is the amount of banter that goes on out at the wicket between players.

    Called sledging, its an effort to put the opposition off their game and destroy their concentration. And some of them are classics. My favourites include:


    James Ormond and Mark Waugh
    Waugh: "Mate, what are you doing out here? There’s no way you’re good enough to play for England."
    Ormond: "Maybe not, but at least I’m the best player in my own family" in reference to Waugh’s older brother Steve who was captain of the Australian team.


    Ian Botham and Rod Marsh
    Marsh: "How’s your wife and my kids?"
    Botham: "wife is fine, kids are retarded."


    Mike Atherton and Ian Healy
    Playing his first tour in Australia, Atherton had just survived an wicket appeal that Healy thought should've been given. The etiquette in cricket is if you are think you are out you don't wait for the decision, you walk off. In international competitive matches its not really done much, but it is in the spirit of the game, so not to walk is a sometimes controversial decision.
    Healy: "You’re a fucking cheat"
    Atherton: "When in Rome, dear boy…"


    Glen McGrath and Eddo Brandes
    McGrath: "Why are you so fat?"
    Brandes: "Because every time I fuck your wife, she gives me a biscuit."


    Daryll Cullinan and Shane Warne
    Warne: "I've been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate you."
    Cullinan: "Looks like you spent it eating."


    Dennis Lilllee and everyone.
    Dennis Lillee had a sledge that he employed against many batsmen during his long cricket career.
    "I can see why you are batting so badly, you’ve got some shit on the end of your bat"
    At this point the batsman would usually flip his bat over and examine the end, to which Lillee would respond
    "Wrong end mate"
    The Hod: Novelist, raconteur and celebrated sexual athlete.

  2. #3557
    Professional Scalliwag thehod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spike-X View Post
    I love it!

    Shane Warne could have had Oops, I Did It Again.
    Phil Tufnell's was Cigarettes and Alcohol.
    The Hod: Novelist, raconteur and celebrated sexual athlete.

  3. #3558
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    David Boon - 99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall
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  4. #3559
    Professional Scalliwag thehod's Avatar
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    Mike Gatting - Food Glorious Food.
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  5. #3560
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    Merv Hughes (Australia) and Robin Smith (England)
    Merv Hughes ”You can’t f*ing bat”.

    Next ball, Merv was hit to the fence, Robin Smith replied: ”Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can’t f*ing bat and you can’t f*ing bowl.”
    Christ, do I have to do all the thinking for the entire fucking Internet? - Michael P

  6. #3561

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    Quote Originally Posted by Spike-X View Post
    Oh, God no. That reminds me of a few years ago when they were trying to put cricket over as 'extreme'.
    Did they hire Rob Liefeld?
    "It is wrong to assume that art needs the spectator in order to be. The film runs on without any eyes. The spectator cannot exist without it. It ensures his existence." -- James Douglas Morrison

  7. #3562
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    Dean Waugh, the younger brother of cricket prodigies Steve and mark Waugh, had a much more modest career than his famous brothers. Never rising above the Grade cricket level.

    During a Grade cricket game Waugh was struggling bad against former NSW bowler Stobo, and Stobo had a question for him.

    “Mate, are you sure you aren’t fucking adopted?”
    Christ, do I have to do all the thinking for the entire fucking Internet? - Michael P

  8. #3563
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    Fred Trueman, one of the greatest ever cricket players to walk this earth, was as proficient at sledging as he was at bowling

    After dismissing a young player, the ousted batsman had the good grace to respond

    “That was a very good ball Fred”

    Trueman replied “Aye, and it was wasted on you”
    Christ, do I have to do all the thinking for the entire fucking Internet? - Michael P

  9. #3564
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    After Mike Gatting was accused of inappropriate behaviour with a barmaid.

    English team mate Ian Botham came gallantly to his defence:

    “It couldn’t have been Gatt. Anything he takes up to his room after nine o’clock, he eats”
    Christ, do I have to do all the thinking for the entire fucking Internet? - Michael P

  10. #3565
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    So my son did this today.
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  11. #3566
    Professional Scalliwag thehod's Avatar
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    During the Bodyline series of 1932-33, The English Captain Douglas Jardine came to the Australian dressing to make a complaint to Australian Captain Bill Woodfull, that one of the Australian players had called him a Bastard.
    Woodfull responded by turning to his team mates, pointing to Jardine and uttering the immortal line:

    “Which one of you bastards called this bastard a bastard”



    Viv Richards and Greg Thomas
    During a county game, after beating Richards bat a few times Thomas told Richards:
    “It’s red, round & weighs about 5 ounces in case you were wondering.”
    Richards hammered the next delivery out of the cricket grounds and into a nearby river. Turning to the bowler, he said:
    “Greg, you know what it looks like, now go and find it.”
    Last edited by thehod; 06-26-2013 at 12:51 AM.
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  12. #3567
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    Jardine was played by Hugo Weaving in the TV miniseries Bodyline.
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  13. #3568
    Professional Scalliwag thehod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spike-X View Post
    Jardine was played by Hugo Weaving in the TV miniseries Bodyline.
    He was. I loved that series as a kid, and managed to get a copy on DVD only to find out it had had the living fuck edited out of it, which was a real shame.

    Weaving was proper old English villain, wasn't he?
    The Hod: Novelist, raconteur and celebrated sexual athlete.

  14. #3569
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    I never watched it, actually.
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  15. #3570
    The Central Sca-rutinizer Pól Rua's Avatar
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    'Bodyline' was a magnificent piece of work. Weaving was absolutely venomous in it.
    *sigh* I miss those old TV miniseries - that, 'The Dismissal', 'Scales of Justice', some really, really good stuff.
    "Loudly proclaiming that you are above childish things isn't a sign of maturity - it's proof of adolescence." - Schnitzy Pretzelpants

    Co-host of The 'Mike & Pól Save The Universe' Comics podcast - check it out on www.mikeandpol.com

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