Cyclops Vs The Marvel Universe Round 3: Uncanny Edition (Parody)

[chakal]

Nice.

Hawkeye: I am dead and what is this I don't even.

[Juggernaut Punch]

Eva's Mom : I got the hot shit right here

Cyclops : That's what I'm talkin' bout

Captain America : FREEZE MUTHERFUCKERS

Magik : OH SHIT, IT'S THE COPS

Eva : Run for the hills!

Emma : Oh look, it's Joe America and the Goonsquad

Captain America : That's Mr. Joe America and the Goonsquad to you missy. We got an anonymous tip that you no-good terrorists were here

Cyclops : It was Magneto wasn't it? He's still mad that I took the last jello cup out of the fridge

Magik : He did write "Magneto" on it

Cyclops : Yeah, well it says Cyclops on the refrigerator so screw him.

Hawkeye : How the hell did he know it was Magneto?

Captain America : Shut up Clint! It wasn't Magneto it was... errrr... Gambit! Yeah, Gambit.

Cyclops : Gambit isn't even on this team...

Captain America : Then the other guy... Bomb Boy or Ball-Man or whatever his name is.

Cyclops : Cannonball? He's on your team.

Captain America : Darn

Hawkeye : Whatever, just put your hands in the air dirtbag

Cyclops : Oh yeah, I'm totally going to listen to Bow-Man. What is your superpower anyways, being the lamest guy in your team?

Magik : I wonder if kentucky-fried Hawkguy tastes like chicken.

Hawkeye : Hey, shut up! I've totally got you in my sights

Cyclops : Yeah, that's great, I've got you, the Avenging Assholes and half the neighbourhood in sight with my fucking laser-eyes of doom. Now put down your sticks and go stand in that corner over there.

Hawkeye : Hey Cap, Cyclops is being mean to me!

Cap : Shut up and go stand in the corner Clint. Now here's how this is going to go down. We're gonna beat the crap out of you, say you attacked us first and then you'll go to jail where you and your cellmate, Bubba Bigstick are going to get closely acquainted. Sound good to you?

Cyclops : Didn't you hear? I'm a global phenomenon. People are walking around with "Cyclops was right shirts", "Go Cyclops" baseball caps. Hell, there's even talk for a Cyclops kids-show! You can't punch out a guy with his own kids-show.

Captain America : I knocked out Mr. Rogers, and I'll sock you one too. Now get over here, it's time for your eight o'clock asswhopping.

Cyclops : Hold on, time-out, there's something I have to tell you.

Hawkeye : What? You can't just call a time-out in the middle of a superfight!

Captain America : Now, now Clint, everyone knows you get a minimum of two time-outs per fight. Remember when I had to take a leak while Thanos was harvesting the souls of those orphans? Let's hear it Cyclops.

Cyclops : You know how Beast has a time-machine? Well, I managed to sneak into the school and I used it to travel back in time. Guess what I did there.

Captain America : Just tell us you long-winded bastard, my knuckles have an itch only your face can scratch.

Cyclops : I managed to secure a couple of lovely ladies from the past, namely your mothers. We all went to Vegas and one thing led to another, and well....

Captain America : Wait... does this mean?

Cyclops : That's right Steve, come to daddy.

Captain America : But... that... oh screw it, I've been waiting for this day for so long!

Cyclops : That's right, all of you get in here

Hawkeye : Deep down I always knew it was true

Hulk : HULK LOVE DADDY

Eva : Wow... is this what being an X-Man is like?

Emma : Yes. Every week, Cyclops gets high and tells people he's their daddy. These guys are the first ones to buy it.

This one ran a bit long

[keeper444]

Eva's Mom : I got the hot shit right here

Cyclops : That's what I'm talkin' bout

Captain America : FREEZE MUTHERFUCKERS

Magik : OH SHIT, IT'S THE COPS

Eva : Run for the hills!

Emma : Oh look, it's Joe America and the Goonsquad

Captain America : That's Mr. Joe America and the Goonsquad to you missy. We got an anonymous tip that you no-good terrorists were here

Cyclops : It was Magneto wasn't it? He's still mad that I took the last jello cup out of the fridge

Magik : He did write "Magneto" on it

Cyclops : Yeah, well it says Cyclops on the refrigerator so screw him.

Hawkeye : How the hell did he know it was Magneto?

Captain America : Shut up Clint! It wasn't Magneto it was... errrr... Gambit! Yeah, Gambit.

Cyclops : Gambit isn't even on this team...

Captain America : Then the other guy... Bomb Boy or Ball-Man or whatever his name is.

Cyclops : Cannonball? He's on your team.

Captain America : Darn

Hawkeye : Whatever, just put your hands in the air dirtbag

Cyclops : Oh yeah, I'm totally going to listen to Bow-Man. What is your superpower anyways, being the lamest guy in your team?

Magik : I wonder if kentucky-fried Hawkguy tastes like chicken.

Hawkeye : Hey, shut up! I've totally got you in my sights

Cyclops : Yeah, that's great, I've got you, the Avenging Assholes and half the neighbourhood in sight with my fucking laser-eyes of doom. Now put down your sticks and go stand in that corner over there.

Hawkeye : Hey Cap, Cyclops is being mean to me!

Cap : Shut up and go stand in the corner Clint. Now here's how this is going to go down. We're gonna beat the crap out of you, say you attacked us first and then you'll go to jail where you and your cellmate, Bubba Bigstick are going to get closely acquainted. Sound good to you?

Cyclops : Didn't you hear? I'm a global phenomenon. People are walking around with "Cyclops was right shirts", "Go Cyclops" baseball caps. Hell, there's even talk for a Cyclops kids-show! You can't punch out a guy with his own kids-show.

Captain America : I knocked out Mr. Rogers, and I'll sock you one too. Now get over here, it's time for your eight o'clock asswhopping.

Cyclops : Hold on, time-out, there's something I have to tell you.

Hawkeye : What? You can't just call a time-out in the middle of a superfight!

Captain America : Now, now Clint, everyone knows you get a minimum of two time-outs per fight. Remember when I had to take a leak while Thanos was harvesting the souls of those orphans? Let's hear it Cyclops.

Cyclops : You know how Beast has a time-machine? Well, I managed to sneak into the school and I used it to travel back in time. Guess what I did there.

Captain America : Just tell us you long-winded bastard, my knuckles have an itch only your face can scratch.

Cyclops : I managed to secure a couple of lovely ladies from the past, namely your mothers. We all went to Vegas and one thing led to another, and well....

Captain America : Wait... does this mean?

Cyclops : That's right Steve, come to daddy.

Captain America : But... that... oh screw it, I've been waiting for this day for so long!

Cyclops : That's right, all of you get in here

Hawkeye : Deep down I always knew it was true

Hulk : HULK LOVE DADDY

Eva : Wow... is this what being an X-Man is like?

Emma : Yes. Every week, Cyclops gets high and tells people he's their daddy. These guys are the first ones to buy it.

This one ran a bit long

Ok this was EPIC. In the last part I couldn't stop thinking of that cover in x-force in the preview that said "daddy is home" whith the image of cyclops. LOL great one.

[SuperSparkplug]

Eva's Mom : I got the hot shit right here

Cyclops : That's what I'm talkin' bout

Captain America : FREEZE MUTHERFUCKERS

Magik : OH SHIT, IT'S THE COPS

Eva : Run for the hills!

Emma : Oh look, it's Joe America and the Goonsquad

Captain America : That's Mr. Joe America and the Goonsquad to you missy. We got an anonymous tip that you no-good terrorists were here

Cyclops : It was Magneto wasn't it? He's still mad that I took the last jello cup out of the fridge

Magik : He did write "Magneto" on it

Cyclops : Yeah, well it says Cyclops on the refrigerator so screw him.

Hawkeye : How the hell did he know it was Magneto?

Captain America : Shut up Clint! It wasn't Magneto it was... errrr... Gambit! Yeah, Gambit.

Cyclops : Gambit isn't even on this team...

Captain America : Then the other guy... Bomb Boy or Ball-Man or whatever his name is.

Cyclops : Cannonball? He's on your team.

Captain America : Darn

Hawkeye : Whatever, just put your hands in the air dirtbag

Cyclops : Oh yeah, I'm totally going to listen to Bow-Man. What is your superpower anyways, being the lamest guy in your team?

Magik : I wonder if kentucky-fried Hawkguy tastes like chicken.

Hawkeye : Hey, shut up! I've totally got you in my sights

Cyclops : Yeah, that's great, I've got you, the Avenging Assholes and half the neighbourhood in sight with my fucking laser-eyes of doom. Now put down your sticks and go stand in that corner over there.

Hawkeye : Hey Cap, Cyclops is being mean to me!

Cap : Shut up and go stand in the corner Clint. Now here's how this is going to go down. We're gonna beat the crap out of you, say you attacked us first and then you'll go to jail where you and your cellmate, Bubba Bigstick are going to get closely acquainted. Sound good to you?

Cyclops : Didn't you hear? I'm a global phenomenon. People are walking around with "Cyclops was right shirts", "Go Cyclops" baseball caps. Hell, there's even talk for a Cyclops kids-show! You can't punch out a guy with his own kids-show.

Captain America : I knocked out Mr. Rogers, and I'll sock you one too. Now get over here, it's time for your eight o'clock asswhopping.

Cyclops : Hold on, time-out, there's something I have to tell you.

Hawkeye : What? You can't just call a time-out in the middle of a superfight!

Captain America : Now, now Clint, everyone knows you get a minimum of two time-outs per fight. Remember when I had to take a leak while Thanos was harvesting the souls of those orphans? Let's hear it Cyclops.

Cyclops : You know how Beast has a time-machine? Well, I managed to sneak into the school and I used it to travel back in time. Guess what I did there.

Captain America : Just tell us you long-winded bastard, my knuckles have an itch only your face can scratch.

Cyclops : I managed to secure a couple of lovely ladies from the past, namely your mothers. We all went to Vegas and one thing led to another, and well....

Captain America : Wait... does this mean?

Cyclops : That's right Steve, come to daddy.

Captain America : But... that... oh screw it, I've been waiting for this day for so long!

Cyclops : That's right, all of you get in here

Hawkeye : Deep down I always knew it was true

Hulk : HULK LOVE DADDY

Eva : Wow... is this what being an X-Man is like?

Emma : Yes. Every week, Cyclops gets high and tells people he's their daddy. These guys are the first ones to buy it.

This one ran a bit long

Oh geez, that was HILARIOUS! XD

[ibgame]

Hulk : HULK LOVE DADDY

This line. Just this line.

[chakal]

Is it wise to quote the whole parody (it's a bit long)? Instead of your favorite parts?
The ending is one of the best ever. Cyclops = father of the Marvel Universe.

[SuperSparkplug]

Magik: While the Avengers are stuck in that time bubble, let's go to Avengers Tower and clog all their toilets!
Cyclops: No...
*Cyclops ponders... And then smiles*
Cyclops: ...We can do better than that. It's time to troll!
*Scott and Co arrive at the Jean Grey School*
Cyclops: To me, my X-Men!
Wolverine: FINALLY! A SUMMERS I CAN KILL! RAAAAAAAAGH!
*Wolverine pops his claws*
Cyclops: Time out.
Wolverine: WHAT?! You can't call a time out!
Cyclops: Actually, I can. Anyone can call a timeout in a super human confrontation, even the Avengers know that... And now they're stuck in Australia. Didn't you learn anything in hero school? From Xavier?
Wolverine: But... I... Yes, but... You can't... Ugh... Fuckin'timeoutsrasslefrazzle...
Cyclops: I'm here to welcome you all to the New Charles Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters... Except for Wolverine, he's not cool enough. Our school's WAY cooler than this dump.
Wolverine: THE NEW CHARLES XAVIER SCHOOL?!!! YOU BASTARD! YOU NAMED IT AFTER THE MAN YOU KILLED!
Cyclops: Oh, I'm sorry, Logan, you're right. Naming an establishment after someone you happened to have murdered is SO disrespectful. It's not like you killed my dead wife several times and then named a school after her. Speaking of which, "Hey pot.", "Yeah, Kettle?", "I'm just calling you to call you black." "Well then, I'm calling you to tell you that I fucked my dead wife... And you never did...And she never loved you."
Wolverine: THAT'S IT YOU'RE A DEAD-
Cyclops: Time. Out.
Wolverine: GRRR... Stupidtimeouts...Motherfuckinbullshitrazzlefrazzle ...
Kitty: Hypothetically, if I join you, what's in it for me.
Cyclops: You can be my secretary.
Kitty: Done!
Wolverine: WHAT?! KITTY, NO!
Kitty: Screw you, Logan! I have to deal with your shit and the minute Storm walks in, she's you're fuck buddy and I get demoted. I WAS HEADMISTRESS! Now, I don't even know what I am. At least this is a promotion!
Bobby: Sigh... Fine, count me in.
Psylocke: Easiest decision I ever made. This place sucks. Let's go, Scott.
Teen Cyclops: Forget this place. I'm gonna learn how to win.
Cyclops: Yep! You're me alright. Join the New Charles Xavier School right now and you'll get Ice Cream, absolutely free!
Quintin Quire: Sold!
*Everyone in the Jean Grey School begin leaving for Cyclops in droves except Wolverine, Beast, and Storm*
Storm: Sigh... Fine... I'm coming...
Beast: Ororo?
Wolverine: No, Ororo! Not you too!
Storm: I'm sorry Logan, but this place does kind of suck... I mean, the first day I got here I ended up a slave... In chains... In a circus... Besides, I hate to say it, but while the sex is great, you're just not cool anymore. Cyclops is much more of a baddass... Besides, he has Ice Cream. FREE Ice cream. How can you expect to beat that?
Wolverine: But I... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Cyclops: Well Logan, it looks like now we can see what the REAL X-Men look like. You and Hank can have fun in your empty little school... Also, while everyone decided to join me, Magik went and clogged all your toilets. Hilarious little shit stirrer isn't she?
Wolverine: DAMMIT, SUMMERS! DON'T YOU DARE TURN THIS INTO MORE OF A WIN!!!!!
Cyclops: Oh, you know me. I just LOVE winning! Oh yeah, and before I go... Timeout over.
*Cyclops unleashes a huge optic blast on Logan, blasting him through a wall, into the school*
Cyclops: BEHOLD MY OPTIC BLAST, LOSERS! WINNING!!!
*Magik teleports everyone away*
Beast: Logan, are you alright.
Wolverine: No, that was humiliating! My body may heal, but my pride won't...
Beast: It's okay, Logan. We may have lost the people in our school, but at least we have each other...
Doop: !#$^%&^&@&*))&!&^!&^&)+}{|{":?<>
Beast: And Doop...
Wolverine: Just... Just leave me alone right now...

[ibgame]

CYCLOPS: Remember, keep this stuff on the down low. We're recruiting but we don't need to tell them everything. Discretion is key.
EMMA: Scott. You know that I have full confidence in your abilities but there is no way that this will work. The school is crawling with telepaths.
CYCLOPS: Trust me, Emma. It will work.

AT JGS

CYCLOPS: We're here to pick up a new telepath. Ours is broken.

[keeper444]

Magik: While the Avengers are stuck in that time bubble, let's go to Avengers Tower and clog all their toilets!
Cyclops: No...
*Cyclops ponders... And then smiles*
Cyclops: ...We can do better than that. It's time to troll!
*Scott and Co arrive at the Jean Grey School*
Cyclops: To me, my X-Men!
Wolverine: FINALLY! A SUMMERS I CAN KILL! RAAAAAAAAGH!
*Wolverine pops his claws*
Cyclops: Time out.
Wolverine: WHAT?! You can't call a time out!
Cyclops: Actually, I can. Anyone can call a timeout in a super human confrontation, even the Avengers know what... And now they're stuck in Australia. Didn't you learn anything in hero school? From Xavier?
Wolverine: But... I... Yes, but... You can't... Ugh... Fuckin'timeoutsrasslefrazzle...
Cyclops: I'm here to welcome you all to the New Charles Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters... Except for Wolverine, he's not cool enough. Our school's WAY cooler than this dump.
Wolverine: THE NEW CHARLES XAVIER SCHOOL?!!! YOU BASTARD! YOU NAMED IT AFTER THE MAN YOU KILLED!
Cyclops: Oh, I'm sorry, Logan, you're right. Naming an establishment after someone you happened to have murdered is SO disrespectful. It's not like you killed my dead wife several times and then named a school after her. Speaking of which, "Hey pot.", "Yeah, Kettle?", "I'm just calling you to call you black." "Well then, I'm calling you to tell you that I fucked my dead wife... And you never did...And she never loved you."
Wolverine: THAT'S IT YOU'RE A DEAD-
Cyclops: Time. Out.
Wolverine: GRRR... Stupidtimeouts...Motherfuckinbullshitrazzlefrazzle ...
Kitty: Hypothetically, if I join you, what's in it for me.
Cyclops: You can be my secretary.
Kitty: Done!
Wolverine: WHAT?! KITTY, NO!
Kitty: Screw you, Logan! I have to deal with your shit and the minute Storm walks in, she's you're fuck buddy and I get demoted. I WAS HEADMISTRESS! Now, I don't even know what I am. At least this is a promotion!
Bobby: Sigh... Fine, count me in.
Psylocke: Easiest decision I ever made. This place sucks. Let's go, Scott.
Teen Cyclops: Forget this place. I'm gonna learn how to win.
Cyclops: Yep! You're me alright. Join the New Charles Xavier School right now and you'll get Ice Cream, absolutely free!
Quintin Quire: Sold!
*Everyone in the Jean Grey School begin leaving for Cyclops in droves except Wolverine, Beast, and Storm*
Storm: Sigh... Fine... I'm coming...
Beast: Ororo?
Wolverine: No, Ororo! Not you too!
Storm: I'm sorry Logan, but this place does kind of suck... I mean, the first day I got here I ended up a slave... In chains... In a circus... Besides, I hate to say it, but while the sex is great, you're just not cool anymore. Cyclops is much more of a baddass... Besides, he has Ice Cream. FREE Ice cream. How can you expect to beat that?
Wolverine: But I... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Cyclops: Well Logan, it looks like now we can see what the REAL X-Men look like. You and Hank can have fun in your empty little school... Also, while everyone decided to join me, Magik went and clogged all your toilets. Hilarious little shit stirrer isn't she?
Wolverine: DAMMIT, SUMMERS! DON'T YOU DARE TURN THIS INTO MORE OF A WIN!!!!!
Cyclops: Oh, you know me. I just LOVE winning! Oh yeah, and before I go... Timeout over.
*Cyclops unleashes a huge optic blast on Logan, blasting him through a wall, into the school*
Cyclops: BEHOLD MY OPTIC BLAST, LOSERS! WINNING!!!
*Magik teleports everyone away*
Beast: Logan, are you alright.
Wolverine: No, that was humiliating! My body may heal, but my pride won't...
Beast: It's okay, Logan. We may have lost the people in our school, but at least we have each other...
Doop: !#$^%&^&@&*))&!&^!&^&)+}{|{":?<>
Beast: And Doop...
Wolverine: Just... Just leave me alone right now...

Hahahahaha wolvie and beast are a joke now. They should leave to work in avengers academy alredy. And kitty was demoted the second that storm appeared in watx, she should be the new XS janitor.

[godzilla2099]

Continued from ANXM #10

Wolverine: You-You can't do this!
Teen Jean: Of course I can! Scott! Who is this bimbo you're with?!
Emma: Isn't that cute? Well bitch, I'm the bimbo that %^&ed your man when you couldn't do your job as a good little wife should
Teen Jean: Scott?! How could you do this to me?!!!
Teen Scott: Why are you yelling at me?!
Emma: Before you get your panties in a bunch, you had some 'precious moments' with the treasure troll over there before Scott and I got hot
Teen Scott: Jean?!
Teen Jean:...
Teen Jean: Bitch! I'll kill you!
Cyclops: Emma. Stop
Magik: Come on Cyclops! This is better than Jerry Springer!
Teen Beast: I'm out too
Teen Angel: Yeah, me too. I'm getting tired of your crap Adult Hank.
Teen Scott: Guys...
Teen Beast: Ah Scott, these guys lied to you, degraded you, and tried to murder you a few times. Do you really need a scientist to spell this out?
Magneto: Maybe you should have recruited Young Avengers instead Scott
Cyclops: *whispers to Magik* If you port me out, I'll let you drop those explosives on the Avengers Toilets
Magik: *yawns*
Cyclops: Ok, and you can kill Hawkeye
Magik: Deal!

[chakal]

Cyclops: You heard it? X-factor are going to split-up!
Mags: No hit! No event in the world could touch them. If they break, then no one is safe... We are doomed...
Cyclops: Stop hitting your pants maggie, it means more recruits for us you dummy!
Mags: Oh right, like who? This creepy shatterfart? Or longforgottenhot? Or maybe wolfsBANE?
Cyclops: What did I tell you? No defeatism! We have to think like a winners! I already invited them to a tea-party
Mags: Fock! I forgot make-up! Now they'll think that it's they way I look casually! Oh the shame!

Polaris: Oh no, not this hit again...
Longshot: I can do it. For 20$ an hour. And don't sell my contract to this yellow fat cheese bastard.
M: I'm dying, someone like, help me? IT'S ALL YOUR GODDAMN FAULT!
Guido: You don't have a strong guy, don't you? I can hit bricks! Just look!

Cyclops: Thanks, you just destroyed our only computer. It'll make the search for new mutants easier.
Seriously, we could use a guy like you.

Shatterstar: Fight! Mate! Fight! Mate?
Wolfsbane: Roof! Roof roof!
Tier: What ma said.
Madrox: Layla dear, what's your opinion?
Layla: I know things... and Cyclops is the thing. Don't hang out with the losers from the retired Men school. They lack... Nachos.
Pip: Beer? Anywhere?
Darwin: I dunno, you killed Xavier and whatsnot, but do you have insurance? I want.. I mean... I don't want to be darwined hard...
Rictor: No way dude, I'm like it is, but what if it's not the way it is to be the way it should be? Is it make feel like no one does? But who do you care anyway? Certainly not the casket in my coffin dude.

Cyclops: And that's why I'll keep my team the way it is now. Go to limbo losers! If I'm not good enough for you, let's see how you will talk after 5 years of limbo! You won't be so smartass then, will you?
Mags: Let's throw em out!
Cyclops: You said it mags, let's show them the power of optic blast!

[georgerogers42]

After the fight where Tempus puts the Avengers in a time bubble

Cyclops: World's Mightyest heroes my a**.
Cyclops: I am Cyclops the only hero thats not a fscking hypocryte.
Magik: Lets go over to Avengers Tower and clog they're toilets.
Cyclops: I got a better idea lets run over to Wolverine's School for Clowns.
Magik: Good.
-- Magik teleports the X-Men to JGS.
Surge: I so want to be a real hero.
Helion: What's with moron mannor anyways.
Teen Cyclops: Hey beast you are a frigging hypocrite.
Wolverine: Whats going on here.
-- All of the new x-men and teen Cyclops join the Real X-Men.
-- Magik Teleports to the Xavier Institute.
Wolverine: Dammit Summers you make me look like a clown.

[chakal]

It wasn't as funny as it was pure insanity, a real chaotic mess, and I'm not afraid to say that I love it. Don't be afraid to post more. You can get only better. But don't forget proofreading next time. There are some typos here and there.

[chakal]

It's been a hard day's night.
Cyclops (singing to himself while preparing a breakfast): I'm too badass for my team, too badass for my team, way too badass...
Wolverine slams the door
Cyclops: Hi! You want some eggs? I promise that this will be the real eggs this time.
Wolverine: Didn't you hear? Quentin Quire is getting married with Teen Jean! Next week!
Dear reader, if you could see Cyclops' face...
Cyclops: Logan, I know I've been treating you very unfairly recently, but if it's a joke, I swear that this time we will split for good. And there will be no coming back.
Wolverine: Do I look like I'm joking bub?
Wolverine opens beer and drinks it in 5 seconds
Wolverine: *Hick*Man... it's serioush. I suspect that QQ is manipulating Jean telepathically.
Cyclops: Of course he is. Logan, I'll have to ask you for a favor.
Wolverine drinks another beer. This time in 4.55 seconds
Wolverine: What ish it bub?
Cyclops: You remember the time when I asked you to hide for me one thing in case things were really severe?
Wolverine: The ultra-super-duper-badass-exclusivie-tip-top-hit-visor?
Cyclops: It's not a visor, it's a deluxe model extra sunglasses. But it's not the point, damn it!
You know why I want them, right?
Wolverine: I'm afraid, yesh. *Hick*
Cyclops: They can change my optic blast into a... RAINBOW BLAST!!!!!
Wolverine: YOU WILL FIRE WITH YOR LAZOR!!!
And they both morphed into ducks.
End

[chakal]

Not Cyclops-related, but I think it should be here anyway.
Kitty Pryde & Lorna Dane sitting in a bar. Pryde drinks pinacolada, while Lorna drinks red tea. It's a 5-star bar, what do you want?
Kitty: So you say that you always had a suspicion that Bobby is... you know?
Lorna: Well, he only kissed me once. On the Cheek.
Kitty: Cheek?
Lorna: Butt cheek.
Kitty: Well.... shouldn't it prove something different?
Lorna: It was dark. The lights were off. He later told me that he thought that he kissed my hand.
Kitty chokes.

EDIT: Of course it doesn't prove anything. It's just a girl talk.