How much does confidence matter when trying to get a date?

[Donald M.]

A big penis is all the confidence that you should need.

If you seriously think this then yes, the words "huge dick" definitely come to mind.

[The Black Guardian]

But if you try to establish a friendship first isn't the relationship more likely to stay that way?

My relationships have tended to be in 3 categories:
1. One-nighters and other brevity
2. Long term friendships that evolved into long term romances.
3. Long term friendships that stayed that way.

I've never been in a romance that didn't start as a long term friendship. But of course, most of those friendships didn't evolve into anything.

[edhopper]

Here is something to try. When you feel nervous in meeting a woman, don't try to hide it, you will tend to concentrate more on your anxiety than on talking to her. Acknowledge it to yourself and to her. Telling a woman that you are nervous talking to her is flattering and you'd be surprised how often the nervousness will fade. Honesty trumps fake bravado every time.
Another strategy is to ask yourself, "what's the worst that will happen?' she says "no" or has a boyfriend. It's not life and death. Telling yourself that this isn't a big deal and you will be no worse off no matter what can minimize your anxiety. Your social life is very important, but each individual encounter is not.

[infinitEEntropy]

Confidence is awesome. I tend to be a bit pushy and arrogant and kind of an asshole sometimes and I appreciate a guy who can give as good as he gets without being a total dick about it. Self-awareness is cool. My best friend is a chick on a constant ego trip and I love her.

Also I'm a big fan of geek love. I think I've only ever dated one non-geek, and he was boring as fuck. Geeks can be more fun but they can also... well, be inexperienced in talking with women. Not all, but quite a few, and then they get clingy and it's just super awkward. Which totally just reminds me why I rarely bother with dudes at all and go for women most of the time.

... Anyway. Confidence is good. It's ok to be a little cocky as long as you're self-aware and not a complete jerkface. Pretend she's a dude, because we can tell when guys are not used to talking with women (or I can at least) and it's not attractive. It's ok to be a little awkward but you gotta OWN that awkwardness.

Thanks for sharing that. What exactly do you mean by owning awkwardness? Haha

[Winslow]

Thanks for sharing that. What exactly do you mean by owning awkwardness? Haha

It's a coping mechanism to help diffuse awkwardness or insecurity. That is, just acknowledge you are nervous to the person.

It doesn't work for everyone, but maybe worth a try.

I've found that eye contact, for whatever reason, helps me feel more confident in social situations.

[infinitEEntropy]

.

I've found that eye contact, for whatever reason, helps me feel more confident in social situations.

When talking to females I have a huge problem with that. I tend to look other places while I'm talking.

[Winslow]

When talking to females I have a huge problem with that. I tend to look other places while I'm talking.

That might be a good place for you to start, intentionally make eye contact and smile.

[Cotton]

Yeah, I just need to talk to more girls in general. When ever I do have conversations with them in class, work and anywhere else I think I'm pretty good at just making conversation but when it comes to trying to pick up girls and attraction is involved I just shut down.

When you get to a point where you feel like you're shutting down thats when you whip out your penis to show her how big it is. Trust me she'll definitely remember you, after that the only other obstacle to get into her pants is the restraining order, then it's smooth sailing from there.

[AnarCHris]

Confidence is the single most important element. However, confidence does not equal being a cocky, pushy jackwad. It means believing in yourself, speaking up clearly and confidently, being attentive and secure.

^ This. All of this.

[The Black Guardian]

I've found that eye contact, for whatever reason, helps me feel more confident in social situations.

That's the complete opposite from me. If I lock eyes with someone (anyone) the conversation is done, even if it's with my wife, daughter, friends, family, boss, etc. I've even walked off, leaving $20+ in change at cashiers because I accidentally did it. And it gets worse when I try to acknowledge it.

[Winslow]

Locking eyes in the midst of an emotional conflict can be a deal breaker. And staring at someone is creepy.

I am just talking about normal, culturally accepted standards of eye contact.

[Slam_Bradley]

It also involves being able to take "no" for an answer without being all pissy or depressed about it.

"That's cool. Moving on..."

I keep trying to make Nathan understand this. He doesn't get pissy, but goes in to depression every time a girl doesn't respond to him. She's one girl out of millions. So what. Her loss. It's not like you wanted to spend your life with her.

Unfortunately trying to convince a moody 17 year old of that is like beating your head against the wall.

[jesse_custer]

Honestly, I think confidence is an overused term when it comes to dating because it can often be taken the wrong way. I think of it in terms of secureness: are you secure about yourself? About your interests? About your strengths? If not, that's where you need to be.

Another trick: don't force anything or look too hard for something, but at the same time, don't be afraid of taking any opportunity that interests you.

Finally, and this comes with the secureness part, do not settle for shit that seems weird or off. If you're insecure and desperate, not settling for shit can be tough and get you in the most trouble.

[The Black Guardian]

"Confident" strikes me as more progressive and interested in maintaining a relationship than "secure."

[jesse_custer]

"Confident" strikes me as more progressive and interested in maintaining a relationship than "secure."

I disagree in more than one way. First, "confident" is not a progressive term; it's a very traditional term in this context. "Secure," on the other hand, is something you would be more likely to associate with modern therapy.

Second, it is not always healthy, or progressive, to be interested in maintaining a relationship. This is what people often don't mention about dating and confidence: the shit can get you in trouble.

If you're secure, you don't have to be confident, and it's healthier in terms of getting the most out of life. I say this as someone who was once very confident but insecure, and it got me into some bad situations.