It's called life.
Achieving anything worth a damn in life is going to require you to put yourself out there and face rejection on some sort of level. That applies to your profession as well as dating. No one is going to hand anything to you in life. You have to get over yourself, grow a pair and make the first move. A woman may or may not make the first move. She has the same doubts and fears that you do. You'll never know unless you try. Rejection isn't so bad. The bad times can suck but it makes you appreciate the right person that much more. You won't get anywhere by being afraid and refusing to make the first move.
My last two girl friends asked me out so it's not like it's completely unheard of and hardly worth complaining about if it hasn't happened to you.
I do think that if a woman sees a man she is interested in she shouldn't hesitate to ask him out i mean that's what feminism is about right?
MarkAndrew at Comics Should Be Good
All my life, my Great Dream has been to grow a triangular head - Roy Thomas
My theory (don't know if it's come up yet but...) This is based on darwinian evolution and not on any moral reasoning.
We are evolutionary machines that are out of date. Our wiring and evolutionary traits are based on when we lived in small hunter tribes of 30 or so people. Now in tribes of 30 people, roughly only 15 would be female, with another 5 either too young or too old, many would already be in relationships and another 2-3 would be too ill/weak to reproduce with.
Because of this, the men that would reproduce would be the alpha males who had the confidence and strength (men would often fight to the death and still do today for women) to approach women.
This is often in the reverse for women (in a similar manner to the point below.)
Another reproductive reason is similar to the age old question of "why if men sleep around are they studs, but women are sluts?" I believe the reason boils down to the functions of sperm and eggs. The point of life and existance is to reproduce and to replicate and increase the survival chances of your genes, it is what we are all here for. Your body naturally wants you to pass your genes on to a mate of high quality (healthy, attractive, etc) as this increases their survival value.
A woman can only reproduce once every 9 months, therefore the best chance of her foetus and her genes surviving is to find one man who can protect her and keep her safe from angry sabre tooth tigers. By sleeping around she is putting her self and her foetus at risk.
Men on the other hand are the complete opposite. By spreading their gene to as many mates as possible, they increase the chance of their genes being passed along. A benefit of this is that a male (as observed in many mammals and birds) can knock-up a female and leave, therefore taking on no responsibility and putting itself at almost no risk. Women on the other hand can not do this as they need to stay with their child for at least 9 months, and if the male is no longer around, at least until the offspring can fend for itself. Pregnancy is extremely risky, imagine giving birth today without sterilised instruments and midwives so women NEED to choose a good mate in other for the process to be worth it.
This hands itself to why men approach women and not vice versa.
Last edited by andthegunslinger; 12-27-2012 at 03:51 AM.
That's such a common behavior for animals of the Hominidae family as ourself and, well, lot other animals really. The male is one who's supposed to be the more active, he must approach the female and to kick the ass of any other male who has a problem with that. Proving the female that yes, his genes are so freaking awesome that their kids are going to survive their first year of life and proving the other males that he is da king of the jungle.
Consider yourself lucky, in most case you don't have to actually fight someone to get a woman now, you can convince her with just words. That's one hell of evolution. But in some ways we still have this instinct who says that the male must make the first move.
Less and less true though, our complex social behavior has kinda overruled our instincts here and now females are on the hunt too.
And by "now" i don't mean this decade alright, that's something who has started thousand of years ago of course.
Last edited by Addams; 12-27-2012 at 04:39 AM.
1. Cause if you don't, somebody else will. Reverse the gender and that's less true.
2. Patriarchy. Society.
Because they are turned on (generally) by guys who take charge. And turned off by those who don't, whereas guys gravitate towards those women who have a more accommodating, nurturing, somewhat submissive mentality. These are general trends, everybody will have specific anecdotes to the country. That patriarchical dynamic has been passed down generation after generation and has ingrained itself into how parents raise their children.
The fact is, if an attractive woman feels she has to make the first move with you... she suddenly finds herself not so attracted to you, and oddly turned off. She probably won't have a logical reason for it either, it's just a feeling.
As a guy here's what you can learn to do:
LEARN TO READ BODY LANGUAGE.
Once you become skilled at that, making the first move becomes way easier... because you can tell with 99% certainty whether they will say yes before you even ask... learn to make sustained deep eye contact and learn to communicate with your eyes and with your smiles (together). Eventually it almost becomes telepathic. You're almost having mini mind conversations... then asking out just becomes a formality.
Women do pursue guys sometimes. It's just not you. Heck it's mostly not me (it did happen once but even then it was pretty subtle).
Last edited by metr0man; 12-28-2012 at 12:32 PM.