Why are guys supposed to make the first move in straight relationships?

[bipolar danger girl]

Oh, Jesus. This shit again? I don't even know where to begin.

1. Women do, in fact, chase guys. It happens. Watch it.
2. People, regardless of what's between there legs, tend to respond to confidence, something generally needed in order to approach someone, heart in hand, and hit on them. Fortune favors the bold.
3. On the harsh truth level: women aren't "let[ting] the man of their dreams go, merely because he didn't come to them," because, realistically, that guy wasn't the "man of their dreams."

Seriously, if this turns into a "I'm a nice guy so I deserve _____ handed to me" thing again, I will end up having the Urination of Laughter.

And some humans like Ed Cunard. It's true.

[bipolar danger girl]

Of course it happens. Sometimes. Now, are you going to wait until it's going to happen to you?

Plus you sound pretentious. Sorry but you aren't the bright center of the universe. No woman is going to throw herself at your feet.

Bah. There are plenty of women who like pretentious.

[finfangfool]

Well, what's the biological reason for a man to pursue a woman? Procreation. How do you do that? Well, not going into detail but it traditionally requires a man and a woman. Now, both males and females are drawn to procreation on a biological level but it has vastly different consequences for each. For the male a good time and potentially many years of raising a child. For the female potentially a good time, 9 months of difficulty (sometimes extreme difficulty and a great deal of pain), and almost certainly many years raising a child (traditionally requiring much more time and effort on her part than the male's).

Given the difference in consequence for the two partners males have instinctually and culturally been driven to procreate as early and often as possible with as many partners as possible. Females on the other hand have instinctually and culturally been driven to be more selective. This traditionally might mean waiting to find a male with the right physical characteristics to mark it as a prime mating partner (tall, strong, fit, generally without physical defects or abnormalities), and while those traits are still desirable on an instinctual level obviously the ability to lift more weight or see over a taller hill or bush isn't as important as it was 10,000 years ago (or even 100 years ago) so females look for different traits in today's potential mating partners. Those could be stability (financially, mentally, or otherwise), personality, intelligence, the usual phsyical characteristics, etc. And because they have what we're instinctually driven to want (again, no need to spell it out) and still have the instinctual need to be selective, it's the males who do the mating dance.

Not fair perhaps, but there it is. If you don't want to go through the trouble, don't. Maybe you're attractive enough that you can skip it (I've had friends who can), or maybe you're like me and not as fortunate. In which case you'll have the choice, either put in the effort (and probably face a good deal of rejection before you find the right person), or don't and find as many hobbies and time-sinks as you can to fill the void in your life. Totally up to you.

[finfangfool]

Bah. There are plenty of women who like pretentious.

High school girls especially. How my best friend in high school had a steady stream of young ladies vying for his attention, despite looking about as attractive as I was.

[bipolar danger girl]

High school girls especially. How my best friend in high school had a steady stream of young ladies vying for his attention, despite looking about as attractive as I was.

It's true that good looks can get you in the door, but it's not uncommon to realize a hot guy is ugly because he's stupid, boring, or a jackass. It's also not uncommon for plain looking dudes to become hot when they're intelligent, funny and confident.

[o1pickleboy]

Oh, Jesus. This shit again? I don't even know where to begin.

1. Women do, in fact, chase guys. It happens. Watch it.
2. People, regardless of what's between there legs, tend to respond to confidence, something generally needed in order to approach someone, heart in hand, and hit on them. Fortune favors the bold.
3. On the harsh truth level: women aren't "let[ting] the man of their dreams go, merely because he didn't come to them," because, realistically, that guy wasn't the "man of their dreams."

Seriously, if this turns into a "I'm a nice guy so I deserve _____ handed to me" thing again, I will end up having the Urination of Laughter.

Does it tickle when you pee?

[Ed Cunard]

Does it tickle when you pee?

It does.

I guess I was chased by the wrong women.

[DS1]

Oh, Jesus. This shit again? I don't even know where to begin.

Seriously, if this turns into a "I'm a nice guy so I deserve _____ handed to me" thing again, I will end up having the Urination of Laughter.

I'm not a nice guy to most people.

Actually, yes I am. I'm also fat, and a basement dweller. Girls don't find me attractive. No one likes me. I work at Mcdonalds.

I'm sure you must have taken the second paragraph seriously. It's funny how many people on message boards are so unimaginative that they respond to every threads the exact same way. With the exact same words. You probably think you already fully know me already.

Here's my situation: many girls of my liking seemed interested in me. I have dared look at some of them right in the eyes. I even approached a girl once. So why didn't it work out? Your likely answer: she didn't want you! The truth: I admit I didn't know what to say next. Not that she even made an attempt at starting a conversation herself even though she was clearly interested. Seems like she expected me to do everything. I made the bloody first move, that should have been a sign that she could talk to me at any bloody time. Apparently not.

Most of the girls I like rarely stick around for long. I meet them in the bus, or I come accross them in a mall. Brief encounters. As for the few that do stick around longer, there's this difficulty in approaching them. Which still doesn't explain why it's apparently my duty as a guy to make the first move. I feel that if I did it, I'd be contributing to keeping a pointless mindset alive.

It's not all, but I do not want to spend all day on this forum.

[bringthenoise]

So" guys" don't make the first move in gay/lesbian relationships? Oh ok.

Well, a guy would have to make the first move in a male gay relationship, and couldn't in a lesbian one, by defintion.

[bipolar danger girl]

I'm not a nice guy to most people.

Actually, yes I am. I'm also fat, and a basement dweller. Girls don't find me attractive. No one likes me. I work at Mcdonalds.

I'm sure you must have taken the second paragraph seriously. It's funny how many people on message boards are so unimaginative that they respond to every threads the exact same way. With the exact same words. You probably think you already fully know me already.

Here's my situation: many girls of my liking seemed interested in me. I have dared look at some of them right in the eyes. I even approached a girl once. So why didn't it work out? Your likely answer: she didn't want you! The truth: I admit I didn't know what to say next. Not that she even made an attempt at starting a conversation herself even though she was clearly interested. Seems like she expected me to do everything. I made the bloody first move, that should have been a sign that she could talk to me at any bloody time. Apparently not.

Most of the girls I like rarely stick around for long. I meet them in the bus, or I come accross them in a mall. Brief encounters. As for the few that do stick around longer, there's this difficulty in approaching them. Which still doesn't explain why it's apparently my duty as a guy to make the first move. I feel that if I did it, I'd be contributing to keeping a pointless mindset alive.

It's not all, but I do not want to spend all day on this forum.

Instead of becoming frustrated, or disappointed, over having to make a first move, and having to continue the conversation, just do it. She could be a very shy human. If you can't think of anything to say, ask about her likes. What books do you like? What movies? Where are you from? What are you doing Friday night? Even if you get rejected, it's good practice. Women want a guy to be interested in more than her vagina, so trying to get to know her is not at all creepy. Also, compliments are nice.

[Ed Cunard]

Here's my situation: many girls of my liking seemed interested in me. I have dared look at some of them right in the eyes. I even approached a girl once. So why didn't it work out? Your likely answer: she didn't want you! The truth: I admit I didn't know what to say next. Not that she even made an attempt at starting a conversation herself even though she was clearly interested. Seems like she expected me to do everything. I made the bloody first move, that should have been a sign that she could talk to me at any bloody time. Apparently not.

You approached a girl once. That, right there. That's why. One is not a statistical sample. One is an incident.

[7thangel]

a couple of things

step up your game.

practice, practice, practice (but not in that ridiculous pick-up artist fuckery). shy people overcome some of it by interacting more. people with no idea what to say eventually learn from failure

starting a conversation isn't "doing everything".

and maybe, the shy guy that can't think of anything to say met a shy girl that also can't think of anything to say.

anyways, you made the contact, the onus is on you.

if some woman came up to me, attractive or not, and couldn't string a few sentences, why would i be interested? yes, i'm a horny dude so my standards are compromised by looks, so i would probably overlook it (even if i think she might be a bit 'off' mentally), but i doubt everybody is like me.

but hey, don't 'contribute to the mindset' and hopefully some hot chick will pick you up. i just hope you don't blow it by not knowing what to say

[bipolar danger girl]

I'd also like to add that even if you take some of our advice and try, you're never guaranteed success. That doesn't mean you're unlikable, it just means different women are looking for different things. Being overweight and working at McDonald's might mean you'll have to work harder than some, but it doesn't mean it's an impossible task. Talking to girls should be fun. If you're not having fun, she's not having fun. So stay positive, have fun, and don't get angry. Once you get angry, it's over. If you take rejection with grace, you might get another shot, and at the very lease you'll have learned something.

[dupont2005]

Over the years I've had a handful of women make the first move with me. I'm much more successful when they do than when I do, but I still keep at it here and there

[7thangel]

that rejection might also lead to a friendship, which on a deep level is nice, but on a more shallow level (the kind i like), she might have more female friends