I'm also gonna write this in a deliberately awkward fashion using reasonably few pronouns.
Thursday, Dec 13
Clint, Logan, and Spider-Man take out some AIM goons who are trying to teleport Fifth Avenue into the sun. The AIM goons claim they are the 99 percent. An agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. disagrees.
Clint, who was beaten up, complains that his concussions are getting concussions. Wolverine and Spider-Man encourage Clint to take some time-off, before enthusing about "Dog Cops", which is the favourite show of most Avengers. Clint is upset because he has yet to watch "Dog Cops", and so he vows to take a break over Christmas so that he can watch "Dog Cops."
Friday, Dec 14
Clint is given a DVR from one of his neighbours, who doesn't need it now that "Dog Cops" is over and all other TV is worthless. The neighbour thinks that Clint's codename is "Hawkguy", and that "Hawkguy" was also the codename used by the character from "MASH".
Tracksuit Draculas show up and are like "Bro".
Hawkeye is pissed and threatens them.
Hawkeye is surrounded by a mob of Tracksuit Draculas and beaten to shit.
The Tracksuits shove Clint into a van with a bag over his head.
They drive around for two hours until Clint gets lost, and then go to the Tracksuit Dracula warehouse, which has great bargains on tracksuits.
Friday, Dec 15
Hawkeye is threatened by the leader of the group, who says various plot relevant things.
Hawkeye is given 24 hours to get out of town, or the Tracksuit Draculas will kill everyone in his building.
Clint is kicked to the curb of the apartment building. Clint, having a sad, decides to leave town. Clint believes that no one will miss him if he leaves.
Then Clint thinks "Katie". The thought takes place outside of a bubble or caption box, which is how you know that it is an important thought.
So Clint gets a neighbour to bike-courier a bigass bow to Kate.
Kate shows up with the bigass bow that Clint just gave her, and says "What the hell is the meaning of this?". "This" refers to the subtextual implications of Clint's bow-gift.
Clint denies that anything is wrong, and also denies that there are subtextual bow-gift implications.
Kate sees Clint's packed suitcase and asks where he is going.
Clint evades the question but Kate won't put up with Clint's weaksauce shit.
Clint tells Kate that he has to leave or everyone in the apartment will be killed.
Clint tells Hawkeye that nobody will miss him, because he doesn't matter, which Hawkeye finds personally insulting.
Hawkeye tells Clint that he's exhibiting his worst, shittiest self.
Hawkeye gives Clint the bow back, calls Clint a jerk, and leaves.
Sunday Dec 16th
Clint's time is up. If he doesn't leave everyone will be killed.
Clint leaves the building.
A Tracksuit Dracula is waiting in a van. He gives Clint a finger-gun.
But Hawkeye has brought his bow and arrows with him.
Hawkeye stands in front of his building in an impractical but badass looking archer pose. Subtextual implication: "Come get some". Textual implication: "Come get some".
Monday, December 17th
Clint decides that it is time to unpack all the boxes in the apartment. Clint has yet to fully move into the apartment.
Clint has laserdiscs, and is happy to find a laserdisc of Blade Runner in one of the boxes.
Someone knocks on Clint's door.
Clint answers the door. Clint's neighbour Simone is there.
Simone's children want to watch Christmas specials, but her satellite has mysteriously been broken by an arrow which is now protruding from it.
The building maintenance guy informs Clint that it is not his responsibility to fix arrow-broken satellites.
Tuesday, Dec 18
Clint brings Tony Stark over to help him set-up his DVR, but the wires are tangled. Clint untangles DVR wires by cutting them with wire cutters.
Clint wishes that Dr. Druid was still alive, as he was very good at audiovisual stuff.
Tony offers to buy Clint a new DVR for Christmas. Clint says he doesn't need it because he has money.
Tony is confused about how Clint got money.
Tony again proposes that they buy new stuff and then begins spoiling "Dog Cops."
This makes Clint upset; because he likes his old stuff, and because he has not yet seen "Dog Cops".
Wednesday, Dec 19
Clint has moved in.
There is a knock on Clint's door. It's Simone and her kids. Clint has invited them over to watch Christmas specials at his apartment, which has a fully-functioning TV.
Simone asks if he has somewhere to be. Clint says that he is not going anywhere. Your heart is warmed.