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  1. #1
    Rita's Rincewind Jared H.'s Avatar
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    Default There Goes Christmas



    For many of us who celebrate Christmas in some form or another, it isn't easy to get into the holiday season. And for those of us who don't like Christmas at all, it is impossible to escape.

    So many songs and old sayings try to convince you otherwise. "Ah, shucks. Come on, get into the spirit. Be merry!"

    This thread is for the opposite. We're going to burn this %^&*ing holiday to the ground, yo.

    So this is the place for hilarious or horrible Christmas pictures, videos, or stories. The best of the best, and the worst of the worst. You don't have to be a Scrooge to give the finger to Christmas.

    Serious disclaimer: No "War on Christmas" discussion, please. Make your own damn thread if you want to talk about that and leave me alone. Also, let's try and not offend folks too much unless it's really, really funny, okay?


    And now, possibly the most racist Christmas Short ever:



    Followed by Rob Liefeld drawing Santa Claus(insert joke about stockings and lack of feet here):

    I'm autistic. What's your excuse?

    AKA Muffin, Rear Admiral Nerdcock...

    Y'know that thing I said that got you offended? I was just joking.

  2. #2
    CotM Member Puma's Avatar
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    Default

    Dear Santa,
    How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
    Merry Christmas,
    Timmy Jones

    * *

    Dear Timmy,
    Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with.
    Merry Christmas,
    Santa Claus

    * *

    Mr. Claus,
    Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. Nice" contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for.
    I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?
    Respectfully,
    Tim Jones

    * *

    Mr. Jones,
    While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney's have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
    Very Truly Yours,
    S Claus

    * *

    Now look here Fat Man, I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
    T-Bone

    * *

    Listen Pizza Face, Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? "He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in you're ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
    S Clizzy

    * *

    Dear Santa,
    Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.
    Timmy

    * *

    Timmy,
    That's what I thought you little bastard.
    Santa
    What have I always believed? That, on the whole, and by and large, if a person lived properly, not according to what any priests said, but according to what seemed decent and honest inside, then it would, at the end, more or less, turn out ok.

    "In 1996, I was 36. And you're still a frothing moonbat." ~Paradox

  3. #3
    Wol with it. SuperCooper's Avatar
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    Default

    Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

  4. #4
    Senior Member finfangfool's Avatar
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    Default

    [QUOTE=Followed by Rob Liefeld drawing Santa Claus(insert joke about stockings and lack of feet here):QUOTE]

    Is that Liefeld, it looks like Dan Fraga (originally a clone of Liefeld's but a more cartoony style)?
    A Fool for the Foom

  5. #5
    Suspect Device Romero's Avatar
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    Default

    THere's no feet but I also remember Liefeld adding more pockets.

    How can we joke about this when we are in the midst of a war on Christmas?? A WAR I tells ya!!!!
    "There's not much of a difference between a stadium full of cheering fans and an angry crowd screaming abuse at you. They're both just making a lot of noise. How you take it is up to you. Convince yourself they're cheering for you. You do that, and some day, they will. And that's how Sue Cs it."- Sue Sylvester, "Glee"

  6. #6
    Senior Member finfangfool's Avatar
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    Default

    Also, on topic (sort of), did it ever creep anyone else out how often models of the baby Jesus in nativity scenes seem like something out of a Nazi Family Christmas? I swear when I was growing up everyone I'd see was blonde and blue-eyed.

    Click image for larger version. 

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    A Fool for the Foom

  7. #7
    Nyah! Paradox's Avatar
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    'Dox out.

    "But I think the difference is, when Democrats go crazy, they get shown the door. When Republicans go crazy they get appointed to the Science committee. " - Shawn Hopkins

    "Can it, you nit!" - Violet Beauregard

    "And Paradox is never correct. About anything."- Kid Omega


    Champions: The Conclave
    Decorum & Friends (A City of Heroes archive)

  8. #8
    Suspect Device Romero's Avatar
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    Default

    I never heard of that book before.

    I will have to seek it out.
    "There's not much of a difference between a stadium full of cheering fans and an angry crowd screaming abuse at you. They're both just making a lot of noise. How you take it is up to you. Convince yourself they're cheering for you. You do that, and some day, they will. And that's how Sue Cs it."- Sue Sylvester, "Glee"

  9. #9
    Idaho Spuds Slam_Bradley's Avatar
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    Default

    Before he turned bad.


  10. #10
    Rita's Rincewind Jared H.'s Avatar
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    Default

    And now for that time Andy Williams went all tricksy pedophile and lured all the NBC child stars to Finland for Christmas(their gift? His love):

    I'm autistic. What's your excuse?

    AKA Muffin, Rear Admiral Nerdcock...

    Y'know that thing I said that got you offended? I was just joking.

  11. #11
    Rita's Rincewind Jared H.'s Avatar
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    Default

    Also the obligatory Star Wars Holiday Special video(I'mma do you a solid and only feature Bea Arthur this time):

    I'm autistic. What's your excuse?

    AKA Muffin, Rear Admiral Nerdcock...

    Y'know that thing I said that got you offended? I was just joking.

  12. #12
    Princess Vagina bipolar danger girl's Avatar
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    Default

    This one's an oldie but a goodie.



    ... and this is the Santa I grew up with.


    The unicorn is kind of lonely
    Being unique and oh so corny
    Mounting does not amount to much
    The unicorn is unic-horny.
    ~the4thpip

    Diamonds, Daisies, Snowflakes,
    Bipolar Danger Girl
    Chestnuts, Rainbows, Springtime ...
    Is Bipolar Danger Girl
    She's tinsel on a tree ...
    She's everything that every girl should be!
    Sable, Popcorn, White Wine,
    Bipolar Danger Girl
    Gingham, Bluebirds, Broadway ...
    Is Bipolar Danger Girl
    She's mine alone, but luckily for you ...
    If you find a girl to love,
    Only one girl to love,
    Then she'll be Bipolar Danger Girl too ...
    Bipolar Danger Girl!
    ~fly on the wall

  13. #13
    2x Postmania Champion Gryphon's Avatar
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    Default

    How can we not mention Krampus?

    http://www.amazon.com/gp/cdp/member-...stRecentReview

    My amazon reviews, check them out sometime!

  14. #14
    Rita's Rincewind Jared H.'s Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Gryphon View Post
    How can we not mention Krampus?



    AHHHHHHHHHH



    aHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
    I'm autistic. What's your excuse?

    AKA Muffin, Rear Admiral Nerdcock...

    Y'know that thing I said that got you offended? I was just joking.

  15. #15
    Observer Vibranium's Avatar
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    Default

    Ill bring in some levity later but for now just some crappy info

    Management at my company gets a nice Christmas party on the company dime

    The rank and file get some crusty deli sandwiches and some soda and an extended lunch
    Support your local roller derby league

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