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  1. #31
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    Well done! Your version of #12 (and all the other issues) are better than the real ones. Too bad you can't make an ongoing of this.

  2. #32
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    I can't wait to read your #11 and #12, sage. My laptop's down at the moment so I've been using my iPhone to post these past few weeks. Your scripts are a tad too small for me to read on my phone but I'll be sure to read them once I got my Kapersky Internet protection sorted on my laptop. Keep pumping those issues out!

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spiderx3000 View Post
    Well done! Your version of #12 (and all the other issues) are better than the real ones. Too bad you can't make an ongoing of this.
    Thanks. Though I think anyone's version of The Children arc would be better then the real ending. Once I finish this arc I will probably write a long essay about how we really missed out on a great story.

    Quote Originally Posted by Robbie_Jee View Post
    I can't wait to read your #11 and #12, sage. My laptop's down at the moment so I've been using my iPhone to post these past few weeks. Your scripts are a tad too small for me to read on my phone but I'll be sure to read them once I got my Kapersky Internet protection sorted on my laptop. Keep pumping those issues out!
    Good luck. Don't worry my scripts will always be here. It's kind of amazing even to me that I was able to pump out 3 scripts in one month. I think if I had a decent editor I could get this stuff done even faster.

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by sage6paths View Post
    Sage, this is great stuff. Marvel need to hire you pronto. This is an excellent continuation of Hickman's story and I'd give it a 10/10 any day. Your descriptions are crystal clear in my mind, and I can see beautiful artwork drawn by Ribic as I read through it. If this was The Ultimates instead of the crap Humphries has given us, I'd be a very happy man.

    The dialogue in this issue is better than in the last. It's really good actually. I also like how you've written more dialogue. Your #10 had some good dialogue in it but there didn't seem to be very much of it, whereas with this issue there's a much more sufficient amount.

    This issue - just like the last - is truly epic. I like the exchanges between Thor and Tony. It was a good start to the issue.

    You've handled the fallout of Washington perfectly. The aftermath of the death of the President holds much greater weight than it did when Humphries came on board, and you've executed the reveal of a destroyed Washington DC a hell of a lot better too.

    I enjoy reading about Tony and Thor discussing Reed and what they can do to stop him. However I didn't like how Thor presumed him as unbeatable, especially seeing as how quickly he changed his stance to "I am not going to admit defeat!" It might be best when you write arguments/debates thinking strictly about who's stance is whose. If Thor is angry and wants revenge, it doesn't really seem like he would call Reed unbeatable. I think Thor should be more headstrong whilst Tony acts more rational. Just a very small criticism. The rest of the dialogue is excellent. I really liked how the scene was cut short by a hidden sniper attempting to assassinate Tony. It really felt like Tony and Thor were being hunted and didn't have much time to stop and think about things. Good bit of action too from Thor saving Tony and quickly disposing the threat.

    I liked the events after that too. The panel of Mjolnir coming to Thor's hand and Tony chucking the taxi driver his keys. It looked good, the way I imagined it.

    I absolutely LOVE how you've introduced the Winter Soldier and linked him to Project: Winter Protocol. I wonder how that will play out.

    Reed's conversation with the Vision is really good. Unlike when Humphries was writing him, Reed has stayed in character, and I like how it's still all about his scientific agenda free from a system of profit and corruption. Reed's motives are still justified somewhat, and I think that's very important to any character perspective. One very small criticism: I'd prefer it if Reed referred to Gah-Lak-Tus as Gah-Lak-Tus rather than "The Great Destroyer". The great destroyer sounds a bit cliché to me, and it might be quite confusing to new readers, or to those who haven't read what is quite an old UU book now.

    Like all the other posters who have read this, I really like the Vision's involvement. It's very fitting, having the Falcon come up with a plan after infiltrating the City in issues #5 and #6. Good stuff!

    And the Vision and the Falcon both have a plan for what to do with The Children of Tomorrow once Reed has been defeated. Sounds exciting.

    I love your page spreads, they look amazing in my mind. I like that Jean Grey is involved in this. It's great how SHIELD are utilising all of their strongest assets.

    There's a good little scene of Reed killing 4th Nurse. It really depicts Reed's desperation to win.

    Don't ask me why, but I'd prefer it if First Knife didn't fly. I prefer him being able leap huge distances instead. It might be cool if he reaches the hellicarrier via a remote controlled hovering platform that takes him up there.

    I really like Mirage. I wouldn't mind seeing more from him in the future.

    I really liked the ending. Reed's advanced Children seem like they'll be great to see in action. I really like how you introduced them too, especially with their eyes not being used to the light.

    Again, other than a few a minor niggles, this is a near-perfect continuation of Hickman's sensational Ultimates run. However, it makes me a little sad when I think about "What Could Have Been". Damn you, Humphries!!


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  6. #36
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    And its finished.


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    Sorry it took so long. I have been having a lot of homework lately. I really didn't have enough time. It probably reflects on this last issue. Well that's the ending to the child vs. the People arc. thoughts critisim are welcome. I will start devided we fall next if no one has any objections.

    Quote Originally Posted by Robbie_Jee View Post
    Sage, this is great stuff. Marvel need to hire you pronto. This is an excellent continuation of Hickman's story and I'd give it a 10/10 any day. Your descriptions are crystal clear in my mind, and I can see beautiful artwork drawn by Ribic as I read through it. If this was The Ultimates instead of the crap Humphries has given us, I'd be a very happy man.

    The dialogue in this issue is better than in the last. It's really good actually. I also like how you've written more dialogue. Your #10 had some good dialogue in it but there didn't seem to be very much of it, whereas with this issue there's a much more sufficient amount.

    This issue - just like the last - is truly epic. I like the exchanges between Thor and Tony. It was a good start to the issue.

    You've handled the fallout of Washington perfectly. The aftermath of the death of the President holds much greater weight than it did when Humphries came on board, and you've executed the reveal of a destroyed Washington DC a hell of a lot better too.

    I enjoy reading about Tony and Thor discussing Reed and what they can do to stop him. However I didn't like how Thor presumed him as unbeatable, especially seeing as how quickly he changed his stance to "I am not going to admit defeat!" It might be best when you write arguments/debates thinking strictly about who's stance is whose. If Thor is angry and wants revenge, it doesn't really seem like he would call Reed unbeatable. I think Thor should be more headstrong whilst Tony acts more rational. Just a very small criticism. The rest of the dialogue is excellent. I really liked how the scene was cut short by a hidden sniper attempting to assassinate Tony. It really felt like Tony and Thor were being hunted and didn't have much time to stop and think about things. Good bit of action too from Thor saving Tony and quickly disposing the threat.

    I liked the events after that too. The panel of Mjolnir coming to Thor's hand and Tony chucking the taxi driver his keys. It looked good, the way I imagined it.

    I absolutely LOVE how you've introduced the Winter Soldier and linked him to Project: Winter Protocol. I wonder how that will play out.

    Reed's conversation with the Vision is really good. Unlike when Humphries was writing him, Reed has stayed in character, and I like how it's still all about his scientific agenda free from a system of profit and corruption. Reed's motives are still justified somewhat, and I think that's very important to any character perspective. One very small criticism: I'd prefer it if Reed referred to Gah-Lak-Tus as Gah-Lak-Tus rather than "The Great Destroyer". The great destroyer sounds a bit cliché to me, and it might be quite confusing to new readers, or to those who haven't read what is quite an old UU book now.

    Like all the other posters who have read this, I really like the Vision's involvement. It's very fitting, having the Falcon come up with a plan after infiltrating the City in issues #5 and #6. Good stuff!

    And the Vision and the Falcon both have a plan for what to do with The Children of Tomorrow once Reed has been defeated. Sounds exciting.

    I love your page spreads, they look amazing in my mind. I like that Jean Grey is involved in this. It's great how SHIELD are utilising all of their strongest assets.

    There's a good little scene of Reed killing 4th Nurse. It really depicts Reed's desperation to win.

    Don't ask me why, but I'd prefer it if First Knife didn't fly. I prefer him being able leap huge distances instead. It might be cool if he reaches the hellicarrier via a remote controlled hovering platform that takes him up there.

    I really like Mirage. I wouldn't mind seeing more from him in the future.

    I really liked the ending. Reed's advanced Children seem like they'll be great to see in action. I really like how you introduced them too, especially with their eyes not being used to the light.

    Again, other than a few a minor niggles, this is a near-perfect continuation of Hickman's sensational Ultimates run. However, it makes me a little sad when I think about "What Could Have Been". Damn you, Humphries!!

    Thank you very much. I love people's opinions. Especially yours. It means a lot. Sorry if it took awhile to respond I didn't even notice it until now. sneaky.

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by sage6paths View Post
    Sorry it took so long. I have been having a lot of homework lately. I really didn't have enough time. It probably reflects on this last issue. Well that's the ending to the child vs. the People arc. thoughts critisim are welcome. I will start devided we fall next if no one has any objections.



    Thank you very much. I love people's opinions. Especially yours. It means a lot. Sorry if it took awhile to respond I didn't even notice it until now. sneaky.
    I believe in the old saying. Good things come to those who wait and the wait was worth it.

    I really liked your work man. I thought everyone was in character, including Reed, it was good enough to actually consider it a script to the actual Ultimates comic instead of a fanfic. As someone who have read his share of fanfics most writers would make the characters OOC as hell but the way you kept the characters in character, especially Reed, just shows how much respect you have for the character. I liked that you have The Children stick around and am interested in what the future has in store for him.

    I thought The Children could have been a great concept to use for future stories, maybe as a future race or something like that. I also like how things are kept open for Reed. Especially with the scene involving Castle Doom. You handled Reed pretty well. He was a villain but not a one dimensional one, he was more of a tragic figure in which I can see how some could root for him to succeed.

    I liked how you still managed to keep things intense for the heroes. If theres one thing I hated it's how things were always solved too quickly and effortlessly when the heroes are in a crisis. In this one you managed to actually have them work their asses off before that claim victory.
    "It isn't jumping the shark if you never come back down." Chuck

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Legato View Post
    I believe in the old saying. Good things come to those who wait and the wait was worth it.

    I really liked your work man. I thought everyone was in character, including Reed, it was good enough to actually consider it a script to the actual Ultimates comic instead of a fanfic. As someone who have read his share of fanfics most writers would make the characters OOC as hell but the way you kept the characters in character, especially Reed, just shows how much respect you have for the character. I liked that you have The Children stick around and am interested in what the future has in store for him.

    I thought The Children could have been a great concept to use for future stories, maybe as a future race or something like that. I also like how things are kept open for Reed. Especially with the scene involving Castle Doom. You handled Reed pretty well. He was a villain but not a one dimensional one, he was more of a tragic figure in which I can see how some could root for him to succeed.

    I liked how you still managed to keep things intense for the heroes. If theres one thing I hated it's how things were always solved too quickly and effortlessly when the heroes are in a crisis. In this one you managed to actually have them work their asses off before that claim victory.
    I totally agree. One of the reasons I wrote these scripts is because of how bad the ending was to the real comic. I really hated how everything was resolved by Sue making a force field and then for some reason Reed goes out of character to tell her he loved her when clearly he had gotten over those feeling for a 1000 years. And then we see Thor taking down Hulk who was on a giant man serum. That made no sense whatsoever. Issue 12 from the real comic is really atrocious. I believe it was worse then the last issue of Ultimatum. None of it made any sense. I still believe that Hickman had nothing to do with issue 12 and that Humphries completely wrote it. Its just insane who moronic that ending was. I also hated how Humphries put stuff like the West Coast Ultimates which he still hasn't even used! Why on earth would he do that. Anyway enough with my rant but I do believe I did a good job rectifying Humprhies mistakes. If I had to catagorize myself I would be a mix between Millar and Hickman. I try not to use too much of Hickman speak which involves really technological aspects but I do try to think big like he does. I'm more like Millar in that I want a beginning a middle and an ending to my story. Hopefully Divided we Fall is going to be in the style of Ultimates 1 and 2 where you actually do have things leading up to a huge fight and really good payoff.

    It's too bad I'm probably never going to be able to write comics professionally because I would do it in an instant if I could. I have some great ideas that I want to use that could be huge. One of those ideas that if I wrote with Mark Millar would probably turn into a movie. But the problem is people can't get into comics without connections. I think it's probably one of the hardest industries to get in. You could take as many english classes as you want but without connections you are probably not going to write comics. Its a really weird industry which I might add also discriminates. I mean sure every now and then you see some Hispanic and black writers but overall I would say the comic industry is composed of about 80-90% Caucasians. No offense to any white people but this industry is in dire need of diversification.

    also I might post these scirpts on the artist and writer showcase forum and see if I can get an artist to draw it or something. Hell even sketching it would be great. It's better then nothing.
    Last edited by sage6paths; 02-20-2013 at 06:42 PM.

  10. #40
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    I forgot to mention that the K.A.N.G. chair/suit (because it also turns into an Ironman suit) is the thing that tony was working on in issue 8.




  11. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by sage6paths
    (Issue #12)
    This was another great issue. A lot of the dialogue was pretty good, sometimes it was great, a couple times it felt a little bit weak, but overall I really enjoyed it.

    The slightly weak parts of the otherwise really good dialogue, just needs a little tweaking. Like when Tony says to Flumm "Where do you think? He is out there fighting to save all of us and you're here trying to take advantage of it all." would sound much better (IMO) if you left out the "Where do you think?" part. Just a little advice to perfect your already great characterisations.

    I'm assuming you'd like to be a comicbook writer one day. If you were to get your scripts edited first, I think they'd be perfect material for a comicbook like The Ultimates. I have pretty high standards with comicbook reading but I would buy the hell out of this.

    It's good how you've included Flumm actually coming face to face with at least some of the Ultimates. I suppose Humphries just wanted him out of the way quickly. But here, you've given him a little more attention. He didn't need much, but he needed something. And it's good how you've made sure he doesn't become wasted potential.

    I really like the look of the Winter Soldier. He's a superb Ultimatization. I like the helmet (I imagine it looking round like a US helicopter pilot's helmet) and he dresses completely in black. Btw, I love his arm-ray-cannon that shoots out an energy beam of EMP, which I think is very, very cool. I knew it was EMP before Flumm even said it, but it was good that it was confirmed.

    Then ghost Loki appeared, pissed off Thor, and then Thor exploded with godly rage. I really liked this moment. The entire scene is a lot of fun.

    And Tony and Thor are badass in your story. They really are.

    One minor complaint I have though is that I don't think the Winter Soldier should be silent all the time like one or two other characters in the book. I think it's just one too many strong, silent types. It's best not ever to do the same thing twice in one story, even though you didn't originally create First Knife.

    I like how you randomly teased Baron Struker in the middle of all the drama, ready to strike America in the next arc, DWF/UWS. And the "Now... I divide this country." felt epic.

    Lol. "By the look of the blood splatter.." Very Hawkeye. :D

    You are so, SO, SO much better at writing Monica's dialogue than Humphries. But I suppose you can't get too much credit for that, lol.

    Mirage really shone in this issue, which I hoped he would. The use of his powers during his fight with First Knife was brilliant. Sage, your imagination holds no bounds. You've got to be the most imaginatively creative person I've ever interacted with.

    I loved Monica's "Let's hope he's as good as he thinks he is." It made me smile. Your characterisation and how it's expressed through dialogue is most of the time brilliantly accurate. I absolutely love your Monica and Hawkeye. You should do a four issue mini series with them on a mission together. Get writing! :P

    It's funny.. I don't think you've focused on the destruction of Washington and it's devastating impact any more than Humphries (in terms of the amount of words or pages) but it is literally ten times more effective. The devastation of Congress, Washington and the President has greater effect when shown through the eyes of it's main characters. Your writing is much, much better too, in comparison to what has probably been the best aspect of Humphries' writing so far. Humphries didn't write the aftermath of Washington badly at all, but your version of the events still reads quite a lot better. It's just feels more interesting, I think.

    Thank you for re-introducing Second Sword in your story. He did not disappoint. I really enjoyed the fight that ensued. I thought it was brilliant.

  12. #42
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    This was another great issue. A lot of the dialogue was pretty good, sometimes it was great, a couple times it felt a little bit weak, but overall I really enjoyed it.

    The slightly weak parts of the otherwise really good dialogue, just needs a little tweaking. Like when Tony says to Flumm "Where do you think? He is out there fighting to save all of us and you're here trying to take advantage of it all." would sound much better (IMO) if you left out the "Where do you think?" part. Just a little advice to perfect your already great characterisations.

    I'm assuming you'd like to be a comicbook writer one day. If you were to get your scripts edited first, I think they'd be perfect material for a comicbook like The Ultimates. I have pretty high standards with comicbook reading but I would buy the hell out of this.
    Yah if I had an editor that would make my writing 1000 times better. My inner conversations with myself while writing these scripts are kind of weird if you actually saw me doing it. I actually do speak to myself while I write but it's not to myself it's actually to the character that I am making the dialogue. If I am writing a Thor and Tony dialogue I will put myself in both there positions to see how they would react. But if you saw me in real life doing this you would probably think I am insane lol.

    It's good how you've included Flumm actually coming face to face with at least some of the Ultimates. I suppose Humphries just wanted him out of the way quickly. But here, you've given him a little more attention. He didn't need much, but he needed something. And it's good how you've made sure he doesn't become wasted potential.
    Yah I want him to big big in my story. We only ever got to see small bits of him. we still have no idea how he came to be because Humprhies failed to write anything about his past or who he was working for or really anything for that matter. But in my story he is going to be a prominent character.

    I really like the look of the Winter Soldier. He's a superb Ultimatization. I like the helmet (I imagine it looking round like a US helicopter pilot's helmet) and he dresses completely in black. Btw, I love his arm-ray-cannon that shoots out an energy beam of EMP, which I think is very, very cool. I knew it was EMP before Flumm even said it, but it was good that it was confirmed.
    Also he is a character we have seen before awhile back. Try and see if you can guess who he is.
    Then ghost Loki appeared, pissed off Thor, and then Thor exploded with godly rage. I really liked this moment. The entire scene is a lot of fun.
    And Tony and Thor are badass in your story. They really are.
    My favorite scene to write. I really wanted an explanation to how Thor got his powers back in Humphiries book but I really doubt we will get anything. So I took it upon myself to wrtie something. spoilers:
    Asgard will be back
    end of spoilers

    One minor complaint I have though is that I don't think the Winter Soldier should be silent all the time like one or two other characters in the book. I think it's just one too many strong, silent types. It's best not ever to do the same thing twice in one story, even though you didn't originally create First Knife.
    Thanks for the advice. In fact I didn't even think about this while I was writing it but now I do see it. I will make him talk more in future issues. On another note I also forgot that Thor had teleportation abilities until after I finished these 4 issues. LMAO. I will find another way to incorporate it.

    I like how you randomly teased Baron Struker in the middle of all the drama, ready to strike America in the next arc, DWF/UWS. And the "Now... I divide this country." felt epic.

    Lol. "By the look of the blood splatter.." Very Hawkeye. :D
    Yah I needed to put Strucker there. Not all that Modi crap. Though Modi will be back just not now.

    You are so, SO, SO much better at writing Monica's dialogue than Humphries. But I suppose you can't get too much credit for that, lol.
    I love writing Monica! When I heard Humprhies favorite character was Monica I was really excited but his writing of her was so bad. My version of Monica will be one that is strong and commanding. She is a strong women but one that stands besides her comrades not as superior but equals.

    Mirage really shone in this issue, which I hoped he would. The use of his powers during his fight with First Knife was brilliant. Sage, your imagination holds no bounds. You've got to be the most imaginatively creative person I've ever interacted with.
    That was some hard thinking truth be told. Sword fighting and illusions are really hard mix to incorporate. I'm so glad I got it right.

    I loved Monica's "Let's hope he's as good as he thinks he is." It made me smile. Your characterisation and how it's expressed through dialogue is most of the time brilliantly accurate. I absolutely love your Monica and Hawkeye. You should do a four issue mini series with them on a mission together. Get writing! :P
    Yah those two are great. Hopefully during DWF/UWS they will be on missions together.

    It's funny.. I don't think you've focused on the destruction of Washington and it's devastating impact any more than Humphries (in terms of the amount of words or pages) but it is literally ten times more effective. The devastation of Congress, Washington and the President has greater effect when shown through the eyes of it's main characters. Your writing is much, much better too, in comparison to what has probably been the best aspect of Humphries' writing so far. Humphries didn't write the aftermath of Washington badly at all, but your version of the events still reads quite a lot better. It's just feels more interesting, I think.
    Yah that was another failure of Humphries. It showed clearly in issue 9 that the explosion was huge. And then in issue 10 all we see is this small crater. WTH? That's boring.

    Thank you for re-introducing Second Sword in your story. He did not disappoint. I really enjoyed the fight that ensued. I thought it was brilliant.
    Glad you liked it. I'll be honest I wasn't sure what I could write about him. I have barely even seen what he does but he looked cool enough to add to my story.
    Last edited by sage6paths; 02-28-2013 at 02:29 PM.

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    Thanks for the replies. If anyone wants to do there own version of the ending to the Children vs. People arc be my guest. Like I said anything is better then Humphries ending.
    Last edited by sage6paths; 02-28-2013 at 02:30 PM.

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    Hahaha haha. I just reread all my scripts And I am now just noticing a lot of mistakes. Like I just wrote that first knife cuts off mirages arms and then I write that he points at HE and BW when he doesnt have any arms. That made me laugh. I will make a revised edition before #14.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sage6paths View Post
    Also he is a character we have seen before awhile back. Try and see if you can guess who he is.
    Ooh, excellent. I'm gona say Frank Simpson.

    I also think it would pretty cool if it was Misty Knight from the Ultimate Galactus Trilogy because she has a robotic arm.

    My favorite scene to write. I really wanted an explanation to how Thor got his powers back in Humphiries book but I really doubt we will get anything. So I took it upon myself to wrtie something. spoilers:
    Asgard will be back
    end of spoilers
    It was a good scene. Loki was written well. I think it definitely had the effect you were going for.

    Thanks for the advice.
    Happy to help. :)

    On another note I also forgot that Thor had teleportation abilities until after I finished these 4 issues. LMAO. I will find another way to incorporate it.
    Yeah, I've been wanting this at least mentioned for a while now. I wanted someone like Hawkeye suggesting that Thor should try to teleport the City into the sun, but Thor replies that it's much too large for Mjolnir to teleport. But I think this would've been better if it was suggested during Hickman's first arc.

    Yah I needed to put Strucker there. Not all that Modi crap. Though Modi will be back just not now.
    According to Norse Mythology Modi should be incredibly strong and skilled in combat with all types of weapons and also without weapons. He's basically the Hercules of Norse Mythology, potentially capable of taking down any size deity or monster with just his bare hands. I think he should be depicted as though he's the ultimate warrior, capable of taking down the likes of both Thor and Captain America with one hand tied behind his back. His strength should hold no bounds.

    That was some hard thinking truth be told. Sword fighting and illusions are really hard mix to incorporate. I'm so glad I got it right.
    It's probably my favourite scene(s) you've written so far. I also really like how you split up the fight and introduced Second Sword. I wouldn't want it any differently, it was perfect, very exciting.

    Yeah that was another failure of Humphries. It showed clearly in issue 9 that the explosion was huge. And then in issue 10 all we see is this small crater. WTH? That's boring.
    I thought Humphries' version of the events was OK. I just thought yours was a lot better. It was more interesting and felt more dramatic and more real.

    Glad you liked it. I'll be honest I wasn't sure what I could write about him. I have barely even seen what he does but he looked cool enough to add to my story.
    It was great. Second Sword did not disappoint. You don't have to write any more scenes with him in it, I only wanted something and that something was really entertaining. Maybe he'll show up in a story some time in the future.

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