Ultimate Fan Fiction by Sage6Paths

[sage6paths]

Ooh, excellent. I'm gona say Frank Simpson.

Damn man you are fast. But yes it will be a brainwashed, half techno-engineered, and some other abilites spoilers:

Frank Simpson

end of spoilers

Yeah, I've been wanting this at least mentioned for a while now. I wanted someone like Hawkeye suggesting that Thor should try to teleport the City into the sun, but Thor replies that it's much too large for Mjolnir to teleport. But I think this would've been better if it was suggested during Hickman's first arc.

Yah I forgot but then the story would have been pretty boring lol. At least I kept things interesting.

According to Norse Mythology Modi should be incredibly strong and skilled in combat with all types of weapons and also without weapons. He's basically the Hercules of Norse Mythology, potentially capable of taking down any size deity or monster with just his bare hands. I think he should be depicted as though he's the ultimate warrior, capable of taking down the likes of both Thor and Captain America with one hand tied behind his back. His strength should hold no bounds.

Thanks

I thought Humphries' version of the events was OK. I just thought yours was a lot better. It was more interesting and felt more dramatic and more real.

My issue is that it didn't feel real at all. We had all these scenes of people we don't even know dying and it just didn't feel right.

[Robbie_Jee]

Issue 13

The dialogue in this was again, pretty good. However I would just cut out a few of the sentences. Characters don't always need to respond when spoken to.

I think quite a few of the panels in this issue needed more description. Like - may I suggest - Fury holding a handgun whilst he's running with Xorn, and I think you should describe the setting a little more. It wasn't always crystal clear where exactly certain scenes were taking place.

I hope I'm not being too strict as a critic, I just want to give advice to help you get even better, not that I'm an expert or anything. This was another great issue and a superb finale to yours and Hickman's arc.

I really liked the "Jean and Tian vs the new Children" battle. It was brilliant. However I do have some advice for how it could be even better it's near-perfect. 1, There needs to be a short scene in between the opening scene where Monica in the Helicarrier gets in contact with Jean via telepathy where we see a glimpse at the chaotic battle ensuing, and the scene after that where it jumps straight into the the battle with Hawkeye and Monica turning up. It doesn't need to be very long but a small scene taking place in between those two scenes would make it feel more real in terms of the readers sense of time. It was mentioned that it would take Hawkeye and Monica less than thirty minutes to get to the battle, so it needs to feel like a short while has gone past before you go straight into fully seeing the battle with Jean and the People fighting the new Children. It's great that we caught a glimpse of the battle when Monica was telepathically speaking to Jean, but to make that glimpse more special, it'd be best to add in a quick scene before going into the battle proper. 2. A little more description about the environment.

These are just a couple tings that I think would make the scene(s) perfect. But they were still written well. But I suggest putting the Xorn and Fury scene, in between the contact with Jean, and the arrival at the battle, just to make it seem like a very short while has past until they've arrived. And show the battle right after Xorn and Fury see Reed Richards, and right before Reed Richards turns around. It would be nice to have it pause there. Like I've said before, your characters, your plotting, your writing in general is fantastic and you have some amazing ideas, all of which you've executed beautifully, but if I was able to edit it and switch a few scenes around and cut out a bit of the dialogue, I think these scripts would be perfect.

I really like how you handle each character interaction. They're all really good, just like the majority of them in your previous issues. They're a credit to your writing ability.

One thing I want to point out though, Reed is not un-killable. There are a few ways he can die; like melting and drowning.

I loved Reed's new Doom inspired armoured suit (in my imagination). It was badass. And I really enjoyed the dialogue then too.

I love that Falcon and Vision went to stay at the City in the end. That was very good.

Another great part about the ending was the final interactions of the characters, and also.. Future Tony Stark is Kang?? I love it.

Great story. Thanks very much, sage. It's been good.

[sage6paths]

The dialogue in this was again, pretty good. However I would just cut out a few of the sentences. Characters don't always need to respond when spoken to.

I think quite a few of the panels in this issue needed more description. Like - may I suggest - Fury holding a handgun whilst he's running with Xorn, and I think you should describe the setting a little more. It wasn't always crystal clear where exactly certain scenes were taking place.

I hope I'm not being too strict as a critic, I just want to give advice to help you get even better, not that I'm an expert or anything. This was another great issue and a superb finale to yours and Hickman's arc.

thanks. your fine. i rushed a little on this last issue for some reason. but i will take all your considerations when i do my revision.

I really liked the "Jean and Tian vs the new Children" battle. It was brilliant. However I do have some advice for how it could be even better it's near-perfect. 1, There needs to be a short scene in between the opening scene where Monica in the Helicarrier gets in contact with Jean via telepathy where we see a glimpse at the chaotic battle ensuing, and the scene after that where it jumps straight into the the battle with Hawkeye and Monica turning up. It doesn't need to be very long but a small scene taking place in between those two scenes would make it feel more real in terms of the readers sense of time. It was mentioned that it would take Hawkeye and Monica less than thirty minutes to get to the battle, so it needs to feel like a short while has gone past before you go straight into fully seeing the battle with Jean and the People fighting the new Children. It's great that we caught a glimpse of the battle when Monica was telepathically speaking to Jean, but to make that glimpse more special, it'd be best to add in a quick scene before going into the battle proper. 2. A little more description about the environment.

good idea.

These are just a couple tings that I think would make the scene(s) perfect. But they were still written well. But I suggest putting the Xorn and Fury scene, in between the contact with Jean, and the arrival at the battle, just to make it seem like a very short while has past until they've arrived. And show the battle right after Xorn and Fury see Reed Richards, and right before Reed Richards turns around. It would be nice to have it pause there. Like I've said before, your characters, your plotting, your writing in general is fantastic and you have some amazing ideas, all of which you've executed beautifully, but if I was able to edit it and switch a few scenes around and cut out a bit of the dialogue, I think these scripts would be perfect.

on a side note i wrote all these issues in one day. on the spot. i have a rough outline in my mind and when im actually focused i write it all in word document. the problem is i have a lot of homework so i have to do it fast. but spring break is here and that means revisions.

I really like how you handle each character interaction. They're all really good, just like the majority of them in your previous issues. They're a credit to your writing ability.
One thing I want to point out though, Reed is not un-killable. There are a few ways he can die; like melting and drowning.

oh i dont think he is unkillable. reed is just arrogent like that.

I loved Reed's new Doom inspired armoured suit (in my imagination). It was badass. And I really enjoyed the dialogue then too.

yah that really needs fan art.

Another great part about the ending was the final interactions of the characters, and also.. Future Tony Stark is Kang?? I love it.

my best idea ever. lol

Great story. Thanks very much, sage. It's been good.

your welcome. you will love what i have in store. ultimate comics x-force 1 and ultimate comics avengers 1.

[sage6paths]

Ultimates #14 is out. I was going to just make this storyline in 1 issue but I decided to do it in 2 issues. Next issue should come out tomorrow.
PDF of Ultimates 14.
https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B32J...it?usp=sharing

[sage6paths]

[sage6paths]

Ultimate Comics Ultimates 15
PDF - https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B9Zf...it?usp=sharing
Word - https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B9Zf...it?usp=sharing

[sage6paths]

[sage6paths]

Ultimate Bastion would probably look like this.

[wyokid]

Ordinarily I'm not a down for fan fiction, but this is pretty good bro.

[sage6paths]

Unfreaking believable. Bendis, you stole my Tony Star is Kang idea. Or maybe I mind-stole it from you.

[sage6paths]

And I got done with Ultimate Comics Avengers #1. Welcome back our old friend Blade.
PDF: https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B9Zf...it?usp=sharing

[sage6paths]

[sage6paths]

I added links in my first post that go directly to the scripts. Also as of now I have written 7 issues in around 6 months. Not bad actually. Well all things considered.