Aboutdamntimefora DIGEST

[Jared H.]

Sadly, howyadoin has just been too busy as of late to do the digest. To that end, Jeff Brady and bipolar danger girl decided that I should do it for some reason. And so, here's my first ever attempt at a digest, made from the most recent Rita's. I shall endeavor to do a new one at the tail end of each new Rita's thread. If you find a good quote in Rita's or the Comm board, feel free to PM me so I can add it to the list.

Also, fair warning: for whatever reason, this digest contains more vagina references than most. Without further ado...






MichaelP: ChatRoulette is like Russian Roulette, but instead of death, losers get live streaming video of a fat guy wearing no shirt and fox ears.




bipolar danger girl: If I knew how to brainwash, I wouldn't need to suck dick.





bipolar danger girl: you got my pink all fucking wrong. It's deeppink... because I'm fucking deep pink.

Donald M.: Who is Deep Pink and does your husband get to watch?





Athena Bast: What was I supposed to do when tall dark and Spanish wants to be on my Angry Bird Basketball team?

Spike-x: These euphemisms are getting more and more complex.




Charles RB: So it's a bit weird to, in the middle of the night, think about the inevitable oblivion after death and how that's it, without even the memory of existing because you're gone for good.

But then I fell asleep and forgot all about it and dreamed about boobs or something.





Donald M.: Don't forget, "Do They Know It's Christmas?"

Possibly the most vile song of all time. The starving children of Africa should issue an apology for inspiring it.





Smoogis: You've always aimed high, Spikey.

Spike-X: That's why I keep hitting the seat instead of the bowl.





Loren:
The ponies of Equestria decided the time had come for them to elect their ruler. Every pony would have a say in whether Celestia would stay the Princess, or if another pony would take her place in the palace.

But to have all the ponies go to Canterlot at one time to vote would leave Equestria open to attack by Nightmare Moon. And so they devised another plan.

Instead of everyone going to Canterlot, each region of Equestria would select someone to go and speak on their behalf. Everyone in Ponyville would gather and share who they thought should be the new princess, and then they chose one pony to go to Canterlot and say who Ponyville supported. The same thing was done by the ponies in Cloudsdale, and Appleloosa, and Manehattan, and all the places where ponies lived.

Then when all the pony representatives got together, they each shared who the ponies in their hometown wanted to be the new princess. And whoever got the most yays* got to rule Equestria for the next four years.

____
*Or, in this case, "neighs."






Slugger: What do you guys think about Colorado legalizing weed?

Jared H: what, being a mile high wasn't enough for them?




bipolar danger girl: I like pussies, but that was a long wait for one little lick.

howyadoin: File under: That's What She Said.




Michael P: we ended up eating at Leng, and then going back to her place to turn some of those apples we picked last weekend into muffins.

Slam_Bradley: Did you then butter the muffin?




Dreadstar : I'm no neophyte. I've been to Virginia, many times.

Ed Cunard: Were you just in and out, or did you stay for an extended period of time?

Dreadstar: Passing through, several times. Tried to make a permanent residence once, but got outbid on the property.





bipolar danger girl: Who are we kidding? When given an option to talk about suicide, mass murder, kittens, rainbows, or dick, I'm always going to pick the dick.


Donald M.: I call mine Cheney, because it likes to shoot old men in the face. . .

No, wait! Delete! Delete!





Tadhg: I was a seething ball of pique and enmity, but then a vendor sent me USB Keydrive bracelets and I am now sunshine and lolipop blowjobs.




Dreadstar: Is it wrong that I see advertisements for the new Alex Cross movie and the only thing that pops into my mind is "I wonder if he dresses up as Tyler Perry's Madea to fake the bad guy out at the end?"




Doug Strange: Change must come from within. Usually from that place deep down inside yourself that is tired of your wife yelling at you about it.




Jesse_custer: I think I'm at the point where I don't give a shit what anyone reads anymore, as long as it's not a book called "The KKK Is Badass" or "How to Manipulate Women - For Real."




Tadhg: I was disappointed when I learned that 50 Shades of Grey was not an X-men crossover.





Jared H.: Suburban, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, pale as Hell Aspie?

Oh yeah, I'm as gangsta as they come.

For shizzle.


Donald M.: Hell Aspies, now there's a name for a biker gang. I imagine they'd be really good at cooking meth and really bad at selling it.






bipolar danger girl : My husband doesn't know this yet, but instead of watching Office/Parks and Rec tomorrow night, we'll be having a Arrow catch-up marathon!

Does he make out with Spiderman, Superman, or both in the show?


thehod: You're thinking of Arrow XXX: Working the shaft.


Jared H: Does it have more fletching or felching?




howyadoin: I actually read that as "Golden Age Vagilante" at first.


thehod: Man, Batman XXX: The Breasts and the Boner just writes itself, doesn't it?

[Jared H.]

Now with bolded names. Next time around, I'll use colors and stuff.

Also, much respect to howy for doing this for all these years.

[bipolar danger girl]

Great fucking job, Princess Muffin. I knew you could do it! Also, thank you. *hugs*

[Jeff Brady]

Yay Muffin! Thank you! Excellent work!

[Puma]

Thanks Rear Admiral Nerdcock!

[Spike-X]

Good work Muffin! I was gonna take this on myself, but you've done a much better job of it.

[Slam_Bradley]

Good on ya, Muffin.

[Spike-X]

Here's one you missed:

Loren: I started a White House petition.

Consolidate the Department of Defense and the Census Bureau into a single Department of Kicking A** and Taking Names.

[Winslow]

Thanks Muffin man.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpBJih02aYU

[Paradox]

Excellent job, Muffin! Thanks for picking up for howy since he went and got a life and stuff.

[thehod]

Excellent job, Muffin! Thanks for picking up for howy since he went and got a life and stuff.

The selfish bastard.

And I got two entries with the same joke. How's that for value for money?

[howyadoin]

[Jared H.]

Yay! Now I can die happy!

[howyadoin]

Yay! Now I can die happy!

But seriously, thanks to you and your cohorts for taking this over. And to Spike as well.

[Jared H.]

But seriously, thanks to you and your cohorts for taking this over. And to Spike as well.

No man, thank you for doing it for so long. We shall do the best we can in your absence.