Harry Dresden, after being knocked through an unexpected rift in the Nevernever by a Baby-Eating Mantis-Shark Denarian, ends up in the Marvel Universe. There, he is confronted by the following enemies:
Pixie, who happens to be nearby stalking Teen!Clops, senses a surge of mystic energy and goes to investigate. She sees Harry attempting to close the Way, but assumes he's SUMMONING the Baby-Eating Mantis-Shark-Denarian! With no back up, its up to our young heroine to stop a hellish invasion!
The sight of Pixie flying in to attack him startles Dresden who instinctively lashes out with his blasting rod at what he thinks is another Denarian. Pixie, not expecting an energy based attack is dropped quickly with a burn through her wing. With Dresden's attention focused elsewhere, an unexpected burst of energy knocks him away from the way.
An burst of energy from the open way blasts Harry away from the fight...where he promptly lands on Teen!Jean. Teen!Clops, enraged by an attack on Teen!Jean beings to blast away at Harry!
Harry takes the full force of the blast and goes flying through the air before smashing against a wall. He's delighted to realize that the armor his God-mother gifted him with allowed him to survive the energy blast unharmed. Believing Scott's visor to be the source of his power he quickly strips it off him with a chant of "Flickum bicus." This has the unexpected side-effect of making Scott's power fire out uncontrollably, smashing a wall and bringing the stone crashing down on his head, knocking him out of the fight.
Harry uses a distraction to slip away into a conveniently open sewer grate. Wandering the mazy underground tunnels, he runs afoul of a Repowered Marrow and Callisto.
Harry wonders why he had to go sputtering around in a damn sewer. Mistaking Marrow for yet another Denarian, he goes for his blasting Rod only to be hit from behind by a stealthy Callisto. As the two debate what to do with the foolish flatscan, Harry disappears in a puff of smoke.
After three Brutal fights in a row, Harry is knocked unconscious. When he awakes, he finds himself strapped to a slab as the arch-villain Diablo prepares to harvest "mystic essence" from the injured Wizard!
Dresden: Diablo? Really?
Diablo: Indeed, my young friend. I am the immortal master of the arcane; I've practiced my craft for centuries, and I'm always on the lookout for more resources...and you are just swimming with the most potent arcana I've yet come across!
Diablo: Yes, very. You should consider this an honor, friend. Your power shall live on as a part of Diablo, eternally fueling--
Dresden: Heh. No, seriously, Diablo? I'm sorry, I know I keep going back to this, I don't want to sound like I'm harping or anything, you seem like an okay person, aside from the fetish-ey leather kink thing you're currently rocking out, but seriously. Diablo? I know, I know, you're going to kill me, but ahhhh. Yeah, I can't. I just can't take this seriously.
Dresden: Well you will learn, amigo. You can't comprehend the magnitude of y--
Diablo: Do not MOCK me, Mortal ma--
Diablo: You will stop this at once, you foolish little--
Dresden: Diaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaablo~ Ariba, Ariba!
[ Enraged by Harry's disrespect, Diablo slaps him before leaning in close, spittle flying from his lips as he snarls.]
Diablo: Enough! ENOUGH! I will not be mocked by Y--
[With a ferocious headbutt, Diablo is sent spiraling into unconsciousness. Harry finishes unstrapping himself, and flees.]
As Diablo's lab begins to burn, Harry makes his way out of the sewers and into an abandoned building. As he attempts to open a way and get out of his predicament, he finds his efforts blocked by Illyana Rasputin!
Ilyana smiles, amused at the sight of this haggard looking mystic. Harry for his part is stunned by the sight of this attractive but dangerous young sorceress. His instincts tell him that she's far deadlier than she would appear. He's reminded of a time a few years back when he had to pour some ice-water down his pants in order to avoid being locked into servitude to an equally beautiful Fae Princess; he then regrets the lack of ice-water in Diablo's burning laboratory. Sensing the potential for demonic amusement to be had, Ilyanna brandishes her soul sword and gently strokes Harry's cheek, asking him if he's prepared to endure an eternity of suffering in Limbo. But upon making physical contact with the Wizard, Magik senses the presence of a power far greater than her own, and surprisingly, even more malevolent. MAB. Realizing that Harry is claimed goods, she reluctantly steps aside, not wishing to incur the wrath of the Queen of Air and Darkness.
As the two master mystics battle, the fight is complicated by the arrival of Damian Hellstrom and Blade! In a raw melee, who will emerge triumphant?
Damian and Blade each take a step forward, confident in their ability to end this decisively. They then disappear in a flash of light after unknowingly taking a step unto Ilyana's portal into limbo. "Tell your mistress she owes me....Harry," said Ilyana with a smile. Harry opens his mouth, then closes it with an audible click. After thinking about it for the next few moments, he turns tail and runs as fast as he can with Ilyana's amused laughter following him; The fae are bad enough, he's definitely not about to start owing favors to demons.
With an entire block aflame and in shattered ruins, the Avengers begin to answer the call! Arriving First on the Scene are Iron-Fist and Luke Cage! Can a battered Harry survive their onslaught?
Harry makes his way topside and encounters Iron Fist and Cage. He sits on the curb and begins coughing and waving his hands in front of his face attempting to pass himself off as a bystander. Cage and Danny zero in on him thanks in part to his medieval Spanish armor kind of giving him away. Demanding his immediate surrender, Harry responds with a desperation tactic: he locks Danny Rand into a soul-gaze. Doing this causes Iron Fist to realize that Dresden has no hostile intentions, and just wants to go home. Unfortunately, Cage interrupts the soul-gaze by attacking Harry, rendering Danny unconscious. Fortunately, Harry has considerable experience fighting angry people who are much physically stronger than he is. Realizing that a frontal assault would do little to impede Cage, but recognizing that Luke is still mortal, Harry manages to defeat him by casting a shield around his head and cutting off his oxygen.
Harry, realizing that is only chance to escape is to make for the way that brought him here, abandons the fight! But, up in the sky, the Iron Avenger means to stop Harry at any cost!
Sensing the presence of the portal nearby, Harry warily makes his way towards it. The ground erupts in front of him knocking him off his feet. A slightly digitized voice drifts across the air towards Harry, once his ears stop ringing.
"That," says Iron Man, "Was a warning shot. You want my advice? Don't get up, chuckles."
Aggravated beyond human endurance by all the crap he has endured today, Harry responds by invoking a hex and watching in satisfaction as all of Iron Man's incredible bleeding edge tech crumbles to the ground leaving our beloved billion dollar Avenger naked in the street.
"That," hisses Harry Dresden, "was the Money shot. You want my advice? Put some pants on, douche-wazzle."
Harry makes it to the portal, but one foe remains -- former master of the mystic arts: Dr. Strange!
Harry leaves Tony to his shame and continues toward his ride home. Seeing him, Stephen Strange approaches him. Harry's fists clench, but Strange raises his hands in a conciliatory manner, telling him that he had been sharing a mental link with Iron Fist during the soul gaze and understood everything. He's going to let Harry walk away.
Dresden: Okay. Okay, that's good. But you know what? We could have saved a WHOLE lot of drama if you people would just TALK. Is talking not done around here? Is that a bad thing? Is talking now considered a bad thing on counter-earth, or wherever the hell we are?
Strange: You think I don't know this? Oh, I could you some stories. It's always jump, jump, punch, punch. God, we just got out of this mutant thing that could have been solved in about five minutes if people would just use their heads.
Dresden: Yeesh. Muggles, huh?
Strange: I'm sorry, what?
Dresden: Ahhhh, nevermind. Are you going to seal the portal behind me?
Strange: Absolutely. One question though; Did you really have to leave Stark naked in the street?
Strange: The armored gentleman. Red and gold?
Dresden: That dick? He nearly BLEW me up. Naked's too good for him. Pass that along for me will you? That he's a dick?
Strange: I...believe I could send your regards his way; yes, that is possible.
Dresden: D-I-C-K. If you could give him a two fingered salute while you're delivering the news, I'd owe you one.
Strange: ...Goodbye Harry. It was "pleasant" meeting you.
Dresden: sure thing, Steve.
Dresden: What he said.
[Just as the portal is nearly closed]
Dresden: Oh, ablondrussiandemonmighthavekidnappedtwoofyourfrien dssorryslippedmymindhaveagoodone--
[The portal closes.]