Well, we can't avoid it. Olympogeddon is here, and the insanity of what promises to be the most corporate Olympics in history is just a few days away. Over the next few days the UK is going to see near record numbers of visitors in what promises to be a fortnight where records are broken as an enormous amount of tax isn't gathered because the likes of McDonalds aren't going to pay any in any of their UK outlets for the next 3 weeks.
So a few tips for any prospective visitors:
Don't trust whatever our delightful Prime Minister or the Mayor of London say. If they tell you it's not raining it'll be pissing on you
Don't call yourself a conservative. They're not too popular right now.
Don't call yourself a liberal. They're not too popular right now.
Never ask a London taxi driver if he's enjoying the Olympics.
Don't worry about the vast numbers of soldiers and police doing basic stewarding work. It's the private sector in action!
Don't worry about it taking two hours to get from one part of London to another. They've improved travel times just for the Olympics
When asking for a beer, be prepared as you'll be served some extra strong wifebeater, which of course, will be an Olympic sponsor.
Yes, we're supposed to be taking the piss with the opening ceremony. Trust us, it's our money well spent for you to laugh at us
If you see any poor people do tell a policeman as they should have been rehoused somewhere much poorer than London by now. If you see any poor disabled people do tell a representative of Atos who will ensure they won't be bothering anyone ever again.
Don't complain if it rains. Really, don't.