WARBIRD HATES YOU ~ An Advice Column

[Greg Anderson]

Dear Warbird,

I am not worthy to be in your presence. But I must ask advice: What is the Shi'ar way of building muscle. Earth ways of building muscle seems to be failing me.

Your sexual servant,

Greg A

[Lady_Alternate]

Dear Warbird,

I am not worthy to be in your presence. But I must ask advice: What is the Shi'ar way of building muscle. Earth ways of building muscle seems to be failing me.

Your sexual servant,

Greg A

Greg,

The Shi'ar metabolism is superior to that of a peak normal human by several degrees, but if you consume plenty of raw meat from beasts you have slain with your own hands, practice personal combat drills for at least six hours a day, spar with an equally skilled combatant for at least an hour a day (copulating with them for a further hour if your species are compatible and you judge them worthy) and meditate on how wonderful it is that your life is an endless parade of combat and murder as often as possible, then you too may have a stomach as taut as mine.

Yours,

Warbird.

[Bronze Badger]

Dear Warbird,

I'm giving serious thought to dropping a few comic titles from my pull list at the comic shop. I want to discontinue purchasing X-Factor(Not Enough Havok & PoPo) and Astonishing X-Men (Too much teenage romanticism and sloppy writing). My question is this: Should I wait to make the changes after Astonishing #51 so it doesn't look like I'm a homophobe or should I cancel right away and risk judgemental glances from the comic guy to save a few bucks?

Thanks,

burned by Peter David too many times

[Lady_Alternate]

Dear Warbird,

I'm giving serious thought to dropping a few comic titles from my pull list at the comic shop. I want to discontinue purchasing X-Factor(Not Enough Havok & PoPo) and Astonishing X-Men (Too much teenage romanticism and sloppy writing). My question is this: Should I wait to make the changes after Astonishing #51 so it doesn't look like I'm a homophobe or should I cancel right away and risk judgemental glances from the comic guy to save a few bucks?

Thanks,

burned by Peter David too many times

Burned,

You're a grown man who reads comic books? Delightful. May I ask if you sleep in Captain America pyjamas too?

It's not too late to take up and devote your life to the warrior's art, or alternatively if you can secure passage off-world, then perhaps sign up for the Murderball Leagues on Planet Sin? There is a fortune to be made, as long as you judge Goolongs to be acceptable currency and are not worried about the prospect of grievous maiming and inevitable cybernetic enhancements.

Yours,

Warbird.

[coveredinbees]

The only time I read Warbird she fell over in a doorway. Is she like this?

[Aguja]

Dear Warbird,

I have an important party coming up and I would like to wear a feathered ensemble. What is your secret? I would like to show as much skin as possible but keep it classy slutty not slutty slutty. Are there colours I should stay a way from? What type of bird feathers should I use, Ostrich, Swan, Shi'ar?

Thanks xoxo

[Lady_Alternate]

Dear Warbird,

I have an important party coming up and I would like to wear a feathered ensemble. What is your secret? I would like to show as much skin as possible but keep it classy slutty not slutty slutty. Are there colours I should stay a way from? What type of bird feathers should I use, Ostrich, Swan, Shi'ar?

Thanks xoxo

xoxo,

True Shi'ar such as myself have feathered manes where your species has hair. You may attempt to replicate the look by shaving your head before covering it in glue and shaking a torn-open goose down pillow over yourself. Do not worry about looking too slutty; no-one will be looking at anything other than your head, I guarantee it.

Yours,

Warbird.




~I'm going to bed, feel free to send in your problems and dilemmas for tomorrow.

[Dudebro McTypo]

Sup WB,

Why am I so awesome?

Dudebro McTypo

[pryde15]

This is an advice thread, GOD TYPO.
You just britta'd life.

[Scarlet Silence]

I do not understand this thread.

Is this fan-fiction?

Is Lady_Alternate an employee of Marvel Comics?

Is this an elaborate joke that I do not understand?

Is this another imbalanced poster having a fit on this forum?

[Jake V]

I do not understand this thread.

Is this fan-fiction?

Is Lady_Alternate an employee of Marvel Comics?

Is this an elaborate joke that I do not understand?

Is this another imbalanced poster having a fit on this forum?

1, 3, and 4.

Though it really isn't all that elaborate.

[quillero]

I do not understand this thread.

Is this fan-fiction?

Is Lady_Alternate an employee of Marvel Comics?

Is this an elaborate joke that I do not understand?

Is this another imbalanced poster having a fit on this forum?

That's the ilk.

[Seresecros]

hairy Mephitisoid slattern

whoa whoa whoa calm down Storm

[Lady_Alternate]

I do not understand this thread.

Is this fan-fiction?

Is Lady_Alternate an employee of Marvel Comics?

Is this an elaborate joke that I do not understand?

Is this another imbalanced poster having a fit on this forum?

1, 3, and 4.

Though it really isn't all that elaborate.

It's just a bit of random silly fun, that the mods okayed and posters have been enjoying, in the style of a mock "agony aunt" column in a woman's magazine, run by an entirely inappropriate character. In that respect it's no different to the Survivor or X-Jam threads, and here to read or leave as you like, but please allow it to stay on-topic.

Thanks!

[Lady_Alternate]

Sup WB,

Why am I so awesome?

Dudebro McTypo

DM,

This does not seem to be a problem, so much as it is a cry for validation. Perhaps your feeling of self worth may be improved in other ways, such as mastering a form of combat, defeating a particularly powerful wild beast that has been eating the children of your local settlement, or taking up knitting.

Yours,

Warbird.