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  1. #16
    A Thinking Man's Rhino Omegalith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ghost View Post
    TG: dear princess celestia
    TG: (i still can't believe you are making me write that every time btw)

    *Snip*
    CT: D --> Dear princess celestia
    CT: D --> I...
    CT: D --> I need a towel


    A Flock of Sheep.
    A Pack of Wolves.
    An Inconvenience of Heroes.

  2. #17
    Senior Member Dr Will Hatch's Avatar
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    Dear Princess Celestia,

    I have learned that friendship only ends up with more people dying needlessly. I am best suited towards not having them.

    Sincerely, John Constantine

  3. #18
    Infiltrator Cthulhu_of_R'yleh's Avatar
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    Dear Princess Celestia,

    I saved the Universe three times, and was rewarded by being left to die out in deep space. I am most likely the last one of my kind.
    And my only friend is slowly drifitng into a state know to her kind as 'rampancy' and we need to find a way to save her. Also, I am going to have to
    save the Universe AGAIN...

    I need a Weapon.

    Sincerely, Spartan-117
    Armored Frame Division #27: Starlancer Flight - Roland Vance Xel'Tais

  4. #19
    A Thinking Man's Rhino Omegalith's Avatar
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    TC: dear princess celestia
    TC: HONK
    TC: my name is gamzee makara
    TC: GAMZEE MOTHERFUCKING MAKARA
    TC: and i've been sober for four hours
    TC: NOT LONG ENOUGH IF YOU ASK ME
    TC: lately i've been confused about a lot of things
    TC: BUT IT'S ALL CLEAR TO ME NOW
    TC: i've always had a lot of good friends, real nice motherfuckers ya know?
    TC: HONK
    TC: honk
    TC: HONK
    TC: real pleasure to know them. motherfuckin miraculous even
    TC: BUT NOW
    TC: now i'm beginning to see my true calling in life
    TC: WHAT I WAS BORN FOR
    TC: what i was meant to do
    TC: WHAT I WAS MOTHERFUCKING MEANT TO BE
    TC: i have some of them with me now
    TC: THEIR HEADS ANYHOW
    TC: honk
    TC: AND I GOTTA SAY PRINCESS
    TC: my own head's so clear now
    TC: IT'S LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLE
    TC: honk
    TC: HONK
    TC: ;o)
    A Flock of Sheep.
    A Pack of Wolves.
    An Inconvenience of Heroes.

  5. #20
    Everyone's favorite host Guy Smiley's Avatar
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    Dear Princess Celestia,

    What we at Interdimensional Mail Delivery Inc. have learned is that sometimes, a friend does things their friends might find hurtful, for their own good.

    This is why, as of now, we are no longer delivering your mail to you. Frankly, the sheer amount of correspondence generated since the new policy was put in place would be enough material to cause your sun to go nova. Not to mention that quite a bit of the content has been, shall we say, rather alarming. (We at Interdimensional Mail Delivery Inc. do not make it a habit of reading our customer's mail, but when much of it comes in tablet, telegram, and similar non-enclosed forms, it can be difficult not to at times.)

    With regards,

    Your friends at Interdimensional Mail Delivery Inc.

  6. #21
    Veteran Member Radical's Avatar
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    Rorschach's Journal 4/29/12

    Dear Princess Celestia:

    Have learned that friends are useless in face of armageddon. Dreiberg is flabby coward; has lost will to rid this city of the sickness that infests it. Veidt is just as bad, shallow and ineffectual. Osterman too removed from humanity. Juspeczyk despises me; feeling is mutual. Citizens in general shallow and corrupt, a blight on the face of this planet. Would require firestorm to burn away the moral cancer. Am tempted to favor nuclear war.

    --- ---
    * | | * (best I could do at replicating Rorschach's signature)
    "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power."

    -Abraham Lincoln

    "We thought that by making your world more violent, we would make it more 'realistic,' more 'adult.' God help us if that's what it means."

    -Grant Morrison to Animal Man, Animal Man #26

  7. #22
    Strrrrrrrrrrrrex mailedbypostman1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Radical View Post
    Rorschach's Journal 4/29/12

    Dear Princess Celestia:

    Have learned that friends are useless in face of armageddon. Dreiberg is flabby coward; has lost will to rid this city of the sickness that infests it. Veidt is just as bad, shallow and ineffectual. Osterman too removed from humanity. Juspeczyk despises me; feeling is mutual. Citizens in general shallow and corrupt, a blight on the face of this planet. Would require firestorm to burn away the moral cancer. Am tempted to favor nuclear war.

    --- ---
    * | | * (best I could do at replicating Rorschach's signature)
    And thus: Fallout: Equestria: Watchmen edition
    Strrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrex

  8. #23
    Infiltrator Cthulhu_of_R'yleh's Avatar
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    Dear Princess Celestia,

    Commander Shepard here. I'm afraid I don't have too many friends, though my Squad probably fits. Except Miranda... Dumb Bitch.
    I think I learned that you shouldn't kill them if they don't agree with you. Or something. Either way, I'm off to save Space. If you don't hear
    from me next week. Don't set me on fire. I'll be saving your planet, most likely.

    Sincerely, Shepard
    Armored Frame Division #27: Starlancer Flight - Roland Vance Xel'Tais

  9. #24
    Strrrrrrrrrrrrex mailedbypostman1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cthulhu_of_R'yleh View Post
    Dear Princess Celestia,

    Commander Shepard here. I'm afraid I don't have too many friends, though my Squad probably fits. Except Miranda... Dumb Bitch.
    I think I learned that you shouldn't kill them if they don't agree with you. Or something. Either way, I'm off to save Space. If you don't hear
    from me next week. Don't set me on fire. I'll be saving your planet, most likely.

    Sincerely, Shepard
    I'm assuming ME2 Shep.
    Strrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrex

  10. #25
    Infiltrator Cthulhu_of_R'yleh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mailedbypostman1 View Post
    I'm assuming ME2 Shep.
    Yeah. Pretty much.
    Armored Frame Division #27: Starlancer Flight - Roland Vance Xel'Tais

  11. #26
    Terror On Wheels T51R's Avatar
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    Dear Princess Celestia,

    I died a very long time ago, and was only recently reincarnated. Soon after, I discovered a portal to the second Nexus of All Realities: the Khazan. With the help of my reincarnated friends, family and former enemies, I found out that my then-daughter had somehow managed to reproduce with a mortal human and that I have a noteworthy descendent who is surely worthy of my lineage. As well as several other may-be's. And an entire race of sub-human creatures who also embody my wrath but fail miserably to display it convincingly.

    Princess, as I explore this world and forge new friendships, a great many things irk me:

    -My descendent, Kazuma, is a pedophile who doesn't even bother to hide the fact.
    -Why is the short, hairy creature called "Wolverine" by some and "Logan" by others somehow related to me, but only when he gets pissed off?
    -Why was Bruce Banner born so weak that he needed drugs, mental stress, lethal doses of radiation and a character portrayal by Eric Bana for him to finally reach the potential of his lineage? Is there something wrong with my DNA?
    -Why do so many people build giant robots to fight with, when they can just use their own fists and anger?
    -Who drugged, and subsequently had sex with my daughter in order to produce the subhuman creatures called "Rayman Raving Rabbids," whose only claim, and a weak one at that, to my household is a pathetically weak "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" which does not even shake the house, let alone a mountain or two.

    As to the last one, my daughter clearly remembers what happened but does not speak about it. When asked, she only giggles. I think she may have a closet bestiality problem. Which PISSES ME OFF.

    Your servant,
    Asura

    "Our cash flow is as if a profligate son keeps borrowing money to spend on Geisha, which is why we donít have a choice not to enjoy the race." ~DOME CO. LTD, on their 2012 LeMans effort...

  12. #27
    Everyone's favorite host Guy Smiley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by T51R View Post
    Dear Princess Celestia,

    I died a very long time ago, and was only recently reincarnated. Soon after, I discovered a portal to the second Nexus of All Realities: the Khazan. With the help of my reincarnated friends, family and former enemies, I found out that my then-daughter had somehow managed to reproduce with a mortal human and that I have a noteworthy descendent who is surely worthy of my lineage. As well as several other may-be's. And an entire race of sub-human creatures who also embody my wrath but fail miserably to display it convincingly.

    Princess, as I explore this world and forge new friendships, a great many things irk me:

    -My descendent, Kazuma, is a pedophile who doesn't even bother to hide the fact.
    -Why is the short, hairy creature called "Wolverine" by some and "Logan" by others somehow related to me, but only when he gets pissed off?
    -Why was Bruce Banner born so weak that he needed drugs, mental stress, lethal doses of radiation and a character portrayal by Eric Bana for him to finally reach the potential of his lineage? Is there something wrong with my DNA?
    -Why do so many people build giant robots to fight with, when they can just use their own fists and anger?
    -Who drugged, and subsequently had sex with my daughter in order to produce the subhuman creatures called "Rayman Raving Rabbids," whose only claim, and a weak one at that, to my household is a pathetically weak "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" which does not even shake the house, let alone a mountain or two.

    As to the last one, my daughter clearly remembers what happened but does not speak about it. When asked, she only giggles. I think she may have a closet bestiality problem. Which PISSES ME OFF.

    Your servant,
    Asura

    Dear Asura,

    Grandpa? Is that you?

    Love,

    Princess Celestia





  13. #28
    A Thinking Man's Rhino Omegalith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mailedbypostman1 View Post
    And thus: Fallout: Equestria
    Oh, that's a rather worrying one.

    Dear Princess Celestia:

    Do not under any circumstances go to war with the Zebras.

    If you can't avoid it, at least try not to break down from the stress and let Luna run things: Zebras really hate Luna after that whole "Eternal Night" thing.

    If all else fails: Don't let Fluttershy lead a branch of Government. Trust me on this, she has a really poor grasp of the phrase "Mutually Assured Destruction". You'd probably win if you just let her keep being a small-town vet.

    Yours warningly,

    Littlepip.

    Dear Princess Celestia,

    Today I found out you don't really understand a rape victim friend until it's happened to you. We get along much better now, so I guess that's a plus.

    Also I lost all four limbs and both eyes today, but now I'm a kick-ass cyborg so that's also a plus. It really helps to look on the bright side of life.

    Also I drank five bottles of Whiskey before writing this letter. I have fashioned said bottles into a crown, and am now QUEEN OF ALL WHISKEY. Glory says that's not a very good coping mechanism, but I'm feeling pretty okay right now.

    Welp, gotta go punch some ghouls to death to test my new mechanical hooves!

    Blackjack.
    A Flock of Sheep.
    A Pack of Wolves.
    An Inconvenience of Heroes.

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