RITA'S CXLIII: You’re Gonna Have to Serve Somebody

[Jared H.]

That's actually not all THAT an irrational fear. Do you have a deposit coming back? They didn't sound like the kind of people that would be above messing with that.

I'm not expecting to get the deposit back. I'm actually worried that they'll go beyond that: claim outrageous damages or something ridiculous.

[Paradox]

Yeah, that's pushing into paranoia, all right. I'd tell you that you should just make sure your bases are all covered and then do your best to relax about it but that's much akin to telling someone with clinical depression to just cheer up. It's not that you don't know what to do, it's that you can't.

[Jared H.]

Anyhow, as I said: irrational. When I get tired, I get panic attacks much easier. And when things are going well, my brain works overtime to come up with something to worry about.

I miss my therapist. This is one thing that's been very hard to make better no matter how hard I try.

[Jared H.]

Yeah, that's pushing into paranoia, all right. I'd tell you that you should just make sure your bases are all covered and then do your best to relax about it but that's much akin to telling someone with clinical depression to just cheer up. It's not that you don't know what to do, it's that you can't.

Pretty much, yeah. Thanks. I just need some sleep and I'll feel better. This isn't something that'll be bugging me all the time(although I figure the first week or so after we move it'll crop up a few times).

[Spike-X]

Yeah. It doesn't help that I end up freaking about irrational things, and fighting back with logic does not help at all.

My current paranoid fear: that the apartment complex we're moving out of is planning a way to screw us over somehow after we move out.

You sound like my ex, only with her I think it's more nurture than nature; she's been brought up to think that anything that can possibly go wrong, will go wrong, and the consequences will be not only devastating but completely beyond the bounds of the rational.

for instance, one time when her phone bill was overdue, her parents put the idea into her head that the phone company would just come around to her house and take all her stuff. Oh what fucking planet would that actually happen, I ask you?

[Jared H.]

You sound like my ex, only with her I think it's more nurture than nature; she's been brought up to think that anything that can possibly go wrong, will go wrong, and the consequences will be not only devastating but completely beyond the bounds of the rational.

for instance, one time when her phone bill was overdue, her parents put the idea into her head that the phone company would just come around to her house and take all her stuff. Oh what fucking planet would that actually happen, I ask you?

A good deal of it is nurture with me also, or at least my therapist thinks so. My folks are very, very good at putting guilt and worst case scenarios into my head. Once upon a time I would have believed the same as your ex had I been told so(less than a decade ago, even).

This is the way the insanity is manifesting in my head right now, step by step:

1. The complex is going to come after us no matter how much we clean up.
2. They will demand an exorbitant amount of money and take it to small claims court or something.
3. This will somehow wrap around to us losing our new apartment somehow.
4. We will end up living out of our car or someone's basement, and be paying that crap off forever.
5. We will lose our pets, too.

I wish I could add this to the above:

6. ???
7. Profit!

Sadly, I cannot.

This kinda stuff is why I say to folks "No, seriously. I'm crazy."

[Jared H.]

And I have managed to get less crazy over the years, but our situation has worsened. But in my worst moments, I really start to wonder if I'm meant to make it in the real world. Maybe I should be in an institution or something.

[Spike-X]

And I have managed to get less crazy over the years, but our situation has worsened. But in my worst moments, I really start to wonder if I'm meant to make it in the real world. Maybe I should be in an institution or something.

You can shut the fuck up with that kind of crap RIGHT NOW, MISTER!!

[Jared H.]

You can shut the fuck up with that kind of crap RIGHT NOW, MISTER!!

No worries. My wife has informed me in no uncertain terms that if I end up in a psych ward and leave her alone, that she will make me pay for it in a most unpleasant fashion. And I believe her.

[Spike-X]

No worries. My wife has informed me in no uncertain terms that if I end up in a psych ward and leave her alone, that she will make me pay for it in a most unpleasant fashion. And I believe her.

She's a good woman, that woman.

[Jared H.]

Basically, I'm not allowed to give up, and neither is she.

And frankly, I'd rather be living out of a car or in a basement or homeless shelter with my wife than alone in an institution.

[Jared H.]

She's a good woman, that woman.

Indeed. She keeps me in line, too. I shudder to think where I'd be right now if not for her.

[Jared H.]

For the sake of my own paranoia: that sequence of events is indeed completely impossible, right? Dox's recent "well actually" kinda has me more on guard now.

[Spike-X]

For the sake of my own paranoia: that sequence of events is indeed completely impossible, right? Dox's recent "well actually" kinda has me more on guard now.

Completely impossible.

[the4thpip]

Basically, I'm not allowed to give up, and neither is she.

And frankly, I'd rather be living out of a car or in a basement or homeless shelter with my wife than alone in an institution.

That's a pretty damn awesome love right there.

Morning y'all.