Make Me an X-Vignette I: The Brave and the Bold

[Justin K.]

Okay. That's all. Elitist, entitled, out-of-her-time-Plaza Queen. That's what Magma should be.

Ali$on Cre$tmere

[Boozier]

CyberHubbs, that was...INCREDIBLE!

Yes, I put Justin at first probably because he posted before me. Anyway, I love it. So fun!

[pryde15]

Great work Cyberhubbs!

[CyberHubbs]

Thanks. I'm already picking it apart in my head, but that's par for course with my writing.

[CyberHubbs]

No scathing critiques?

[Seresecros]

STORY ONE: LAYLA MILLER

Panel 1:
Layla Miller is sat flicking through a Marvel handbook. Monet and Siryn stand in the foreground, watching her.

MONET: What's she reading?

SIRYN: No idea

Panel 2:
Close on the page that Layla is currently looking through. It's a picture of WITHER, the New X-Men nobody cared about

Panel 3:
Back to Layla on the sofa.

LAYLA: Too withery

Panel 4:
The same. Layla flicks the page

Panel 5:
Layla smiles

LAYLA: HA!

Panel 6:
Layla walks off. The book is left lying on a coffee table, open at a certain page

Panel 7:
Monet and Siryn have picked up the book and are reading it

MONET: What's an Onyxx?


STORY TWO: Danger

Panel 1:
Danger is sat by the X-Men's pool, reading a book. I imagine she is probably reading one of Marjorie Liu's novels.

Panel 2:
Madison Jeffries sticks his head into the panel, about to make his move on her

Panel 3:

JEFFRIES: I bet a lot of guys are only interested in you because you're dangerous, but I prefer a girl with plenty of roo-

Panel 4:
Danger punches Jeffries while still reading her novel.


STORY THREE: STORM

Panel 1:
We see two doors leading into two rooms. The left door is slightly ajar, and Kavita Rao/MadJeff are in there. Kavita is putting an ice compress on Jeff's face. The right door is locked.

KAVITA: ...you're sure there's nothing you want to tell me?

Panel 2:
Storm enters from the left. She is tight on the wall, being secretive and stealthy (in her mind)

JEFF: I fell down the stairs, Rao. That's all.

Panel 3:
Storm leaps towards the right-hand door, opening it

Panel 4:
She peeks out the door, holding an urn in her hands

Panel 5:
She forward-rolls back the way she came

Panel 6:

JEFF: Storm realises we have CCTV cameras in this corridor, right?

KAVITA: Her thieving isn't what it used to be.


STORY FOUR: ONYXX

Panel 1:
Onyxx holds a martini

THOUGHT BUBBLE: Man, it's so AWESOME being alive again

Panel 2:
He walks into an OPULENT room, holding the drink. Big splashy panel. The room looks fabulous, with a piano and marble columns and all kinds of fancy stuff. Onyxx is living the dream!

SFX (on the opposite side of the room to Onyxx): ting! ting!

Panel 3:
He enters a smaller room. Layla is sat on a sofa, being wafted with a fan by Icarus.

LAYLA: Finally! I've only been waiting forever!

Panel 4:
She grabs the martini from him and downs it

Panel 5:
Close on Onyxx's smiling face

THOUGHT BUBBLE: I love being Layla Miller's undead sex slave

[.A²]

THOUGHT BUBBLE: I love being Layla Miller's undead sex slave

Pssh. Layla already has one/multiple undead sex slave(s). But I loved this, especially the first two.

[pryde15]

The third one actually made me snort, good job Seresecros!

[Daniel Mengsk]

You people are way to talanted to be working in boring jobs that don't allow you to do this full time. Great work everybody!

[Seresecros]

did anybody else want HARSH CRITICAL ANALYSIS? sorry for dropping off the map recently

[CyberHubbs]

did anybody else want HARSH CRITICAL ANALYSIS? sorry for dropping off the map recently

Go right ahead.

[pryde15]

Seresecros, what is the name of your entry?

[Seresecros]

Just a few quick points - Tabby wouldn't ever say "ariel and I", because that's accurate grammar and Tabby don't roll like that. She'd also use more contractions."I've" dated a fricking god, etc. After she says "then I dated a hero she could say "well, a new mutant" under her breath. She shou;dn't turn to face the trailer as she blows it up, but should maintain eye contact with Gomi. Excise the "fine. one date" bit and just have her say "you'd better be a good dancer". I like your script

I'm not sure if the guy can point at the map and be smacked within the same panel, but maybe he could.

[Seresecros]

It's called "Seresecros is the greatest"

[CyberHubbs]

Just a few quick points - Tabby wouldn't ever say "ariel and I", because that's accurate grammar and Tabby don't roll like that. She'd also use more contractions."I've" dated a fricking god, etc. After she says "then I dated a hero she could say "well, a new mutant" under her breath. She shou;dn't turn to face the trailer as she blows it up, but should maintain eye contact with Gomi. Excise the "fine. one date" bit and just have her say "you'd better be a good dancer". I like your script

I'm not sure if the guy can point at the map and be smacked within the same panel, but maybe he could.

I actually mulled over the "Ariel and I" bit while writing it. Good eye. Just never went back and changed it.

"Fine." is kind of my "Damn it." moment in a Brubaker comic. Usually, it's something like "Fine. Fine. We'll do it your way, etc etc." I slipped that in as my signature at the bottom sort of deal.

But, yeah, I agree with your points.