FASHIONABLY LATE TO THE END OF THE WORLD
Panoramic view of Roanoke, Virginia. Dark clouds hunch over the city. It's raining, thick and heavy. An explosion rips through one of the mid-floor windows of a hospital, bright and visible through the gloom.
[VOICE OVER] My name is Tabitha Smith and I'm late to the end of the world.
[VOICE OVER] See, there's this alien prince throwing a party for his dying planet. There's going to be music, dancing and lots of stuff blowing up.
Close-up of the smoldering hole the explosion created. It's a single hospital room. Inside, there's a man in a hospital gown trying to clamber back into bed. Boom-Boom is standing over him, angry, holding a map and jabbing a finger at it. She's dressed in a red dress and cowboy boots. Ariel is leaning against the door, wearing something glittery and fashionable (very 80s), and texting on her phone while someone is banging on the door out in the hall.
[VOICE OVER] Ariel and I are still here on Earth because my jerk of a father watches too much TV and thought that, hey, he could start his own meth lab like Malcolm's dad!
[VOICE OVER] Unfortunately, he's not a chemistry teacher. He's not even Malcolm's dad.
The man in the hospital gown feebly points at a spot on the map and Boom-Boom slaps him upside the head. Across the room, Ariel opens the now-glowing door to reveal the inside of an old trailer, rather than the hall outside the room. There's a lone figure on the other side wearing a cheap radiation suit, his back to the portal, attention on the equipment in front of him.
[VOICE OVER] He's a nobody.
[VOICE OVER] The only thing he knows how to cook
is a Hungry-Man TV dinner. So I know he had to have help.
The figure in the radiation suit turns its head toward the portal, but we still see it from the hospital room vantage. Boom-Boom is already stalking through the portal at that point, a fist flying out toward the figure's head. Ariel is distractedly waving at the man in the hospital gown while closing the door behind them.
[VOICE OVER] So why am I here and not halfway across the universe? Why am I looking out for a guy that hates me for being born a mutant?
Hospital attendants finally burst through the door, scratching their heads when all they find is the patient picking debris from his sheets.
[VOICE OVER] Isn't it obvious by now?
Inside of the trailer. Camera-angle is from inside the radiation suit's helmet (maybe some smudges, or a crack in the plastic from where Tabitha's punch landed), staring straight up from the floor at Boom-Boom standing over the figure menacingly, two well-manicured fingers pointed down at him in a 'pistol' gesture.
[VOICE OVER] I'm a daddy's girl.
The figure shrieks and fumbles his helmet off, showing a young twenty-something with blond, spiky hair and big, nerdy glasses.
[Gomi] OH MY GOD PLEASE DON'T KILL ME -- ...Tabitha?
[Ariel; in the background, texting] Hi, Gomi!
The trailer's door flies open as Gomi is thrown outside, landing in the dirt with a thud. They're in a clearing, trees in the distance. You can see the rainclouds over the city from where they are, giving an idea of distance traveled. Boom-Boom is sticking her head out the open door, shouting.
[Boom-Boom] YOU'RE cooking meth with my dad?! Are you stupid or crazy!?!
[Gomi] Hi, Ariel! [BEAT] C-calm down, Tabitha! I was trying to help him!
[Boom-Boom] Yeah! To cook METH!
Boom-Boom stomps out of the trailer, kicking at Gomi who is trying to get to his feet. Ariel is standing in the trailer's doorway.
[Ariel] Tabs! Adolpho says that the first god fell over dead from a heart attack and crushed Miracle City! He totally sent vids. Look!
[VOICE OVER] Adolpho. That's the alien prince.
[Gomi] No! I--I just wanted to help him, somehow fix things between you two. You know, 'cause...I love you! [BEAT] Wait, who's Adolpho?
Boom-Boom is stunned and wide-eyed. She isn't even looking at the video Ariel is trying to show her on her phone.
[Boom-Boom] You're totally serious. You did all this for me, thinking...what? I'd jump your bones because you turned my dad into a criminal? Send you some dirty pics to show all your friends?
[Gomi] Tabitha. I -- [CUT OFF]
Boom-Boom is up in Gomi's face, jabbing him in the chest with a finger.
[Boom-Boom] SHUT. UP. [BEAT] I have dated a fricking god, you idiot! AND he was an older man!
[Ariel is out of the trailer, off to the side. She's shaking her hand in that 'Ehhh' sort of way at Boom-Boom's comment.]
[Boom-Boom] And after that I dated a hero! So you see what you have to compete with. Now tell me what you thought you could win me over with. Tell me your great master plan, Alphonsus
Close-up of Gomi looking completely sincere.
[Gomi] I learned to dance for you.
Boom-Boom's face. Stunned again.
. Boom-Boom turns and shoots a crackling ball of energy into the trailer, blowing the entire thing up quite fabulously.
As the trailer burns, a shadow drops across the three. A big green lobster leg lands next to Tabitha, startling her and Ariel. Both women are looking straight up.
Camera pans back, revealing Bill the Lobster, but the size of a truck. Boom-Boom and Ariel are simultaneously throwing their arms around one of his legs and hugging it. Bill looks happy to see them, too.
Bill, Boom-Boom and Ariel all look disapprovingly in Gomi's direction.
[Boom-Boom] Fine. One date. And you'd better be a great dancer.
[Gomi] I am! I really am! But, uh...I need a real quick favor first...
Inside of the food court at a local mall. Bill is peering in at them through a window. Gomi is wearing a CALL OF DUTY shirt and is standing in front of several other guys in matching CALL OF DUTY shirts, and he's showing them something on his phone. From their expressions, it's probably something racy. Boom-Boom is sitting at a nearby table, grumpily eating a cinnabun. Ariel is texting in one hand while holding one of the slobbering Call of Duty guys at arm's length with the other.
[VOICE OVER] My name is Tabitha Smith.
[VOICE OVER] And I have a date to the end of the world.