Things I write

[Jer]

Okay then my first comment on the ploy if it is the start, then you need to start at the beginning. Look at the first two episodes of Justice League cartoon, or the Avenger's Earth Mightiest Heroes, where writers introduced each character and set up the environment they are working in.

Actually I disagree with this. You don't have to start at the beginning. There are some stories where you can start in the middle and have the world explained through a New Character that has just entered said crazy world and explain it from there.

Ben's story right now is more of an outline anyway. And it's very good to start with this kind of thinking to see the flow of how you want said story to go.

Your issue 1 doesn't explain who are the GLC, why they exist, who the other earth GLs are or what they are like, and why there are so many from Earth. The basis plot isn't bad, but it's not an issue one sort of story. You don't have to start with origin stories, but you can't start with a whole bunch of assumed knowledge either.

The information to explain what the GL is about can be given to Kyle through Dialogue on Oa.

I think it can work beautifully by starting out in the middle and having the world slowly explained to the reader.

I also don't care why are so many Lanterns from Earth. The audience can just assume that every planet or sector has at least a couple of lanterns from said planet.

Also, for a single 20 page comic, too complex. You have 10 scenes in your plot summary plus a pinup page, so how would this all fit?

Yeah, I agree with this. This seems more like two or three issues to me.

[Jer]

Monster Land Original Graphic Novel:

Plot:

Bob Ferringer is a normal American man. He has a loving wife, two great kids and a lot of friends. Life seems great for him at the moment. His job, that of being a plumber, while not always great, can give his family an affordable apartment.

Bob should also love his job. That way you can say how great his life truly is. It sets the audience up for the fall that we know is eventually coming. The perfect life that is stressed at the very beginning.

Both of his parents are dead, but both were granted sleeping deaths so they felt little pain in their final moments. On the weekend of June 17, 20-- he and his family go to the park one day in order to have fun. Play catch, eat picnic food and then watch the sunset. Things are going well. Then all of a sudden, Bob begins to have a headache. It doesn't bother him much at first, but then it keeps going on, for days. He sees a doctor who has no idea what is causing the pain. Finally, he goes to sleep one day. It will be a normal night he thinks, except for the headache.

He is very wrong.

Actually if a guy has a headache for days and the doctors can't find anything wrong with him then I would imagine the guy would go to sleep very worried and in the hospital.

Bob wakes up. The first thing he notices is that his wife isn't with him. In fact, he seems to be in an entire other room. Has he been kidnapped or something?

Did he fall asleep in the hospital bed room? First thought would be did the doctors move him in the middle of the night and if so ... why?

Is his family alright? He begins to run out of the room, trying to see if he can figure out what's going on. Instead of getting answers, he gets more questions. All sorts of creatures are walking around. Some are big, some are small. Some are human like, some aren't. All look strange though. He goes running to find a spot to think, to be alone. He finds one in what looks like a strange library. He goes to the corner and beings to try to realize what the hell is going on.

“Maybe this is just a dream. Yeah, probably just a dream. I mean what else could this be? Not something like those silly shows my daughter watches. I'm not in some random dimension or something.”

Show would actually work much better here then comics. A lot more people watch alot of crazy stuff on tv and in movies; the term "shows" covers all of that plus it's sortof breaking the fourth wall. I think! Because your reading about a guy in a comic talking about a comic. shows and it feels more natural to think and say rather then comics.

[quote]
Bob suddenly feels a hand on his shoulder. Actually, not a hand but more of a tentacle. Trying to imagine what the heck this could be, Bob turns his head. It's a gigantic monster that looks like the Hydra or something.

“Actually, that's pretty accurate. This is another dimension, different from your own. Here, all looks different from any other dimension. Everyone is a strange creature. Everyone is a weirdo. Don't worry though, that's just the law of the land. Being a weirdo is a good thing a lot of the time you know.”
[quote]

did Bob think that or did he say it? I think it would be interesting if Bob only thought that and the creature explained that he can read mind

Uh-huh. Great. So not only is this nightmare not ending, but now Bob is being told that in order to be part of the pack here, he'll need to be crazy. A loon. Worse than a Hippy or a member of the Tea Party.

You might want to leave politics out of the book. You don't want to offend anyone's political standings.

In fact, this would be a good time to make fun of cosplayers and other geeks who dress up at Star Trek/Wars conventions.

He needs a new place to think, some place where no one will be around to read his mind. He goes running yet again, and finds an empty building. The building itself has a bit of weird architecture, but it seems that no one is inside. He sits inside and tries to think about things. Maybe this is real. Maybe he is in a land of weird creatures. A land in which things are always out of the ordinary. But then why is he in here? He's never been weird in his life. Never been bad either. Okay yes, there was one time when he stole a comic from the comics shop but he was in eighth grade when that happened and he hasn't done anything since. Really.

Is this you!? A person has done a lot of bad things in his life time. If he's a family man it seems highly unbelievable that the last bad thing he did was in 8th grade.

You can say he feels guilty about torrents.
Lying to his wife.
Being too lazy to help his kids.
cheating on that test in college


I don't know, but something a little more recent then 8th grade. I know you want him to be likable but well rounded character always has dark skeletons Ben.

Of course, as the law of the land here seems to be weird, something weird happens. The building that Bob is in begins to start shaking. Then it seems to being moving. Bob tries to get out of the building, but it's too late. If he tries to leave, he will fall out. What he does notice though, is that there is a porch on the very top. He walks up to try to see what's going on and is given one hell of a surprise.
“Why are you standing on my eye?” A loud voice said. Bob realized that this loud voice had to be the building itself. Maybe it was alive. Bob had already seen enough crazy things here to believe it. “Don't just stand there and believe. I'll know your thoughts, answer me!”

So these creatures can read minds? I added a period because without one the sentence structure is just weird. And believe what?

“I apologize. I didn't realize I was hurting you. Is there any part of you that I can stay in without hurting you?”

“On the roof.”

If that's true why didn't the building speak up sooner!?

Bob went to the top floor and climbed up some stairs leading him to the roof. It seemed that this place was wonderful – there was a beautiful tree growing that was as lush as possible, though of course it was colored differently then most other trees and didn't seem to be a member of any species that Bob knew about. It didn't matter, he needed to talk and decided that whatever this building was called was going to give him the facts that he was looking for.

“My name is Jerfik, the 2,995th youngest of the Sentient Buildings. I come from a dimension in which my kind is the normal, and everything is about building buildings, much how everything in your universe seems to be about creating other humans, or something like that. The reason that we are brought to this dimension is that some above creator wishes us to complete missions for him. Pretty cool, huh?”

“Um, what missions?”

“Oh, well you and I are going to go on one right now, actually. To the dimension of Julistice, where everything keeps getting remodeled, to the point of redundancy.”

“......what?”

The building began to walk to a wormhole that opened out of nowhere. Others walked towards it as well. One looked like something out of Greek Mythology, like that thing called the Hydra. Another looked like a gigantic toy. Another, a soda can. Once he and the building were inside the wormhole, Bob felt a large pull on his body and suddenly he was in a dimension of creatures whom looked like vampires. He heard in his head “This dimension has been infested with invaders from another dimension, killing the best warriors in the land. Fix this with three days.”

End Part One.

That's just something I'm working on. Only a rough draft, and yes the title will be explained eventually in the story.

Now that's interesting. But before Bob goes through the wormhole I think there should be an explanation of how people are recruited for these missions.
And the audience should know if Bob was actually chosen for this or was he just an unlucky sap that got pulled into this.

[Ben D]

Bob should also love his job. That way you can say how great his life truly is. It sets the audience up for the fall that we know is eventually coming. The perfect life that is stressed at the very beginning.

Actually if a guy has a headache for days and the doctors can't find anything wrong with him then I would imagine the guy would go to sleep very worried and in the hospital.

I'm thinking of maybe changing this to only a few hours actually, as it's supposed to be something that he doesn't feel is an especially big deal, then ends up changing his life forever.

Did he fall asleep in the hospital bed room? First thought would be did the doctors move him in the middle of the night and if so ... why?

He wasn't in a hospital bed.

Show would actually work much better here then comics. A lot more people watch alot of crazy stuff on tv and in movies; the term "shows" covers all of that plus it's sortof breaking the fourth wall. I think! Because your reading about a guy in a comic talking about a comic. shows and it feels more natural to think and say rather then comics.

I agree, that's actually a very good change.

did Bob think that or did he say it? I think it would be interesting if Bob only thought that and the creature explained that he can read mind

Bob only thought that. The scene is supposed to show that there seems to be no privacy here, nowhere to be alone and think which is what Bob needs at the moment.

You might want to leave politics out of the book. You don't want to offend anyone's political standings.
In fact, this would be a good time to make fun of cosplayers and other geeks who dress up at Star Trek/Wars conventions.

I may actually use that.



(if this ever actually becomes anything more than posts on CBR )

Is this you!? A person has done a lot of bad things in his life time. If he's a family man it seems highly unbelievable that the last bad thing he did was in 8th grade.

You can say he feels guilty about torrents.
Lying to his wife.
Being too lazy to help his kids.
cheating on that test in college


I don't know, but something a little more recent then 8th grade. I know you want him to be likable but well rounded character always has dark skeletons Ben.

The stealing from the comics shop is myself, yes. (Returned though and am still good friends with the LCS owner) I just don't wish to make the character seem too awful or bad as that's part of why he's freaking out. For all he knows this may be hell yet he can't think of anything terrible that he's done. In fact the scene is more or less one of those "WhatdidIdo, whatdidIdo, whatdidIdo!" type of scenes.

So these creatures can read minds? I added a period because without one the sentence structure is just weird. And believe what?

Not exactly. It's more like there is a never ending river of thoughts and dreams that if one tries hard enough, they can pluck these thoughts and dreams out of. And this will be explained later as well.

(Note: inspired by my weird interpretation of the Force from Star Wars)

If that's true why didn't the building speak up sooner!?

Bob simply being inside the building wasn't especially hurting at first. A building needs people in it to fulfill it's intended purpose and Bob was doing just that. In a way he was giving the creature energy (explained through dialogue but in the panels the rooms will be dark at first and then slowly light up).

However, the porch is something different. It's more or less falling apart and now can only be used for one thing at a time. Usually it doesn't especially need to be maintained, but that's because no one is standing on it. Keeping the porch all together while Bob is on it takes the building more energy than it especially has, hurting the building.

Now that's interesting. But before Bob goes through the wormhole I think there should be an explanation of how people are recruited for these missions.
And the audience should know if Bob was actually chosen for this or was he just an unlucky sap that got pulled into this.

The reason as to why he's chosen will be a major part of the story actually, as he is (MASSIVE SPOILERS) the reincarnation of the god of this realm, but there's a twist. (EVEN LARGER SPOILERS) He's the reincarnation of a god yes. This isn't especially something good however. In fact it's very bad, as this god betrayed the people of this dimension. Bob has to prove that he's not especially this person. He may be a version of this person, but for all intents and purposes Bob is his own man so to speak. He didn't do the acts that his reincarnation did. He's at first going to be tested if he has the powers of this god or if that has been diminished (something that I'm still deciding on actually). After that he'll be on the run for his life with some allies he comes across. (End of spoilers)

And I'd just like to note that I will fully admit I'm not an especially good writer.

[Ben D]

I kind of feel like a jerk posting this instead of Monster Land part 2 - which I will get to, but this is a script I've been working on for a Green Lantern sequel/relaunch (it can work both ways so far).


Green Lantern: Secret Origin

Scene one:

Kilowog and Guy Gardner are in space, running from blasts.

Kilowog: Guy, I don't know how much more of this we can take Guy.

Guy Gardner: Don't worry Kilowog, we're Green Lanterns.

Parallax (Hal Jordan) is attacking them, filled with rage. He's as terrifying and as powerful as the Star Destroyer from Star Wars: A New Hope.

Guy Gardner: We got this.

Gardner turns his head and looks back at his fellow Lanterns. It's obvious that a large epic battle has been going on now with them tired and full of energy for a fight.

Guy Gardner: Hear that Lanterns? Don't back down one damn bit! We've face bigger poozers than this before and we'll do it again!

Gardner and the Lanterns attack an awe inspiring spectacle of light that obviously is a venomous predator like construct.

Tomar – Re: Follow Guy Gardner my fellow Lanterns! He knows the way of the warrior! To victory!

John Stewart: For all of our lost brothers and sisters!

The battle seems to be going in the Lanterns favor but then a powerful yellow energy beam hits Gardner in the face. He's obviously injured. Now the back of Parallax's armor is seen. He has a powerfulness about him that intimidates Gardner. (NO PART OF PARALLAX'S FACE SHOULD BE SEEN. THE BACK OF HIS BODY CAN BE SEEN, BUT NOTHING ELSE)

Parallax: I wouldn't be so sure about that. You Green Lanterns and your pathetic Guardians may have once been able to cage my kind from the rest of the universe, but no longer. Now Lanterns, the age of Parallax shall begin once again. No place in the universe will be untouched by my reach of power.

A squid like construct emerges from Parallax and captures all of the Lanterns. Though no dialogue is said in this sequence, it should be a fairly time lengthened fight.

Parallax: Do not fear Lanterns. You will be put to good use.

The Guardians are in their chamber, discussing just what to do. There is twelve of them. They realize that their army has failed them and their enemy is now near unstoppable.

Guardian one: Fellow Guardians, it is obvious that we must find a new course of action in defeating this Parallax creature.

Ganthet: Though they did not succeed in defeatin Parallax, we must put more faith in our Green Lanterns. They have faced far great enemies before and can will do so again. All they need is -

Scar: To stay out of this affair! Fellow Guardian, if you possibly think that sending more Lanterns to their deaths is the answer then you are more foolish then I thought. You may not feel that this is an important issue -

Ganthet: Not an important issue? I was the one who brought this matter to the this committee's attention in the first place! You know more than anyone about how I think of the Corps! I put would trust each and everyone of them with my life. They can overcome this, eventually.

Guardian two: Eventually. Either way we can all agree that another course of action needs to be taken for the time being if this threat is to be defeated. It is clear that the Lanterns and the Universe needs our help. Tomorrow we will discuss this matter again and see if we can reach a conclusion that we all agree on.

Scene two:

Kyle Rayner, the hero of the story walks into the bar with some friends of his. They walk off for a table while Kyle sits at a bar stool.

Kyle: Give me a beer please.

Bartender: Here you go.

Kyle: Thanks.

Alexandra sits down next to Kyle. The two seem interested in each other.

Alexandra: Hey.

Kyle: Hi.

Alexandra: Do you have a name?

Kyle: Kyle Rayner. You?

Alexandra: Alexandra Dewitt. I've seen you and your friends in here everyday this past week. Something special about this place?

Kyle: No not really. Just an average bar.

The bartender looks over at Kyle, annoyed.

Kyle: But it's still the best one around of course. Are you new in town? I can show you around if you'd like.

Alexandra: Thanks, I just came from Twain Harte, an extremely small town. Not used to the city yet.

Kyle: Yeah it can be pretty wild around here. The gangs, the people on the streets, the crime level. This town's gotta be for the brave – hearted.

Alexandra begins to write a note.

Alexandra: Listen, I have to get going but I think we should talk again. Here's my number.

Kyle: Thanks!

Scene three:

The next day in the morning Kyle is at his job. To be exact, the job of selling his art. It appears that someone is extremely interested in a piece of his art. They've been looking at it for a while now so Kyle steps up and talks to the person.

Not-art-buyer one: Did you do this?

Kyle: Yep. Do you like it?

Not-art-buyer one: Not really. It looks pretty generic to tell you the truth. If I was you I wouldn't expect to be making much money off of it. At least compared to the amount of money artists like that.

Not-art-buyer points towards another artist's exhibit which has many people around it.

Kyle: Well I try.

Not-art-buyer one: Not enough it seems.

Not-art-buyer walks off towards the other artist's exhibit. Not-art-buyer two comes to Kyle.

Not-art-buyer two: Don't listen to him. Being an artist can be tough, I know.

Kyle: You're an artist? Can I see your exhibit.

Not-art-buyer two: Oh, I don't have an exhibit here, but yes I'm an artist. Been one for some time now.

Kyle: Can I ask, what do you think of my work?

Not-art-buyer two: Well I don't want to be rude kid, but the lady's got some points. I mean these are good and all, but nowhere near as good as they could be. They aren't bad at all, but it's clear you have talent kid. You're just not using it for some reason. The world would be a much more interesting place if people actually used their talent.

Kyle: I guess I can see what you're saying.

Not-art-buyer two: No offense, but you don't get what I'm saying. If you knew what I'm talking about, you would have created better pieces of art in the first place.

Kyle: Sorry, not all of us can be Picasso's.

Not-art-buyer two: Look, if it means anything to you, if actually had money with me I'd probably buy some of your works. It's just nowhere near as good as it should be. You can be much better than this. You only lack the courage to be brave and innovative. Too bad. Both the best and worst parts of history are shaped by brave and innovative people.

A few hours later at the end of the exhibit the owner of the building is asking for revenue for letting these artists renting the place out. Kyle is packing things up as the man comes.

Mr Hatashi: Do you have anything Rayner? Anything at all?

Kyle: Please Mr Hatashi, give me a few days to pay this off. I – I can pay this off in about a week.

Mr Hatashi: You don't have a week! I don't have a week! Rayner, I was using this exhibit to get some much needed revenue for this place and you know that. You told me that your art would bring in enough money to leave us both with something. Are you really telling me that you didn't make anything all day?

Kyle: I promise you, I'll have the money to you in a week.

Mr Hatashi: Fine I'll give you one week. If you don't come back in one week with the money, I'll double it. Same with the week after that and so on. And remember, you better be thanking me for giving you both the opportunity to put your art on display and giving you an extra week to get your money together.

Kyle: Thanks.

Scene four:

Kyle is walking out of the exhibit building to the back parking lot. He goes to his car and sits there for a few seconds, realizing he's never going to get the money for Mr Hatashi – or himself in time. He looks up to the sky for hope. Suddenly he begins to see a green light. The green light is very bright. It's also becoming larger and larger by the second. Kyle realizes that it's coming his way somehow. The light comes faster and faster until it comes to him. Then the light comes straight in front of him. Kyle hides in his car for a few seconds and then looks up to find one of the guardians of the universe. Or in Kyle's view – a random floating blue man.

Ganthet: Kyle Rayner of sector 2814. You are a being with the ability to overcome fear. You are needed if the Green Lantern Corps is to survive in this desperate hour.

Kyle: Green....Green Lantern Corps? Does this have something to do with the guy from Coast City?

Ganthet: The protectors of the universe. For countless millenniums the Green Lantern Corps has served as the protectors of the universe always making sure the beings throughout the galaxy were safe and secure.

Kyle: So...what does this have to do with me?

Ganthet: Recently the Green Lanterns were betrayed by one of their own. This Lantern released a threat that at first they could control, but it began to become more and more powerful. This threat declared war on the Green Lantern Corps, seeing the army as a group of oppressors. After many battles we sent some of our best Lanterns against this threat. We thought they would be able to handle the threat. We were mistaken. The best of our Lanterns were defeated.

Kyle: I'm still confused.

Ganthet: You, Kyle Rayner, are to be the next Green Lantern. You are to be the one who defeats this new threat that has paralyzed the universe with fear.

Ganthet takes power ring out of his robe pocket and holds it for Kyle.

Ganthet: This ring is what gives a Green Lanterns their power. It allows them to travel throughout the universe. They can create limitless amounts of constructs from it as well, as long as they have an imagination and do not use up the ring's energy.

[Ben D]

Mr. Hatashi is coming outside.

Ganthet: We must leave this place.

A green energy begins to swirl around Ganthet and Kyle. Suddenly the two of them are traveling around the universe with the green energy circling them. Kyle seems to be very scared. Eventually Kyle sees a green planet (Oa). The energy takes them to the planet's surface.

EDIT: Mr Jackson, this is really Ben Dietz.

[Jer]

There's a 1000 character RULE!!!

okay so here goes

note all editorial suggestions will be in RED

I kind of feel like a jerk posting this instead of Monster Land part 2 - which I will get to, but this is a script I've been working on for a Green Lantern sequel/relaunch (it can work both ways so far).

Green Lantern: Secret Origin

Scene one:

Kilowog and Guy Gardner are in space, running from blasts.

Kilowog: Guy, I don't know how much more of this we can take Guy.

Guy Gardner: Don't worry Kilowog, we're Green Lanterns. "

Guy Gardner sounds too heroic here. Perhaps the dialogue can be switched around here. I've always thought of Kilowog as the brave one or the second best green lantern

Guy: Damn! This guy's too powerful? Go down already!

Kilogwog: What are you worried, poser! Don't let Hal see you like this!

Parallax (Hal Jordan) is attacking them, filled with rage. He's as terrifying and as powerful [color=red]as an exploding star[/red]

Kilowog: We got this, guys.
Kilowog *to himself*: Where are you, Hal!

Kilowog turns his head and looks back at his fellow Lanterns. It's obvious that a large epic battle has been going on for a long time with the Lanterns tired and listless and lacking in concentration

Kilowog: Hear that Lanterns? Don't back down one damn bit! We've faced bigger poozers than this before and we'll do it again!

Does Guy Gardner even say poozers?!

Kilowog and the Lanterns attack an awe inspiring spectacle of light that obviously is a venomous predator like construct.

Tomar – Re: Follow Kilowog, my fellow Lanterns! He knows the way of the warrior! To victory!

John Stewart: For all of our lost brothers and sisters!

You should have John Stewart somewhere before this. He's a pretty important character in the Green Lantern series. Maybe you could do a list of all the green lanterns in play at the beginning of this thing. If this is a big epic space battle the reader should know all the players your starting with

The battle seems to be going in the Lanterns favor but then a powerful yellow energy beam hits Gardner in the face. He's obviously injured. Now the back of Parallax's armor is seen. He has an eeriness about him that intimidates Gardner. (NO PART OF PARALLAX'S FACE SHOULD BE SEEN. THE BACK OF HIS BODY CAN BE SEEN, BUT NOTHING ELSE)

Parallax: I wouldn't be so sure about that. You Green Lanterns and your pathetic Guardians may have once been able to cage my kind from the rest of the universe, but no longer. Now Lanterns, the age of Parallax shall begin once again. No place in the universe will be untouched by my reach of power.

A squid like construct emerges from Parallax and captures all of the Lanterns. Though no dialogue is said in this sequence, it should be a fairly time lengthened fight.

Parallax: Do not fear Lanterns. You will be put to good use.

Scene 2, planet OA. Chamber of the Guardians

The Guardians are in their chamber, discussing just what to do. There is twelve of them. They realize that their army has failed them and their enemy is now near unstoppable.

Guardian one: Fellow Guardians, it is obvious that we must find a new course of action in defeating this Parallax creature.

Ganthet: Though they did not succeed in defeating Parallax, we must put more faith in our Green Lanterns. They have faced far great enemies before and can will do so again. All they need is -

Scar: To stay out of this affair! Fellow Guardian, if you possibly think that sending more Lanterns to their deaths is the answer then you are more foolish then I thought. You may not feel that this is an important issue -

Ganthet: Not an important issue? I was the one who brought this matter to the this committee's attention in the first place! You know more than anyone about how I think of the Corps! I put would trust each and everyone of them with my life. They can overcome this, eventually.

Guardian two: Eventually. Either way we can all agree that another course of action needs to be taken for the time being if this threat is to be defeated. It is clear that the Lanterns and the Universe needs our help. Tomorrow we will discuss this matter again and see if we can reach a conclusion that we all agree on.

Scene 3, earth. Night:

Kyle Rayner, the hero of the story walks into the bar with some friends of his. They walk off for a table while Kyle sits at a bar stool.

Kyle: Give me a beer please.

Bartender* slides beer to Kyle *

Kyle: Thanks.

Sexy girl sits down next to Kyle. The two seem interested in each other.

Sexy girl* looks at Kyle with a smile

Kyle *notices smile* Hey.

Sexy girl: Hi there!

Kyle: My name is Kyle Rayner. You? *moves closer to girl with a big grin on his face*

Alexandra: Alexandra Dewitt. I've seen you and your friends in here everyday this past week. Something special about this place?

Kyle: Only bar in the city that has you in it.

The bartender looks over at Kyle, rolling his eyes

Kyle: Are you new in town? I can show you around if you'd like.

Alexandra: Thanks, I just came from Twain Harte, an extremely small town. Not used to the city yet.

Kyle: Yeah it can be pretty wild around here. The gangs, the people on the streets, the criminal element. This town's gotta be for the fearless.

[Jer]

fearless, I think might be more foreshadowing then Brave-hearted

Alexandra begins to write a note.

Alexandra: Listen, I have to get going, but I think we should talk again. Here's my number.

Kyle: Thanks. I'LL CALL YOU!

Scene three:

The next day in the morning Kyle is at his job. To be exact, the job of selling his art. It appears that someone is extremely interested in a piece of his art. They've been looking at it for a while now so Kyle steps up and talks to the person.

Potential Customer 1: Did you do this?

Not-art-buyer sounds weird.

Potential Customer 1 will be shorten to PC1

Kyle: Yep. Do you like it?

PC1: Not really. It looks pretty generic to tell you the truth. If I was you I wouldn't expect to be making much money off of it. At least compared to the amount of money artists like that.

PC1 points towards another artist's exhibit which has many people around it.

Kyle: Well ... I try. *looking disappointed

PC1: Not enough it seems.

PC1 walks off towards the other artist's exhibit.
another potential customer comes to Kyle.

PC2: Don't listen to him. Being an artist can be tough, I know.

Kyle: You're an artist? Can I see your exhibit.

PC2: Oh, I don't have an exhibit here, but yes I'm an artist. Been one for some time now.

Kyle: Can I ask, what do you think of my work?

PC2: The beauty of art is in the eye of the beholder, but the lady's got some points. I mean these are good and all, but they lack something. They aren't bad at all, and it's clear you have talent kid. You just need more practice to hone your craft. Keep at it, not even the great Michelangelo got it in a day

Kyle: I guess ... I can see what you're saying.

PC2: No offense, but you don't get what I'm saying. If you knew what I'm talking about, you would have created better pieces of art in the first place.

Kyle *annoyed*: So you told me this a couple of months ago did you?:

PC2 *hmph*: I'm just trying to help. Look, if it means anything to you, if actually had money with me I'd probably buy some of your works. It's just nowhere near as good as it should be. You can be much better than this. You only lack the courage to be brave and innovative. Too bad. Both the best and worst parts of history are shaped by brave and innovative people.
*PC2 walks off, with Kyle looking sad*


A few hours later at the end of the exhibit the owner of the building is asking for revenue for letting these artists renting the place out. Kyle is packing things up as the man comes.

Mr Hatashi: Do you have anything Rayner? Anything at all?

Kyle: Please Mr Hatashi, give me a few days to pay this off. I – I can pay this off in about a week.

Mr Hatashi: You don't have a week! I don't have a week! Rayner, I was using this exhibit to get some much needed revenue for this place and you know that. You told me that your art would bring in enough money to leave us both with something. Are you really telling me that you didn't make anything all day?

Kyle: I promise you, I'll have the money to you in a week.

Mr Hatashi: Fine! I'll give you one week. If you don't come back in one week with the money, I'll double it. Same with the week after that and so on. And remember, you better be thanking me for giving you both the opportunity to put your art on display and giving you an extra week to get your money together.

Kyle: Thanks.

Scene four:

Kyle is walking out of the exhibit building to the back parking lot. He goes to his car and sits there for a few seconds, realizing he's never going to get the money for Mr Hatashi – or himself in time. He looks up to the sky for hope. Suddenly he begins to see a green light. The green light is very bright. It's also becoming larger and larger by the second. Kyle realizes that it's coming his way somehow. The light comes faster and faster until it comes to him. Then the light comes straight in front of him. Kyle hides in his car for a few seconds and then looks up to find one of the guardians of the universe. Or in Kyle's view – a random floating blue man.

Ganthet: Kyle Rayner of sector 2814. You are a being with the ability to overcome fear. You are needed if the Green Lantern Corps is to survive in this desperate hour.

Kyle: Green....Green Lantern Corps? Does this have something to do with the guy from Coast City?

Ganthet: The protectors of the universe. For countless millenniums the Green Lantern Corps has served as the protectors of the universe always making sure the beings throughout the galaxy were safe and secure.

Kyle: So...what does this have to do with me?

Ganthet: Recently the Green Lanterns were betrayed by one of their own. This Lantern released a threat that at first they could control, but it began to become more and more powerful. This threat declared war on the Green Lantern Corps, seeing the army as a group of oppressors. After many battles we sent some of our best Lanterns against this threat. We thought they would be able to handle the threat. We were mistaken. The best of our Lanterns were defeated.

Kyle: I'm still confused.

Ganthet: You, Kyle Rayner, are to be the next Green Lantern. You are to be the one who defeats this new threat that has paralyzed the universe with fear.

Ganthet takes power ring out of his robe pocket and holds it for Kyle.

Ganthet: This ring is what gives a Green Lanterns their power. It allows them to travel throughout the universe. They can create limitless amounts of constructs from it as well, as long as they have an imagination and the will!

Kyle *mouths* whoa

Ganthet: As long as the ring, itself doesn't run out of power. Do you accept this responsibility? *Ganthet stares at Kyle with interest waiting for a reply

just some suggestions, Ben. If you like them keep them if not don't.

[Ben D]

http://dietzcomicscripts.blogspot.com/

Includes my first ever "official" comics script for a comic I'm working on with a friend. Be forewarned, even I'll admit my grammar sucks. There should be at least three different scripts per week for three different comics.

[Ben D]

http://dietzcomicscripts.blogspot.co...-hey-jude.html

An adaption of Hey Jude. I started writing it yesterday, though ironically before I knew that Macca was going to be playing the song at the Olympics.