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Thread: Elves Attack!

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    Big Hairy Member JeffreyWKramer's Avatar
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    Default Elves Attack!

    Inspired by a thread on the Comm board, believe it or not.

    A group of elves from fiction and folklore get together and decide to take over the world. The elves in the scenario include:
    - The elves from Tolkein's books;
    - The elves of classical Norse, Germanic and other European folklore and myth;
    - The elves from Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream, and their counterparts from Gaiman's SANDMAN, THE BOOKS OF MAGIC and other Vertigo works utilizing those characters;
    - the Faerie courts from Jim Butcher's DRESDEN books;
    - the house elves from the Harry Potter books;
    - Santa's elves;
    - and, finally, the Keebler elves.

    How would these elves fare against the following:
    1) Our world;
    2) The Buffyverse;
    3) The DCU, comics version;
    4) The DCU, animated version;
    5) The Marvel Universe (comics version); and, finally,
    6) the Star Wars universe
    Last edited by JeffreyWKramer; 03-01-2011 at 10:05 AM.
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    A Thinking Man's Rhino Omegalith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JeffreyWKramer View Post
    - Santa's elves;
    - and, finally, the Keebler elves.
    Both really more Gnomes despite their names.

    Probably a PR thing. Gnomes are a readily exploitable source of cheap manual labour, but no-one would want to buy toys or cookies off the grubby little bastards.
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    Can we throw in the Elves from Poul Anderson's BROKEN SWORD?

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    About that, I lied. The Transient Guest's Avatar
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    I was wondering if the Marvel Elves would be included.....Malekith was pretty stacked in the magic department.....and technically Kurse is an elf as well underneath all that armor....
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    Big Hairy Member JeffreyWKramer's Avatar
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    Sure, the more the merrier. Toss 'em in, both the THOR ones and Poul Anderson's.
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    KRAMER'S LAWS:
    1) Most people are stupid.
    2) Most people who aren't stupid often behave as if they were stupid.
    3) Many people who are not stupid nonetheless believe a lot of astonishingly stupid things.

    “really? isnt the bible millions of years old?” – curefreak
    “Yep. It was originally written by a stegosaurus and a fern.” – Dan Apodaca

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    A Thinking Man's Rhino Omegalith's Avatar
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    Are the Eldar elves?
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    Not my job to care Hiromi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ωgar "Omegalith" Lithagon XVI View Post
    Are the Eldar elves?
    Elves... IN SPACE
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hiromi View Post
    Elves... IN SPACE
    This also applies to Vulcans/Romulans:

    Pointy ears? Check.

    Long lived? Check.

    Smugly superior? Check.

    More than one variant in the same setting? Check.
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    Senior Member Rod G's Avatar
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    I'm surprised you didn't include the ELFQUEST ones . . .
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    Quote Originally Posted by JeffreyWKramer View Post
    How would these elves fare against the following:
    1) Our world;
    they die slow and horrible deaths.

    1.) Our air is quiet dirty, filled with smug, and other unnatural bacterica that these invaders would quickly find themselves succumbing to a War of the Worlds climax. A select few might live either because they have stronger tolerances to it or magically.

    2.) Our water and food is just as bad to them i would assume as our air and soil. The moment they try and drink or water or plant there silly trees that'd find that we've already pretty much f'd up the planet and that its barely worth taking.

    3.) I'm quiet sure we out number them, as elves in most fiction age slowly and take centuries to reach adulthood, and that pregnancy last a pretty long timm in comparison to humans.

    4.) Tech vs Magic: Of course I'd love to know magic, but lets face it. Magic is usually slow on the draw, and usuaully utilizes natural forces like fire, or cold, and lightning and so on. Magics version on flying usually in fiction revolves around slow travel through the air either by some magical force, or by riding a mythic creature, I say at tops 30 mph. Our military and perhaps even common folk would be able to pick off their forces from distance with illegal and military grade weaponary. The great part about tech is that anyone can use it, while not every elf is a mage with centuries of magical practice and so on.

    End Results: Mankind enslaves elves and much like in the Dragon Age Universe, we keep them as slaves only eventually granting them second class citizenship after a few hundred years living under our rule and warming our beds, so as to relieve them of almost all their magical abilities and of course destroying their Elven culture and history.

    Elves in most fiction seem to have some kind of susceptability to Iron.. can you imagine there reaction to our cities, theres iron everywhere. Either their magics don't work at full strength or at all, or one smack with a iron object and their screaming in agony or dying out right.
    Last edited by Kage Kisaragi; 03-01-2011 at 12:54 PM.
    Rogue and Bishop's daughter would be called Discharge, and she'd touch people and drain all or some of their bioelectrical energy out of them causing them to either die or fall unconscious. She could then use this energy to extend her own life, heal herself, enhance her physical abilities (speed, strength, stamina,) or discharge it as various energy beams.

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    Astral God Surtur's Avatar
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    Is there any real basis for saying the Elves die in a War of the Worlds type way?
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    A Thinking Man's Rhino Omegalith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Surtur View Post
    Is there any real basis for saying the Elves die in a War of the Worlds type way?
    Almost nil, Viruses and Bacteria rarely jump between species until they randomly mutate to do so, which will take a while with a species they've never encountered before.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Surtur View Post
    Is there any real basis for saying the Elves die in a War of the Worlds type way?
    What happens to people who lived a vegeterian like life style, then suddenly are feed red meat? What happened to Native Americans after being exposed to English diseases and vermin? What happened to many African slaves forced to live bellow deck on ships meant to ship cargo not people, the end result in all of these seems fairly applicable here to me, you are taking a group of people not natural to a type of setting and dropping them in a place where its normal inhabitants themselves already appearance sickness or worse from similar or worse conditions..

    also Elves are usually described as being more lith and frail than humans.. examples like in D&D them usually have a penalty to consititution is a given sign that Elves are definitely more delicate than humans. I do remember one story were human spices as well as other foods proved to be to tough for elven digesition. It always comes back to their weaker on average bodies.

    The popular elven fictions that I've seen have Elvens never experience things like Colds, or Flu, smallpox and so on. They are an immortal race that lives pretty much perfectly in harmony with nature. There is no disease among them thus there is no antibodies or medicines to common fight such illnesses. Only in fictions where Elves interact highly with other races does the idea of Elven medicine even come up, and usually its something like mending a broken bone and so on.
    Last edited by Kage Kisaragi; 03-01-2011 at 02:40 PM.
    Rogue and Bishop's daughter would be called Discharge, and she'd touch people and drain all or some of their bioelectrical energy out of them causing them to either die or fall unconscious. She could then use this energy to extend her own life, heal herself, enhance her physical abilities (speed, strength, stamina,) or discharge it as various energy beams.

  14. #14
    A Thinking Man's Rhino Omegalith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kage Kisaragi View Post
    What happens to people who lived a vegeterian like life style, then suddenly are feed red meat? What happened to Native Americans after being exposed to English diseases and vermin? What happened to many African slaves forced to live bellow deck on ships meant to ship cargo not people, the end result in all of these seems fairly applicable here to me, you are taking a group of people not natural to a type of setting and dropping them in a place where its normal inhabitants themselves already appearance sickness or worse from similar or worse conditions..

    also Elves are usually described as being more lith and frail than humans.. examples like in D&D them usually have a penalty to consititution is a given sign that Elves are definitely more delicate than humans. I do remember one story were human spices as well as other foods proved to be to tough for elven digesition. It always comes back to their weaker on average bodies.
    And they aren't human, making them genetically incompatible with human diseases.
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    Senior Member Masterbasset's Avatar
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    The Dresdenverse Faerie Courts are the biggest threat. If they make a deal with a powerful figure in each world they might just manipulate their way to the top.

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