Fanfiction - "Of All the Bird Brained Things"

[GrifterWolf]

Okay so I'm new to the forum, hey how's it going all? I became a fan of Hellboy after the movie came out (Gotta love Ron Perlman) anyway, shortly after that I got into the comics and I enjoy reading them on occasion. Being a writer at heart I take inspiration as it comes in and Hellboy really constantly inspires me. I've created ideas for new characters, for stories and I've written a couple fan fictions. Only one of them are online at the moment so I figured I'd share it with you. It was initially inspired by the movie, but as you read it there isn't much romantic tension like HB and Liz had in the movie, it follows the thin line between the film and the comic books. I got a better grasp of the characters by getting the animated films as well, so I hope you enjoy it. It was the first one I wrote sheerly off of watching the character interactions and how the film came out.

"Of All the Bird Brained Things" - Hellboy and Liz are checking out a disturbance that was called in on, and Red ends up coming nose-to-beak with a giant bird who takes him on a hellish ride through the city:

http://grifterwolf.deviantart.com/ar...hings-46244636

I welcome any critiques but I am rather proud of this so don't be TOO brutal ;)

-Grifter

[Kees_L]

Worked nicely for me.

What seems particularly good to me is the aerodynamics: short and to the point, not many words too many. For writing it's always nice being able to finish it, as you will probably know.
The one time I felt a peanut shell land on my head would be upon reading 'albino white color'.
I think I would go with 'an albino' or 'white colored'. To 'an albino' the adding of the nice blue eyes (or what you said) also might work better, since any true albino animal I believe will always have (less nice) red eyes, making the blue shade (even) more of an interesting bit to mention.
Oh and one more thing: shouldn't Hellboy react a bit more surprised to the bird's tailcurling action (since a bird with such capacities isn't everyday's tedium)? Like: "So you (can) do that too, huh...!?"

Your Hellboy & Liz felt much like the movie ones or either the Animated. Which will be good.
Keep it up & welcome.

[AbeSapien99]

short and to the point, not many words too many.

Kinda like your own sentence?

About the story, I took a peek at it and it didn't seem too bad. I'll try and get to the whole thing when I get a bit more time.