Sequential Art Challenge #2: Monsters & Nightmares -- KWW wins!

[mattbib]

Here's the concept:
Posters were asked to write a three page script utilizing some character, team, or plot device decided upon by the winner of the previous Sequential Art Challenge. Writers had approximately two weeks to submit their scripts.

The second theme, suggested by Viktor Bogdanovic, winner of Sequential Art Challenge #1, was "Monsters & Nightmares". How that's interpreted was entirely up to each participant.

Then, using the winning script, artists submitted their sequentials.

Now that the submission period has concluded it's time to vote to decide which sequential art is the forum favorite. Use the poll to vote but please leave constructive comments in a post.

There are no rules, other than following the theme and making the deadline, or prizes, so those of you just wanting to have fun shouldn't be discouraged from participating, even if you are unsure of your talent.

For this first round, voting will end on Monday, March 14.

First, the winning script:

"Personal _____ "
by mattx110

PAGE 1

Scene: Interrogation room (the kind with no 2-way mirror and a camera in the corner, low budget precinct)
3 seats, those handcuffs on a chain that come up through a hole in the table. They’re open and the key is on the table. A bewildered looking man in a suit in “casual mode”, tie undone, mide-30s sits across from a standing detective (invent him/her how you like but wearing no wedding ring, and give them the right mix of lonely and never-sleeps-alone, old enough to be divorced and a detective).
This all takes place between 8 PM and 3 AM of the same day

Detective: So- you’re an escapee?

Suit: Something in that size.

Detective: I dated one once… didn’t go so well, but hey, bullets between lovers. (break) How do we send you back?

Suit: You let me go, I find my own way back.

‘Tec: OK, free to go then.

(Cell phone ringtones, ‘tec picks it up close-up shows it’s 8:24 PM)

Cell phone: The chief doesn’t like cute, if he’s not talking put him back in holding.

‘Tec: (glares at camera) (break) Sir, do you honestly believe you’re a monster from dimension-X?

Suit: You know I am.
(‘tec hangs up phone)
PAGE 2

Scene: Detective at home, apartment, has a quill, some old mystic books with beautiful gothic binding, very sparse accommodations, 2 used wine glasses and a tipped bottle on a table, some articles of clothing that don’t belong to the occupant. “Tec is busy mumbling meaningless latin or something that seems like it.
PANELS alternate between this scene, and “Suit” in the holding cell, reciting more random latin-sounding things, and making sure his face is still on.

‘Tec: BLABLABLA PLURIBUSTIUSIESTUM…

Suit: …paleontolichius…

‘Tec: Indius inaddius? This is so stupid.
(politely closes book and puts it down on the table, pause, then hits the book awkwardly so it slides across the table a little and it hits the wine bottle that starts to roll)

Suit: (grinning) alsacionachiostentiousi…

(Wine bottle keeps rolling)

Suit: …salicanctimontinotaratinati…

(bottle falls slowly and hits the floor, no shatter, but ‘Tec notices the bottle at the last second and expects one)

Suit: …salicantimenoci… Now get the hell over here and let me out of this cell!

PAGE 3

Scene: Roof, whatever city you love, don’t go too posh with the neighborhood. Both of our principals are up here, the tie flapping the breeze.

‘Tec: You’re a monster.

Suit: And?

‘Tec: capable of no good, destroying lives, feeding on dreams to make nightmares out of warm nights and spread fear
(cell phone starts ringtoning)
Suit: (interrupting) And?

‘Tec: I just wanted to be sure. If I make a suspect vanish, I need to reconcile it with my soul

Suit: you shouldn’t worry about that, I’ve seen your file.

‘Tec: So I’m not the good witch… This is a good deed, isn’t it? Exorcising a demon, banishing a monster, sending him back to the forsaken smoldering

Suit: (interrupting) I don’t know.

‘Tec: (points gun at “Suit”) What do you mean you don’t know? My soul is on the line, and I accept that you’re a demon or whatever you are, but I don’t get “this”. You want me to kill you, I need to know. Will I be forgiven or not?
(cell phone stops ringtoning)
Suit: You can’t know. You just… take on the monsters. And right now, you should be able to see me as I am (face melts into a combination between “Detective” and some kind of demon of whatever folklore you like). Do I look like something that should be free, jailed, or destroyed?

(‘Tec fires the gun at “Suit” from 10 feet, by the time the bullet gets there, “Detective” is on the roof alone)
(Checks Cell Phone call list, missed call at 2:36 AM-it’s some lonely fellow single sinner, name dependant on gender of Detective, received calls at 6:45 PM, and 4:35 PM, Outgoing calls at 2:30 and 4:25 PM in time-place order, no call at 8:24 PM listed)

*All directions and staging choices subject to change by artist if a better idea hits you.

Now without further ado let's take a look at our submissions...

[mattbib]

[mattbib]

[mattbib]

[Michael P]

Daniel - You establish the creepy tone well in the first scene, and I like your design for the "suit" in his human form. The "notes" on the cell phone are cute, for a first draft at least. Your choice to vertically stack the panels in page 2 leads to some interesting possibilities with the lettering. However, your final page isn't quite tense and dramatic enough, particularly the understated demon-shift panel. I'd liked to have seen some more evocative angle choices and body language from this.

Lew - Your characters don't feel like they belong in their setting; the disparate figure and background styles don't really mesh (I'm assuming your backgrounds are completely computer-created), and the juxtaposition doesn't really create any thematic resonance for me either. Your choice to keep the "suit's" face in shadow until the end creates the idea that he always looked like that, which raises the question of why the detective didn't believe him in the first place. Your perspective in the apartment scene is way off, although I like the effect with the cat's shadow. Your bottle scene makes the bottom left panel of page 2 extraneous, and also a bit confusing, since it's hard to tell what he's reaching for. I did love your staging of the rooftop scene, particularly the way things go all bendy after he shoots the monster. (Good monster design, too.)

KWW You had the strongest body language of the three. Your pages flow very well, and it's easy to pick up what's going on without dialogue. Your superposition and tightness of panels in the bottle scene created an excellent tension, although it's difficult to tell if we're looking at the "suit" or the detective in the bottom panel; more differentiation in their hairstyles would have helped this. While I like your monster design, the panel where the detective draws her gun is very off. She's suddenly standing sideways, and sort of looking over her shoulder, where just a second before she was facing the "suit" directly. Also, she's holding the gun at a very awkward and unlikely angle, and I don't think her wrist can actually do what you have it doing here. Also, I'd have liked to see a more... expressive expression on her face. She's a little too calm and "Dirty Harry."

While none of these were perfect, I felt KWW's piece's strengths best outweighed its flaws. Good effort from everyone.

[KWW]

Thank you for your input Michael P, and I would like to say I agree with every point you made about my pages. I'm still new here and have been surfing the site for a few days. I didn't get to this contest until this past Thursday and I really wanted to get in on this. I thought this was a great script and a great jumping on point. Honestly I really rushed the third page due to the dead line and I would have totally took a different approach to some of the panels (especially my cheap-out city scene I did) if I would have had more time. I'm ready for the next one and now that I know about this, you will see much cleaner and clear pages from me. Still, feel free to give advice if you think you see something I can improve on. All constructive criticism is welcome.:)

[LewMoxinsghost]

First, off thanks very much for the valuable input on my pages. I had a lot of fun experimenting with the assemblage of each page, because I didn't approach this project the way I normally approach pages. I flutuated between computer gen art, pure sketch, and manipulated sketch to get the effects, sometimes even breaking down panels into three or four sources. The wonky perspective on pg 2, pl 1 is supposed to be a little bit surreal to set the mood, especially the manipulated buildings in the background. The black cat is something that I felt every occultist dabbling detective should own- which is what I decided early on that my tec was going to be. Obviously I still have a ways to go before I get the perfect marriage of surreal background with juxtaposed foreground in a different style. I'm also a little bothered by my varying line qualities.

My biggest regret with the final page design is that there is not enough room for three potential money shots- the demon reveal, the action, and the city. It seemed to me that the entire thing needed more space, but I figured it was just part of the challenge. I really enjoyed the all-black style that Zach had going on in the earlier thread even though he was forced into truncating some of the dialogue- I enjoyed it as much as I did the overall consistancy and flow that KWW has in his pages.

THanks for the support and input everyone.

[mattx110]

I want to post my layouts somewhere, just to compare how I did my own script and other people did it. I love em all, and I'll give it a deeper look and coment fully and vote later.

[sparta28090]

Awesome! Awesome! It has been so much fun to watch this whole concept go from scripts to votes and then art to votes. I liked them all, but I placed my vote to Lew since his work is complete with inks and lettering. But I must say, everyone did a great job in their interpitation.

[red-handed]

wow
i had no had no idea this contest was even going on...
Great pages...

[Indigo Al]

Terrific entries on everyone's part! I can't speak to the technical aspects like the rest of you can.

I liked Lew's best because of the coloring, the use of Memphis for the skyline, and because it feels like Ellis/Templesmith's Fell.

[DanielSchenstrom]

Michael P: Thanks for taking the time to critique our pieces. You touch on some things that I'm going to change when I eventually ink these.

I hope when things get less hectic at home I'll have time to do more than vote and draw. The writers deserve some critiques too.

[Viktor Bogdanovic]

daniel

page one: good establishing panel. i would have wished for more shadows here and there (like you did on page 2) to give it a bit more atmosphere. also, watch the composition. f.i. the detective in panel five is standing right behind the chair (which fits with his position in the first panel) but due to the frontal shot you choose here it looks like he has a hole in his body. it would have been clearer if the chair was slightly moved to the left or right. the two panels with the cell phone take too much space for my taste. a variation in panel size would have been much more interesting here. love the close-ups and design of the characters.

page two: composition again. the detective is right at the border of the page. the drawing table in the center of the room looks much more important here than our main character. also the bottle in panel 7 looks like it's rolling on the panel border which looks weird.
+ the page looks really stuffed with all those panels. less would have been more here.
great close-ups again. panel 8 rocks totally.

page three: this one looks really rushed. a minimal cityscape in panel 1 or a simple cloud in the backround of panel two would have changed so much. panel three is confusing, because i can't really tell if i'm looking at the detectives front or back. love what you did with the tie in panel two. gives it a high noon-vibe.

lew

page one: i like the atmosphere (through all three pages) but the light and shadows seem unnatural here and there. i too would have revealed the main guy's face much earlier to avoid the confusion michael mentioned. the computer effects don't work everywhere. nice storytelling in the last three panels.

page two: the perspective looks totally weird but i kind of like it. better use of light here. i'm not sure about the bottle effect. i like the last panel. it looks really scary. it would have been even scarier if it was larger.

page three: watch the anatomy. the guy's arms in panel one are too short and, even with the perspective you choose here, his legs are to small compared to his torso. good expression in panel 5 and a nice monster. the idea with the fisheye-perspective in panel 8 is awesome (like we're looking at the detective through the eye of the monster). good one.

kww

page one: you show the most refined style of the three. the background looks good as well as your characters. you made a good choice by drawing a female detective. i really think it makes the story much more interesting. the floor in the backround in all three panels looks like its too high compared to where the characters are.

page two: totally dig your layout and the storytelling here. the eyes in the last panel could show some more expression, though. i guess the problem on this page was the thing with the book and the bottle. i think you found the best solution here.

page three: again clear and coherent storytelling. you gave the largest panel to the monster and i think it's the only solution (of all three entries) that really works. i don't like the iphone-thing. it draws too much attention because it doesn't look like a typical phone so you have to look twice to see what it is. but maybe that's just me being old fashioned. :D

good job, everybody. i'm sorry that i missed this one but i've been busy moving to another country otherwise it would have been four entries. anyway, i did start drawing and here's an idea of what my entry would have looked like.



i'll finish my pages over the weekend and post them in my art thread.

good to see this challenge grow.

viktor

[Joe Acro]

Although I like the dark and mysterious feel of Lew's, it seems a little cartoony to me for a horror/detective story. So, I chose the gritty, realistic, and (through the last page alone) horrifying work of KWW.

[LewMoxinsghost]

Thanks again everybody. I am going to go pick up Fell now... I loved Ellis' work on Transmetropolitan.

Vic, the first panel on your page reminds me of a panel I did for this one-off Halloween page I did for an underground paper a good while back. (I guess it is time I started my own thread now so I'll post it there.) I really admire your work... I want to suspend any critique I have until you are finished though.