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  1. 06-27-2007, 06:19 PM #1
    Brian Cronin
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    Default Favorite Article/Headline From The Onion

    In case you are unfamiliar with it, The Onion is an awesome humor newspaper.

    They've had so many great articles and headlines over the years, so I was wondering what your favorite The Onion article/headline is!!

    Here are some of mine:

    Jesus Christ Returns...to the NBA (this one came out around the time Jordan was returning to the NBA - I love the line where they quote Jesus as complaining about a former teammate, "Kevin Willis, why hath thou foresaken me?")

    There's No "My Kid Has Cancer" In Team!

    Point: Keep the Government Off My Uterus/Counterpoint: We Must Deploy Troops To Jessica Linden's Uterus Immediately

    Share your favorites!!

    -Brian
    Comics Should Be Good, which features Comic Book Legends Revealed!... check them out!

    Also, be sure to check out my web site, Urban Legends Revealed!, for urban legends about Sports, TV, Movies, Music and more!

    And while we're at it, please buy my new book, Why Does Batman Carry Shark Repellent? And while you're at that, please buy my first book, Was Superman a Spy? and Other Comic Book Legends Revealed!
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  2. 06-27-2007, 07:02 PM #2
    Michael P
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    One that's rather relevant: When You Are Ready To Have A Serious Conversation About Green Lantern, You Have My Email Address

    And a personal favorite: Dolphins Evolve Opposable Thumbs; 'Oh, Shit,' Says Humanity
    "If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me." - Alice Roosevelt Longworth, on manners

    "It's not whether you win or lose, it's whether I win or lose." - Peter David, on life
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  3. 06-27-2007, 07:51 PM #3
    Gingold
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    This was just a photo with a caption, but I like it a lot.
    http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34639
    ____
    Dan
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  4. 06-28-2007, 01:44 AM #4
    Sanagi
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    One of my all time favorites is Area Homosexual Saves Four From Fire, and it's one of the few that is funnier after the headline. "Lassally suffered burns covering over 25 percent of his body and sustained injuries leaving him unable to work or have sex with other men for about two months. Doctors describe his condition as stable but homosexual."

    Here's some more good ones that I had bookmarked:
    Super monkey collider loses funding

    Saddam Hussein harnesses cuteness of babies for powerful new weapon

    Love letter made longer by increasing margins

    What are we gluing to the governor of Wyoming?
    Last edited by Sanagi; 06-28-2007 at 01:50 AM.
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  5. 06-30-2007, 08:09 PM #5
    FunkyGreenJerusalem
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    Bourbon Helps Carpet Salesman Forget About Carpeting For A While

    Americans Celebrate 10 Millionth Bring Yourself To Work Day - The whole article for this one is hilarious.

    Somebody Should Make A Movie Of My Life by Woody Allen.
    I'm not you.
    So you know I'm right.
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  6. 06-30-2007, 09:58 PM #6
    Brian Cronin
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    Where does Woody Allen actually live?

    -Brian
    Comics Should Be Good, which features Comic Book Legends Revealed!... check them out!

    Also, be sure to check out my web site, Urban Legends Revealed!, for urban legends about Sports, TV, Movies, Music and more!

    And while we're at it, please buy my new book, Why Does Batman Carry Shark Repellent? And while you're at that, please buy my first book, Was Superman a Spy? and Other Comic Book Legends Revealed!
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  7. 06-30-2007, 10:36 PM #7
    FunkyGreenJerusalem
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brian Cronin View Post
    Where does Woody Allen actually live?

    -Brian
    He used to have an apartment on Central Park in the 90's, but that may have changed as now that he's married to someone else.
    I'm not you.
    So you know I'm right.
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  8. 07-03-2007, 02:45 PM #8
    Johnny Triangles
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    I like this one because it relates to a discussion we had in the comments to the blog a few months ago about whether or not This American Life sucks (I'm one of those who was of the opinion that it does, indeed, suck except when documenting the life of pimps).

    It perfectly captures the smug, self-satisfied vibe I get from the show:
    This American Life Completes Documentation Of Liberal, Upper-Middle-Class Existence


    Favorite part:
    Also aiding the study were the many contributors to This American Life, who took time from their best-selling essay-writing careers to donate personal anecdotes about dropping out of prestigious art schools, taking harrowing but poignant childhood vacations to the Grand Canyon, and the unique challenges of growing up in families supportive of their homosexuality.
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  9. 07-03-2007, 04:40 PM #9
    Dan Apodaca
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    This one's pretty great. It details the REAL dangers of the current administration.

    http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30993
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  10. 07-04-2007, 07:12 PM #10
    the_big_billbowski
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    http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27905

    Military Promises 'Huge Numbers' For Gulf War II: The Vengeance
    "Being a father is a lot like being the least powerful Vice President in history." - Jim Gaffigan
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  11. 07-05-2007, 12:18 PM #11
    brundlefly
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    I thought this recent one was pretty funny.....

    James Gandolfini Shot By Closure-Seeking Fan
    http://www.theonion.com/content/news...hot_by_closure
    Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something. - Robert Heinlen
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