Here is another 5 pager I did for this months PJ writing contest. We had to choose a profession from a list of 10, I choose an artist.
C&C welcome, I can take it so if you love or hate it let me know.
Panel 1. Worm’s eye view of CHARLES as he sits at an old wooden desk, he is hard at work drawing a portrait (show this as you are seeing it from the portrait lying on the desk, CHARLES is holding a pencil as if he is drawing.) There is a desk lamp on the desk. CHARLES has black, slicked back hair with a receding hairline, small black frame glasses, 35 – 38 years old, wrinkles around his eyes and mouth. He looks tired as if he had been concentrating on the portrait for hours.
I’ve done this hundreds of times before.
The funeral home calls, send me a picture and I prepare the portrait of the deceased.
Panel 2. Shot over CHARLES’S shoulder, you can now see some of the portrait he is working on. It is a beautiful middle-aged woman; the portrait is in pencil so there will be no color.
Bonding with each stranger, wandering how they went, who would miss them.
Panel 3. Aerial view of CHARLES holding the portrait up in front of him as he sits at the desk. He is in a dark office type room. The only light is coming from the desk lamp. CHARLES has a slight smile of self-satisfaction on his face. The reader can on see the back of the portrait.
This one is different.
I know who’ll miss her.
Panel 4. Close up shot of CHARLES’S hand laying the portrait back on the desk. The reader can see the portrait of the woman in full now. She is a woman of 32 – 34 years old, medium length dark hair, dark eyes, with a beautiful smile with slight dimples.
I never did get enough courage.
Panel 5. CHARLES has sat back in his chair and is holding his glasses in one hand and rubbing his eyes with his other hand, his mouth wide open as if he is yawning.
VOICE FROM OP ALMOST A WHISPER:
Panel 6. Close up of CHARLES’S face his hand that was rubbing his eyes has been pulled away and stopped on his cheek. His eyes are wide open.
Getting late, better get to be—
VOICE FROM OP:
Panel 7. Extreme close up of CHARLES’S face to the left side of the panel, the room can be seen in the background on the right of the panel. A faint ghost of SALLY is behind CHARLES. CHARLES’S eyes are wide open.
Charles, you must listen.
Panel 1. Angled aerial shot of SALLY now clearly visible still standing behind CHARLES, he has turned around in his chair and is facing SALLY. His mouth is hanging open in shock. SALLY is holding her hand out to him.
S-Sally? What’s going on?
Charles you have to help me.
Help you? I must be dreaming.
I’m afraid not Charles.
Panel 2. Head shot of SALLY she is semi-transparent the room is seen through her in the background.
You’ve been drawing the deceased for years. Although some were gruesome, you still captured their happiness.
That connection has brought me to you.
Panel 3. View from behind SALLY, CHARLES is visible through her. He is still frozen in the chair staring at SALLY in disbelief.
You have to make sure he is punished for what he did.
Sam, he poisoned me.
Panel 4. Side shot of CHARLES and SALLY.
Sam… why would he poison you?
I found out he had been cheating on me. He wanted to run away with her but didn’t want his reputation to be tarnished.
So the next night he injected me with a poison while I slept.
I need you to reveal the truth.
Panel 5. Shot from behind CHARLES in the chair from the shoulders up, SALLY in front of him still.
You need to go to Sam’s house and find the poison he used.
How am I supposed to do that?
We always left a key under a rock by the front door.
Please do this for me Charles.
Panel 1. Exterior shot of a blue ranch house, flowers beds against the home and next to a concrete porch. There is a white picket fence in front of the house. CHARLES is standing on the sidewalk in front of the house. It is nighttime, so he will appear as a silhouette.
Panel 2. Side shot of CHARLES bending down on the concrete porch. There is a medium sized rock in the flowerbed next to the porch. CHARLES is looking down at the rock.
Panel 3. Close up shot of the rock and CHARLES’S hand moving the rock. The house key is under the rock just as SALLY said.
Panel 4. CHARLES is using the key on the front door.
Panel 5. CHARLES is standing in the foyer of the home. It is dark in the house. A coat rack is next to the front door.
Panel 1. CHARLES moved to the right of the doorway and is walking towards another doorway leading to a study. You can see a desk in the dark room.
Panel 2. CHARLES is standing over the desk now. It has a desk calendar on it, desk lamp, penholder, a calculator, and a telephone.
Panel 3. Close up of CHARLES’S hand turning on the desk lamp.
Panel 4. The desk is now illuminated and CHARLES is opening a drawer on the left side of the desk. Miscellaneous things fill the drawer, pens, paper, paper clips, and a small black box.
Panel 5. CHARLES is holding the box and is opening the top of it.
Panel 6. Top view of the interior of the box. A small vile of clear liquid lies in the box.
Panel 7. Close up of the vial in between CHARLES’S fingers. It reads Barbituric Acid.
What are you doing in here?
Panel 1. SAM is standing in the study’s doorway. SAM is 35- 37 years old, dark brown hair, 6’2”-6’4”, holding a handgun. He’s wearing his pajamas.
Well, I asked you a question.
Panel 2. Bird’s eye view of the study, SAM is still at the doorway pointing the gun at CHARLES who is still holding the vial in his hand. The black box is lying on the desk.
I know what you did Sam.
Wha-What are you talking about?
Sally, I know you killed her. She told me.
How do you think I knew there was a key under rock outside and the poison I’ve just found.
Panel 3. SAM from the waist up still pointing the gun, a look of anger spread across his face.
I don’t know how you know what happened.
But I can’t let you leave.
Panel 4. Close up of SAM’S gun firing.
Blam blam blam
Panel 5. Aerial view of SAM standing near the desk reaching for the phone. CHARLES is lying on the other side of the desk dead with three bullets holes in his chest, blood pooling around him.
Panel 6. Worm’s eye view on the side of CHARLES’S head you can see SAM holding the phone up to his ear. CHARLES has a trail of blood down the side of his cheek.
Yes, I’d like to report a break in.
I always loved you.
Panel 7. CHARLES’S ghost and SALLY’S ghost are hugging each other, standing over CHARLES’S dead body.
Last edited by ZombieKilla; 04-13-2007 at 08:05 AM.