A Way to Improve SUPERMAN RETURNS

[Zack]

WARNING: This is fanwank.

Okay, a number of things disappointed me about SUPERMAN RETURNS. But, reading the script, I put my finger on one:

Superman doesn't get to throw down on Lex.

Okay, most of the film -- Lex is being manuipulative and nasty, while Superman is all down about how alone he feels after spending five years away.

Lex even takes the Jor-El crystals -- Superman's one link to his father and Krypton -- uses them to make a big perversion of what Krypton was.

Let us also take a moment to note that most critics and audience members were wondering why Lex's plan was...making an ugly island. He makes reference to having alien technology he'll control, and there's the "tell me EVERYTHING" scene. But, to paraphrase Charlie Brown, we got a rock.

And finally -- Lex really gets to throw down on Superman. He gets to beat him up, PRISON-SHANKS him, leaves him to die....oh yeah, and I forget if this made it into the movie, but he clearly reveals it was HIM who made it look like Krypton was still there, thus being responsible for all of Superman's memory in the first place!

But does Superman get to confront Lex directly?

Nope, he throws the island into space. And that's more of a direct response to the island's threat than vengance on Luthor. Lex doesn't even get that much of a punishment, just an exile on a tiny sandbar we know he'll escape.

So how to improve this?

Simple:

Using the Krypton crystal technology, Lex grows himself a suit of armor, like in the comics. Now he can fly! Now he can beat up on Superman! And it really gives Superman a serious PHYSICAL threat...and a great audience moment when he takes all his strength and SHATTERS Lex's armor, reducing the smarmy schemer to a whimpering puddle.

In the final film, Superman doesn't get to actually beat Lex personally -- he stops his scheme, sets him back for a while. But Kevin Spacey is such a stone-cold nasty psycho that he just WHIPS Superman in the "Now, fly" scene. There needs to be a bit where Superman gets to show him who's boss...and regain his dignity.

Oh, and here's the kicker...



...THEY ALREADY MADE THE ACTION FIGURE!

Even the TOYMAKERS knew this was a good idea! The merchandising was already there!

So, in conclusion, I think SUPERMAN RETURNS would have been infinitely better if there had been a Krypto-Armor fight with Lex.

And less hommages to the 1970s film.

And someone older as Lois.

And no kid.

And a better explanation for why Superman left Earth.

And no stupid sidekicks for Lex.

But mostly Krypto-Armor.

Anyone else with me?

[stealthwise]

I didn't mind the homages, but a throw-down fight would be good. We'll probably get to see it in the next film.

My sequel to Superman Returns would consist of Luthor enlisting Brainiac, making himself the armour, and Jason (Superman's son) getting caught in the middle of the fray. Brainiac uses Kryptonian technology to even the playing field in terms of physicality, and then infects Jason with a kryptonian virus. Superman can't save his own offspring, so he has two choices: let Jason die, or have him frozen until a cure can be found... in Kandor, the bottle city.

The movie ends with Superman tearing Luthor's armour apart in a fit of rage, and him absolutely obliterating Brainiac's cool, big-ass robot-head ship. He then mourns the "loss" of his son, and has to explain what's happened to Lois. Richard White gets in Superman's face (still believing Jason to be his real son, which he is, in a way, but also believing that Jason died in the battle), and Lois gets really sad.

But the movie doesn't end there, on a sad-ass note. Instead, we find that the Kandorians are getting closer to a cure, and Superman enlists the help of Professor Hamilton and Star Labs to help bring the bottle city back to its former glory. He promises Lois that he'll find a way to bring Jason back to earth, and tosses Luthor's ass into the Phantom Zone.

[Crowley]

among many issues with the film...

Lex never gets his comeuppance. There should have been a moment in which the audience cheered... there wasn't.

[The Xenos]

See, to me, the kid was the biggest problem. Followed by Lex being goofy and not being awesome with armor or any direct threat to Superman other than a giant island of Kryptonite. Oh and Superman leaving for that long. Though I guess that's part of the kid problem too, eh?

The damn kid is the Jar Jar Binks of Superman. He needs to be sideline if not outright eliminated from any sequel.

Though the second problem was Luthor was.. lame. He didn't even need armor, if you ask me. Anything would have been better. Have Superman fight Brainiac, Metallo, anyone! Sure, the prison shiv was interesing. Yet the lead up to it was terrible. It was more like Passion of the Christ torture than any Superman I know.

We need Brainiac as a real foe for the man of Steel. Also, we need a classier and smarter Luthor. Oh and if you can somehow build up to Darkseid, that would be an epic win.

As it was, I think Superman Returns was rather bland and tame. I know I'm spoiled by having read so many good or even just mediorcre Superman comics that were better and more stunning in scope than this short sighted film. Though shouldn't movie audiences also be spoiled by such wonder too?

[TheWraith]

I thought the film was wonderful as is.

[Ringslinger76]

I hated it. I wanted to like it. I love Superman. Hated this movie. I hated that Singer felt the need to give Superman "daddy" issues and a child that only previously existed in "imaginary" stories. There are some things you have to accept when making a comic book movie, but there is also a point where you realize that the creative team has gotten too far away from the formula that works.
Fans haven't read Superman and Action comics for decades because he was a hero with child that he didn't know about for 5+ years... the more you try to make the big blue boyscout an anti hero the less he resembles himself.
Spiderman is the hero it stinks to be. Fans recognize that in his stories as an endearing point.
Superman is the hero it would rock to be. Fans recognize that in his stories as an endearing point.

Oh yeah... does Lois remember banging Superman? I guess she does now. Lame. Superman VS. and island. Lame. Forcing the awesome Kevin Spacey to deal with a script obviously written for Hackman instead of Kaiser Sosiegh. Lame.

The BEST moments of this movie just made me want to watch the Christopher Reeve movies again.

Last thing.. why change the suit? Why have little S shields all over it? That is really stupid. Does Superman have that much spare time to heat vision little S's all over his uniform? Costume designer needed to be slapped. I saw her in an interview all proud of herself and I just wanted to vomit. I'm pretty sure the shield doesn't need to offer Superman an extra layer of protection.

[Lunar Daydreamer]

The film surprised me, uplifted me and was genuinely moved. My favourite film of last year.

[thespianphryne]

WARNING: This is fanwank.

What that guy said.

In my unsolicited opinion, one way they can improve Superman Returns is to take the film and bury it really deep and not mark the spot with an X.

I do have a question: was Lois Lane infected by Kryptonian anti-bodies when she had unprotected sex with Superman? Because that girl took a lot of beating when she was on that plane and she came out with barely a headache.

[taintedlunch]

So... which was better, X3 or Superman Returns? SR was definitely the bigger disappointment. I think it goes downhill after the airplane rescue. Someone needs to tell Lois to eat a biscuit and get her kids hair cut.

[Grazzt]

See, to me, the kid was the biggest problem. Followed by Lex being goofy and not being awesome with armor or any direct threat to Superman other than a giant island of Kryptonite. Oh and Superman leaving for that long. Though I guess that's part of the kid problem too, eh?

The damn kid is the Jar Jar Binks of Superman. He needs to be sideline if not outright eliminated from any sequel.

I don't know, I think the kid could have some potential. For instance, my idea for the sequel would be to do the Alan Moore story "For The Man Who Has Everything", have Lois take the Batman role, and have the kid take the Wonder Woman role.

This pleases both the fans who liked the kid (they see more of him), and the fans who hated the kid (they get to watch him get the snot beaten out of him by Mongul, or maybe replace Mongul with a vengeful Zod).

[Steel Spider]

Jason wasn't interesting in any way during SR. I believe Singer said that his reason for existing in the movie was so Superman would always be reminded of those five years he left Earth. Because it's very easy to forget five years of journeying through space to visit the remains of your long dead homeworld, I assume.

Superman:
There are five years of my life that I seem to have forgotten.

Superman looks at Jason

Superman:
Now I remember, I was in SPACE!

I wanted a restart of the franchise. Superman The Movie and Superman II are fine movies but they are dated now. I wanted a Superman movie for my generation. I wanted a brand new take on Superman's introduction to the world and his first meeting with Lois Lane. Instead I get a movie that is desperately trying to tie itself to the Superman movies made 30 years ago. Poor show, Singer, poor show.

Batman Begins was a fantastic restart for the Batman franchise. A restart of the Superman franchise would have been an excellent companion movie to Begins. What a wasted oppourtunity.

[Jared H.]

Since we're fan-wanking here, this is what I'd like to see in a sequel:

Lex has a brain tumor as a result of kryptonite radiation. This serves to get rid of the Gene Hackman thuggish Lex and make him more like "All Star Superman" Lex, by perhaps making him smarter, and more crazy. Lex Luthor in "Returns" wasn't that much of a threat, IMO.

And the basic plot would be: Lex, dying of this tumor and refusing to let Superman run free, uses a bit of blood on the Kryptonite shiv he stabbed Kal with to attempt to clone Supes, giving Lex a new body to move into. Of course, this clone is flawed, a Bizarro copy if you will. So Lex sets loose this Bizarro clone on Superman, giving a knock-down drag-out fight that the first movie lacked. Meanwile, Lex recalls a certain child who showed abilities in the 1st film far beyond human, and stages a kidnapping. This half-human half-kryptonian child may just be the key to making a viable clone. Or, failing that, given time, Lex could mold this child into Superman's greatest foe, and carry on the good work. This leads to a major final showdown between Lex and Superman for the life of Lois' child.

Crappy idea? Quite possibly, but I like it.

[taintedlunch]

I'm done with Lex. Let's go with someone more powerful, like Doomsday, Brainiac, or Darkseid.

Since Singer and Spacey are such big buddies, I doubt Lex will be written out of the sequel.

[Grazzt]

I'm done with Lex. Let's go with someone more powerful, like Doomsday, Brainiac, or Darkseid.

Since Singer and Spacey are such big buddies, I doubt Lex will be written out of the sequel.

If a movie is going to have Darkseid in it, I'd rather see a Fourth World movie rather than just adding Darkseid into the existing Superman movie mythology.

Doomsday or Braniac are good ideas, though. I liked Jared's idea for Bizarro, too.

[Bob Violence]

What that guy said.

In my unsolicited opinion, one way they can improve Superman Returns is to take the film and bury it really deep and not mark the spot with an X.

I do have a question: was Lois Lane infected by Kryptonian anti-bodies when she had unprotected sex with Superman? Because that girl took a lot of beating when she was on that plane and she came out with barely a headache.

Yeah, she was slammed around in that plane like she was a doll. She should have worn her seat belt.

My 7 year old son gave the best critique of SR: "When is Superman going to hit people?".