WINNERS! in the Bad Writing Contest

[Solaris]

We have a tie, folks---so here are the winners:

I will get with you two on prizes in January---it would be sooner, but I'm swamped in doing art for various people, decorating, and cleaning. Argh. Anyhow, congrats to our winners! :D

Original Version:

Mary Sue saved the universe.

The End.

Revised Version:

The main character of a popular fictional narrative fell in love with the transcendantly perfect Mary Sue, who then saved the universe.

The End.

Old lady Myrtle had a cat that was named Mitzy. Many times the cat ate food. The food was mostly cat food that old lady Myrtle bought at the grocery store.

One day, old lady Myrtle went to the grocery store to get some cat food for Mitzy. The grocery store was called "Grocery Store." When old lady Myrtle went to Grocery Store to buy the cat food, Grocery Store was all out of cat food. Old lady Myrtle then spoke to Grocery Store manager, Mister Smith.

Old lady Myrtle asked Mister Smith, "Mister Smith, when will cat food again be available at Grocery Store?"
Mister Smith said to old lady Myrtle, "Old lady Myrtle, there will be more cat food at Grocery Store next week."
Old lady Myrtle then said, "Thanks Mister Smith."

Then Old lady Myrtle went home. When Old lady Myrtle went home Mitzy was very upset. Mitzy wanted to eat. Old lady Myrtle did not have cat food for Mitzy. Mitzy cried all night.

The next day, old lady Myrtle found some tuna fish in a garbage can. Old lady Myrtle gave the tuna fish from the garbage can to Mitzy. Mitzy then got sick. Old lady Myrtle hoped that Mitzy would get better once Mister Smith got more cat food at Grocery Store for Mitzy to eat.

When the cat food became available at Grocery Store, Old lady Myrtle bought some from Mister Smith. After old lady Myrtle bought the cat food, Mitzy ate the cat food after old lady Myrtle opened the cat food container and put the cat food into a bowl for Mitzy. After Mitzy ate the cat food Mitzy stopped being sick sand also did not cry and meow. Old lady Myrtle then felt happy and not sad. Mitzy also felt the same way.

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The Moral of the Story: boring stories without a point are made even longer then necessary when pronouns and contractions are avoided.

[Karl J. Barnes]

Um...Congradulations?????? Oh! As ED's editor, I want a little praise from him ...just a little.