Out-"Sins Past" Sins Past!

[Brian Cronin]

Here's a neat new game.

Pick a superhero title, now come up with a "Sins Past"-esque style story for that title that is creepier than Sins Past!!

Here's mine!

Thomas Wayne was secretly the head of Gotham's mob, and his killing was really a mob hit.

So all this time, Batman has been avenging the life of the biggest mobster Gotham ever saw!

Right there, my story idea would screw Batman's world up a good deal more than Sins Past screwed Spider-Man's, and my story probably even makes less sense, as the odds that Batman would never discover that about his father is pretty darn ludicrous.

That's mine - I'm sure you folks can beat that!

-Brian

[Pól Rua]

I think it was Roger Stern who had the idea of making Uncle Ben a fence.
Basically, he's making a few extra bucks trying to support his family.
And the burglar who shot him wasn't interrupted, it was the result of a disagreement in price.
Not creepy, but interesting.

[FunkyGreenJerusalem]

Professor Xavier, founder of the x-men, and biggest champion of human/mutant relations ever, has a breakdown, betrays his team, takes on the name Onslaught, and destroys the majority of non-mutant Superheroes.

It's not that odd that it actually happened (it was the tail end of the 90's), it just odd that they felt they could do X-men comics again - especially with Xavier on the team.

(Fun Fact: Onslaught was a driving factor in me giving up comics for a few years).

[Sean Whitmore]

The titular character from V for Vendetta wasn't just some test subject who escaped captivity and returned to unleash anarchy on the facistic government.

He was the former leader of said government!

V...real name Earl Rutherford III...was the prime minister who led Britain to become a totalitarian hellhole. He was eventually betrayed by his ambitious second-in-command and deposed. They burned him until he was unrecognizable and locked him away.

V eventually escaped and took the guise of a costumed terrorist. His seemingly random attacks on the government were a smokescreen to hide his true intentions: a series of methodical political strikes to remove the heads of Britain's government, leaving V free to take up the fallen reins of power.

MmmmMMMMMmmmm, that's good character assassination...


SEAN

[Greg Hatcher]

Dr. Light was actualy a rap...

...no, won't go there. Won't.

Okay, how about this: the reason Wonder Woman left Paradise Island is not because of some sort of 'contest' or anything but because Hippolyta had been abusing her sexually. There is an elite Amazon group of sadistic lesbians that rule Paradise Island with an iron hand and their vilest secret is the hidden pleasure dungeon where they keep girls they have kidnapped from Man's World. Think Bangkok, but with all girls and marble columns. The real reason Diana has all these odd hangups about bracelets and bondage and so forth are because that's how she was imprisoned on the island throughout puberty. When she finally got out and tried to murder Hippolyta -- the leader of the group -- this elite Amazon guard captured her and exiled her, after using the purple ray to rewrite her memories so that the regular citizens of the island would not discover their secret. Now these repressed memories have surfaced and Diana must return to "Paradise" island to free the other kidnapped young girls being held as sex slaves by the Amazon guard, who continue to take girls from "Man's world" for their personal pleasures.

A complete continuity nightmare that makes everything about the Wonder Woman mythology look vaguely perverted and disgusting. And hey, bonus homophobia. Beat that.

[Sean Walsh]

Thunderbolt Ross masterminded the events that led to Bruce Banner's gamma radiation.....all while he was having sex with Betty!

[Loren]

It's revealed that both Superboy and Supergirl were programmed by their fathers to be sleeper agents, intended to destroy Superman.

[Gordon Smith]

Superman discovers that his father Jor-El, far from labouring to save Krypton from utter destruction, was actually responsible for intentionally destroying the planet, so that the sole survivor of the catastrophe could be the founder of a race of superbeings who would be as gods to the lesser species of the galaxy.

[Loren]

Superman discovers that his father Jor-El, far from labouring to save Krypton from utter destruction, was actually responsible for intentionally destroying the planet, so that the sole survivor of the catastrophe could be the founder of a race of superbeings who would be as gods to the lesser species of the galaxy.

There have been times in Smallville that seemed to suggest that Jor-El sent his son to Earth to conquer it, and not merely to save him.

[yo go re]

Which one is "Sins Past?" The Spider-Man thing? That's another story the fanboys got up in arms about that I didn't hate.

Charles Xavier was tired of being the small weakling of the family, so while in the jungle, he used his mental powers to force his step brother to bring him a gem that would give him physical strength to match his intellect. Unfortunately, there was a cave-in before Cain could bring the gem back out - it wasn't a bad cave-in, and Xavier could easily have gotten help, but he just left his brother there to die.

[Brian Cronin]

Dr. Light was actualy a rap...

...no, won't go there. Won't.

Okay, how about this: the reason Wonder Woman left Paradise Island is not because of some sort of 'contest' or anything but because Hippolyta had been abusing her sexually. There is an elite Amazon group of sadistic lesbians that rule Paradise Island with an iron hand and their vilest secret is the hidden pleasure dungeon where they keep girls they have kidnapped from Man's World. Think Bangkok, but with all girls and marble columns. The real reason Diana has all these odd hangups about bracelets and bondage and so forth are because that's how she was imprisoned on the island throughout puberty. When she finally got out and tried to murder Hippolyta -- the leader of the group -- this elite Amazon guard captured her and exiled her, after using the purple ray to rewrite her memories so that the regular citizens of the island would not discover their secret. Now these repressed memories have surfaced and Diana must return to "Paradise" island to free the other kidnapped young girls being held as sex slaves by the Amazon guard, who continue to take girls from "Man's world" for their personal pleasures.

A complete continuity nightmare that makes everything about the Wonder Woman mythology look vaguely perverted and disgusting. And hey, bonus homophobia. Beat that.

That is brilliantly awful!

-Brian

[Strannik]

Personally, I never understood why Gwen having sex with Norman Osborn was a bad thing. I mean, from what I understand, Peter and Gwen weren't dating at the time, so it wasn't like she cheated on him. I don't know. Maybe it's generational, but I, for one, was alot more annoyed with improbably aging children then I was with the fact that the said kids were sired by Norman Osborne. That and the climax to this story was a bit of a letdown.

I don't know, maybe it's a generational thing, but I seriously don't understand what all the fuss was about.

But, regardless of my feelings about the storyline, if I could come up with a retcon that fundamentally undermines the nature of the character...

Franklin Richards was born in November 1968. As he grew older, he gained nearly infinite powers that endowed him with equally vast knowledge. He quickly figured out that being an adult meant compomising your principles, sacrificing dreams for the sake of temporary fulfillment, endless pursuit of material wealth, social relations fraught with duplicity and lies and generally trading idealism for cold-hard pragmatism. Understandbly distraught by this realization (infinite knowledge or no infinite knowledge, he was still a kid), he used his powers alter the nature of time itself, creating the sliding time scale where social, political and economic changes advanced normally while the world population aged at a fluctuating, but ultimately comparitively slower rate. That way, he was able to enjoy the benifits of evolving civilization without ever having to grow up along with it. Naturally, there were bugs, with the two streams of time producing occasional paradoxes (for example, no one seems to find it odd that Dazzler originally gained popularity through disco as the "present" keeps moving further and futher away from the time when it was actually popular), but to a being of unlimited power, taking care of that sort of thing isn't a problem.

In short, Franklin Richards is responsible for Marvel Time.

Now, what exactly is so bad about it, you ask.

Well, imagine being unable to meaningfully develop and evolve. Imagine having to go through same notions, unable to learn and benifit from experience, repeating yourself over and over again. Even if Franklin's power can fool the consious mind, the subconsiousness is growing increasigly weary of stagnation. With no hope of advancement, the motivation is gone. The hope is gone. The desire to do anything is gone. And the heroes, who were once vital and energetic, turn into shallow, depressed husks of their former selves.

Granted, the process never reaches isn't logical conclusion - the complete and utter apathy, because change does happen, even if it happens very, very slowly. But sooner or later, the experience will accumulate and slow, glaciral change will no longer be able to keep pace with enthropy.

Thus, Franklin's efforts gradually destroy everyone around him from within.

I would be hard-pressed of anything more insidiously villanous then that.

Aren't you glad you asked. ;)

P.S. I originally came up with an idea after reading some 80s-era X-Men stories and wondering how X-Men remembered those stories, what with the sliding time scale and all. The idea kind of snowballed from there.

[dancj]

There have been times in Smallville that seemed to suggest that Jor-El sent his son to Earth to conquer it, and not merely to save him.

In John Byrne's Man of Steel IIRC, Jor-El and Lara thougth Supes would quite likely become our ruler

[Shellhead]

None of these are as outrageous as what actually happened in Giant-Size Avengers #4. Mantis married the green glowing corpse of her dead lover, after it was re-animated and possessed by a sentient alien plant.

[Tommy]

The Horrible Truth of Susan Storm!

Back in college Reed and Victor developed an intense rivalry. One night a drunken Victor revealed to Reed that he was in love with him. Reed (after having done far too many tequila shooters) spent a passionate and romantic night of lovemaking with Victor. But Reed completely and utterly denied that the night had ever happened the following day and soon took up with that slutty minx Susan Storm! Victor accidentally walked in on them in the act, after which he wondered around campus the whole night. Reed decided to tell Victor to leave him alone once and for all snuck into his room, but got distracted by Victor's notes. Victor returned only to find Reed staring at his notes and a huge lover’s quarrel ensues. Heartbroken Victor fires up his device to contact his mother which goes wildly wrong.

And so all those times that Victor bothers the Fantastic Four are actually a giant game of flirtation with Reed. Sort of 3rd grade putting a worm in someone's hair since you really like them.

BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE!

Victor after having captured Susan decides to try and end their marriage once and for all. So he has his way with her hoping that Reed will divorce Sue and then Victor can swoop in. It wasn't a very logical plan. However nine months later Sue gives birth to Franklin.

BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE!

Susan becomes infatuated with Victor. And while she does not want to leave her husband or the Fantastic Four she still wants to be with him. So when ever the two are alone together they have wild sweaty sex.

All this culminates when the secrets are outed and Reed, Victor, and Sue have a threesome. After which Sue discovers she is pregnant (yet again.)