Ask God

**Jack Zodiac** · 10-03-2006, 03:41 PM

As was previously illustrated here, I've recently become God. Yes, that's right! God. Not a god, the God. Pretty sweet, huh?

So, I've noticed that in the Community forum, certain "Ask a" threads are pretty popular and frequently fun, so I figured, "Why the fuck not? Let 'em ask God!" And here we are. Any question, anything at all, that you have about life, the universe, yourself, someone else, me, what makes Diet Dr. Pepper taste more like regular Dr. Pepper, or whatever... ask it here!

**Lester C.** · 10-03-2006, 03:43 PM

Will me and Adrian Paul ever find true love?

**Jack Zodiac** · 10-03-2006, 03:45 PM

Originally Posted by Lester Carthan

Will me and Adrian Paul ever find true love?

Yes. He will propose to you one night in a fit of passion, screaming, "There can be only one!"

I bet you're feeling pretty giddy right about now. No, wait, I don't bet. I know.

**Jerry Kraut** · 10-03-2006, 03:49 PM

Dear Divine Exaltedness,
why does anyone love me?

**Jack Zodiac** · 10-03-2006, 03:55 PM

Originally Posted by Jerry Kraut

Dear Divine Exaltedness,
why does anyone love me?

I know that you meant to ask "why doesn't" anyone love you. Truthfully, almost everyone loves you, but is afraid to admit it, only perpetuating the idea of hating you because of peer pressure. The few people who honestly hate you are jealous because you were the first of my devout followers and know they can never find such favor with me as you have.

So don't worry, because I love you.

**Jerry Kraut** · 10-03-2006, 04:00 PM

Originally Posted by Jack Zodiac

I know that you meant to ask "why doesn't" anyone love you. Truthfully, almost everyone loves you, but is afraid to admit it, only perpetuating the idea of hating you because of peer pressure. The few people who honestly hate you are jealous because you were the first of my devout followers and know they can never find such favor with me as you have.

So don't worry, because I love you.

I can't believe i typed does instead of doesn't.
But it's ok because THE LORD LOVES ME, PRAISE THE LORD, you heathens or else.....

**Sanagi** · 10-03-2006, 04:05 PM

God,

What's with all the genocide?

-Simple Man In The End

**Jack Zodiac** · 10-03-2006, 04:13 PM

Originally Posted by Sanagi

God,

What's with all the genocide?

-Simple Man In The End

I think I can sum it up accurately with the phrase, "People are assholes." Don't blame me, though. I just gave you guys free will. You all turned into assholes on your own.

**heystacy** · 10-03-2006, 04:15 PM

Why am I a yuppie. And why was I made lactose intolerant?

**Jack Zodiac** · 10-03-2006, 04:28 PM

Originally Posted by heystacy

Why am I a yuppie. And why was I made lactose intolerant?

You're a yuppie because you spend four dollars on coffee. And now, you have to spend four dollars and five cents. I made Starbucks raise their prices by a nickel to punish you.

As for you being lactose intolerant... consider yourself my Job!

**heystacy** · 10-03-2006, 04:35 PM

Originally Posted by Jack Zodiac

You're a yuppie because you spend four dollars on coffee. And now, you have to spend four dollars and five cents. I made Starbucks raise their prices by a nickel to punish you.

As for you being lactose intolerant... consider yourself my Job!

Don't hate me because I drink soy lattes with hazelnut. You did that to me. How could you? I want to be materialistic and vain like the rest of the yuppies.

**Jack Zodiac** · 10-03-2006, 04:44 PM

Originally Posted by heystacy

Don't hate me because I drink soy lattes with hazelnut. You did that to me. How could you? I want to be materialistic and vain like the rest of the yuppies.

I don't hate you, I love you, which is why I have to constantly punish you to keep making sure that you're worthy of that love. Duh!

**heystacy** · 10-03-2006, 04:46 PM

Originally Posted by Jack Zodiac

I don't hate you, I love you, which is why I have to constantly punish you to keep making sure that you're worthy of that love. Duh!

That's abuse. :evilangry

**CanaryNoir** · 10-03-2006, 04:51 PM

Originally Posted by Jack Zodiac

I think I can sum it up accurately with the phrase, "People are assholes." Don't blame me, though. I just gave you guys free will. You all turned into assholes on your own.

... since this is quite possibly the best answer to that question I've ever seen, I think I BELIEVE!