Spider-Caption ~ Volume 1 ~ #4!

[Sean Whitmore]

Wallopin' websnappers! Tuck in your stingers and protect your web balls, folks! It's time for the comedic kick to the crotch known as:

The Amazing SPIDER-CAPTION contest!

The rules:

I will post a picture from a Spider-Man related comic. Any dialogue will be blanked out. You, the players, will post comical captions, which may include dialogue, narration, or whatever you like. Pay no attention to the word balloons or captions in the picture; arrange it any way you want. Post as many captions as you like, as often as you like. I want to see creativity, people! Not 700 "The Other" jokes.

Board rules still apply. Be civil: this is for laughs, not a way to sneak in an insult about a creator. And keep language to a PG13ish level.

Have fun!

[captain_unimpressive]

"My name is J. Jonah Jameson, and I've been Green Goblin ever since I was fifteen."
"Wha- I know Civil War has a lot of out of character moments..."
"...but this is ridiculous!"

[Doom Hammer]

JJJ's attempts to provoke Spider-Man into assaulting him horribly backfire...

"Rorschach?! What the hell are you doing here?"

"Evil must be punished. Now get in this elevator shaft."*


*Any TRUE Watchmen geek understands this reference...

[Lorendiac]

One question: I concede that the guy in the middle of the panel sure looks like JJJ in a Green Goblin suit, but who's the guy on the left? I don't recognize what little we can see of him here. If I knew who he was, it would help me figure out what he ought to be saying for maximum comic effect . . . :)

[Sean Whitmore]

One question: I concede that the guy in the middle of the panel sure looks like JJJ in a Green Goblin suit, but who's the guy on the left? I don't recognize what little we can see of him here. If I knew who he was, it would help me figure out what he ought to be saying for maximum comic effect . . . :)

Why, that's the sinister Crime-Master, from Amazing Spider-Man #26 and 27. He hasn't appeared in a while, because he sucks and he's dead. :D


SEAN

[Lorendiac]

Why, that's the sinister Crime-Master, from Amazing Spider-Man #26 and 27. He hasn't appeared in a while, because he sucks and he's dead. :D


SEAN

Hey, I LIKED the Crime-Master!

(Although I'm not sure I can take your answer at face value, for some odd reason. That doesn't really look like the way I remember his appearance from those issues -- and I'm certain that JJJ was not wearing a Goblin suit at any time in that two-part story. Or maybe I'm just paranoid?)

P.S. Okay, I take it back! At first I assumed you were pulling my leg. Then I ran a few searches and found it was probably a panel from an old issue of Untold Tales of Spider-Man. Sorry I doubted you! Now I'll get cracking on writing some dialogue for this one! :)

[Will.S]

Ahh old men and their enemas!

[Lorendiac]

Okay, here's my first try.


GREEN GOBLIN: "Yes, it's true, Crime-Master! I am secretly newspaper editor J. Jonah Jameson!"

CRIME-MASTER (thinking silently): "Jameson? Not Osborn? Why did I ever let Kang convince me to tag along on his visit to the War of 1812? 'It'll be fun!' he said. 'You can return to the very instant after you left without missing a beat!' he said. 'Nothing noticeable will change!' he said. Kang, when I get my hands on you . . ."

[Joe Acro]

Jameson: How do I look in this thing?

Crime-Master: Terrible. Can I go now?

[Venom]

J. Jonah Jameson: That's right! I'm the real Green Goblin!

Crime-Master: I think YOU should be called the Crime-Master for making everyone believe that Norman Osborn was the Green Goblin for 42 dam years.

[1WEBHEAD]

Green Goblin:So SpiderMan says:"Jeezus Norman, why do you always come back to cram all this *%&# up my ass!?" Then I said: "Thats what she said!:D " After that I've never took the disguise off.
Crime Master: Dang! Spidey is gonna beat the osborne off you once he see's thru your disguise.
Green Goblin:Thats what she said!!:D

[Sean Whitmore]

BUGLE PUBLISHER KILLED IN TRAGIC MISUNDERSTANDING
By Benjamin Urich



Beloved newspaper magnate J. Jonah Jameson (pictured above) was killed yesterday evening when he fell off the George Washington Bridge. The former publisher told colleagues earlier that morning that he would be playing an elaborate trick on the controversial vigilante Spider-Man.
Continued on SNAP!, page A3


SEAN

[Nosgoth Phantom]

[Lorendiac]

Beloved newspaper magnate J. Jonah Jameson (pictured above) was killed yesterday evening when he fell off the George Washington Bridge. The former publisher told colleagues earlier that morning that he would be playing an elaborate trick on the controversial vigilante Spider-Man.

Okay, you made me laugh! (Although I'm trying to figure out if this is supposed to be a twist on the same story in which Gwen died, and if so, was that Jameson's fault?)

[Sean Whitmore]

Okay, you made me laugh! (Although I'm trying to figure out if this is supposed to be a twist on the same story in which Gwen died, and if so, was that Jameson's fault?)

Nah, Flattop wouldn't go that far, I don't think. :) I just figure it's some unspecified point in the future and Jonah's playing one of his "let's shame Spider-Man in public" games, and he gets knocked off a bridge.

The real puzzler is: was he already did when Spidey caught him with his web?


SEAN