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  1. #1
    aw man what dang Joe Rice's Avatar
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    Default Why I Hate White People

    Hello, there. I'm Joe Rice. I've been posting at CBR for about ten years now, and I think it's high time I shared something with you lot. The following essay and pictorial is about white people; more specifically, all the shitty things I hate about them.

    First off, let's get around to the obvious. They are really ugly. As this random sampling shows: , white people lack even rudimentary notions of hygeine and style. They will wear the same goddam shit for the rest of their lives. They will grow their hair long. They will be pasty and zit-ridden. They are awful to look at. While I was in Denmark, I almost went mad with all the blonde monsters riding their bicycles everywhere. I mean, at least they were Euro-whites, but they've got a whole other set of issues.

    On a similar note, white people invented the idea of frat boys.

    Frat boys wear "worn out" ball caps, usually khaki, some sort of stupid shirt, and shorts. On the feet go sandals. They listen to Dave Matthews, Phish, and Led Zeppelin. They drink a lot of stupid stuff, they say a lot of stupid stuff, and are borderline retarded. In other words, they are the ultimate white people.

    to be continued . . .
    Things My Students Say

    Here Comes a Regular (the life of a boozer) UPDATED 8/18/11: 9C, depression, bluegrass, Charlie Day

  2. #2
    aw man what dang Joe Rice's Avatar
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    Let's not mince words, folks. White people are also horribly fat. Now, before you all get your panties in a bunch to defend fat folks, let me assert that I realize they lead a difficult life and some of them truly cannot help their condition. But many can. And if they don't have the self control to stop eating so many goddam Big Macs, then they should have to pay for two seats on the airplane. I got stuck by one rotund gentleman for a four hour flight recently and my back was so messed up from the awkward position his girth forced me into that I could hardly walk. Here's a hint: if your flub goes past the armrest, you're stealing a seat.

    White people are pompous blowhards that are completely convinced that everything they think or "know" is more correct than anything else.

    Watch out if you argue with them! They completely flip out and lose it. That's because white people worship being better than other folks. And many white people are really shitty at everything, so they just act like they know more about everything. They insult, they use sarcasm, and they LOSE IT when their authority is questioned. It's really sad.
    Things My Students Say

    Here Comes a Regular (the life of a boozer) UPDATED 8/18/11: 9C, depression, bluegrass, Charlie Day

  3. #3
    tschuss
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joe Rice
    White people are also horribly fat.
    Is that a picture of YOU in your avatar?

  4. #4
    Were You There? Michael P's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joe Rice
    Jesus, that guy looks like such an asshole. Damn cracker.
    "If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me." - Alice Roosevelt Longworth, on manners

    "It's not whether you win or lose, it's whether I win or lose." - Peter David, on life

  5. #5
    aw man what dang Joe Rice's Avatar
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    White people are also horrible nerds with horrible taste. And white people don't just like horrible things. They completely lose their mind about it.


    They ruin these things for anyone who is actually interested in them for legitimate reasons. They wear stupid costumes way past the age when that might be excusable. They form whole societies around wearing stupid costumes. They create "conventions" so they can all have a safe place to wear their stupid costumes and talk about their stupid hobbies and the rest of the world will finally leave them alone and not kick their deserving asses.

    Going back to the earlier frat boy example, a rising reason to hate white people is the frat boy nerd. Some times they are really in a frat, other times they just secretly wish they were. The life of a frat boy nerd is kind of a big collection of snark and high-fives, boob jokes about fictional characters, and accomplishing as little as possible, thereby completely wasting the genetic material their poor fathers and mothers scrounged up for them. Beware the nerd frat boy, it's the worst of both worlds combined and made even awfuller.
    Things My Students Say

    Here Comes a Regular (the life of a boozer) UPDATED 8/18/11: 9C, depression, bluegrass, Charlie Day

  6. #6
    aw man what dang Joe Rice's Avatar
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    But that's not all. These things, hideous and uncharming as they are, almost always find a mate of equal awfulness and reproduce. And if there's anything worse than a white person, it's a goddam bunch of white people.

    Seriously, look at those things. Can you imagine anything more boring? Right there they're probably thinking about taxes or Star Trek or lumber or whatever other boring shit white people think about ad nauseum. Jesus Christ! I'm so filled with disgust and loathing and depression just thinking about it!

    It gets worse. Some times a white person isn't satisfied with mating with another horrible white person. Some white people even mate with the subhuman animals known as the Irish. The products of these unions, though they should immediately be put down for the good of themselves and the world, are often allowed to roam the world, getting drunk and blowing things up, neither in the proper way.
    Things My Students Say

    Here Comes a Regular (the life of a boozer) UPDATED 8/18/11: 9C, depression, bluegrass, Charlie Day

  7. #7
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    You self-loathing bastard. I feel sorry for you. Whitey.

  8. #8
    aw man what dang Joe Rice's Avatar
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    Speaking of beastly offspring, let me just throw some professional knowledge at you. I am a teacher of children, so I know kids. And do you know who the most insufferable, awful, ugly, bratty children are? If you guessed Puerto Ricans, you are a racist cracker piece of crap. The true answer is white children. I seriously almost lose it anytime I have to be around a white kid for an extended period of time. Especially in restaurants. Priviledged, whiny, disgusting germbags that will grow up to be even worse examples of caucasiality.

    Some people think I teach in Bushwick because I'm some kind of bleeding-heart do-gooder or something. No. It's because my school has zero white children and that's the way I like it.
    Things My Students Say

    Here Comes a Regular (the life of a boozer) UPDATED 8/18/11: 9C, depression, bluegrass, Charlie Day

  9. #9
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    Man, married life is really disagreeing with Joe.
    Professor Chambers, don't get on that ship! The book... To Serve Man. It... it's a cookbook!

  10. #10
    tschuss
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dom Jigsaw
    Man, married life is really disagreeing with Joe.
    It's turned him into a hardcore racist.

  11. #11
    Were You There? Michael P's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joe Rice
    Speaking of beastly offspring, let me just throw some professional knowledge at you. I am a teacher of children, so I know kids. And do you know who the most insufferable, awful, ugly, bratty children are? If you guessed Puerto Ricans, you are a racist cracker piece of crap. The true answer is white children.
    Did anyone here not know that?
    "If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me." - Alice Roosevelt Longworth, on manners

    "It's not whether you win or lose, it's whether I win or lose." - Peter David, on life

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joe Rice
    Speaking of beastly offspring, let me just throw some professional knowledge at you. I am a teacher of children, so I know kids. And do you know who the most insufferable, awful, ugly, bratty children are? If you guessed Puerto Ricans, you are a racist cracker piece of crap. The true answer is white children. I seriously almost lose it anytime I have to be around a white kid for an extended period of time. Especially in restaurants. Priviledged, whiny, disgusting germbags that will grow up to be even worse examples of caucasiality.

    Some people think I teach in Bushwick because I'm some kind of bleeding-heart do-gooder or something. No. It's because my school has zero white children and that's the way I like it.
    Don't forget that they can't dance and are terrible atheletes.
    Professor Chambers, don't get on that ship! The book... To Serve Man. It... it's a cookbook!

  13. #13
    aw man what dang Joe Rice's Avatar
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    Here's another thing about white people! I hate this! They have these cushy lives in America, being part of the dominant paradigm and yadda yadda so they always end up making up stupid shit in order to feel cool! This stupid shit ranges from "wah wah mommy and daddy didn't pay enough attention to me" to "I have a disorder that makes me act like a dumbass" to "check out my cool revolutionary new belief system that is completely full of shit!" White people have Interestingness Envy. They see other folks leading lives with actual hardship, character, and culture. Whitey doesn't have any of this, so they make it all up. It's sickening.
    Things My Students Say

    Here Comes a Regular (the life of a boozer) UPDATED 8/18/11: 9C, depression, bluegrass, Charlie Day

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by pennywisdom
    It's turned him into a hardcore racist.
    Not really.

    He always hated honkies, but I never thought I'd see the day where he made it public.
    Professor Chambers, don't get on that ship! The book... To Serve Man. It... it's a cookbook!

  15. #15
    Professional Scalliwag thehod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joe Rice
    Speaking of beastly offspring, let me just throw some professional knowledge at you. I am a teacher of children, so I know kids. And do you know who the most insufferable, awful, ugly, bratty children are? If you guessed Puerto Ricans, you are a racist cracker piece of crap. The true answer is white children.
    The truer answer is probably those kids with dickheads for parents, whether they be white, black, brown, red, orange, yellow or sky blue pick with purple spots.
    The Hod: Novelist, raconteur and celebrated sexual athlete.

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