“New York City! 1981! The town so nice they named it twice is under attack by the evil mutant terrorist known as MAGNETO! The Master of Magnetism wants to subjugate the entire human race to ensure the dominance of Homo Superior – the mutant race!
"The only ones who can save the day are a small band of heroes who have vowed to combine their amazing powers to fight criminals for truth and justice. They are Bobby Drake, the incredible ICEMAN! Angelica Jones, the fiery FIRESTAR! And former high school wallflower, now full-time wall-crawler, Peter Parker, the amazing SPIDER-MAN!
"FIRESTAR: Bobby, why can’t you be accepting of Spidey’s new suit of armor? He seems happy with it, and it might help expand the way he fights crime now.
"SPIDER-MAN: Hot Stuff is right; so why don’t you cool off, Snow Cone, and let’s go take down the bad guy? I bet with this new Iron Spidey armor, we’ll make our most amazing save ever!
"ICEMAN: THE NAME OF THE GUY WE’RE FIGHTING IS MAGNETO. Magneto! Our bad guy can CONTROL. METAL. How is that armor going to help you fight crime when the super villain can tear it open and peel you like a banana?
"FIRESTAR: Do you think Mister Stark can make one of those for me in a size four?
"ICEMAN: Is ANYONE listening to ME? Your armor is useless against a dude who CONTROLS METAL."
Old school cartoons; new school wardrobes. Hilarity ensues.
The enemy never sleeps. Neither does the comics industry. Let's get some licks in.
TAKE THAT!, a monthly humor column by Neil Kleid at Buzzscope.com