Being out of step with the rest of the world: is it a good thing or a bad thing?

[Buried Alien]

For almost my entire life, I've been a bit out of step with the rest of the world. I just do and believe things slightly differently from most people. Is this a good thing or bad thing? I suppose I'll never be part of a "herd mentality". On the other hand, who really likes being weird all the time?

Individualism vs. Fitting In: it's a dilemma.

Buried Alien (The Fastest Post Alive!)

[Harry Angel]

Nothing at all wrong with being an individual.

Just be ready to duck when the lockstep crowd aims for your head.

[Sanagi]

Normal is boring.

[Rabid Trekkie]

I'm pretty far removed from the rest of the world, it can get a little lonely sometimes but other than that it's pretty good.

[pennywisdom]

I think your ability to empathize and relate to others is important too. There's a big difference between a staunch individualist who still has a firm grasp on his humanity and a complete sociopath.

[Adam Crocker]

I suppose it all depends on how one is out of step and in part, how one feels about that. Addressing your "who really likes being weird all the time," question B.A., thinking back to my high school experiences I often prided myself on being "weird." However, a lot of that was built on the fact that I was the person that was usually ridiculed and picked on in school. So basically it was me taking the fact that I had been excluded in a hurtful fashion by much of the student body. So I can see how it would be a problem for people when it comes to matters of social exclusion.

On the other hand I have very few regrets about what I did then. Much of said ridicule was due to the fact that I was out-of-step with the popular crowd. And that itself was more due to my individual temprament. I hated sports, had next to no interest in music, particularly popular music. I liked drawing. I liked to read. I was actually engaged in my schoolwork (and one of the reasons I disliked group activities was that most of the people I paired up with tended to be disengaged with the work and thus I was usually leading them along). Plus I did have a circle of equally out-of-step misfit friends who shared many of my interests (well namely roleplaying a comics) making it a lot less arduous. (Which is partly why high school went better than junior high. I actually had friends in high school.)

[Cei-U!]

The thing is you really aren't out of step with "the rest of humanity." That would make you utterly unique and I'm sorry but there ain't no such critter. You have thousands, maybe millions, of things in common with your fellow humans. So, hyperbole aside, what is it exactly about yourself you think makes you different and why are you ambivalent about that difference?

Cei-U!
I summon the comfy chair!

[Calybos]

Depends how you apply it.

Suicide bombers are out of step with most of their societies too.

[Xetal]

Go for it - if you can stand the bullying you'll get unless you choose your friends and especially your work rather carefully.

[Night]

When the world wants to step off a cliff.... it's good to be out of step with the world.

[SUPERECWFAN1]

Who wants to be the same like everyone else ? I'd rather be eccentric and be wild. If I ever hit the Lotto I want people to go: " Hey there goes SuperE. He's the guy who once threw a huge party in the middle of town for his birthday. Just because he thought it would be cool."

[west3man]

For almost my entire life, I've been a bit out of step with the rest of the world. I just do and believe things slightly differently from most people. Is this a good thing or bad thing? I suppose I'll never be part of a "herd mentality". On the other hand, who really likes being weird all the time?

Individualism vs. Fitting In: it's a dilemma.

Buried Alien (The Fastest Post Alive!)Incongruence is less important than introspection, in my book.

Whether you agree or disagree with others, as long as you've given the issue(s) serious thought, remain confident.


Diversity isn't just some p.c. catch-phrase. It can be truly and significantly valuable.

[InvisibleQueen]

"It is those who get lost who find the new paths."
A motto on the wall of a really old couple I know. It should tell you everything.

[Archyduke]

"It is those who get lost who find the new paths."

The last time I got lost, I found a pet-store that was open at two in the morning. It was awesome. Having no idea where the hell you are in the middle of the night is a lot less daunting when you're able to stick your hand into a pile of puppies.

[Ray R.]

The thing is you really aren't out of step with "the rest of humanity." That would make you utterly unique and I'm sorry but there ain't no such critter. You have thousands, maybe millions, of things in common with your fellow humans. So, hyperbole aside, what is it exactly about yourself you think makes you different and why are you ambivalent about that difference?

Cei-U!
I summon the comfy chair!

Well said.

"Different strokes for different folks." The only thing that makes you different is the belief that you ARE different. A good number of us swim against the tide every day, in different ways, with different temperaments and differents ways of expression.

Hell, I have two children and I want them to be "different." I see it less as following the herd, and more about seeking the truth, or what you perceive as the truth.

Geek, nerd, dork, whatever..... the true nature of our differences is in the level of insecurity we attach to our individuality.

To quote Woody Harrelson in "White Men Can't Jump": "It is hard goddamn work making something this pretty look like a geek or dork, so I must be doing it for a reason."

My reason: I stopped caring what other people besides those that care about me thought about me a long time ago. If you don't "get" me, or what I like, well, I guess we'll just get along with our lives then, won't we......

[Slappy san]

For almost my entire life, I've been a bit out of step with the rest of the world. I just do and believe things slightly differently from most people. Is this a good thing or bad thing? I suppose I'll never be part of a "herd mentality". On the other hand, who really likes being weird all the time?

Individualism vs. Fitting In: it's a dilemma.

Buried Alien (The Fastest Post Alive!)

Bad thing. You would tend to labled strange, mocked or ignored.

Welcome to my World.

[Calybos]

On the other hand, if everyone around you agrees that fire isn't good for touching... well, maybe they're on to something, hmm?

[Paradox]

You're not "out of touch with the rest of the world", BA. You just don't fit into the stereotype of "what society thinks I should think and be". And you really shoudn't care.

Personally, I use that as a yardstick to avoid. "Normal" gives me the creeps. ;)

[Alex]

It's aneasy thing to fix.
You remain an individual, but you learn how to talk and relate to people on their level (If that's the problem, and you really are that out there)
My family, some of my friends, and my girlfriend, have all remarked that i act differently around people at each of my jobs, around my moms friends, around my friends outside of work, and around new people i'm meetting. I do it naturaly, it isn't really a conscious choice, but i never hide who i am or what im thinking about a topic depending on who they are.
Hold your own beliefs, but if you are worried about people being alienated, either change your views, stop caring, or learn how to express them without scaring people.

[literally exaggerated]

virtually meaningless. you might differ from what the people around you generally think and feel, or what mainstream american culture/media tell you you should think and fell, but neither of those groups are by any means the world. the fact is, there is virtually no mode of behavior or thought that is shared or endorsed by the entire world, or even the majority of it. no religion or political philosophy, certainly. no taste in music, books, movies or any other form of art. almost no moral belief (although certain taboos, like child rape or cannabalism, are shared by the vast majority of people and cultures). no hobby or pasttime. no academic assertion (with the exception of certain mathematical principles). no language. no fashion. no goal.

i was always out of step with those around me, but then, i lived in fairly pedestrian, stepfordesque suburb in central New Jersey. i've since found places where i share many likes, dislikes, opinions and beliefs with those around me. there is no world status quo, so don't delude yourself into believing there is, unless if you're into eating kids or something, in which case, yeah, you're a sick bastard and you should probably seek help.

[Iangould]

For almost my entire life, I've been a bit out of step with the rest of the world. I just do and believe things slightly differently from most people. Is this a good thing or bad thing? I suppose I'll never be part of a "herd mentality". On the other hand, who really likes being weird all the time?

Individualism vs. Fitting In: it's a dilemma.

Buried Alien (The Fastest Post Alive!)

There's no black/white answer.

Noncomformity is sometimes seen as an absolute good but you might want to go along with the majority on issues like the need to wipe after going to the toilet and the inadvisability of using cyanide as a sugar-substitute.

[Paradox]

Iangould answers relatively:

There's no black/white answer.

Noncomformity is sometimes seen as an absolute good but you might want to go along with the majority on issues like the need to wipe after going to the toilet and the inadvisability of using cyanide as a sugar-substitute.

Yes, certainly, it all depends.

Tea? **passes the sugar bowl** :evilsmile

[Buried Alien]

So, hyperbole aside, what is it exactly about yourself you think makes you different and why are you ambivalent about that difference?

Cei-U!
I summon the comfy chair!

I can't put my finger on it, Kurt. Certain things that seem beyond obvious to me and I can't convince other people of, and other things that seem obvious to everyone else make no sense to me at all.

As for the ambivalence, well...I hate having to put up a false image to fit in. But at the same time, I hate being left out all the time too.

Half the time, I'm scared of saying what I really feel because I'm terrified of being ridiculed. I feel ridiculed half the time I'm honest.

Buried Alien (The Fastest Post Alive!)

[Pól Rua]

I can't put my finger on it, Kurt. Certain things that seem beyond obvious to me and I can't convince other people of, and other things that seem obvious to everyone else make no sense to me at all.

As for the ambivalence, well...I hate having to put up a false image to fit in. But at the same time, I hate being left out all the time too.

Half the time, I'm scared of saying what I really feel because I'm terrified of being ridiculed. I feel ridiculed half the time I'm honest.

Buried Alien (The Fastest Post Alive!)

Hello, Paranoia. My, how... familiar... you look.
Yeah. That sucks arse. I've got a whole heaping mess of that crap and I hate it. It always freaks me out a bit when I find out that people actually like me. Because for the most part, I don't like myself all that much.
So I'm pretty sure there's a bit of that there.
Might also be where you are. When I was teaching in outback Queensland, I had pretty much nobody who was like me. It was all miners and farmers. No geeks or nerds. As a result, I felt isolated not just from the town, but from all of humanity.
It sounds like you need to expand your social circle. You need to start going out and being around other people. Not like trolling bars or whatever, but meeting your friends' friends, and just socialising in general. This is totally uncomfortable, because if you're like me, you have that horrible little voice in your head which says "You suck. You're totally pissing all these people off and they hate you. Why don't you go home and do them all a favour?"
It's really, really hard, but you need to overcome that voice.
I still haven't. I'm still pretty much screwed over by that little bastard about 50% of the time. But if you make the effort, it's very rewarding.

Onto your original question though, different strokes for different folks. It depends on where you are when you feel out of step, and why you feel out of step. I mean, if you feel different because you're a bit of a nerd, or you're artistically imaginative, or you have a weird but harmless sexual fetish, that's slightly different than feeling out of step because you crave human flesh, or like to set fires in major public places.
It's pretty relative.

[Ed Cunard]

I can't put my finger on it, Kurt. Certain things that seem beyond obvious to me and I can't convince other people of, and other things that seem obvious to everyone else make no sense to me at all.

You're just going to have to learn and accept that people are different. Instead of trying to convince people about things, just talk with them. Just because someone isn't like you doesn't mean you can't enjoy their company or talking about things with them. Viva la difference, and all that.

As for the ambivalence, well...I hate having to put up a false image to fit in. But at the same time, I hate being left out all the time too.

So, stop putting up a false image, and find something where you do feel like you fit in. For me, it's the greater comics internet at large (of which this place is a part). I don't have any close friends or associates within easy access (and even less time to go out and be social), so talking to people online, as sad as that may sound, is pretty much is the highlight of my social interaction most weeks.

[Sanagi]

I've always felt like a loner, misunderstood by everyone, and unable to conform with others' expectations of me even if I wanted to. I never quite understand other people, and they often seem to judge me as a freak or an idiot. But, for as long as I can remember, I've turned this outcast nature around into a badge of pride - Maybe if people can't fathom me, it's because I'm just that deep.

Having a different way of thinking makes life difficult sometimes. For instance, I'm almost worthless at working a regular job, because I can't work efficiently at something until I understand the entire system from top to bottom, which is longer than any employer wants to put up with someone fumbling around and making mistakes. If I was given the chance to analyze the entire work environment and plug in my capabilities wherever they fit best, I could be a dynamo, but no manager wants some weirdo coming in and messing up their organization.

So it's not a bowl of cherries, but life never is. I'll take this existence over any other alternative I've seen. I'm far more proud of my strangeness than I am angsty or bitter. It helps that I have a variety of friends to whom I can express myself in different ways. Even if I'm not understood, I can feel appreciated.

[Iangould]

It always freaks me out a bit when I find out that people actually like me. Because for the most part, I don't like myself all that much.
So I'm pretty sure there's a bit of that there.

Mate, you're one of the most likeable people I know. It amazes me what a huge circle of friends you have, both online and in real life.

I, on the other hand...

[Pól Rua]

Mate, you're one of the most likeable people I know. It amazes me what a huge circle of friends you have, both online and in real life.

I, on the other hand...

C'mon, you know that's only because you're pure evil.
Oh, and that was your 666th post, too.

Co-incidence? I think not!