PDA

View Full Version : Worst Sex Scenes - 2005

K'Nort
12-20-2005, 05:39 PM
Nominations for the British 'Bad Sex in Fiction' awards.

The third one down was the 'winner.'

Moderator EDIT:

The text within this link is rather graphic... and very badly written. Reader discretion is advised; click at your own risk. :D ;)

http://books.guardian.co.uk/departments/generalfiction/story/0,6000,1652812,00.html
Gaz
12-20-2005, 07:03 PM
Bwahahaha! "Like Zorro"?
Poor grammar + long sentence x no knowledge of how to evoke anything approaching sexy = LAME!
MKTerra
12-20-2005, 09:20 PM
*reads the third one*

Jeez, it's almost like reading Quentin from The Sound and the Fury again...

Edit: *cracks up at the "demon eel" line* :D
i_mmmchocolate
12-20-2005, 09:52 PM
Hilarious. Wonderful.

*copies and pastes to notepad*
Magneto_X
12-21-2005, 03:35 PM
"The Apprentice", written by Lewis "Scooter" Libby.

Yes, he is the same guy who was indicted a few months ago.
Puma
12-21-2005, 04:02 PM
that was a painful read
Dizzy D
12-21-2005, 04:21 PM
A 'better' list then the one that was posted for movies a year or so ago on the appropriate board. These all at least belong on it.
Grant
12-21-2005, 06:55 PM
My goal in life is to write a book and have a scene that makes that list.

"Her sex felt like a bowl of Cream of Wheat."
Grant
12-21-2005, 07:00 PM
"The Apprentice", written by Lewis "Scooter" Libby.

Yes, he is the same guy who was indicted a few months ago.

He's not listed. I heard passages of it though and it is worthy of being on this list.
Tages
12-22-2005, 12:02 AM
*reads the third one*

Jeez, it's almost like reading Quentin from The Sound and the Fury again...
I happen to identify strongly with that character and I have no idea what you mean.
Tages
12-22-2005, 12:03 AM
Also, why do people still deny that Rushdie can't write his way through an open doorway?
MKTerra
12-22-2005, 01:10 AM
I happen to identify strongly with that character and I have no idea what you mean.Long run-on sentence.
Solaris
12-22-2005, 09:13 PM
Oh my gods. Those were some of the WORST sex scenes I've ever read in my life.

Like a paper cut that you get, then keep re-opening all day as you work, sweat, wash your hands, etc.... every little movement and chemical provides a reminder STING of what happened.
howyadoin
12-22-2005, 09:24 PM
This cracked me up:less of a sauce, more of a glaze

Thought-provoking, for sure.
Tobias March
12-23-2005, 07:04 AM
Christ. The Ben Elton passage had me asking if it was intentionally written that badly. And John Updike? What happened? This is the guy who wrote 'The Pocket Rocket', one of the funniest short essays I've ever read.

Is it even possible to write a good sex scene? This bunch makes me despair.
Gaz
12-23-2005, 07:10 AM
Christ. The Ben Elton passage had me asking if it was intentionally written that badly. And John Updike? What happened? This is the guy who wrote 'The Pocket Rocket', one of the funniest short essays I've ever read.

Is it even possible to write a good sex scene? This bunch makes me despair.
I think the problem is that Elton couldn't decide if he wanted to be sexy or funny, and he's long since past his best at the latter.
Peter
12-26-2005, 10:38 PM
Even if that had been the greatest, most erotic or passionate sex scene in the history of fiction, it all fell apart with one line and two little words.

"Like Zorro."

It was like the expression WTF was created *purely* with that in mind.

Maybe it was deliberate, though. Like a parody of bad fiction, or something. Something that awful can't have been written seriously, you know, it just can't have been.