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View Full Version : More Stupid Parent Tricks: Ten Dangerous Toys List


Michael P
11-21-2005, 12:51 PM
http://money.cnn.com/2005/11/17/news/midcaps/dangerous_toys/index.htm?cnn=yes

Toys singled out by W.A.T.C.H. include Target's Baby Serena - Baby I'm Yours doll, which comes with a rattle and bottles that can be disassembled into small parts that could be swallowed.

Fisher Price's Little Mommy Bath Baby Doll, made by Mattel, also comes with a bottle whose parts could cause choking, the consumer safety organization said.

Animal Alley Ponies, distributed by Toys R Us, can cause ingestion injuries, W.A.T.C.H. said. The soft, colorful ponies aimed at infants have long, fiberlike hair that can be hazardous.

City Blocks, distributed by IQ Preschool - Small World Toys, also made the list because of the potential for ingestion and choking injuries.

The Camouflage Water Bomb Fun Kit from Pioneer Worldwide -- a slingshot capable of forcefully firing "water bombs" -- could cause eye injuries, W.A.T.C.H. said.

The Splatmatic Pistol Splat Paintball Shooter, which fires paint balls at a high velocity, also made the list because of its potential for eye, face and other impact injuries, as did Hasbro's Star Wars - Revenge of the Sith Energy Beam Blaster, which comes with pressurized "energy-beam string canisters."

W.A.T.C.H. also said The Lord of the Rings - Return of the King Uruk-Hai Crossbow set, which catapults arrows at high velocity, is dangerous because of its potential to cause eye injuries.

Geospace International's 38" Air Kicks Kickaroos Anti-Gravity Boots, which fit over shoes and help children bounce around, also made the list. The manufacturer instructs users to "always remain in control of your motions," but that directive is unrealistic, W.A.T.C.H. said, citing the toy's potential for head or other impact injuries.

Toy Biz's Fantastic 4 Electronic Thing Hands -- a pair of oversized fists -- made the list because it could cause blunt impact injuries.

Okay, the paintball gun I can see, but the rest? These people's kids must have the most boring toys in the neighborhood. Like Rod and Todd Flanders. "Daddy says dice are wicked. We just move one space at a time. It's less fun that way."

And all of these complaints boil down to "if your kid is a freakin' moron, they'll try to eat it" or "it is possible to be injured while using this toy." Well, shit, those are the best ones! How many of those cool playsets in that thread we had a few weeks ago could be used as bludgeoning instruments? That's right, all of them, especially if the kid's hefty. If you can't crack a skull or put an eye out with it, tell Santa to put it back in the bag and give me something that I can torture the cat with.

Dangerous toys. Unless it's a Fisher Price My First Chemical Weapons Plant, there's no such thing as a toy that's too dangerous. Do these people not remember childhood, not remember the fun had -- and valuable lessons learned -- from saying, "Hey, what happens if I do this?" Have they forgotten that playing is supposed to be spontaneous and experimental, not safe and antiseptic? Is there no one left alive who considers a childhood misspent unless it's exited with at least one set of stitches and three scars?

Typo Lad
11-21-2005, 01:15 PM
Pff. As a parent who's very careful about what Tot has, even I think some of these are silly. Many of these boil down to "We let ourchildren play with projectile toys unsupervised, plus we can't bother to teach them responsible play, so we're just going to say NO ONE SHOULD BUY THESE!"

Remember Lawn Darts? I mean, c'mon!

StoneGold
11-21-2005, 01:29 PM
Okay, the paintball gun I can see, but the rest? These people's kids must have the most boring toys in the neighborhood.
Actually, I'm thinking just the opposite. Stuff like the paintball and the crossbow, you know what you're getting into. It's stuff like the baby bottle that can be pulled apart and choked on, that's the stuff you actually have to worry about.


I mean, hell, if you don't know something that fires a projectile can put your eye out, you're an idiot. It's the sleeper stuff that gets you. Balloons are one of the biggest choking hazards for children, because they suck them down uninflated and they get stuck in the middle. I'm assuming thats a similiar problem with the Animal Alley Ponies.

MacQuarrie
11-21-2005, 01:44 PM
How hard is it to teach kids not to put every damn thing into their mouths?

The only item on this list that's a legitimate concern for me is the one that's intended for infants.

If the kid is toilet-trained, he/she can be taught to not be an idiot.

Corrina
11-21-2005, 01:47 PM
How hard is it to teach kids not to put every damn thing into their mouths?


For some kids, pretty damn hard.

Some toddlers have in a 'put everything in their mouth' phase. And toddlers don't listen that well. You have to keep figuratively banging your head into the wall teaching them the same thing over and over until they hit age four or so and if you've done the job well, they actually start following orders.

But as for the list, eh. There's some silly stuff on that one.

StoneGold
11-21-2005, 01:52 PM
How hard is it to teach kids not to put every damn thing into their mouths?

.
Go to a used toy booth, tell me how many toys don't have the paint sucked off their heads. Then come back and ask that.

darkkeeperjr
11-21-2005, 01:55 PM
Any toy which comes apart,without saying so oon the box is a hazard. if the piece can fit through a toilet paper cone.

LiL girly is playing with a doll, then the dolly button comes off in her mouth. This list saves some people a trip to the hosiptal. or worse.

But you should know buying your kid "thing's fists" that some younger kid is gonna get knocked out right after they hear "it's clobbering time"!

StoneGold
11-21-2005, 01:58 PM
But you should know buying your kid "thing's fists" that some younger kid is gonna get knocked out right after they hear "it's clobbering time"!
Hey, I ain't saying there's not some cause and effect here, but I think what they're saying is Thing hands ain't Sock'em Bop'ems. They don't do much to cushion the blow. Given the ridges and such, they might just enhance them. Worse than, say, just getting hit with a boxing glove even. So I can kind of understand the warning on that one.

Matt Algren
11-21-2005, 06:01 PM
Pff. As a parent who's very careful about what Tot has, even I think some of these are silly. Many of these boil down to "We let ourchildren play with projectile toys unsupervised, plus we can't bother to teach them responsible play, so we're just going to say NO ONE SHOULD BUY THESE!"

Remember Lawn Darts? I mean, c'mon!note: the following FAKE news article may be considered offensive. It's still funny, though. Besides, I didn't write it.

Fun Toy Banned Because Of Three Stupid Dead Kids (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28331)

WASHINGTON, DC–In cooperation with the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, Wizco Toys of Montclair, NJ, recalled 245,000 Aqua Assault RoboFighters Monday after three dumb kids managed to kill themselves playing with the popular toy, ruining the fun for everybody else.

"My mom won't let me play with my RoboFighter because of those dumb kids who died," said 10-year-old Jeremy Daigle of Somerville, MA. "I used to set up army guys around the RoboFighter and have it run over them and conquer Earth for the Zardaxians. But now I'll never see it again, all because three stupid idiots had to go and wreck everything."

Each of the deaths was determined to be the result of gross misuse of the toy, an incredibly cool device that could shoot both plastic missiles and long jets of water, as well as maneuver over the ground on retractable wheels.
...
Less than one month after Weiller's death, 5-year-old Danielle Krug fatally suffocated on fragments of the toy after repeatedly smashing it with a claw hammer in the garage of her parents' La Porte, IN, home.

"I'm not kidding," said Dianne Ensor, an emergency-room nurse at Our Lady Of Peace Hospital in La Porte, where Krug was pronounced dead. "She thought the broken shards were candy. That's what you'd assume after breaking a plastic, inedible toy, right? Absolutely un-fucking-believable."

The third and arguably stupidest death occurred August 12, when 11-year-old dumbass Michael Torres held the RoboFighter above his head and jumped off the balcony of his family's third-story Torrance, CA, apartment, thinking he would be able to fly like Superman.

"A couple of my fellow emergency workers thought we should cut the kid some slack, because at least he wasn't trying to eat the toy or shove it up his nose," said paramedic Debra Lindfors, who tried in vain to revive Torres. "I considered this for a while, but then I decided no. No way. If you're 11 years old, you should know that it's impossible to fly. And poor Wizco's probably going to go bankrupt because of this shit."

As a result of the extreme idiocy of the three children, the CPSC was forced to order Wizco to stop making the toy and remove it from store shelves, as well as recommend that parents remove it from their homes.

"I know the overwhelming majority of American kids who owned an Aqua Assault RoboFighter derived many hours of safe, responsible fun from it," CPSC commissioner Mary Sheila Gall said. "But, statistically speaking, three deaths stemming from contact with a particular toy constitutes an 'unreasonable risk.' Look, I'm really sorry about this. Honestly."

HomerJay
11-22-2005, 11:53 AM
"Der's a warnin label printed clearly on it. Hey kid, look out. Bag-o-glass."

Phoney Bone
11-22-2005, 12:17 PM
I'm suing my parents for the danger they placed me in as a child. I could have put my eye out with those Tinker Toy sticks or choked on a Lego.


The fiends!