Here we go again...

[SilverSpider]

Tip Of The Day:
Always keep several get well cards on the mantle...
So if unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick and unable to
clean.

[Adam Crocker]

Man, I wish I thought of that yesterday...of course Mom would actually take a look at the signatures.

[MsSpring]

Tip Of The Day:
Always keep several get well cards on the mantle...
So if unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick and unable to
clean.


You know what I do?

I just say, "Look, it's a friggin mess in here. Like it is every day except Christmas Eve. If you don't like it, you can..."

Okay, well, it basically just deteriorates into ranting laced with profanities from there. :) Heh.

Actually, my house always has the "lived in" look. The way I see it, I will never look back at the end of my days and say to myself, "Gee, I wish I had cleaned my house more."

[DarlingNikki]

the way i see it, if they can stop by unexpectedly, then they can not expect my place to be spotless. they're coming unannounced to my home. if it's not showplace gleaming when they get there, too bad.

[Wesley Dodds]

A chaotic bedroom is one thing I look for in a girl -- it means she can't complain about the destruction in mine.

[HomerJay]

It wouldn't be a true party/get-together at our house without my wife having a meltdown and/or crying about how our house looks while she's cleaning it beforehand.

Fun.

[i_mmmchocolate]

I hate that; when people just drop by without any notice. I have a cousin like this (she's in her 40's), she takes great pleasure making surprise visits.

I've come to the point where I don't even care anymore; if family members don't like that my room is paper mess, well then they shouldn't ask to look into my room during a visit. My step-grandmother does this all the time, she's also convinced that one match is all it'll take to set my room ablaze.

[K'Nort]

I don't like people stopping by unannounced because even if you don't mind looking messy, there could also be stuff lying around that's none of their business. And no, I'm not talking sex toys.

[DarlingNikki]

I don't like people stopping by unannounced because even if you don't mind looking messy, there could also be stuff lying around that's none of their business. And no, I'm not talking sex toys.

true. if i don't expect you, most times i won't let you in (unless it's the parents).

[StoneGold]

That's why every day before I go to work, I make sure to leave a nice fresh turd somewhere in the living room. It's the kind of thing where, if someone walks in, no one wants to say anything about it, because really, who wants to bring attention to the turd on the floor?

[HomerJay]

That's why every day before I go to work, I make sure to leave a nice fresh turd somewhere in the living room. It's the kind of thing where, if someone walks in, no one wants to say anything about it, because really, who wants to bring attention to the turd on the floor?

Well that'll at least take attention away from the dead hooker you still have handcuffed to the radiator.

[StoneGold]

Well that'll at least take attention away from the dead hooker you still have handcuffed to the radiator.
I live in LA, I don't have a radiator. Hell, I don't even have the pilot light for the heater turned on.

[Xetal]

If it's good advice you need........

TEN RULES OF HOUSEKEEPING

1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a
serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet
Fresh.

2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed.
Rename the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and claim an
ecological exemption.

3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter
against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5
and leave it alone.

4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from the
bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out
that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim,
"What? And spoil the mood?"

5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread
magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng
Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your
eyes when you say this.

6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by
claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing handsewn play
animals for underprivileged children.

7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one
room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home,
rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to
see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO
expensive."

8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the
coffee table and insist that "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter
her ashes..."

9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall
with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as you
say, "Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident... I
haven't had the heart to clean it..."

10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of
water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in
conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto
the couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get
anywhere..."

[Venoman]

or you could jsut not give a shit about what people think.... dirrty knickers on the floor...not bad

[howyadoin]

Tip Of The Day:
Always keep several get well cards on the mantle...
So if unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick and unable to
clean.Brilliant. Except that my place is pretty much always a sty, so sooner or later they'd be on to my little game.

[Michael P]

"Poor howy, he's always so sick."

"Must be why he smokes all that pot. Medicinal purposes."

"Geez, he must be dying then..."

[Gilda Dent]

When my wife got home from picking up my new car (a fact I fully intend to work into every post I make for the next couple of days) today, all of the food and dishes were scattered around on the tables and cabinets because I was polishing the insides of the cabinets. She says it's like living with Felix Unger's neater sister.

Gilda

[Venoman]

ppffftt... stupid neat people... they let it take over their lives... apparently my mum dosnt have any hoobies because she spends so much time cleaning... ofcourse she HAS to clean... yes mum like anyone except you really cares if the porch is dusty :confused:

[Pól Rua]

Tip Of The Day:
Always keep several get well cards on the mantle...
So if unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick and unable to
clean.

Where were you when Tom was freakin' out?

Hrm. I wonder where you can get Portuguese Get Well Cards in Philadelphia?

[K'Nort]

From the 2006 Ikea catalog, which I received yesterday:

Behind a discrete lid in the solid-wood headboard of the Leksvik bed frame, there is a clever hidden storage compartment. It's a handy place to keep books or other night-time necessities safely out of sight.

[Venoman]

makes sense... most women have dildos or vibrators

[Paradox]

Michael Pullmann needs just ONE more:

"Poor howy, he's always so sick."

"Must be why he smokes all that pot. Medicinal purposes."

"Geez, he must be dying then..."

"Must be the chemo making him lose all his hair like that." :D

[Paradox]

K'Nort tries to dodge the issue:

And no, I'm not talking sex toys.

Why not? We're always ready.