The worst reviews of the best books...

[Noah Johnson]

So, Time magazine went and published their list of the 100 best novels ever. Okay, fine, magazines do things like that sometimes, nothing too surprising.

But then someone went through Amazon and tracked down some of the one-star customer reviews of these wonderful books.

http://www.themorningnews.org/archives/reviews/lone_star_statements.php

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll despair of the future of humanity. I did...

[Devon C.]

Bunch of retards couldn't even find GOOD reasons to hate the books.

And, to that guy who dissed Native Son:

You suck.

[Sir Tim Drake]

Mrs. Dalloway (1925)

Author: Virginia Woolf

“The only good thing to say about this “literary” drivel is that the person responsible, Virginia Woolf, has been dead for quite some time now. Let us pray to God she stays that way.”

You know, I have to agree with that last part. Resurrected zombie authors are bad news.

[Sir Tim Drake]

When I'm procrastinating, which is often, I sometimes use Amazon.com to search for negative reviews of books I loved. Here's one of my favorites. This reviewer's enjoyment of one of the greatest of all English novels was ruined because he misunderstood one little phrase.

I read half of Middlemarch and found it hard going. All of the characters are flawed (as in real life) which would have been OK if there were any who were sympathetic. But after reading 331 of 771 pages in my edition, I came across the following passage (Chap. 40): "(irrelevant part of passage omitted) If you want to know more particularly how Mary looked, ten to one you will see a face like hers in the crowded street to-morrow, if you are there on the watch: she will not be among those daughters of Zion who are haughty, and walk with stretched-out necks and wanton eyes, mincing as they go: let all those pass, and fix your eyes on some small plump brownish person of firm but quiet carriage,...." These words of Eliot's (not of a character) are vile. Who would want to read a book with hateful racial slanders like this, written from the point of view of an author a part of whose moral nature is racial animosity? Any author whose moral frame of reference is so small-minded could not write a book of any real artistic value, all the professors of literature and their hollow praises notwithstanding. Character development and other technical accomplishments do not a work of art make.

[Sanagi]

I think the one for "To Kill a Mockingbird" is the funniest:

"I don’t see why this book is so fabulous. I would give it a zero. I find no point in writing a book about segregation, there’s no way of making it into an enjoyable book. And yes I am totally against segregation."

Would someone who is for segregation enjoy the book more?

[Donald M.]

A Clockwork Orange (1963)

Author: Anthony Burgess

“In the first 20 pages, Alex and his lackies beat a guy senseless and rob him; they steal a car and trash it, they get into a vicious gang fight; they attack a couple at their home, destroy the husband’s life work (his book, A Clockwork Orange), beat him and his wife senseless, and rape the wife. This really ticked me off.”

*busts out laughing*

Was the reader under the impression that these things were meant to endear the characters to him?

There's stupid, and then there's trashing a book because a sequence of events evokes precisely the reaction it's supposed to.

[The Mirrorball Man]

The Lord of the Rings (1954)
Author: J.R.R. Tolkien
“The book is not readable because of the overuse of adverbs.”
As much as I like The Lord of the Rings, it's very hard to disagree with that.

[Donald M.]

I've been looking for ones for other books on the list as well:


Snow Crash

"Bad, silly, superficial and really, really boring. And, of course, it is not a novel, only a lot of words and too many childish simils without any meaning."



Watchmen

"Moore's original burst of inspiration was to take a form of children's literature - the super-hero comic book - and fuse it with the Hemingway-derived melodrama of the hard-boiled school of crime and detective fiction. Teenagers, poorly-read and possessing malnourished tastes in prose, were predictably awestruck by the results. They thought it was 'realistic'; they thought this was 'great literature'."

Now see, I never knew Hemmingway wrote hard-boiled detective fiction. You learn something new every day.


Animal Farm

the book 'animal farm' was not very good. we read it in english, and the book is so boring i almost fell asleep reading it. george orwell must be old. i do not recommend this book to anyone.. try watching tv instead. but dont watch the movie, its worse than the book.

Watch tv instead of reading and you too can be a complete dumbass!


Invisible Man

"read this book only if you're interested in the stagnant rantings and ravings of a sad, cynical 50s black man."

This review is also sad, cynical and stagnant, but at least it's short.

[Edman]

On the Road (1957)

Author: Jack Kerouac

“This book gets my nomination for the most overrated book in American Literature. It is trite, saccharine and false. The themes and insights it contains are not even good enough to be third rate. Moreover, as a prose stylist, Kerouac was probably fourth rate. In short, I despise this piece of [garbage] and would advise all of its hipster doofus fans to lose the tie-dye clothes and throw away their bongs. Maybe then they will read something good for a change.”

this is just genius.

[pennywisdom]

There is nothing more painfully frustrating than seeing all those people completely miss the point. Sweet christ.

Has anyone here seen the website where people offer a single sentence synopsis of classic works of literature? The premise of the site is that when the book is too long and Cliffs are too long, you just want the gist of the book in a single sentence. It's supposed to be really clever and witty, but it's just a bunch of idiots who don't understand what's going on. Sorry I don't have a name or a link, but if you saw it you'd know what I'm talking about.

[Sentry]

Lord of the Flies (1955)

Author: William Golding

“I am obsessed with Survivor, so I thought it would be fun. WRONG!!! It is incredibly boring and disgusting. I was very much disturbed when I found young children killing each other. I think that anyone with a conscience would agree with me.”

is that not the point of the book? also i love the first line of this....

its a little like watching big brother on t.v and then going out to buy 1984.!!!

[cactusmaac]

The Gone With The Wind review makes me fear for humanity.

[Adam Crocker]

1984 (1948)

“Don’t listen to anyone who tries to distinguish between “serious” works of literature like this one and allegedly “lesser” novels. The distinction is entirely illusory, because no novels are “better” than any others, and the concept of a “great novel” is an intellectual hoax. This book isn’t as good as Harry Potter in MY opinion, and no one can refute me. Tastes are relative!”

The self-justification in this review is so desperate that you can climb up the obvious inferiority complex and take pictures of China from the top.

Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)

“[...] I did not find the idea of aliens kidnapping a human and putting them in a zoo very plausible. [...]”

No it isn't, but thanks anyways. You're review will be studied by scholars hundreds of years from now as THE textbook example of missing the point.

A Clockwork Orange (1963)

“In the first 20 pages, Alex and his lackies beat a guy senseless and rob him; they steal a car and trash it, they get into a vicious gang fight; they attack a couple at their home, destroy the husband’s life work (his book, A Clockwork Orange), beat him and his wife senseless, and rape the wife. This really ticked me off.”

...

I'm sorry, your place in history has just been usurped.

[Ms. M]

The one for The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe is priceless:
I bought these books to have something nice to read to my grandkids. I had to stop, however, because the books are nothing more than advertisements for 'Turkish Delight', a candy popular in the UK...How much money is this Mr. Lewis getting from the Cadbury's chocolate company anyway? The man must be laughing all the way to the bank.
Finally, someone sees that the true point of the Narnia series is not as an allegory for Christianity, but as an advertisement for candy!

[GremlinClr]

Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)

Author: Kurt Vonnegut

“In the novel, they often speak of a planet called Tralfamadore, where he was displayed in a zoo with a former movie star by the name of Montana Wildhack. I thought that the very concept of a man who was kidnapped by aliens was truly unbelievable and a tad ludicrous. I did not find the idea of aliens kidnapping a human and putting them in a zoo very plausible. While some of the Tralfamadorians’ concept of death and living in a moment would be comforting for a war veteran, I found it relatively odd. I do not believe that an alien can kidnap someone and house them in a zoo for years at a time, while it is only a microsecond on earth. I also do not believe that a person has seven parents.”

Is it possible to be born without an imagination?

[Shellhead]

this is just genius.

I didn't like On the Road either. The shallow, foolish characters raced pointlessly around the country with great energy. Nothing significant happens. There is no character development. No themes are explored. If there was some symbolism involved, I missed it. It just seemed like a rapidly scrawled series of diary entries. It was the 50's equivalent to reality tv.

[Jonathan Bogart]

That is suddenly my favorite page on the net.

[Michael P]

The Great Gatsby (1925)

Author: F. Scott Fitzgerald

“It grieves me deeply that we Americans should take as our classic a book that is no more than a lengthy description of the doings of fops.”

He's got a point. It's a well-written book, but it is essentially "rich people being assholes."

[Shellhead]

He's got a point. It's a well-written book, but it is essentially "rich people being assholes."

Allegedly, there was some correspondence between F. Scott Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemingway on this topic. Fitzgerald wrote, "The rich are different from you and I." Hemingway responded, "Yes, they have more money."

[Tages]

There is nothing more painfully frustrating than seeing all those people completely miss the point. Sweet christ.

Has anyone here seen the website where people offer a single sentence synopsis of classic works of literature? The premise of the site is that when the book is too long and Cliffs are too long, you just want the gist of the book in a single sentence. It's supposed to be really clever and witty, but it's just a bunch of idiots who don't understand what's going on. Sorry I don't have a name or a link, but if you saw it you'd know what I'm talking about.
Book-a-minute Classics (http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/classics.shtml) Here's their version of "The Sun Also Rises."

Stock Hemingway Narrating Character
It was in Europe after the war. We were depressed. We drank a lot. We were still depressed.
...sorry, but that's a fairly accurate assessment. And it's not like they don't understand what's going on, they're just poking fun at the sacred cows of the literary canon. If you really think they're all just morons too stupid to get it, then explain the "Animal Farm" entry.

[Tages]

Now see, I never knew Hemmingway wrote hard-boiled detective fiction. You learn something new every day.
He's repeating the old canard that Dashiell Hammett and the writers that followed him (Chandler, Caine, Spillane etc.) were Hemingway ripoffs. Which is bullocks. Hemingway influenced them, yes, especially Hammett, but Hemingway influenced virtually every major American writer in one way or another from the mid-30s on up, so it's not like that means much. I mean, are Raymond Carver's short stories even more "Hemingway-derived?"

[Tages]

Allegedly, there was some correspondence between F. Scott Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemingway on this topic. Fitzgerald wrote, "The rich are different from you and I." Hemingway responded, "Yes, they have more money."
Hemingway was also allegedly inspired to write "The Sun Also Rises" after reading the manuscript to "Gatsby," before which he walked around telling everyone who would listen that the novel was an obsolete form of literature and he wanted nothing to do with it.

Though it's amusing that Fitzgerald did not consider himself rich seeing as by that point he was living off of the money made from his short stories and "This Side of Paradise."

Also, would it be tasteless to mention that I've always wondered what a drinking contest between Hemingway and Fitzgerald would be like?

[Adam Crocker]

If you really think they're all just morons too stupid to get it, then explain the "1984" entry.

Where is the entry for 1984 in Book-a-Minute?

[Tages]

Where is the entry for 1984 in Book-a-Minute?
Freudian slip, I meant "Animal Farm (http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/orwell.animalfarm.shtml)."

[Adam Crocker]

Though it's amusing that Fitzgerald did not consider himself rich seeing as by that point he was living off of the money made from his short stories and "This Side of Paradise."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Fitzgerald constantly have financial troubles in his lifetime due the fact that his writing did not make enough money to support the opulent lifestyle he favoured?

Also, would it be tasteless to mention that I've always wondered what a drinking contest between Hemingway and Fitzgerald would be like?

I'm sure you're not the first person to wonder about this.

[K'Nort]

These short ones would make a good contest too. In terms of identifying them. An easy contest.


Gatsby
Daisy, I made all this money for you, because I love you.

Daisy
I cannot reciprocate, because I represent the American Dream.

Gatsby
Now I must die, because I also represent the American Dream.
(Gatsby DIES.)

Nick
I hate New Yorkers.




THE END

Somehow this version of Nick makes me think of Grant.

[Tages]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Fitzgerald constantly have financial troubles in his lifetime due the fact that his writing did not make enough money to support the opulent lifestyle he favoured?
He had a lot of money. He liked to spend more than he had. Paging Stanley Burrell...

(Wow, two MC Hammer references in one day. I must be getting old.)

[Adam Crocker]

He had a lot of money. He liked to spend more than he had. Paging Stanley Burrell...

(Wow, two MC Hammer references in one day. I must be getting old.)

Dude, I was old enough to remember "Can't Touch This" (a young enough to think it and Hammer were actually cool) and not even I make MC Hammer references.

[Chevan]

The Lord of the Rings (1954)

Author: J.R.R. Tolkien

“The book is not readable because of the overuse of adverbs.”

This one made me laugh, 'cause it's almost true.

[Karl J. Barnes]

Gone With the Wind (1936)

Author: Margaret Mitchell

“Well, it’s a girl’s world. The world of Gloria Steinem and the popular feminism, as distilled on TV (including CBC shows, not all fundamentalist Hollywood garbage) of my youth is GONE. Now the girls run the show. You’re not allowed to call them sluts. And it’s impossible to call them virgins. They’re all doing Rhett Butler. So what are they? Idiots… Hope you like the Gangstas. It’s what you deserve.”

Can we say, repressed??

Lolita (1955)

Author: Vladimir Nabokov

“1) I’m bored. 2) He uses too many allusions to other novels, so that if you’re not well read, this book makes no sense. 3) Most American readers are not fluent in French, so to have conversations or interjections in French with no translation is plain dumb. 4) Did I mention I was bored? 5) As with another reviewer, I agree, he uses a lot of huge words that just slow a person down. And it’s not for theatrics either, it’s just huge words mid-sentence when describing something simple. Nothing in the sense of imagery is gained. 6) Also, to sum it up, it’s a story about a pedophile.”

Can we say, dead souled??

And finally:

Lord of the Flies (1955)

Author: William Golding

“I am obsessed with Survivor, so I thought it would be fun. WRONG!!! It is incredibly boring and disgusting. I was very much disturbed when I found young children killing each other. I think that anyone with a conscience would agree with me.”

Yeah, someone should have had immuntiy challenges and someone should have been voted off the island. Where's Jeff Prost???

[Vesper]

This is addictive.

Doestoevsky's Crime and Punishment:

I felt like my crime was buying the book and my punishment was reading it. I bailed out mid-way when I could no longer ignore that the characters constantly reminded me of the "two wild and crazy guys" from Saturday Night Live. The idea for the book was good but, at least to me, the characters were idiotic and boring. Given the acclaim and popularity of this book, I'm sure that my opinion is in the minority, if not altogether alone.

It's been six years since I read Crime and Punishment. I've moved out of state, switched jobs three times and gotten married, however, one thing has remained constant these past years. I STILL HATE THIS BOOK.

I made a promise to my mother when I was in elementary school that if I ever finished the first chapter of a book I would read the book in its entirety. What a monumental mistake. I normally read a book in one or two weeks. IT TOOK ME FOUR MONTHS TO SLUDGE THROUGH THIS GARBAGE! In fact the night that I finished the book I threw a party and was finally able to stop taking anti-depressants.

Why Dostoevsky why? Raskilnov you are the most maniacal, narcissistic, pugnacious, cantankerous, pathetic main character of any novel that I have ever read.

If there is a hell it is nothing but a book club that meets for eternity reading and discussing Crime and Punishment. The Horror!

I will end this diatribe with my trademark haiku.

Crime and Punishment
the worst book I ever read
what's wrong with Fyodor

Shakespeare's Macbeth:

For centuries, Shakespeare's plays have been praised as incredible masterpieces. They are awful, and Macbeth is a good example. It's just completely stupid.

Near to the end, Macduff goes to England to find Malcolm to get an army. Never mind the fact that Malcolm had fled, and therefore would have no power in another country. The main thing is that they get an army, and go to Scotland. If you were living at this time would you really drop everything and risk your life to kill some king in a foreign country when you are not even going to take control of that country? Of course not.

Also, why didn't Macbeth just use the Scottish army to stop Macduff's army? They successfully stopped previous English attempts to invade Scotland (in real life this is) so why couldn't they do the same now?

Finally, the most stupid scene is when Macduff's army camouflages with branches. Surely someone would have noticed them walking through the rest of Scotland to get to the castle.

As well as the completely unnatural dialogue (if you've just been told that your father has died, you don't start talking about birds) it's too corny to be raised above "terrible". The plot is a standard "Good Guy ruling wisely, Bad Guy kills Good Guy and becomes Evil Overlord, gets killed by another Good Guy and they all live happily ever after."

In short, this is unbelievably bad. I only know it so well because it has been forced down my throat for over a year.

[Noah Johnson]

I love that the actual historical events are the totally fake ones that make no sense.

God, intellectual schadenfreude is so much fun. I went through all the reviews of Lolita because I kind of specialize in that book (did my undergraduate thesis on it, have been trying to kill those brain cells ever since, no luck) and it was just astonishing. Even some of the GOOD reviews were from morons. One person snootily saying "Well, the translation was okay, but you really should read it in the original Russian." Um, yeah. You don't talk any more, stupid person.

[pennywisdom]

Tages - Book-A-Minute is just horrible. It's so inexcusably stupid. OK, you might be right in that each review isn't completely false. But, they're over-simplifying everything to such an extreme that the final product isn't a fair reflection of the nuance and complexity of the book. The writers do a poor job of "poking fun" at literature because their parodies just underscore a lack of understanding. If you read The Sun Also Rises and all you walk away with is that they're drunk, you're missing out. Period.

I hate anything that reinforces the perception of my generation being a bunch of ADD-addled knuckleheads who think they're funnier than they actually are. Clearly, Book-A-Minute reviews are written by the type of luddites who pride themselves on being above everything to the extent that they refuse to acknowledge validity and relevance where it should be appreciated most.

Kind of reminds me of the unpopular kid in high school who sat in the back of the room and just said "whatever" every time an interesting discussion came up, just because they didn't know what they were talking about and wanted to feel above it all.

[pennywisdom]

If you really think they're all just morons too stupid to get it, then explain the "Animal Farm" entry.
He's just cribbing off shit he heard in class.

[Tages]

Tages - Book-A-Minute is just horrible. It's so inexcusably stupid. OK, you might be right in that each review isn't completely false. But, they're over-simplifying everything to such an extreme that the final product isn't a fair reflection of the nuance and complexity of the book.
...wow. Hey, Adam, does that "Missing the Point" prize have a runner-up?

Here's a hint: THAT'S THE JOKE.

The writers do a poor job of "poking fun" at literature because their parodies just underscore a lack of understanding. If you read The Sun Also Rises and all you walk away with is that they're drunk, you're missing out. Period.
OK. So many different people have expounded upon the literary and historical significance of these titles that for someone to take the completely opposite attitude is humorous.

Ah, well...Gene Siskel said that the two things impossible to explain in this world are why something is sexy and why something is funny.

I hate anything that reinforces the perception of my generation being a bunch of ADD-addled knuckleheads who think they're funnier than they actually are. Clearly, Book-A-Minute reviews are written by the type of luddites who pride themselves on being above everything to the extent that they refuse to acknowledge validity and relevance where it should be appreciated most.
...I don't think you quite understand what the word "luddite" means, unless these people are also against technological advancement and I'm unaware of this.

Kind of reminds me of the unpopular kid in high school who sat in the back of the room and just said "whatever" every time an interesting discussion came up, just because they didn't know what they were talking about and wanted to feel above it all.
"Whatever" takes no creativity or wit. The Book-a-minute entries do.

[Roquefort Raider]

...I don't think you quite understand what the word "luddite" means, unless these people are also against technological advancement and I'm unaware of this.


Although one must agree that writing Book-a-minute entries must be quite a ludic activity!

I loved the War and peace one:

History controls everything we do, so there is no point in observing individual actions. Let's examine the individual actions of over 500 characters at great length.

THE END.


Woody Allen had done it in an even shorter version:

It's about Russia.

[K'Nort]

My high school English teacher (same one jr/sr year) would play us that guy who would summarize a classic in 60 seconds but also talk like an auctioneer on espresso. They were pretty funny. All I remember though is the last line of his Moby Dick summary : And everyone died, except the fish and Ish.

[Adam Crocker]

...wow. Hey, Adam, does that "Missing the Point" prize have a runner-up?

No, but only because I was too cheap to shell out for runner up medals. :(










...and because I ate the rest of the gold-foil wrapped chocolate coins. http://www.issue9mm.com/forum/images/smiles/icon_cry.gif

[Ryan K]

Best thing I've read all day I'll be quoting these to people for years!

Best ones have to be Lord of the Flies and Chronicles of Narnia.

If this were fiction, it'd be genius.

[Noah Johnson]

All I remember though is the last line of his Moby Dick summary : And everyone died, except the fish and Ish.
See, my problem is I'm sitting here going "Whales are mammals, you illiterate speed-talking jackass!"

It's a serious problem.

[K'Nort]

I did nearly throw Crime & Punishment across the room when I read it though. But because the ending was such a total contradiction from everything leading up to it, not because I thought it was a generally bad book. Bit of a chore to get through though; I was about 13. World's weirdest assigned reading list.

[Michael P]

No, but only because I was too cheap to shell out for runner up medals. :(










...and because I ate the rest of the gold-foil wrapped chocolate coins. http://www.issue9mm.com/forum/images/smiles/icon_cry.gif
Uh, Adam? Those weren't chocolate.

[K'Nort]

Uh, Adam? Those weren't chocolate.

mmmmm.... chewy.....

[Shellhead]

I did nearly throw Crime & Punishment across the room when I read it though. But because the ending was such a total contradiction from everything leading up to it, not because I thought it was a generally bad book. Bit of a chore to get through though; I was about 13. World's weirdest assigned reading list.

Maybe that's why they put Dostoyevsky in that fake firing squad line-up. After the blanks went off, he probably soiled himself and never wrote a bad ending again.

[Adam Crocker]

Uh, Adam? Those weren't chocolate.

http://www.issue9mm.com/forum/images/smiles/icon_eek.gif

But they were tasty though. http://www.issue9mm.com/forum/images/smiles/icon_redface.gif

[Edman]

He's just cribbing off shit he heard in class.

perhaps that's part of the joke, hmm?

[Dizzy D]

Those Book-a-Minutes remind me of Fisherprice Theatre in Dork magazine. They don't reach that level yet, because the Fisherprice men made things just a bit funnier, but there are still some good ones there.

[Visitor Q]

He's repeating the old canard that Dashiell Hammett and the writers that followed him (Chandler, Caine, Spillane etc.) were Hemingway ripoffs. Which is bullocks. Hemingway influenced them, yes, especially Hammett, but Hemingway influenced virtually every major American writer in one way or another from the mid-30s on up, so it's not like that means much.


I'd dispute that Hemingway really had any real influence at all on Hammett, period.

Hammett was already writing and publishing some of his most famous Continental Op stories right before Hemingway gained any real prominence in America, and Hammett's style was already well defined by then.

Hemingway is certainly more responsible for the spread and influence of their similar styles due to his prominence, but those who claim he somehow influenced Hammett are saying he somehow did so retroactively, and I think that's pushing it, even for Hemingway. ;)

[Tages]

I'd dispute that Hemingway really had any real influence at all on Hammett, period.
Chandler wrote as much in "The Simple Art of Murder."

[Peter]

Watchmen

"Moore's original burst of inspiration was to take a form of children's literature - the super-hero comic book - and fuse it with the Hemingway-derived melodrama of the hard-boiled school of crime and detective fiction. Teenagers, poorly-read and possessing malnourished tastes in prose, were predictably awestruck by the results. They thought it was 'realistic'; they thought this was 'great literature'."

Pfft.

What a pointless review.

I've said *far worse things* about 'Watchmen' using far more descriptive language in far shorter page space and with fewer words.

Why anyone in the Universe would consider "Watchmen" great literature, well, I'm with the reviewer on that one.

[Peter]

Those Book-a-Minutes remind me of Fisherprice Theatre in Dork magazine. They don't reach that level yet, because the Fisherprice men made things just a bit funnier, but there are still some good ones there.

I just love the fact that "Animal Farm" had *two* reviews, a snobby one and a stupid one. The stupid one was, sadly, a lot funnier, at that.

[Tages]

Pfft.

What a pointless review.

I've said *far worse things* about 'Watchmen' using far more descriptive language in far shorter page space and with fewer words.

Why anyone in the Universe would consider "Watchmen" great literature, well, I'm with the reviewer on that one.
You'll need to explain to me your dislike of "Watchmen" sometime.

[Peter]

You'll need to explain to me your dislike of "Watchmen" sometime.

It may take years and waste at least half the bandwidth Jonah has available for the CBR as a whole, so I can see problems there...

[howyadoin]

On 1984: This book isn’t as good as Harry PotterIn case anybody was wondering, this is why people poke fun at Harry Potter fans.

[Tages]

On 1984: In case anybody was wondering, this is why people poke fun at Harry Potter fans.
My best friend dislikes Lord of the Rings for basically the same reason (though he's only seen the movies). "It's just one special FX sequence after another, no real throughline."

Which, oddly enough, I think is an uncanny description of the "Goblet of Fire" movie.

[howyadoin]

My best friend dislikes Lord of the Rings for basically the same reason (though he's only seen the movies). "It's just one special FX sequence after another, no real throughline."Well, plot isn't exactly Tolkien's strong point, but I still think he's overstating the case a little.

[Nate C.]

okay, this is infinitely wrong today (Ed's favorite book), but I pretty much agree with every single word of this one sentence review.

The Great Gatsby (1925)

Author: F. Scott Fitzgerald

“It grieves me deeply that we Americans should take as our classic a book that is no more than a lengthy description of the doings of fops.”

[JeffreyWKramer]

okay, this is infinitely wrong today (Ed's favorite book), but I pretty much agree with every single word of this one sentence review.


Thankfully, relatively few people other than literature instructors consider GATSBY to be the archetypal "great American novel." There are so many better candidates, including TOM SAWYER, CATCH-22, TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD and any number of choices by Faulkner, Vonnegut or Hemingway.

[Nate C.]

Thankfully, relatively few people other than literature instructors consider GATSBY to be the archetypal "great American novel." There are so many better candidates, including TOM SAWYER, CATCH-22, TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD and any number of choices by Faulkner, Vonnegut or Hemingway.

Gawd, I hope you're right. But you still missed the two definitive contenders for the American national psyche.

The Frontier Hero- Huckleberry Finn. (Think American Ulysses)

and

The Anti-Hero- Moby Dick. (Think American Miltonic Satan)

[JeffreyWKramer]

Gawd, I hope you're right. But you still missed the two definitive contenders for the American national psyche.

The Frontier Hero- Huckleberry Finn. (Think American Ulysses)

and

The Anti-Hero- Moby Dick. (Think American Miltonic Satan)

I loathe MOBY-DICK. I find the fops of GATSBY more engaging. If nothing else, GATSBY is a lot shorter, and much less painful as a result.

HUCK FINN is a great book, and a great contender in my book, but I think PC idiocy which causes ignorant people to cast HUCK in the wrong light has unfortunately tarnished its rightful, preeminent status as Great American Novel.

[howyadoin]

HUCK FINN is a great book, and a great contender in my book, but I think PC idiocy which causes ignorant people to cast HUCK in the wrong light has unfortunately tarnished its rightful, preeminent status as Great American Novel.Yeah, my high school English teacher was one of those people who aren't bright enough to see that book is a rejection of racism, not a celebration of it.

Maybe when she read it, she skipped the climax, I dunno.

[JeffreyWKramer]

Yeah, my high school English teacher was one of those people who aren't bright enough to see that book is a rejection of racism, not a celebration of it.

Maybe when she read it, she skipped the climax, I dunno.

It's astounding how many otherwise intelligent people have stupid reactions to HUCK FINN simply because the word "nigger" is used, and because they fail to comprehend the context in which it is used. You'd think people that dumb would be unable to read, but that often is not the case.

[Michael P]

Yeah, my high school English teacher was one of those people who aren't bright enough to see that book is a rejection of racism, not a celebration of it.

Maybe when she read it, she skipped the climax, I dunno.
Jesus, I got that the first time I read it, and I was ten. What's wrong with some people?

[JeffreyWKramer]

Jesus, I got that the first time I read it, and I was ten. What's wrong with some people?

Check my sig for the answer.

[Michael P]

Check my sig for the answer.
Right. I keep forgetting.

[howyadoin]

Jesus, I got that the first time I read it, and I was ten. What's wrong with some people?I dunno, but her attitude towards it spurred me to write a college paper refuting it, and the prof gave me a grade of 96%, so in the long run maybe it was a good thing.

[DOOM2099]

Ahhh the old Huck Finn argument. It amazes me that people are still confused about these books. The kid breaks the law, turns against the only family he has and damn near gets himself killed to set poor Jim free. Nevermind that our good buddy Tom makes it all about 10 times more challenging than necessary.

Can't you see Huck loves this guy like a member of his own family? I agre, I understood this when I was very young. Mainly because my mother expained that once upon a time, there was something called slavery... YES! I was THAT young. And yet I still understood that the relationship between Huck and Jim is very strong, superceding racial and socioeconomic barriers of the time. And the language in the book is the language of the times. One could argue the same for LOTR, but I won't. Because it was really really dull reading, interrupted by moments of pure terror/joy/hobbitness.

Try Silmarillion. Ugh.