My sample pages

[steeler80]

Well, I thought I'd bite the bullet and hire an artist to do five sample page from a script of mine (which has worked out well as we're collaborating on another project).

And I thought I'd also bite another bullet and show them to anyone who wanted to see them. As always, I can look back, even at only five pages, and see some things I would do differently. But, overall, I'm pleased.

Here they are:

http://www.crismanstrunk.com/Bounty.html

I'd love to hear feedback, constructive criticism, what have you. Just don't make me weep silently into my pillow at night. :o

If you're really bored, look around the rest of the site and tell me what you think.

[Jeff Brady]

The story's pretty decent. I little cliched, but it seems like you're going somewhere with it.

The art...Dora on the cover really needs some work. Her proportions are way off. The interiors are better. I'd suggest use of hatching and cross hatching along with the grey tone. Everything is very delineated, nothing but the ground has texture. I'd make the lines a bit thinner on the hair. Really nice facial expressions. Smooth, solid storytelling.

Then there's the cheesecake pinup of Dora. It's beautifully done, but I have reservations about jail-bait characters in cheesecake shots.

[Cam63]

Good luck with it, Steeler80.

[steeler80]

Then there's the cheesecake pinup of Dora. It's beautifully done, but I have reservations about jail-bait characters in cheesecake shots.

Thanks for the comments first of all. I've had the same reservations about the character sketch of Dora. The artist drew that first to show me if how he envisioned Dora to look matched my concept. Then I got so involved in watching the pages come in that I forgot about the sketch until I was making the website.

I think I'm going to have him do a new sketch of her. I agree that, for a young character, a shot like that is inappropriate.

Edited because, apparently, I cannot spell worth a darn.

[Lester C.]

I know of many writers wanting to break into the business but not one them has ever been dedicated enough to hire an artist. I truly hope you make and you have earned my respect for your bravery and willingness to make sacrifices to achieve your dreams.

[PatrickG]

Hey!

I hired an artist too!

Pages forthcoming. I want to get 'em colored and lettered up right first.

[Oracle_0128]

Steeler...Looks great! I hope we'll get a chance to see the finished product! Are you going to publish it yourself or keep it as an online comic?

[PatrickG]

Looks to me like an Image pitch to be shopped around to other publishers if they don't buy it.

[Noah Johnson]

Actually, on the jailbait note, the pigtails are definitely overkill. We're willing to take your word for it that she's underage, we don't need to be beaten over the head with it.

The artwork is generally decent, but you asked for constructive criticism on your own work, so okay. The opening two pages will strike many people as a direct lift from the first X-Men movie. Is there a way you could restructure it so it looks less familiar?

Speaking of familiar, these characters have a strong sense of deja vu about them. Bounty, in particular, seems almost like a caricature of the "strong silent type". One thing you could do is give each of them something surprising to do, some unusual reversal that inverts cliché and lets us know right off the bat that these characters are unique, and that we can't always anticipate what's coming.

Sincere apologies if I seem harsh. I normally get paid for this kind of criticism.

[stealthwise]

It's too hard to gauge from just five pages, but I will say that your lettering doesn't look too bad.

One of my pet peeves is the "Beckett Comics" lettering that looks like cheap, tossed together computer fonts.

[blackcanary_416]

Cool pages! Keep on truckin

[jerrymcl89]

I think it looks like the beginning of a professional comic. Whether or not it's the beginning of a good professional comic, I can't tell from that number of pages.

[Azrael52]

Way to go. Do it to please yourself. If others jump on then so be it. Send it out, though, because it's good. If a company picks it up, then you know they picked up something you like rather than picked up something only tailored to them.

[PatrickG]

BTW, Steeler.

Don't think I really complimented you on your work.

Nice job!

And if nobody buys it, remember you at least have something to pass around to editors at cons now. They don't like to read scripts and often just don't have time. But lettered pages like this are really the best business card to have short of actual published work.

[steeler80]

Thanks again to everyone for all the comments. I really wanted to get some feedback on these pages because, as horribly cliched as it sounds, feedback that's positive or constructive criticism helps me get better.

I'm planning on submitting these pages to companies, the big dogs Image and Dark Horse first, and then moving on to others. I figure it doesn't hurt to set your sights high.

And be sure to post your pages when they get finished, Patrick. I'd love to see them.

[PatrickG]

I just had a mini-e-mail frenzy with the colorist.

He's done some small work on BIG books at DC and worked on restoring some collected editions.

I sold him on the idea of a retro-style, low-rendered approach so that it looks like a particularly well-colored comic from the 70s or 80s.

But I said "no" to actually incorporating the pixel dots. A part of me wanted to go for it. Heck, I tinkered with that very look using the sample pages he sent me.

But I was scared it would be distracting over 22 pages an issue.