G. Wayne
09-19-2005, 09:31 AM
it's a sci-fi horror story i'm working on with a friend, ideally intended for the comic book format. any kind of critique-ery is highly appreciated.
***
the milky way is surrounded by an invisible barrier of energy, which was put in place by the incredibly advanced previous race (refered to as the ancients for now. can't find the file where i have this typed up with spiffier names.) that occupied our solar system. the barrier was put into place to prevent the energy source (nix for now) of the ancient's enemies (refered to as the old ones for now) from advancing upon the ancients home territory and corrupting it like it has done to the old ones planet. the problem is that the energy source has mixed in with the blackness of space itself.
the ancients left the milky way millenia ago to take their war against the old ones directly to them.
this leads to roughly modern day earth. the barrier has cracked and nix is leaking through. while the nix branches out all across the solar system, the largest stream of nix has made it's way to earth, and reached a (white american) man in his lower 20's, enhancing him to an almost godlike status. the problem for everyone else is that this man believes that humanity has potential, but there are too many who waste their life. when he discovers he's been empowerd, although he doesn't know how it happened at first, he sets out to cull those those he deems unfit to live. of course mankind will try to fight back, but they really don't have a chance. it's the wars against the judge that actually destroy most of the planet, as the judge is focused on culling the planet, not destroying it.
so everyone thinks the judge is just randomly killing people, but he actually has set guidelines from day one. along his path, he finds a few kindred souls (who come to be known as the horsemen) who he gives small portion of his power to. what the judge doesn't know at first is that his method of empowering his allies is actually just strengthening their connection to the nix.
a year from the start of the judge's campaign, while he is still hellbent on finishing his task, the horsemen can't take it anymore. that, and they don't trust him to stick to his "plan". they believe that he'll just keep going and eventually wipe out the human race. however, the judge really has no plans to do so. but beyond the culling, the judge doesn't know what he'll do.
hidden from the remaining publics eyes, the horsemen strike a deal with the judge. give them one year to start a city with the survivors, to show that humanity can redeem itself and start over. the judge agrees, and disappears off to the other side of the planet.
while the horsemen try to keep their city in check*, the judge has some time to himself to experiment. this is when he discovers the bigger picture. he learns of the barrier, the nix, the ancients and the old ones. the judge also realizes that his plan to cull that planet, actually deals with the nix. those he's killed had a very minimal to non-existent connection to the nix, and killing them has strengthend the connections of those remaining on the planet. he also learns the ancients are coming back, and they're not happy. not only has their home been over-run by an inferior new race, but that race has been corrupted by the nix. so the ancients are sending a recon group back to earth to learn the extent of the situation.
only a few months into their deal, the judge contacts the horsemen. he's coming back to inform them of what he's learned, and to prepare them for the coming of the ancient ones.
things would end with the ancient one's recon team appearing above the city, ready to destroy it**
*the idea is that the story would start here. the plot and backstory would slowly be revealed up to
** here, which is intended as an "open" end to the story. suitable to close it or go back to the setting.
***
the milky way is surrounded by an invisible barrier of energy, which was put in place by the incredibly advanced previous race (refered to as the ancients for now. can't find the file where i have this typed up with spiffier names.) that occupied our solar system. the barrier was put into place to prevent the energy source (nix for now) of the ancient's enemies (refered to as the old ones for now) from advancing upon the ancients home territory and corrupting it like it has done to the old ones planet. the problem is that the energy source has mixed in with the blackness of space itself.
the ancients left the milky way millenia ago to take their war against the old ones directly to them.
this leads to roughly modern day earth. the barrier has cracked and nix is leaking through. while the nix branches out all across the solar system, the largest stream of nix has made it's way to earth, and reached a (white american) man in his lower 20's, enhancing him to an almost godlike status. the problem for everyone else is that this man believes that humanity has potential, but there are too many who waste their life. when he discovers he's been empowerd, although he doesn't know how it happened at first, he sets out to cull those those he deems unfit to live. of course mankind will try to fight back, but they really don't have a chance. it's the wars against the judge that actually destroy most of the planet, as the judge is focused on culling the planet, not destroying it.
so everyone thinks the judge is just randomly killing people, but he actually has set guidelines from day one. along his path, he finds a few kindred souls (who come to be known as the horsemen) who he gives small portion of his power to. what the judge doesn't know at first is that his method of empowering his allies is actually just strengthening their connection to the nix.
a year from the start of the judge's campaign, while he is still hellbent on finishing his task, the horsemen can't take it anymore. that, and they don't trust him to stick to his "plan". they believe that he'll just keep going and eventually wipe out the human race. however, the judge really has no plans to do so. but beyond the culling, the judge doesn't know what he'll do.
hidden from the remaining publics eyes, the horsemen strike a deal with the judge. give them one year to start a city with the survivors, to show that humanity can redeem itself and start over. the judge agrees, and disappears off to the other side of the planet.
while the horsemen try to keep their city in check*, the judge has some time to himself to experiment. this is when he discovers the bigger picture. he learns of the barrier, the nix, the ancients and the old ones. the judge also realizes that his plan to cull that planet, actually deals with the nix. those he's killed had a very minimal to non-existent connection to the nix, and killing them has strengthend the connections of those remaining on the planet. he also learns the ancients are coming back, and they're not happy. not only has their home been over-run by an inferior new race, but that race has been corrupted by the nix. so the ancients are sending a recon group back to earth to learn the extent of the situation.
only a few months into their deal, the judge contacts the horsemen. he's coming back to inform them of what he's learned, and to prepare them for the coming of the ancient ones.
things would end with the ancient one's recon team appearing above the city, ready to destroy it**
*the idea is that the story would start here. the plot and backstory would slowly be revealed up to
** here, which is intended as an "open" end to the story. suitable to close it or go back to the setting.