Uncle Nobs' Academy for Deficient X-Fans: Lesson of the Day

[Uncle Nobs]

Today's lesson: How to spell "Rogue"

Lesson one: R-O-G-U-E

Note the G before the U. If you must, try to think of pronouncing it phoenetically, as "Row-Gew". It does help some spellers. Good. Now repeat.

...

Goooood.




Class, beware the many inherent pitfalls in this action. Many an X-Fan has revealed their ignorance or carelessness with a minor slip-up. Don't let this happen to you. Note the following examples:

1) The most common--and most dangerous--mistake: When you type or write "Rouge", you are actually talking about a women's red-hued makeup, usually applied to the cheeks. Probably not a great name for a superhero, even if she is a woman. Certainly, we would turn up our noses at her teammates, Lipstick, Mascara, Aqua Net, and Falsies. Even the less commonly used definitions of "rouge" don't really help it to work as a superhero code name. We certainly wouldn't want to refer to the woman who saved our lives or who works tirelessly against forces that would gladly destroy her people as "reddish" or "a point scored in Canadian football", now would we?

2) A less common mistake is "Rougue". This reveals a bit less ignorance, in that the user seems to understand that they have no idea how to spell "Rogue", so they try to cover themselves by placing U's on both sides of the G. It's clearly not a word at all, but at least the user is making an implied confession of their ignorance by using it. Still, let's not end up being the deficient X-Fan that begins inventing words due to their poor grasp of English and lack of respect for characters they profess to love.

3) All other spelling mistakes, including (but not limited to) "Roge", "Roug", "Rrggge", "Rououogueueueue", "Roger", "Rogan Josh", "Rosacea", and "Happy-Angry-Flying-Lady-Super-Darwin-Meta-Derma-Toxin-Project-X" will all nudge you gently across that fine line that separates X-Fanism from Down Syndrome.




So once again, with feeling: R-O-G-U-E

Very good. I'm proud of you all. You're going to grow up to be big, strong X-Fans one day. Class dismissed.

[mattbib]

Good luck.

I had a similar note in my signature for a few months. I was both applauded and hated.

[Beast]

It's great to learn, cause knowledge is power!

[DavidQ!]

Okay who gives a bloody hell damn about posting the name Rogue right. I have right as a freedom of speech to spell a name wrong. and insensitivity towards Down syndrome cases to boot.

What about us who have trouble with the english language. I am hurt and i demand an apology.

[Pepsigirl]

:D Funniest thing I've read all day.

[Uncle Nobs]

Tomorrow's Lesson: Magneto vs. Magento.

Here's a hint:

One is a conflicted, controversial character. The other is... aaalllmost a color.

Those of you who completed today's lesson on differentiating between colors and superhero names will be graded more harshly.

[DDM]

Rogue's rouge will not stay on her skin long since it absorbs the make-up upon contact (see Uncanny X-Men #210).

[Cayman]

Magento was Xorn.

Cay

[DavidQ!]

umm hello nobs, there are people here who dont have english as their first language.

[Beast]

Rogue's rouge will not stay on her skin long since it absorbs the make-up upon contact (see Uncanny X-Men #210).
You scare me sometimes, DDM. You know that, don't you. :D

[Pepsigirl]

umm hello nobs, there are people here who dont have english as their first language.

You're spelling someone's name, not being asked to write a novel.

[mattbib]

umm hello nobs, there are people here who dont have english as their first language.Isn't her name spelled the same in the comics distributed outside of the US?

[TinMan]

OOOO!!! OOOO!!! I wanna teach the third lesson, "The proper uses of X-Man and X-Men: One is plural one is singular, they are NOT interchangable". :D :p

[Vegetarian Goat]

Rogue's rouge will not stay on her skin long since it absorbs the make-up upon contact (see Uncanny X-Men #210).

HA!

*high five*

[DDM]

OOOO!!! OOOO!!! I wanna teach the third lesson, "The proper uses of X-Man and X-Men: One is plural one is singular, they are NOT interchangable". :D :p

Yes, but "X-Men" can be written as a group noun as well. Therefore, one would use singular form of the verbs to mean the team as one unit or group. Depending on what you want to emphasize, the singular or plural forms the verbs are alright as long as you remain consistent throughout the story.

[The Lucky One]

Will you be lecturing on X-Men guest stars, Nobs? Particularly the importance of remembering hyphens? If I see one more person write "Spiderman," I'm going on a killing rampage. And I don't think my co-workers would appreciate that.

"Hey, why isn't it 'Spiderman'?"
"What?"
"I mean, like, there's Kurtzman, and Goldman, so... why isn't it pronounced 'Spiderman'?"
"Because it's not, like, his last name; he's not Phil Spiderman. He's a Spider-Man. There's no Gold-Man."
"Oh. Hey, there should be a Gold-Man!"

-D

[DavidQ!]

Why should I give a damn about spelling a characters name right, if I dont like her to begin with? hmmm. I'll leave it at that.

[Flight]

Cry Havok!!~~~!~

[DDM]

Cry Havok!!~~~!~

Havok's name has been purposely misspelled for some unknown reason. I wonder why?

[mattbib]

Why should I give a damn about spelling a characters name right, if I dont like her to begin with? hmmm. I'll leave it at that.What's your pont, DavidP?

[The Lucky One]

Why should I give a damn about spelling a characters name right, if I dont like her to begin with? hmmm. I'll leave it at that.

Well, I guess because it bespeaks a general level of respect for your fellow posters, lends credence to your espoused viewpoints, and allows people to understand your ideas more clearly. Pick one.

-D

[TinMan]

Yes, but "X-Men" can be written as a group noun as well. Therefore, one would use singular form of the verbs to mean the team as one unit or group. Depending on what you want to emphasize, the singular or plural forms the verbs are alright as long as you remain consistent throughout the story.

I think you're misunderstanding, or I am lol. What I mean is when someone says some dumb crap like "Havok is an X-Men", the proper term would be "Havok is an X-Man".

Other examples:

Mystique wanted to be an X-Men. <---Wrong
Mystique wanted to be an X-Man. <---Right
Mystique wanted to join the X-Men. <---Also acceptable
Mystique wanted to join the X-Man. <---Also Wrong

[Uncle Nobs]

Okay who gives a bloody hell damn about posting the name Rogue right. I have right as a freedom of speech to spell a name wrong. and insensitivity towards Down syndrome cases to boot.

What about us who have trouble with the english language. I am hurt and i demand an apology.

Thank you, David. You have spelled "Rogue" correctly, but for your outburst, I will reduce your grade on this project to a B+.

[Pepsigirl]

~~~!~


... Mr. Jip?

[DavidQ!]

my point is I get banned for insensitivity. Whats the difference here, of course it brought up a bunch of laughs, but you know what there are others. Its supposed to be about grammar, but is it really about grammar or your sad attempt to poke fun of the grammatically challenged.

[Flight]

... Mr. Jip? We merged back in June but I became the dominant poster.
He rises to the surface occasionally... like the above post and whenever someone posts a picture of a naked man.

[mattbib]

Mystique wanted to join the X-Man. <---Also WrongWell, that could be right if you're talking about either Wolverine or Gambit in bed.

[Pepsigirl]

my point is I get banned for insensitivity. Whats the difference here, of course it brought up a bunch of laughs, but you know what there are others. Its supposed to be about grammar, but is it really about grammar or your sad attempt to poke fun of the grammatically challenged.

Spelling is different than grammar. Lots of people have trouble with grammar, it's hard to spell incorrectly when you see the names written out every day.

[mattbib]

my point is I get banned for insensitivity. Whats the difference here, of course it brought up a bunch of laughs, but you know what there are others. Its supposed to be about grammar, but is it really about grammar or your sad attempt to poke fun of the grammatically challenged.What challenge? Spelling and grammar are two different topics. You should KNOW how to spell Rogue. If you regularly read X-Men and still think it's 'Rouge' it's high time you learned otherwise.

On the topic of grammar, you should have used "It's" as opposed to Its".

[TinMan]

Well, that could be right if you're talking about either Wolverine or Gambit in bed.


HAHA!!! Well played Mr. Bib, Well played!

[DavidQ!]

still dont get it do you.

[mattbib]

still dont get it do you.Yes, we get it. But helping others to learn is not being insensitive.

[Atomic Mongoose]

my point is I get banned for insensitivity. Whats the difference here, of course it brought up a bunch of laughs, but you know what there are others. Its supposed to be about grammar, but is it really about grammar or your sad attempt to poke fun of the grammatically challenged.

I keep trying to get as upset as you are about this, but for some reason, I can't even force myself to that emotional point and keep a straight face. As far as the issue of some peoples' first language not being English... I'm sure somewhere out there on the internet, there are other forums where a language you are more comfortable with is spoken??? :confused:

[traxler]

my point is I get banned for insensitivity. Whats the difference here, of course it brought up a bunch of laughs, but you know what there are others. Its supposed to be about grammar, but is it really about grammar or your sad attempt to poke fun of the grammatically challenged.
David, no-one's poking fun at anyone who, for one reason or another, doesn't use great grammar. It's about taking a fraction of a second to spell a name correctly.
For example your quote here is incredibly hard for me to read because you haven't used any punctuation. Some of it I don't even understand for the same reason. No one has poked fun at it. But Your spelling is fine. I think it's good to help people with their spelling, espesherly when it's a word used as much as Rouge.

[Uncle Nobs]

Class, please pay no attention to DvavidQ. He has already had his grade on this project reduced, and is simply seeking attention by attempting to disrupt the class.

DaaviQd, I have no qualms about putting you in detention, calling your parents, or flunking you. Don't tempt me.

[Pepsigirl]

Neeevermind.

[DavidQ!]

I gladly take my F with pride, and know i did all i could. But if hes such a saint better read his first post a little better.

[TinMan]

I gladly take my F with pride, and know i did all i could. But if hes such a saint better read his post a little better.


Long live illiteracy!!! Down with proper spelling, punctuation, and grammar!! It is the bane of the West!!! Praise Allah!

[DavidQ!]

praise my aphasia!

[streator]

c-l-a-r-e-m-o-n-t. i have seen a lot of people spell it clairmont.

a-u-s-t-e-n, not austin.

those two are probably the most commonly mistaken names beyond rogue that i can think of.

[The Lucky One]

My Sharona!

-D

[The Lucky One]

And God help you if you misspell Seinkiewicz... oh, you don't even want to know.

-D

[Uncle Nobs]

Dear TLO:

Due to your recent misspelling of "Sienkiewicz" as "Seinkiewicz", your resume will be removed from our pool of on-call Substitute Teachers. We regret this series of events and wish you luck (your specialty, of course) in your future endeavors.

Sincerely,

The Uncle Nobs Academy

[mattbib]

c-l-a-r-e-m-o-n-t. i have seen a lot of people spell it clairmont.

a-u-s-t-e-n, not austin.

those two are probably the most commonly mistaken names beyond rogue that i can think of.Oh, I see "Bryne" even more.

[The Lucky One]

I declare shenanigans! I spelled it right, David just, um, snuck in and changed it. Or something.

Didn't want the job anyway.

-D

[atoningunifex]

You know what every academy needs?

A Quentin Quire. And an Omega Gang.

*smiles sweetly at Uncle Nobs*

[Uncle Nobs]

You know what every academy needs?

A Quentin Quire. And an Omega Gang.

*smiles sweetly at Uncle Nobs*

Quiet in back. Remember: Students who choose to sit in the back row in school go on to sit in the back row in life.

[atoningunifex]

Quiet in back. Remember: Students who choose to sit in the back row in school go on to sit in the back row in life.

While the brainy know-it-all suck ups who sit in the front are so busy spelling "Rogue" correctly that they never see the large, scary mutant villain with pyromaniac tendencies and flaming arms until it's too late. Teach.

[Karl J. Barnes]

While the brainy know-it-all suck ups who sit in the front are so busy spelling "Rogue" correctly that they never see the large, scary mutant villain with pyromaniac tendencies and flaming arms until it's too late. Teach.


I always suspected you of being flaming....

[Dizzy D]

a-u-s-t-e-n, not austin.

Unless you are talking about Terry.

Other one you often see that's bothering me: Pheonix instead of Phoenix.

And is it Ororo Monroe or Ororo Munroe, I've seen both in comics.

edit: Same with Yashida and Yoshida

[Joe Zool]

I can't decide which is funnier, the first post or this thread.

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

It's like reading an issue with the X-babies in it.:D

[Uncle Nobs]

Everyone refreshed after recess? Let's get settled now. Good. Our next lesson is:

Creators' Names: Accuracy vs. Insults

"Bryne" is a salty, cloudy solution, teeming with bacteria.

A "Clairemont" is a saddle for a fat chick.

An "Andy Kubert" is not an "Adam Kubert", as one is insulting and the other is mildly complimentary. Neither should ever be confused with a "Joe Kubert" (or a "Q-Bert", for that matter).

A "Sinkevitch" is a rash which we WON'T be discussing in class. Quire, I'm talking to you.

An "Austen" is an infected sore with no known treatment, usually leaving a permanent scar and causing a chronic state of stress and irritation. In extreme cases, it has led some victims to engage in aggressive behavior such as public book burning.




Any questions?

[Flight]

Any questions? Is shortening his name to "Joe Mad" going to be ok for the exam?

[Dizzy D]

Any questions?

How do you pronounce Sienkiewicz?

[Michael P]

Sin-KEV-Vitch.

Also, Moon Ka-nig-ut.

[Uncle Nobs]

Abbreviations are perfectly acceptable, Flight.

And Dizzy, thank you for reminding me. I had meant to include it in my lesson plan. It's pronounced "sin-KEV-its".

Thank you both for your participation. One moment class, while I take some notes...

extra... credit... Diz... and... Flt.

[Flight]

extra... credit... Diz... and... Flt. *winks at teacher and points to apple on desk*

[UncleBob]

Wait a second...

Uncle who now?

I DEMAND RETRIBUTION!

[Dizzy D]

Wait a second...

Uncle who now?

I DEMAND RETRIBUTION!

Sorry, his July 2004 beats your November 2004.

[Karl J. Barnes]

Wait a second...

Uncle who now?

I DEMAND RETRIBUTION!

He's Nob and you're Bob. Totally different and not at all confusing.

[The Lucky One]

Plus, I'll vouch that Nobs has been around since Ye Olden Dayes. Oh, the stories I could tell you...

*goes back to his rocking chair*

-D

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

Wait a second...

Uncle who now?

I DEMAND RETRIBUTION!

Is he wanting retribution or Restitution?

[dazzler_slave]

You guys will get me fired! I am reading this at work when I am supposed to be doing something (I dunno, my job probably), and this thread is making me laugh out loud. People are looking at me funny, and not in a good way, believe me!

Anyway, thank you! I HATE when people say Rouge! It drives me nuts!

[Uncle Nobs]

Sin-KEV-Vitch.

Also, Moon Ka-nig-ut.

Thank you, Mr. Pullman. Good to know you're taking a keen interest in your textbook.

...Although you might want to check inside the front cover to see who used that copy last semester. In fact, just to be safe, let's rip out the pages that discuss Yukio, Mystique & Destiny, and Warren's recent costumes.

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

Thank you, Mr. Pullman. Good to know you're taking a keen interest in your textbook.

...Although you might want to check inside the front cover to see who used that copy last semester. In fact, just to be safe, let's rip out the pages that discuss Yukio, Mystique & Destiny, and Warren's recent cosumes.


cosumes?:confused:

[Corey Dreher]

Thank you, Mr. Pullman. Good to know you're taking a keen interest in your textbook.

...Although you might want to check inside the front cover to see who used that copy last semester. In fact, just to be safe, let's rip out the pages that discuss Yukio, Mystique & Destiny, and Warren's recent cosumes.


I don't mean to correct the teacher but, don't you mean costumes??

[Uncle Nobs]

THAT.

NEVER.

HAPPENED.

Both of you! Principal's office! NOW!

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

THAT.

NEVER.

HAPPENED.

Both of you! Principal's office! NOW!

just trying to make sure I learn something right and I get sent to the dadblame principal's office. Maybe if I had bought the teacher an apple.....mutter mutter

[Karl J. Barnes]

Question: this isn't about spelling or grammar, but is there a Gay Agenda in the X-Men?*looks up innocently*

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

Question: this isn't about spelling or grammar, but is there a Gay Agenda in the X-Men?*looks up innocently*


*quietly waits in the Principal's office while the nuclear explosion goes off*

[Corey Dreher]

THAT.

NEVER.

HAPPENED.

Both of you! Principal's office! NOW!


What did I do wrong!?

[Beast]

Question: this isn't about spelling or grammar, but is there a Gay Agenda in the X-Men?*looks up innocently*
No, just with the majority of their fans. :D

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

Who's the principal of this so called school?

[Dizzy D]

Question: this isn't about spelling or grammar, but is there a Gay Agenda in the X-Men?*looks up innocently*

There was, but the Hand took it.

[Corey Dreher]

Who's the principal of this so called school?

Uncle Nobs.

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

Uncle Nobs.

Well hell.

Can't Beast or atoning be principal? I've been really really bad if they are.:p

[Beast]

Well hell.

Can't Beast or atoning be principal? I've been really really bad if they are.:p
You don't need to be bad.... [Censored] :D

[Corey Dreher]

Well hell.

Can't Beast or atoning be principal? I've been really really bad if they are.:p

Well I would rather have Beast as principal. Us Beast lovers need to stay together!!:p

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

Well I would rather have Beast as principal. Us Beast lovers need to stay together!!:p


I am not a beast lover!


I am a beast molester.


*wagles a Twinkie in the air*


:evilsmile

[bakla]

Sincerely,

The Uncle Nobs Academy

Otherwise known as UNA, like Uno, but female, not unlike Cerebra, which is the female equivalent of Cerebro.

Not to be confused with Uma, who has no equal.



mmmmm, UUuuuuuuuummmaaaaaaaaaaa!

[bakla]

Is shortening his name to "Joe Mad" going to be ok for the exam?

Is that like "Hulk Smash?"

Okay, so I'm reacting late. I'm always late. I'm indolent.

[Corey Dreher]

I am not a beast lover!


I am a beast molester.


*wagles a Twinkie in the air*


:evilsmile


.........

You don't like Beast!?

Don't make me go Superfool on you! *Points at signature*

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

.........

You don't like Beast!?

Don't make me go Superfool on you! *Points at signature*


Beast, what do you think?


Does this count as talking in class?

Oh wait we're waiting on the Principal.

[Corey Dreher]

Beast, what do you think?


Does this count as talking in class?

Oh wait we're waiting on the Principal.

I hate this place, last time I've been here I got suspended. Wasn't fun, at all.

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

I hate this place, last time I've been here I got suspended. Wasn't fun, at all.

I gotta say when the teachers have trouble spelling in a class on spelling...
What kinda job interveiw was that?

[atoningunifex]

Hmm....you seem to be losing control of your class, "Uncle" Nobs.

As for the "Sinkevitch" thing; I think we've all seen what was written on the men's room wall about you. So we don't really need to belabor the point.

But still..... "Uncle" Nobs........class full of boys......you do the math.

And I'm doing my term paper on the foolishness of grammar lessons in a world where mutant wenches can rewrite reality with a thought.

[Corey Dreher]

I gotta say when the teachers have trouble spelling in a class on spelling...
What kinda job interveiw was that?

It was when I was in High School.

But I should repharse it.

In my senior year I almost didn't graduate because I did some real crazy shit, and I got suspended.

[bakla]

And I'm doing my term paper on the foolishness of grammar lessons in a world where mutant wenches can rewrite reality with a thought.

Don't bother. Just when you've finished it, said mutant wench will just rewrite reality so that you'll find yourself in the possession of a willful schnauzer with a penchant for snacking on term papers just after you've fallen asleep.

[atoningunifex]

Don't bother. Just when you've finished it, said mutant wench will just rewrite reality so that you'll find yourself in the possession of a willful schnauzer with a penchant for snacking on term papers just after you've fallen asleep.

I'll take my chances.

[Uncle Nobs]

Question: this isn't about spelling or grammar, but is there a Gay Agenda in the X-Men?*looks up innocently*

Are we lost again? Gay Agenda is two doors down. Great teacher. Easy on the eyes, too. Hall monitor, will you please escort Mr. Vyrce?

[Uncle Nobs]

Otherwise known as UNA, like Uno, but female, not unlike Cerebra, which is the female equivalent of Cerebro.

Not to be confused with Uma, who has no equal.



mmmmm, UUuuuuuuuummmaaaaaaaaaaa!

Mr. Bakla, the school nurse is waiting for you. Don't stop at the bathroom on the way. You'll need a full bladder for the drug test. No one blames you. Addiction is a disease. Isn't that right, Mis-ter Quiiirrre?

Oh, and try not to stare at the nurse's vacuous, gaping hole where her personality and reason for existing should be. Kinda sensitive 'bout that.

[Rachel Grey]

Raises hand. Oh! Oh! Teach, can I go to the bathroom?

[Uncle Nobs]

I hate this place, last time I've been here I got suspended. Wasn't fun, at all.

Discipline builds character, Mr. Dreher.

(A fact you'll have to remind yourself of repeatedly when attending Ms. Frost's advanced telepathy course, "Manipulating Pleasure Centers".)

[atoningunifex]

Addiction is a disease. Isn't that right, Mis-ter Quiiirrre?


I don't know. Ask an addict.

I hear that under your iron mask you're actually Magneto.

[bakla]

Mr. Bakla, the school nurse is waiting for you. Don't stop at the bathroom on the way. You'll need a full bladder for the drug test. No one blames you. Addiction is a disease. Isn't that right, Mis-ter Quiiirrre?

Oh, and try not to stare at the nurse's vacuous, gaping hole where her personality and reason for existing should be. Kinda sensitive 'bout that.

Ew.


Can I just stay here, please? :eek:

[Dizzy D]

I don't know. Ask an addict.

I hear that under your iron mask you're actually Magneto.

Will you look foolish when he turns out to be Leonardo DiCaprio.

[bakla]

Today's lesson: How to spell "Rogue"

Lesson one: R-O-G-U-E

Note the G before the U. If you must, try to think of pronouncing it phoenetically, as "Row-Gew". It does help some spellers. Good. Now repeat.

...

Goooood.




Class, beware the many inherent pitfalls in this action. Many an X-Fan has revealed their ignorance or carelessness with a minor slip-up. Don't let this happen to you. Note the following examples:

1) The most common--and most dangerous--mistake: When you type or write "Rouge", you are actually talking about a women's red-hued makeup, usually applied to the cheeks.


Now with a textbook illustration!
http://designcanteen.com/roGUe_roUGe.jpg

[Beast]

Now with a textbook illustration!
http://home.mindspring.com/~ggozum/roGUe_roUGe.jpg
Are you sure that's just rouge? It looks like Gambit's a rough lover. :eek:

[bakla]

http://designcanteen.com/further.jpg





I'm so very bored tonight....

[Uncle Nobs]

That's "feeling so very brilliant tonight" and you know it.

Class, let Bakla serve as an example to us all. This is exactly the kind of participation I'm looking for.

(That's the last time I scold you for doodling in class, you little scamp, you. Have you been hiding your talents from me? Or are you just blossoming into the man we all knew you'd become. Who's my little Picasso? You get a :) and four stars. Here you go: **** Because that's what you are--a great, big, shining star, aren't you? Oh, I'm proud enough to burst. Where's that Kleenex box?)

[atoningunifex]

So I guess the role of "Teacher's Pet" has been filled.

in more ways than one if rumors are to be believed

So, are there going to be any other lessons? Or should we jsut practice using our powers to torture small woodland humans for the rest of the semester?

[LoneWolf21]

It's great to learn, cause knowledge is power!

and don't forget, knowing is half the battle!

[DavidQ!]

For if knowledge is power! then a god am I!

god do I hate jim carey.

[The Lucky One]

So, are there going to be any other lessons?

Of course- the next one is that Colossus's name is Peter, or Pete. "Piotr" is just what Ellis came up with to differentiate him from Pete Wisdom in Excalibur. His name to his friends has always been Peter, and any fan who calls him Piotr needs to die. Slowly.

Not that it's, like, a pet peeve or anything...

-D

[xakko]

Of course- the next one is that Colossus's name is Peter, or Pete. "Piotr" is just what Ellis came up with to differentiate him from Pete Wisdom in Excalibur. His name to his friends has always been Peter, and any fan who calls him Piotr needs to die. Slowly.

Not that it's, like, a pet peeve or anything...

-D
* Pouts!

His name is Piotr! Ellis didn't create it- he just pulled it back into the books because he named his Constantine clone Pete. I happen to use them interchangably because "Piotr" is correct and formal, whereas Pete, Petey and Peter are Anglicized. If you don't believe me, check out Uncanny 210 where Kitty calls him by his full Russian name.

There's a big difference from calling someone their proper name and calling a skunk-haired beauty something that belongs in a makeup cabinet.

[atoningunifex]

Guess inhaling all that chlorine damaged someone's brain cells.

The Teacher's Pet position is filled. I suppose the Jock position is probably open.

[xakko]

Besides, isn't it more important to get it spelled Colossus, and not Collossus or Collosus or Colossusus (tho' that was an X-baby, yes?)?

[Karl J. Barnes]

Guess inhaling all that chlorine damaged someone's brain cells.

The Teacher's Pet position is filled. I suppose the Jock position is probably open.

Jock's are always secretly "open" in a closeted way.

[bakla]

Guess inhaling all that chlorine damaged someone's brain cells.

The Teacher's Pet position is filled. I suppose the Jock position is probably open.
*wraps jacket more tightly around his torso to disguise "Heavy Petting" slogan on his tee, until bakla realizes that he's actually wearing the teacher's jacket*

[Karl J. Barnes]

*wraps jacket more tightly around his torso to disguise "Heavy Petting" slogan on his tee, until bakla realizes that he's actually wearing the teacher's jacket*

Slut..........

[The Lucky One]

If you don't believe me, check out Uncanny 210 where Kitty calls him by his full Russian name.

Oh, it's technically correct- it's just not what his friends call him, not what he's ever been known by. I don't go by "Andrew," and I'd be pretty pissed off if somebody starting calling me that just because some other guy named Drew was banging my ex-girlfriend. Screw him, I was there first. Official or not, he's never gone by Piotr, so fans shouldn't call him that. Case closed.
;)

-D

[streator]

Oh, it's technically correct- it's just not what his friends call him, not what he's ever been known by. I don't go by "Andrew," and I'd be pretty pissed off if somebody starting calling me that just because some other guy named Drew was banging my ex-girlfriend. Screw him, I was there first. Official or not, he's never gone by Piotr, so fans shouldn't call him that. Case closed.
;)

-D
i disagree. wolverine has never gone by the name james, but it is is real name (as far as we know). it's okay to refer to wolverine as james. that is his supposed given name. characters in the books have, even if he doesn't go by it. same can go for bishop, who normally always goes by bishop, but his real first name is lucas. piotr is his given name, in his given culture. i think it is perfectly acceptable to refer to him as that.

[xakko]

Oh, it's technically correct- it's just not what his friends call him, not what he's ever been known by. I don't go by "Andrew," and I'd be pretty pissed off if somebody starting calling me that just because some other guy named Drew was banging my ex-girlfriend. Screw him, I was there first. Official or not, he's never gone by Piotr, so fans shouldn't call him that. Case closed.
;)

-D
Actually, young Illyana always called him Piotr. I don't think he minded. Kitty called him that several times. All pre-Ellis. My sense is that he "accepts" Peter because he doesn't wish to cause trouble- Peter is easier for Americans to say, so he doesn't bother correcting them. His family almost always assuredly called him Piotr. I think he would prefer that.

There was a girl I dormed with in college. She was from eastern Europe, and her name was Anna, and she pronounced it "Ah-na." Everyone called her "Anna", rhyming with banana. They asked me why I tried to call her "Ah-na", when she said that she preferred the way I spoke it.

[Beast]

Agreed. Just look at Beast. His real name is Henry, but everyone calls him the more familar Hank. :)

[The Lucky One]

i disagree. wolverine has never gone by the name james, but it is is real name (as far as we know). it's okay to refer to wolverine as james. that is his supposed given name. characters in the books have, even if he doesn't go by it. same can go for bishop, who normally always goes by bishop, but his real first name is lucas. piotr is his given name, in his given culture. i think it is perfectly acceptable to refer to him as that.

I will never, ever call Wolverine "James." He's Logan. It's not a case of what names the characters retroactively are given (James) or which they prefer (Peter vs. Piotr), it's the perceptions in fans' minds; I'm not ready for new fans to think he's actually called Piotr. He's not- he's Peter. Every character called him Peter or Pete for 20 years... okay, yes, except for like 3 times each by Illyana and Kitty. Then one writer already has a Pete who's his own personal fiction suit, so he allows the upstart to be called "Pete" and redubs Peter "Piotr." Fine, you do what you gotta do. But I'll stick by it- no fan should ever call him "Piotr" in everyday conversation. The name on his birth certificate is Piotr. His name is Peter. Period.

-D

[Beast]

I will never, ever call Wolverine "James." He's Logan. It's not a case of what names the characters retroactively are given (James) or which they prefer (Peter vs. Piotr), it's the perceptions in fans' minds; I'm not ready for new fans to think he's actually called Piotr. He's not- he's Peter. Every character called him Peter or Pete for 20 years... okay, yes, except for like 3 times each by Illyana and Kitty. Then one writer already has a Pete who's his own personal fiction suit, so he allows the upstart to be called "Pete" and redubs Peter "Piotr." Fine, you do what you gotta do. But I'll stick by it- no fan should ever call him "Piotr" in everyday conversation. The name on his birth certificate is Piotr. His name is Peter. Period.

-D
Easy dude. Seriously. I'd rather call him Piotr. There's no need to get worked up over what people call the character. They're all his name, it's just whichever one you prefer using. :)

[The Lucky One]

Easy dude. Seriously. I'd rather call him Piotr. There's no need to get worked up over what people call the character. They're all his name, it's just whichever one you prefer using. :)

Wait, I'm confused... you just agreed with me by mentioning how Beast is Hank, not Henry. (Though it's not quite the same thing, of course.)

And no need to tell me to go easy- I'm not mad about this. (You know me better than that... it's a comic, for God's sake. ;) ) I just get really pissed off at Ellis's pure gall and presumption -- "forget that he's had the name Pete for 20 years, that's what I call my avatar, by God, so he can just lump it!" -- and the fact that fans who call him "Piotr" are essentially buying into that, indirectly letting Ellis get away with it. And I won't let him get away with it- no way, no how. The man's ego is large enough, no need to let him keep the name "Pete" too. It goes back to Colossus.

-D

[xakko]

Wait, I'm confused... you just agreed with me by mentioning how Beast is Hank, not Henry. (Though it's not quite the same thing, of course.)

And no need to tell me to go easy- I'm not mad about this. (You know me better than that... it's a comic, for God's sake. ;) ) I just get really pissed off at Ellis's pure gall and presumption -- "forget that he's had the name Pete for 20 years, that's what I call my avatar, by God, so he can just lump it!" -- and the fact that fans who call him "Piotr" are essentially buying into that, indirectly letting Ellis get away with it. And I won't let him get away with it- no way, no how. The man's ego is large enough, no need to let him keep the name "Pete" too. It goes back to Colossus.

-D
Heh, you see, I avoid Pete because I fear the name has been permanently sullied for much the same reasons. We're on the same side, just approaching it differently. I tend to use Piotr, Peter, and Petey to avoid repetition. I talk about him too much. I don't think I ever call him Pete. (Actually, for the most part, I thought only Logan called him "Pete"- most people call him Peter. He's that type of Russian.

[Dizzy D]

Wait, I'm confused... you just agreed with me by mentioning how Beast is Hank, not Henry. (Though it's not quite the same thing, of course.)

And no need to tell me to go easy- I'm not mad about this. (You know me better than that... it's a comic, for God's sake. ;) ) I just get really pissed off at Ellis's pure gall and presumption -- "forget that he's had the name Pete for 20 years, that's what I call my avatar, by God, so he can just lump it!" -- and the fact that fans who call him "Piotr" are essentially buying into that, indirectly letting Ellis get away with it. And I won't let him get away with it- no way, no how. The man's ego is large enough, no need to let him keep the name "Pete" too. It goes back to Colossus.

-D

I think more people called him "Piotr" than "Pete". "Peter", I've seen. "Petey" as well.

[MrPalen]

As to the "Rouge" issue, all I can say is never play World of Warcraft or read their forums.

[bakla]

Slut..........
*Suddenly remembers to hides copy of "Hot For Teacher" under desk*

[Mr. Jip]

Sorry i'm tardy for class but...
LMAO at this thread~!!!!~~~~~~~
LOVED the Bakla illustrations.
You should go into textbooks.


Yes i've resurfaced, broken away from Flight, who absorbed me like Rouge, that murderer.
And messed up my lipstick as well.


~saunters into the front of the classroom & sits on Mr. Nob's lap~ :rolleyes:

"Oh sorry Sir, i thought that was my regular seat." :cool:

~throws poisonous apple in trash can~ :evilsmile

[Karl J. Barnes]

Sorry i'm tardy for class but...
LMAO at this thread~!!!!~~~~~~~
LOVED the Bakla illustrations.
You should go into textbooks.


Yes i've reseurfaced, broken away from Flight, who absorbed me like Rouge, that murderer.
And messed up my lipstick as well.


~saunters into the front of the classroom & sits on Mr. Nob's lap~

[i]"Oh sorry sure, i thought that's my regular seat."

~throws poisonous apple in trash can~

Looks up as the refrains of Elton John's "The Bitch is Back" echo through the class room.

[Mr. Jip]

if i acted like a typical "English-is-not-my-mother-tongue" person & didn't give a damn about my spelling, i'd write a sentence like:

"i like magenta 7 rouge."

when i meant "I like Magneto & Rogue."

so everyone would be confused & would think that i was talking about make-up colours instead of my favourite X-characters.

Monroe was Kennedy's lover.
Munroe is our weather witch.

And i thought it was seen-keh-wicks...

[Mr. Jip]

Looks up as the refrains of Elton John's "The Bitch is Back" echo through the class room.


~raises left hand~

"Mr. Noboru, he called me a BiTCh~~~!!!!!!!!!" :eek: :mad:

:cool:

:evilsmile

[Karl J. Barnes]

~raises left hand~

"Mr. Noboru, he called me a BiTCh~~~!!!!!!!!!" :eek: :mad:

:cool:
:evilsmile

Not me! It was Elton John, I swear!

[Pepsigirl]

As to the "Rouge" issue, all I can say is never play World of Warcraft or read their forums.

ur all so dum u belong in Barrens chat LOLLLL!!!111one!1

[JolieBrunette]

Rogue? Non, vous vous trompez. Elle s'appelle Malicia. Tout le monde le sait. :D

[Mr. Jip]

Just name her ROSE and then everyone will be able to spell her name.

[Dizzy D]

Just name her ROSE and then everyone will be able to spell her name.

Roze?!?! Are you sure?

[Kirayoshi]

Actually, young Illyana always called him Piotr. I don't think he minded. Kitty called him that several times. All pre-Ellis. My sense is that he "accepts" Peter because he doesn't wish to cause trouble- Peter is easier for Americans to say, so he doesn't bother correcting them. His family almost always assuredly called him Piotr. I think he would prefer that.

There was a girl I dormed with in college. She was from eastern Europe, and her name was Anna, and she pronounced it "Ah-na." Everyone called her "Anna", rhyming with banana. They asked me why I tried to call her "Ah-na", when she said that she preferred the way I spoke it.
I always got the impression that Kitty would call him 'Piotr' for much the same reason that he used to call her 'Katya'; as a term of endearment. When they split after the Secret Wars, he went back to calling her Kitty. Currently, he interchanges Kitty and Katya. Which could be Joss' way of saying Peter doesn't yet know where he stands on whether or not he wants to get back together with Kitty(despite his "you're not crowding me near enough" line in AXM #11).

[Kirayoshi]

I think more people called him "Piotr" than "Pete". "Peter", I've seen. "Petey" as well.
That also has to do with who's calling him what. Logan's more likely to use "Pete" or "Petey". Ororo's occasionally used Piotr(more formal) as has Kitty(more affectionate). Most recently, IIRC, in AXM #6; "This is Piotr Nikolaevitch Rasputin and you owe him the goddamn truth!"

Similar principal to the various approaches to Kitty's name;
Katherine - name on her birth certificate. Used by Professor X when he's angry at her.
Kitty - most commonly used derivitave of Katherine.
Kitten - formal, used exclusively by Ororo.
Katchen - used exclusively by Kurt, German for 'kitten'.
Katya - used exclusively by Peter. Derived from Ekaterina, the Russian equivalant of Katherine. The 'ya' suffix is used in Russian pet names to indicate affection, hence a nickname for a girlfriend.
Pun'kin - used exclusively by Logan. He has to be different.
Body Fascist - used exclusively by Pete Wisdom. Personally I liked them better when they couldn't stand the sight of each other!

[Dizzy D]

Pun'kin - used exclusively by Logan. He has to be different.

Yeah, Logan is terrible like that. [paraphrasing]
Charles:"You can call me Professor, Xavier or even Charles if you have to, but don't call me Charley."
Logan:"OK, Chuck."

I always got the impression that Kitty would call him 'Piotr' for much the same reason that he used to call her 'Katya'; as a term of endearment. When they split after the Secret Wars, he went back to calling her Kitty. Currently, he interchanges Kitty and Katya. Which could be Joss' way of saying Peter doesn't yet know where he stands on whether or not he wants to get back together with Kitty(despite his "you're not crowding me near enough" line in AXM #11).

I also think it's insecurity, but not on his own position. He isn't sure whether Kitty wants to get back together and catches himself using "Katya" though she has told him not to do that after that Secret Wars debacle.

[xakko]

YI also think it's insecurity, but not on his own position. He isn't sure whether Kitty wants to get back together and catches himself using "Katya" though she has told him not to do that after that Secret Wars debacle.

I think that rule ended fairly quickly, since he was calling her Katya again through the entire Excalibur run. Of course, this could be an Ellis thing again. :)

He mentioned her aversion to that term of affection in Uncanny 197, the Arcade issue. It also signalled the beginning of the end of bad blood over the breakup, whatever the Pryde-Wisdom fans might think. They were again fairly good friends in Uncanny #210, right before the Morlock Massacre, and showed great concern for one another during and after, such as Peter standing vigil over Kitty's deteriorating phased state.

If I recall, he actually interchanged Kitty and Katya when they were dating, and after, like me calling my wife "Deb" or "Debbie".

[Doom Hammer]

Mister Nobs, I think we should cover the "Millar v Miller" section of the text pretty soon, in case Mark ventures back to the X-books. Or if Frank gets curious.

And what the hell is up with the new Jippy kid? What, he thinks that just because he's all extravagant and flamingly flirtatious with the teacher he's better than me? I'm going to key his BMW.

*Sigh* I guess I'm the class geek.

But aren't we all? ;)

[Kirayoshi]

If I recall, he actually interchanged Kitty and Katya when they were dating, and after, like me calling my wife "Deb" or "Debbie".
He tended to refer to her as Katya during more pleasant moments. If he was upset or angry, he'd slip and call her Kitty.

In #183 during their break-up scene, Peter used 'Kitty' enough times to prompt Kitty to ask, "Why don't you call me Katya anymore?" IIRC, Claremont at the time was a huge fan of Richard and Wendy Pini's Elfquest, and was enamored of the idea of 'soul-names', which figured prominently in Elfquest.

[Uncle Nobs]

Hello, class. Good to see you all again. For today's lesson, I thought we'd try something different. It's going to be a bit of a touchy subject--a history lesson of sorts--

...Not that kind of "touchy", Mr. Quire. And if you must make obscene gestures, at least learn to do them correctly. Really. It's embarrassing.

As I was saying--a sensitive subject, but this IS a school for deficient X-Fans. So I know you're all here because you want to improve, and I know you'll all behave yourselves. Moving on then...




Today's lesson: Reconciling an Inconsistent Reality

All settled after recess? Good. Because this lesson involves a story. So I want you all to close your eyes and listen...

HEY! Eyes closed, hands to ourselves, Mr. Jip. That goes for other body parts, too. Storytime. Now.




There was once a time when reading the X-books was much like being led on a journey by a single, tireless, unwavering guide who never seemed to change his mind about the correct course. A guide who always knew--not guessed--what laid ahead.

The guide didn't invent the journey, and in fact there had been several hands involved in shaping the landscape. Moreover, the guide wasn't always in charge, as he had to react to the rulers of the land as he charted the perfect path. But as readers, we knew that as long as our guide led the way--no matter what surprises and revelations our journey had in store for us--we were in good hands.

It was about trust.

Then came the day when our guide left us. Maybe the rulers of the land pushed him too hard. Maybe he just got tired. We were left with an endless string of substitute guides who seemed to choose odd paths, sometimes winding into lands that had nothing to do with the journey we had signed up for. Worse, with our steadfast guide gone, it created a climate of ever-increasing inconsistency. After all, if our guide could be so easily replaced, why shouldn't the rulers replace the mapmakers every few steps, change the landscape irrevocably, wipe away historic paths, or just start several new journeys using the original name, sold to unsuspecting pilgrims.

We stopped trusting our guides, our mapmakers, the rulers of the land, and even the journey itself.




*CLAP-CLAP* Eyes open, everyone. Good. Now does anyone know how that story relates to the title of today's lesso--

Yes, Mr. Bakla...

...Excellent. The story was, as our star pupil put it, "a parable about how X-Fans became critical and cynical." You get a ;) ...Oops, I meant a :) of course.

So let's talk about the difference between being critical and being cynical.

Can we be critical toward a story or characters that we enjoy? Certainly. We can always believe that scenes, dialogue, or entire plots could have worked better, without letting it ruin our fantasy world.

Can we be cynical toward a story or characters and still enjoy the work in question? Nope. That's the difference. That's how we can tell when we've crossed that line. Once we become cynical, we've hardended our hearts. We've closed our minds.

A critic has doubts, but genuinely wants to enjoy the work in question.

A cynic has made up his mind and simply wants to be in a state of arrogant disgust.

When we use terms like "hack, God's gift to writing, people are only buying it for ____, Marvel will let ____ do whatever he wants, sorry I don't worship the paper ____ draws on," and so on, we are doing nothing but hardening our hearts and closing our minds--making it more difficult for ourselves to enjoy the stories we (once upon a time) wanted to enjoy.

But how can we prevent ourselves from becoming cynical and truly enjoy the stories when they're so inconsistent? The fact is, things are going to change. The creators, the characters, the editorial direction, everything. As readers, how do we reconcile that?




Time for an exercise:

Who likes action stories? ...Okay, a good number of hands up.

Who likes dramatic stories? ...Mm-hmm. A close number of hands raised again.

Who reads X-books to get lost in the fantasy world? ...Most of you, but not all. Okay.

Who reads X-books to appreciate a writer's hidden agendas? ...Just a few of you this time, and actually some who raised their hands for the last question. Interesting.

Now... Who likes consistency in the stories they read? ...Alright. Take a look around. That's everyone. Good.

So we know that some degree of consistency is important to us all. Certainly we need variety, too. But when we read X-Action #25 by Joe Trendy one week where Character Y is evil, and we read X-Drama #15 by Bob Old-School the next week where Character Y is good... We have a problem.




As X-Fans, we dance across the line that separates fantasy and reality. We're amused by these characters as fantasy creations, but to truly enjoy their exploits, we need to be able to fool ourselves into believing they're real enough for about a half-hour at a time. So again, how do we reconcile all the inconsistency in the fantasy stories that we need to believe are real?

In ye olden days, we had editorial footnotes, corrections on the letters pages, attempts to correct inconsistencies in the stories themselves, and (when all else failed) No-Prizes. Now, the mandate is to simply move on. No apologies, no band-aids, no Crisis on Infinite Earths. Just move on. Next writer, next artist, next inconsistent characterization, next continuity glitch, next dropped plotline. NNNNEXT!

So... How do we do it? How do we reconcile all this inconsistency?




The answer is this:

How many of you really like retcons? I don't mean, "How many of you think they're okay when it's an original, well-executed idea and it doesn't harm the respected work of the past?" I mean how many of you really enjoy their common use as a tool to fix creative and editorial inconsistencies?

...None of you. Not surprising.

And how many of you regularly decide for yourselves what is canon and what isn't? When you read a new title and it has a surprising revelation or plot-twist that you don't like, how many of you decide, "Lame! As far as I'm concerned, it's non-canon. This crap needs a retcon quick!"

...A few hesitant hands up... now a few more... That's a large portion of the class. How's that for inconsistency?

The fact is, if it's printed in an in-continuity story, it's canon. We can be critical about it, but it happened. Mmmaybe a writer will come along one day with an original idea for a retcon that does more than just cover up the tracks of an unpopular story. But as responsible, practice-what-we-preach, let's-not-annoy-the-community-we-so-actively-sought-out-to-share-our-mutual-interests, big-boy/big-girl X-Fans... we can't sit around demanding that it never happened.

The trick is to embrace it and somehow make it work.

Kurt's dad's a demon? Okay. Explains some stuff. The critic in me doesn't like the story, but it's canon now. Now it's time to see how that's going to affect Kurt.

Hank's a cat now? Okay. The critic in me winces at the similarities to characters named "Beast" in other works of fiction, but it's canon now. He seems to be really struggling with his descent into an animal state, and that's certainly in keeping with the value he's always placed on his humanity.

Logan has bone claws? Those of you who had my class last semester know how that sits with me. But it's canon now. Logan--or "Jim", I suppose--has a whole new history to uncover now, and I have to accept that.




And here's the secret:

The critic in us doesn't have to shut up. We can keep a file of all our old gripes. Since it's all fiction anyway, we can think of our characters any way we want. Since these stories are likely to be adapted into several other mediums several times over, we can hold out hope that Kurt's origin or Logan's claws are handled differently next time 'round. Already in the X-movies, the claws are implied to have been implants only.

As critics, we can dream up our own version of the X-Men.

As readers, we have to eat what's on our plates or leave the diner.




Anyone know what "crap" is?

Okay, we usually want to see hands in the air when there's a question. Mr. Jip, I don't even want to know what that is. Just put it away.

Yes, Mr. Bakla...

...That's exactly right. Crap is anything we decide we don't like for any reason. Class, Mr. Bakla has just earned a Quadruple A++ with stars. I only give out one a year. Too bad for the rest of you for not knowing.




Cynicism always makes us feel smart. Why wouldn't it? Once we decide something is crap, we get to build a wall against it, shutting down our need to look at it any longer, stopping us from having to get mentally or emotionally involved. Once we set our minds against something, we shut down all our vulnerabilities. We essentially say, "I'm better than this." This would make any of us feel smart and strong in comparison to what we've decided is crap or even in comparison to the people who haven't decided it's crap.

But it doesn't make us right.

The problem is this:

We all start out very vulnerable and impressionable. We thrill to each new story and obsess over every new plot twist. Our hearts race with every emotion our favorite characters experience.

Then we learn to be critical. Not cynical. Critical. We begin to pick and choose exactly how we like to view our favorite characters. What kind of costumes, dialogue, stories, origins, etc. do we like for them?

The skill lies in being critical while remaining open-minded.




Critics, welcome to class.

Cynics, you are excused.

Class dismissed.

[atoningunifex]

Why would you dismiss the cynics? Aren't they the people you need to reach the most? Would someone who approached the topic with a critical view even BE in this class?


Or maybe you jsut want to dismiss everyone so you and the pet can clean the erasers?

[Corey Dreher]

How long did it take you to type that up ;)


Anyways, another good lesson but you never call on me :(

Maybe because I sit in the back.....

[Uncle Nobs]

Why would you dismiss the cynics? Aren't they the people you need to reach the most? Would someone who approached the topic with a critical view even BE in this class?


Or maybe you jsut want to dismiss everyone so you and the pet can clean the erasers?

Snide comments aside, Mr. Quire, you raise a good point. It's a safe bet that several students are in the habit of being cynical. Our lesson was meant to examine that behavior and offer them a different route. Hopefully by the end of our session, there were fewer cynics to dismiss.

And I don't listen to rap music or smoke the pot, so I don't know what "clean the erasers" means.

[Uncle Nobs]

How long did it take you to type that up ;)


Anyways, another good lesson but you never call on me :(

Maybe because I sit in the back.....

I admit I had to revise my lesson plan a bit in order to finish before the 4th period bell.

By the way, you sit in the back because the telepathic pervert sitting in front of you "suggested" that you sit there so that you don't block his view of Mr. Jip's... creative choice of clothing (or lack thereof).

Bravo, class, on your keen grasp of ethics and acceptable social practices.

Don't need a precog to tell me the future is doomed. Evolution, my ass.

[atoningunifex]

But aren't you reacting to their cynicism cynically? You feel yourself above it, superior to it, not only capable but REQUIRED to "educate" it away.

Cynicism can be healthy to a point, can't it? A jaundiced view, a cautionary bent, can protect one from the brutal machinations of writers and editors.

[Uncle Nobs]

But aren't you reacting to their cynicism cynically? You feel yourself above it, superior to it, not only capable but REQUIRED to "educate" it away.

Cynicism can be healthy to a point, can't it? A jaundiced view, a cautionary bent, can protect one from the brutal machinations of writers and editors.

I am reacting to their cynicism critically. I do not feel above it, superior to it, as I am just as susceptible to cynicism (as evidenced by my admittedly stubborn views on Logan's bone claws and newly revealed origin). I am REQUIRED to "educate" cynicism away because that is the current currriculum for deficient X-Fans, based on the most widespread and harmful deficiencies evident in fan forums.

A critical eye can be healthy to a point. A jaundiced view--"jaundiced" may be a bit too cynical to see the work clearly--a cautionary bent--if balanced with a pure desire to enjoy an artistic work, an honest attempt to give the work a chance--can protect one from the brutal machinations of mostly well-meaning writers and editors.

But to cling too tightly to a jaundiced view will only prevent one from being able to appreciate good work when one encounters it. To fear the "machinations" of writers and editors too strongly leads to a kind of cynicism that mimics the behaviors of trauma survivors. It's wholly unnecessary--and dangerously contagious--to cling to such cynicism.

By the way, Mr. Quire, it's not the world's fault that your parents split up, so you needn't continue to blame everyone. :rolleyes:

[atoningunifex]

Why would I blame anyone? I was the one who engineered it. It gets boring having a hyperintense view of fifth dimensional reality you know.

But you aren't required to do anything. No one designed this class and hired you. You create dit out of whole cloth and presented it. You chose to do this. You condescend to do this.

Just a little.

[Sean Whitmore]

O' Captain My Captain!

(Said while standing on the desk)


SEAN

[bakla]

*Raises hand with a troubled expression*

Uhm,... while I appreciate all the fabulous accolades and whatnot, sir, I've been raising my hands trying to ask you if I could go to the bathroom for the past hour.

*turns and snaps at Jip* And I mean alone, Jip! Stop telepathically relaying me those images! You know they give me seizures!

Although you might want to come - your lipstick is starting to feather on the edges...

[Uncle Nobs]

Why would I blame anyone? I was the one who engineered it. It gets boring having a hyperintense view of fifth dimensional reality you know.

But you aren't required to do anything. No one designed this class and hired you. You create dit out of whole cloth and presented it. You chose to do this. You condescend to do this.

Just a little.

Damn! Spent TWO WEEKS beating the HELL out of that crazy bitch so she'd hex-retcon this academy into existence! Nobody's supposed to remember a thing! ...hhhhh... I HATE it when I have to kill kids. They so rarely bathe. Makes wringing their little chicken-necks such a greasy undertaking.

Class, you are all excused. See you tomorrow. Mr. Quire, I'd like a word with you in my office...

[Schellenberg]

Waitaminnit--I'm not only excused, I'm DISMISSED?!? And here I was gonna teach a special seminar on Trolling and Curmudgeonry. Dang--!

[Kirayoshi]

O' Captain My Captain!

(Said while standing on the desk)


SEAN
I just want to say, that was the biggest laugh I had all day. I loved that movie!

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

O' Captain My Captain!

(Said while standing on the desk)


SEAN


Is this the Family Guy version!?!?

[Sean Whitmore]

Is this the Family Guy version!?!?


If that helps you, sure. ;)


SEAN

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

If that helps you, sure. ;)


SEAN

God knows I need all the help I can get.:D

[Jared_Humpherys]

Am I the only one who keeps hearing Pink Floyd's "The Wall" in his head while reading this thread?

[slively]

Today's lesson: Reconciling an Inconsistent Reality


So let's talk about the difference between being critical and being cynical.

Can we be critical toward a story or characters that we enjoy? Certainly. We can always believe that scenes, dialogue, or entire plots could have worked better, without letting it ruin our fantasy world.

Can we be cynical toward a story or characters and still enjoy the work in question? Nope. That's the difference. That's how we can tell when we've crossed that line. Once we become cynical, we've hardended our hearts. We've closed our minds.

A critic has doubts, but genuinely wants to enjoy the work in question.

A cynic has made up his mind and simply wants to be in a state of arrogant disgust.

When we use terms like "hack, God's gift to writing, people are only buying it for ____, Marvel will let ____ do whatever he wants, sorry I don't worship the paper ____ draws on," and so on, we are doing nothing but hardening our hearts and closing our minds--making it more difficult for ourselves to enjoy the stories we (once upon a time) wanted to enjoy.

The fact is, if it's printed in an in-continuity story, it's canon. We can be critical about it, but it happened. Mmmaybe a writer will come along one day with an original idea for a retcon that does more than just cover up the tracks of an unpopular story. But as responsible, practice-what-we-preach, let's-not-annoy-the-community-we-so-actively-sought-out-to-share-our-mutual-interests, big-boy/big-girl X-Fans... we can't sit around demanding that it never happened.

The trick is to embrace it and somehow make it work.

Kurt's dad's a demon? Okay. Explains some stuff. The critic in me doesn't like the story, but it's canon now. Now it's time to see how that's going to affect Kurt.

Hank's a cat now? Okay. The critic in me winces at the similarities to characters named "Beast" in other works of fiction, but it's canon now. He seems to be really struggling with his descent into an animal state, and that's certainly in keeping with the value he's always placed on his humanity.

Logan has bone claws? Those of you who had my class last semester know how that sits with me. But it's canon now. Logan--or "Jim", I suppose--has a whole new history to uncover now, and I have to accept that.

And here's the secret:

The critic in us doesn't have to shut up. We can keep a file of all our old gripes. Since it's all fiction anyway, we can think of our characters any way we want. Since these stories are likely to be adapted into several other mediums several times over, we can hold out hope that Kurt's origin or Logan's claws are handled differently next time 'round. Already in the X-movies, the claws are implied to have been implants only.

As critics, we can dream up our own version of the X-Men.

As readers, we have to eat what's on our plates or leave the diner.

Anyone know what "crap" is?

Cynicism always makes us feel smart. Why wouldn't it? Once we decide something is crap, we get to build a wall against it, shutting down our need to look at it any longer, stopping us from having to get mentally or emotionally involved. Once we set our minds against something, we shut down all our vulnerabilities. We essentially say, "I'm better than this." This would make any of us feel smart and strong in comparison to what we've decided is crap or even in comparison to the people who haven't decided it's crap.

But it doesn't make us right.

The problem is this:

The skill lies in being critical while remaining open-minded.



Uncle Nobs, sir.....you are a god and I just fell in love with you.... :cool:

Can I be a groupie?

[Sean Whitmore]

Am I the only one who keeps hearing Pink Floyd's "The Wall" in his head while reading this thread?


HOW can you have your pudding if you don't eat your MEAT?


SEAN

[fishtaco]

delete post.

[Uncle Nobs]

Uncle Nobs, sir.....you are a god and I just fell in love with you.... :cool:

Can I be a groupie?

Waitasecond... Be my groupie...? You have groupies of your own. How does that work?

Students, please make room for Ms. Slively at the head of the class, who--even with all her extracurricular activities--still manages to give her full attention in class.

[atoningunifex]

So besides filling the front row with your toadies and getting your butt kissed by the desperate and talking down to the cyncial- are we actually going to LEARN anything? I mean, this is titled Lesson of the Day. As a daily calss it pretty much bites. I mean, I've written five novels, three movie scripts and planned my conquest of the 17th dimension to the right and all you've done is point out how to spell Rogue and give us your definition of cynicism.

Oh, and get your butt kissed.


So when comes the meat, teach? or is this a touchy-feely PC vegan kinda class?

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

So besides filling the front row with your toadies and getting your butt kissed by the desperate and talking down to the cyncial- are we actually going to LEARN anything? I mean, this is titled Lesson of the Day. As a daily calss it pretty much bites. I mean, I've written five novels, three movie scripts and planned my conquest of the 17th dimension to the right and all you've done is point out how to spell Rogue and give us your definition of cynicism.

Oh, and get your butt kissed.



So when comes the meat, teach? or is this a touchy-feely PC vegan kinda class?




I just hope he asks Rob Leifeild to come speak to the class! I looooove Leifield!!!!! Please Please Please!!!! He's so talented!!!!

[atoningunifex]

I just hope he asks Rob Leifeild to come speak to the class! I looooove Leifield!!!!! Please Please Please!!!! He's so talented!!!!

Don't make me PM you........

[The Lucky One]

So besides filling the front row with your toadies and getting your butt kissed by the desperate and talking down to the cyncial-

Well, you have to admit they deserve to be talked down to. With small words. Slowly.
:rolleyes:

-D

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

Don't make me PM you........



LMAO oh but why? He did syuch wonderful things for the mutants!:D

[atoningunifex]

Well, you have to admit they deserve to be talked down to. With small words. Slowly.
:rolleyes:

-D

You're gonna be fightin' bakla and slively for the prime butt-kissin' seat, ain't ya?

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

I just wanna know why i got a corner seat with a pointy hat!!!!

[atoningunifex]

I just wanna know why i got a corner seat with a pointy hat!!!!


Because the teach is too distracted hadning out "well dones" to bakla and slively and hasn't noticed how I've been rewriting reality to pass the time.

[The Lucky One]

You're gonna be fightin' bakla and slively for the prime butt-kissin' seat, ain't ya?

Oh hell no... Drew does his own thing, son. You'll notice little knob-shlobbing on my part throughout this thread. But any chance to make fun of cynics is worth taking, bar none.

-D

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

Because the teach is too distracted hadning out "well dones" to bakla and slively and hasn't noticed how I've been rewriting reality to pass the time.


No thats not it....its cause I'm a frigging loon.

[bakla]

Because the teach is too distracted hadning out "well dones" to bakla and slively and hasn't noticed how I've been rewriting reality to pass the time.

I'll say! My Butt-Kissing Seat has morphed into a fabulous toile Louis XVI settee!
*lays back and files nails*

[slively]

Waitasecond... Be my groupie...? You have groupies of your own. How does that work?

Students, please make room for Ms. Slively at the head of the class, who--even with all her extracurricular activities--still manages to give her full attention in class.

*gazes adoringly at Uncle Nobs*

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

*gazes adoringly at Uncle Nobs*


Hey, Slively, has LOVE YOU written on her eyelids!!!

[slively]

I'll say! My Butt-Kissing Seat has morphed into a fabulous toile Louis XVI settee!
*lays back and files nails*

*joins bakla on the settee and hands him a glass of champagne*

[bakla]

*joins bakla on the settee and hands him a glass of champagne*
*plops a strawberry inside champagne flute*

Well, it IS still around breakfast time...

[Karl J. Barnes]

*plops a strawberry inside champagne flute*

Well, it IS still around breakfast time...

If this is around breakfast time, when do you have supper?

[Karl J. Barnes]

I just wanna know why i got a corner seat with a pointy hat!!!!

It makes you look distinguished and knowledgable.

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

It makes you look distinguished and knowledgable.

You know drugs aren't allowed on campus right?

[atoningunifex]

I'll say! My Butt-Kissing Seat has morphed into a fabulous toile Louis XVI settee!
*lays back and files nails*

Only to your perception. The rest of the class sees it as an elephant with a gland condition and an S&M fixation.....

[Karl J. Barnes]

You know drugs aren't allowed on campus right?

*puff..snort* Wha?!?!!

[bakla]

Only to your perception. The rest of the class sees it as an elephant with a gland condition and an S&M fixation.....

Oh, I thought that was a hat. Obviously you didn't count on someone wanting a boa constrictor in the mix. That's what I get for reading The Little Prince last night while wearing my 17 button, above-elbow leather mosquetaires...

[kudlaty_true]

Waaaay back from page 2 of this ... uhm.. class.. :
Will you be lecturing on X-Men guest stars, Nobs? Particularly the importance of remembering hyphens? If I see one more person write "Spiderman," I'm going on a killing rampage. And I don't think my co-workers would appreciate that.

"Hey, why isn't it 'Spiderman'?"
"What?"
"I mean, like, there's Kurtzman, and Goldman, so... why isn't it pronounced 'Spiderman'?"
"Because it's not, like, his last name; he's not Phil Spiderman. He's a Spider-Man. There's no Gold-Man."
"Oh. Hey, there should be a Gold-Man!"

-D

Actually, this is conversation from tv series Friends, by Chandler and Phoebe:D Dunno if anyone saw that earlier, though..

[TheWolfOfAsgard]

*puff..snort* Wha?!?!!


Hey! Puff, puff give. Stop screwing up the rotation!

[The Lucky One]

Actually, this is conversation from tv series Friends, by Chandler and Phoebe:D Dunno if anyone saw that earlier, though..

It is indeed. Way to pick up the reference.

-D

[Uncle Nobs]

Seems we may have some stragglers for Mr. Drew's class next door. Barely Restrained Sarcasm 101? Anyone? No?

[Pepsigirl]

You guys are all wasting your time, everyone knows I'm Nobs' favorite.

[Uncle Nobs]

You guys are all wasting your time, everyone knows I'm Nobs' favorite.
Innocent comment. Just teasing her classmates. Too young to really MEAN anything by it. Keep it together, Nobs.

Erm... well, class, y'see... as your teacher, I don't play favorites... per se... that is, well... vis a vis the, uh... process by which... adults who... sometimes recognize... potential, and... sometimes, there are exceptional people who, uh... stand out... 'cuz they're, like... special... or it's like right place, right time, and... they're just... good.

Yyyyeah. So. Um... Glad we cleared that up.

Remember to hand in your ballots for class president as you leave. I know there's only one candidate, but that's how elections go these days. Better you learn that lesson now. Just check the one box like goooood little chi'dren. And remember we're taking a collection for a pizza party. Just drop some change in the, uh... Pepsi can on my desk.

[Uncle Nobs]

In aid of Rogue Week, I'm going to require the class dullards to repeat our first lesson.

Let's not have any fictions between us, children. You know who you are by now.

[kate-pryde]

What about X-editors who think Rachel is spelled "Rachael"? i.e. the letter page in Uncanny #462 : "Next issue: Rachael and Betsy vs Insanity!" :evilangry

[Zombienorthstar]

What about X-editors who think Rachel is spelled "Rachael"? i.e. the letter page in Uncanny #462 : "Next issue: Rachael and Betsy vs Insanity!" :evilangry

I get more anoyed when Rogue is spelt Rouge. :evilangry :evilangry

[Arrjay]

This class sucks.

I haven't learned a bloody thing.

*Drops nail bomb.*

Ciao colleagues.

[StarsAndGarters]

Am I late for class? Shoot. Maybe I'll just go hang out under the bleachers.

[twilight]

I want to see all of you in the crowd at the big homecoming game.

I am the school's only all-star athelete after all :cool:

[fishtaco]

What about X-editors who think Rachel is spelled "Rachael"? i.e. the letter page in Uncanny #462 : "Next issue: Rachael and Betsy vs Insanity!" :evilangryThe same editors keep calling Betsy "Pyslocke". :rolleyes:

[Sentinel K]

The same editors keep calling Betsy "Pyslocke". :rolleyes:

:eek:

When have they done that?!

[fishtaco]

:eek:

When have they done that?!Letters pages once and awhile, I think once in a UXN interview, and I don't know if they write these, but the solits often. Not that it's a big deal or anything.

[Sentinel K]

Letters pages once and awhile, I think once in a UXN interview, and I don't know if they write these, but the solits often. Not that it's a big deal or anything.

Well the current editor are ass-clowns so it wouldn't surprise me. :rolleyes:

[FieryBalrog]

my point is I get banned for insensitivity. Whats the difference here, of course it brought up a bunch of laughs, but you know what there are others. Its supposed to be about grammar, but is it really about grammar or your sad attempt to poke fun of the grammatically challenged.

Grammatically challenged? HAHAHA!

I'm proud that I poke fun at the "grammatically challenged."

[Old No.7]

This needs a bump.

A lot of you folks need to be exposed to the lessons of Uncle Nobs. This man is wise, wise beyond his years. Learn from him.

Also I demand that everyone who posted in this thread come back to CBR.

[Sentinel K]

Oh man.

Old skool.

This was an X-board all time classic.

Nobs' absence is sorely apparent.

[lockerogue]

This thread is amazing. I should have joined this board years ago.

[Josef F.]

Didn't this Nobs fellow scam everyone for money about his imaginary account's car accident?

[RoguishGurl]

Didn't this Nobs fellow scam everyone for money about his imaginary account's car accident?

That was Nobbel, my dear. Uncle Nobs is a pleasant poster that I haven't had the chance of meeting.

[Josef F.]

That was Nobbel, my dear. Uncle Nobs is a pleasant poster that I haven't had the chance of meeting.

The Nob threw me.

Uncle nobs with his Rogue correction already has made me <3 him.

[bakla]

That was Nobbel, my dear. Uncle Nobs is a pleasant poster that I haven't had the chance of meeting.

Yes, butt-kissing notwithstanding. I miss so many of the posters who were on this thread. Ah, ye old days.

[The Lucky One]

This needs a bump.

A lot of you folks need to be exposed to the lessons of Uncle Nobs. This man is wise, wise beyond his years. Learn from him.

Also I demand that everyone who posted in this thread come back to CBR.

Nobs was truly one in a million. Haven't spoken to him in ages.

Tell you what, you get him back posting, I'll come back on a regular basis too. :smile:

-D

[bakla]

Nobs was truly one in a million. Haven't spoken to him in ages.

Tell you what, you get him back posting, I'll come back on a regular basis too. :smile:

-D
Yeah, I spoke with him last week, but there was something so fun about all of us just going at it constantly on these old X-boards every night. It's hard to beat the quippy.

[RoguishGurl]

Yes, butt-kissing notwithstanding. I miss so many of the posters who were on this thread. Ah, ye old days.

I wish I could talk to some of the older posters. Everyone speaks so highly of them. They all sound really cool.